Because, unless you're physically and mentally prepared to watch a scene from the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special in which Bea Arthur plays a bartender in the Star Wars cantina who closes up for the night by - - what else - - bursting into song and crooning (croaking?) a tune entitled, "Goodnight, But Not Goodbye," you might become incontinent.
I'm serious. They play that video to people suffering from catastrophic constipation. Heals 'em right up.
So, if your coffee isn't kicking in, go here to watch the Bea Arthur cantina song. It's replacing bran muffins.
In it's place, I present a brilliant prank call placed by a genius with a very gay soundboard.
Because to me, nothing says "Happy Holidays" quite like Bea Arthur calling complete strangers in a desperate attempt to score some pot.