Tag! I'm It!

Shirley Heezgay tagged me on a fun meme and it may have taken me a few days to finally sit down and answer it, but here it goes.

And thanks Shirley. You're truly one of my new great friends... even though we've never met face to face. But we will. I know that we will.

Taken a picture completely naked? Taken a picture?!? Hell Yes!! And had others take pictures of me completely naked. Not just tricks with digital cameras, mind you - - I'm talking professional photographers wanting me with all my naughty parts exposed... and a little bit of leather draped here and there for decoration. (Go here if you dare, but don't say I didn't warn you)

Made out with a friend on your MySpace/Facebook page? What am I? Twelve?!? The non-sarcastic answer is "No." I meet people to "make out with" on respectable sites... like Manhunt or Asspig (I could hear that "NSFW" label being added to my link on other people's blogs as I typed that)

Danced in front of your mirror naked? No. I'm gay, but I'm not "Clay Aiken" gay.

Told a lie? Who wrote these these questions?!?!? Yes, I've told a lie. I'm alive on the planet and my name isn't Jesus. We've all told lies.

Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Yes, Often. Currently.

Been arrested? No. Close, but no.

Made out with someone of the same sex? I just understood this meme. It was written by a straight person who thinks that taking pictures of yourself naked is "dirty." Geez. Anyway, the answer is "close, but not the full cigar."

Seen someone die? No.

Slept in until 5pm? No. Close, but not quite.

Had sex at work? Abso-fuckin-lutely. Not at my current job, but at my former job it happened. Oh, if that conference room table could talk...

Fallen asleep at work/school? Neither. Too busy having sex.

Held a snake? Yep. On a trip to Florida with my family when I was about 8 or 9. We went to a show at "The Alligator Farm" and I was brought up from the audience to hold a snake. I was wearing a cowboy hat. It was the 70's. You know, URBAN COWBOY and all that.

Ran a red light? Not on purpose, anyway.

Been suspended from school? Nope. AP goody-goody. All the way. I got away with murder.

Totaled your car in an accident? Never "totaled" it, but I did wreck my first car after my high school boyfriend broke up with me and I was driving home singing along with Barbra Streisand to "My Man." Seriously. I couldn't make that up. It's truth.

Pole danced? Not on a pole in strip club, but... other poles... sure...

Smoked? Occasionally. Never bought a pack, though.

Been fired from a job? No. Which is why I have curtailed the whole "sex at work" thing.

Sang karaoke? Once and it wasn't great. I absolutely respect karaoke singers. It ain't as easy as it looks. Seriously.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Again, yes. I'm alive on the planet.

Laughed until a drink came out your nose? Hell, I've laughed until macaroni came out my nose. Drinks shoot out all the time. I'm a laugher.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Absolutely. It's fun. Turn on a little Vince Guaraldi and go to town!

Kissed in the rain? Yep, but I SO wish I could kiss Toby Maguire while he was hanging upside down in a Spidey costume.

Sang in the shower? Every. Single. Morning. Usually showtunes. Aren't you happy you aren't my neighbor?

Given your private parts a nickname? Oddly enough, no. Any suggestions?

Ever gone out without underwear? You better believe it. Dear Lord, I love the summer.

Sat on a roof top? Sat on one. Made out on one. Had sex on one. "On the roof, the only place I know / Where you just have to wish to make it so"

Played chicken? Played? No. Eaten? Daily.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? I can't believe it, but no. Guess I need to wear clothes around the pool sometimes. Damn me and my constant nudity!

Broken a bone? The fifth metatarsal on my right foot. A major bitch.

Mooned/flashed someone? Lots. Good times!

Shaved your head? Every day to combat baldness.

Slept naked? Always. I go right from the pool to the bed.

Played a prank on someone? Absolutely.

Had a gym membership? I'm gay, so "Yes."

Felt like killing someone? Yes. And still do. Which is why my ex stays far, far away from me.

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Not on purpose. Never.

Cried over someone you were in love with? Of course.

Had sex more than 10 times in one day? No, but that's my new goal. Starting now.

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Ummmm... no.

<-- Been in a band? Does cabaret count? Yeah, I thought not.

Subscribed to Maxim? Is that the one with the constant huge tits on the cover? Yeah. Not so much.

Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? Nope. I leave that to my father.

Shot a gun? No. Can you believe it? A redneck who has never shot a gun?!? Who am I? Andy Griffith? Don't answer that.

Had sex today? Not yet, but I'm working on it.

Played strip poker? Not yet, but I'm working on it.

Tripped on mushrooms? Do I have to type it again?

Donated Blood? Nope, because I'm gay. I sort of understand it, but more and more, I'm angry that my sexuality profiles me and my blood when blood testing has advanced far beyond 1981.

Video taped yourself having sex? Constantly. Saves on dvd porn rentals.

Eaten alligator meat? Not to my knowledge, but then again, I've had several things in my mouth that I truly didn't know or completely understand. I'm just sayin'...

Ever jump out of an airplane? Hell no.

Have you been to more than 10 countries? Yep! And I loved every damn minute of it!!

Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend? Oh yeah. And sometimes do.

Have you ever shaved yourself bare? Currently.

Have you ever dressed in drag? Once as Carol Channing (thank you Rus Rainear for the loan of the dress and the wig) and several, several times at Sophe AND Gina in UGLY BABY.

Yep, that's me. Scarey, huh? As Beckie Menzie said, "You are one UGLY woman!"

If you could be one celebrity for a week, who would it be? Daniel Craig. So I could play with my / his abs. Yum.


I'm not going to tag anyone, but if one or four of you would like to tackle this little meme on your blog, be sure to let me know. Thanks for the tag, Shirley!