Monday, October 08, 2007

What If Larry Craig Got An Award For Lying?

There are times when I think that we are currently living inside an issue of Marvel Comics "What If" written by Stan Lee by way of The Onion.

For example, Larry Craig has lied to his wife, his family, his constituents and most importantly HIMSELF by stating that he wasn't trying to play a tune on the skin flute of the guy in the neighboring stall in that airport bathroom.

Mr. Craig has stood at a press conference proclaiming "I am not gay. I never have been gay," and oddly enough, his nose didn't grow so long and hard that he tried to mount it.

Mr. Craig has been advised to resign from the Senate by everyone in his political party, the other political party and the sex party he tried to crash that he found on Craig's List (the politician and the site are not related), but he won't quit.

And what does America do to liars who refuse to admit their own mistakes? Well, in Mr. Craig's case, we induct him into Idaho's Hall of Fame.

Britney bombs at the VMA's and her children go to K-Fed. Larry Craig lies about bathroom blowjobs and we put him in the Hall of Fame?!?!/ WTF?!?!?

Then again, maybe this makes perfect sense.

Maybe - - just maybe - - this little Hall of Fame Award is the first in a series of conservative pats-on-the-back for Mr. Craig's brilliant slight-of-hand trick.

You know, the one where we Americans watch the closeted fag in the bathroom stall and forget about the War in Iraq, the economy, global warming and the slow removal of our inalienable rights.

Americans have so many magic acts to watch - - our congress condemning ads condemning General Petraeus for instance - - that we fail to notice that we, as a country, are getting fucked with no lube, no reach around and not even a kiss on the cheek or some money on the dresser.

On second thought, perhaps Mr. Craig fits right in with these Hall of Fame inductees.

Just check out the pictures of the other "I da' ho'" Hall of Fame Honorees. Go ahead. Take a look at them.

Now, don't those guys look like all the married men you've ever seen trolling (and I do mean "trolling") for a little tearoom trade?

Hell, one of them was in the Navy, one's nickname is "Butch" and one of them looks like Liberace after the estrogen injections kicked in.

We don't need flash cards to figure this out, do we folks?

P.S. Thanks to Donnie at Famous Like Me for informing me about this with his great post on the subject.

18 comments:

Lance Noe said...

I loved Fred Norman with his little fist on the cheek, faraway look in his eye glamour shot!

"ladies and gentlemen, fairy on aisle 5, fairy on aisle 5!"

Stephen Rader said...

Lance - Amen!! Mr. Norman has passed gay and moved on to "Enchanted!"

Lance Noe said...

that is MS. Norman to you! Or as the boys down at the feed store know him, Barnyard Betty! Thank you very much!

Dana said...

Give them a break. How many stars can Idaho have produced? Besides potatoes, I mean.

RAD Homo said...

LOL to Dana-- Im very tired of this Craig stuff. he is a big joke....

RAD Homo said...

oops! Welcome back btw--glad to hear the b day weekend went well!

just me said...

I just gotta ask, cause I just gotta ask...do guys really do that foot tag thing? I'm sorry, I don't mean no harm, but that's what got me rolling....

Stephen Rader said...

Lance - Now, if we call him "Barnyard Betty," we're really insulting the livestock, aren't we?

Dana - I would hate to know that just one rung below me on the Celebrity Ladder was a food product. :)

Rad Homo - Thank you! The weekend was wonderful!

Just Me - Believe it or not, that was some of the code for "You wanna?" in a men's room. Notice I say, "was" because, thanks to wide-stanced Larry, everybody knows our secret language. Pretty soon, Republicans will infiltrate Broadway musicals and then I'm gonna get PISSED!!!

Master Aaron said...

I am to understand from conversation with gays and thrill-seekers even more senior than myself that there was, once-upon-a-Stonewall, a very specific semaphore for tea-room communication potentially leading to various "unspeakable" acts. Then the unthinkable happened: a TOTALLY STRAIGHT guy - now a extinct species - ACCIDENTALLY got in the chorus of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, and during a break in dance rehearsals, while having a sit-down in the Gents, was re-running 'round the bowel, so to speak, the steps to a certain locker room scene from the show. The resulting confusion was so great and so all encompassing that the double-secret code went into the proverbial crapper. On a side-note, he couldn't learn the dance, and Tommy Tune had to let him go.

Stephen Rader said...

Master Aaron - Truth be told, Tommy Tune fired that chorus boy because he wouldn't put out. But can you blame him?

I mean, I've seen "the goods" on tall, lean guys before and they are always packing their own personal kick-stand between their legs.

Can you IMAGINE the baseball bat Tommy Tune carries around?!?

I'll bet it's the size of one of those lamp posts from BUSKER ALLEY!!

Master Aaron said...

Anything that you need a license to carry is simply embarrassing. There is a difference between weapons of love and weapons of mass destruction.

Stephen Rader said...

Master Aaron - Or "Ass Destruction" as the case may be.

I know, I know... tacky and stupid, but I HAD to write it. I just HAD TO!! :)

Master Aaron said...

HA! Ass Destruction! HA!

Aaron said...

Any state where the fashions are still proudly screaming "1987!" is not going to be known for its progressive social policies.

No wonder Carol King preferred to live in a cabin in the wilderness when she lived there...

UprightGuy said...

I half expected to see Mr. Potatohead.


WOW. I thought NC was retarded. That's why I moved to Florida.

Stephen Rader said...

Master Aaron - "Weapon of Ass Destruction" will be a t-shirt for next year's Market Days, won't it? :)

Aaron - I am amazed by you! You know more complex and detailed information than I will EVER know!!! How did you know that about Carol King? I must study with you!!! You cultural reference level is off the chart!

Uprightguy - I'm sure if we search that site hard enough, we'll find Mr. Potatohead. Unless he's already up Larry's ass. (Too crass? Nah...) :)

Michael said...

Senator Larry Craig – Born in Council Idaho. Blah blah blah blah blah. Thirty years of exemplary political service to the State of Idaho and the Country speaks for itself.

Oh it speaks for itself alright...

Oh Idaho, now I must hate you.

Stephen Rader said...

Michael - We're living in Bizarro World, right? They're joking with that Hall of Fame thing, right?