Thursday, October 11, 2007

Trapped in the Closet

Today is National Coming Out Day, y'all!

Which is why I would like to tell you all that I am GAY!!!

That's right! I'm a queer. A fag. Light in the Loafers. A Friend of Dorothy. A Rider of the Hershey Highway. A Pickle Kisser. A Corn Holer. I'm a Three Dollar Bill. A Football Bat.

As Lisa Lampanelli says, "My Chapstick is cock flavored."

Now, since I've Come Out of the Closet, I urge the following individuals to do the same.






And if you don't Come Out, you'll be Trapped in the Closet with this guy...

Pretty fuckin' scary, huh?

25 comments:

Shirley Heezgay said...

You're gay?

Oh.


I'm gay, TOO!!!

Stephen Rader said...

Shirley Heezgay - Really?!?!? WOOHOO!!!! Did you get your complimentary "I Came Out of the Closet" toaster, yet?

Michael said...

Well, I guess if you two are gay...........pass the cock flavored lip balm.

Stephen Rader said...

Michael - Why settle for the lip balm when you can have the real thing?

I'm just sayin'...

Aaron said...

Frankly, all those folks can stay in the closet, since they're no credit to us (except maybe Jodie Foster).

Anyway, hasn't God smiled on them plenty enough already without giving them the added blessing of being fabulously gay?

Michael said...

Yeah, if I could just GET ONE without wandering into a batthouse or knocking down co-workers......

Alex said...

A PICKLE KISSER??????

I'm not even going to pretend to know what that means.

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Look, I didn't Larry Craig to Come Out, ok? I figured we REALLY didn't want him on our team!!

Michael - Do you knock down co-workers AT the bathhouse? :)

Alex - I'll post a video of Pickle Kissing. Right now.

Dovajorth said...

Hey, I'm gay, too.

And single.

Michael...?

Stephen Rader said...

Doug - Hey! When did ARE YOU THERE, BLOG? become the new M4M Craig's List!?!?!?

I love that!!!

Michael said...

...yes Doug? ;)

Master Aaron said...

I see I missed National Coming Out Day. AGAIN. I'm starting to wonder if it's subconscious. I mean, I'm not gay or anything...but my husband/partner/slave of love keeps making passes at me when I'm trying to sleep, and I am beginning to suspect that, for him, it is not a phase... Now, of course I reciprocate. I AM Southern, after all, and we are polite to a fault. So I missed it again, huh? Well, my head is shaved, and I wore my biker jacket. I'm just hopin' that made me appear to be on The Team.

Valyna said...

ANDERSON COOPER!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!

*damn I LOOOOOOOOVE him. LOVE.LOVE.LOOOOOOOVE him.

You can't have him.

He's mine, bitch.

(well, maybe you can have him for weekend visitations or something)

;)
xoxoxo
Have a great weekend!!

Eric said...

didn't anderson cooper already kinda come out?

Stephen Rader said...

Michael - Are you and Doug making a love connection on here?!?!

Master Aaron - How Larry Craig of you. "Well, he put his cock in my mouth. It would have been rude to not suck it!!!"

Valnya - You get Brad Pitt. We get Anderson Cooper. Ok?

Eric - If Anderson Cooper did Come Out, I never read it and he certainly doesn't talk about it AT ALL.

I guess he and the rest of them will stay in that safe place where we all know they're gay but we don't make them say it or admit it or help our community in any way, shape or form until they're found sucking off a cop in a West Hollywood bathroom. Then, we'll let them be the Grand Marshall of the Pride Parade and praise them for their bravery in Coming Out.

Can you tell I'm a wee bit pissed a those who are in the closet? Can you?

David said...

I don't think Anderson Cooper is in the closet.

Stephen Rader said...

David - Ok, ok... Then, will somebody send me a link to an article where he discusses it or talks about it? Cause if we all know he's gay and he knows he's gay but nobody in the straight world thinks he's gay and nobody talks about it, I call that In The Closet.

Danny Kaye said...

Jeezzz Richard Simmons !!!! Who knew ?

Stephen Rader said...

Danny Kaye - Well, he's never sucked MY dick, but I'm going out on a limb here and saying he's a homo. It's just a little feeling I have when I see him in his short-shorts. :)

Danny Kaye said...

Well Mr. Rader , he may have not sucked your dick , and yes your hunch is probably correct that he is from the species Homoerectus , but let me ask you this, have you ever , ever sweated to the oldies ? Or is that sweated with a oldie . Still waiting for Moms Birthday party pic's !!

Stephen Rader said...

Danny - Well, I've never sweated to Richard Simmons' oldies, but I have sweated with a few oldies in my day and let me say - - in praise of the older man - - they know what they're doing down there. Take it from me: take it from them!!!

Party pics from my Mom's birthday will be posted over the weekend! I will work on that tomorrow!!! :)

Valyna said...

I'm not one of those girls that likes Brad Pitt.

I want Cooper.

*pouts

Stephen Rader said...

Valyna - Baby, if I can have me some Brad Pitt, I'll GIVE you Anderson Cooper - - fair trade!!!! :)

Eric said...

i think there was an interview with Mr. Cooper where he was asked about his wife...and he said something "non-binding" like not exactly my wife...blah blah blah...i'm pretty sure about it...he's not a rainbow g-string kinda guy, but i think he is just under the radar gay ;)

Stephen Rader said...

Eric - You're probably right, but isn't "under the radar gay" the same as "the closet." I mean, we need as many gay role models as possible. And the more gay people who come out of the closet, the more exposure we have. It's harder to vote against ENDA or against gay marriage if you know and love many different gay people in your life.

This isn't 1957. I just don't understand what the Hell people are waiting for when it comes to being honest about who they are.

Listen to me - - as Angel said about me on here a few months back, "Once an 80's fag, always an 80's fag!!" That little Act-Up activist never has quite left me.