Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Sleepin' Single in a Double Bed

Around the first or second week of January last year, I was in the Walgreen's on Broadway and Belmont...

...and if you haven't been to this particular Walgreen's, run (don't walk) there and be sure that you wait in Maureen's line - - she talks to people, talks to what you're buying, sort of ANNOUNCES what you're buying to everyone in the store, sings along to the Muzak - - it's heaven under fluorescent lights and I adore her...

...and as I waited in Maureen's line, a man walked into the store and was immediately stopped by the huge aisle of Valentine's candies and cards and stuffed animals...

...and this is what he said... verbatim...

"Goddamn! Valentine's Day? FUCK!!"

And I couldn't agree more.

The only good thing about being single on Valentine's Day is the realization that this is the last of the long series of holidays where the world and Hallmark celebrate people who are in relationships...

...no matter how fucked up and destructive those relationships happen to be...

...and encourage single people to feel more and more like bastards at a family reunion.

As Lisa Lampanelli says when people talk to her after her show and ask for a free cd because this is their 30th wedding anniversary or some such bullshit...

"It's your wedding anniversary?

I'm 45 years old and single.

I'M NOT HAPPY FOR YOU!"


Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

6 comments:

Michael said...

Goddamn! Valentine's Day? FUCK!!. Indeed.

Stephen Rader said...

Michael - I know, right!?!? That man BROKE IT DOWN! I want those words on a t-shirt!

Master Aaron said...

Have you started to visualize your perfect valentine? Are you writing in your journal? (NOTE TO RADER: a blog is not a journal)(Is it?) I wish for all of you unhappies out there in blog-land that you find your slave/lover/partner, and very soon, before your emotional jaundice persuades the Candy God to stop making Valentine's Day chocolates.

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Yeah, yeah, I know. I read so many articles about "not appearing overly jaded" with regards to Valentine's Day, but until the day that hostesses at restaurants start treating couples the same way they treat singles...

Hostess to Single Person: "Just one? (snicker) Follow me."

Hostess in an Ideal World to a Couple: "Just the two of you? Wow. Popular couple. (snicker) Follow me."

...I think that we singles are allowed to lace our "couples envy" with a few sour grapes. :)

Master Aaron said...

Couples go out alone? GAY couples? There are GAY couples that can't get a third? At least? I had no idea things that the social structure had fallen apart so completely. Gay couples out alone together. That is so not hot.

Stephen Rader said...

Yes, they go out... and eat... in public... without their "third." Right in front of God and everybody!!

And you're correct that gay couples would be "Alone Together" since that is the title of a song from JUDY AT CARNEGIE HALL.

Fags are so clever! The numerous uses we've found for duct tape and Crisco alone create intellectual shock and awe.