There was no walking over the top of the seats to get to the stage.
There were no "One Arm Push ups" by Jack Palance.
No one said, "Hello gorgeous!," or "I'm the king of the world!," or "You like me! You really like me!"
Oscar, for all the hype of him being at his "most diverse," was about as interesting as Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread.
The biggest and most pleasant surprise of my evening was that the Oscar party I attended with Kelli and her boyfriend was hosted by none other than fellow blogger, Jeremy. Thank you, Jeremy, for hosting a wonderful party. It was perfection.
And Ms. Mortified herself, Bea, was in attendance. What more could a boy want?
Of course, we were all excited that our Chicago girl went home a winner...
...and thank the Lord she lost the "Ming the Merciless" demi- jacket she was sporting on the Red Carpet...
...did Beyonce's mom make that for her? Geez...
But we all recoiled in terror at "The Bow That Drove Keith Urban To Drink" worn by Ms. Nicole "pulled so tight she has to bend her knees to chew" Kidman.
Fashion Tip: Never wear a bow bigger than your ex- husband.