Please accept this posting as my official apology to everyone who has been affected by my most heinous actions.
Yesterday, in my posting about Britney Spears "new 'doo" - - or lack thereof - - I asked if perhaps Ms. Spears shaved her head in an effort to look like Demi Moore in G.I. JANE.That was the beginning of my nightmare.
Similar to the dreaded conjuring of BETTLEJUICE, my posting of the words (and I apologize for having to write them once again) G.I. JANE threw the cosmos into chaos. And you, the cable television viewer, are the ones who have paid the price for my senseless action.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am the one responsible for the noon to 2:00 p.m. airing of G.I. JANE on WGN-TV today!
I deeply regret that this has happened. I was overwhelmed by my emotions and wrote those words without thinking. Those words, that movie title, is offensive. I offer my deepest apologies to everyone I have hurt with my actions.
In keeping with the trend of 2007, I, of course, will be entering a rehabilitation program.
Unfortunately, I am currently on a waiting list. I sincerely hope that Isaiah Washington and Lindsay Lohan are released from their treatments very soon. I want to start fixing the broken pieces of my soul.
Off the record, can I say one thing? Why didn't Isaiah and Lindsay go to the Kwik- E - Mart rehab like our good friend Ted Haggard? They could have dealt with their homophobia and kicked their alcohol addiction, respectively, in a mere three weeks?
As Bill Maher said last Friday on REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER regarding Mr. Haggard's intensive three week "Pray the Gay Away" rehab retreat..."Give us a week.
We'll take out the gay!"
We'll take out the gay!"
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