Monday, April 13, 2009

"Three Flawless Shots'"

Okay, I'm calling it. You read it here first.

The Associate Press has finally hired a gay man.

How else do you explain the first sentence of this report...

"NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) — Three flawless shots. Three pirates killed. Bracing themselves on a rolling warship in choppy seas, U.S. Navy snipers took down a trio of Somali pirates with single shots, freeing the American sea captain being held at gunpoint, a Navy commander said Monday. Angry pirates vowed retaliation for the deaths, raising fears for the safety of some 230 foreign sailors still held hostage in more than a dozen ships anchored off the coast of lawless Somalia."

I am extremely happy that the captain is safe, but that first sentence just says it all to me.

Come on. "Flawless."?

Sure, "flawless" does describe the type of pinpoint precision it takes to kill three pirates with three bullets. Pirates holding your captain at gunpoint...

..."Pirates?" I'm writing about pirates? What year is this? In two terms, George W. Bush took us from international space station tech to fighting pirates on the open sea?!? Damn you, Johnny Depp for bringing them back into vogue!!...

...but seriously, "flawless"?

"Flawless" is one of those words adored by homosexual men. Just like the word "adore."

We've all been at a party talking to a friend and trying to determine if the guy across the room is gay...

Stephen: "I don't know. I mean, the shoes and the haircut say 'gay' but he keeps drinking those Schlitz malt liquor talls and..."

Philip: "Wait! He just said the word 'flawless."

Stephen: "Oh, yeah. He's a 'Mo."

It's not that I'm against the word "flawless" being used in the top stories of the day. I just wanted to point out the obvious.

And to the new homo at the Associated Press: 'Atta girl!

7 comments:

Project Christopher said...

did Philip clutch the pearls when he said his line?? :)

Anatomicsd said...

Do they actually still make Schlitz Malt liquor Bull?

cb said...

If "flawless" becomes the new "fierce" (which was the new "fabulous") then I am resigning as a gay.

the joy said...

i dont know... he could be a video game geek... mortal kombat, anyone? anyone?

buddha_girl said...

I choked when I read this. Choked.

And I still adore you.

Mark in DE said...

This made me LOL, literally!

Anonymous said...

Hell yes! If that astounding dude on that poster is FLAWLESS THE NEW FACE OF MY MID WEEK then you had better sign me up for a heapin' helpin' of him. Holy #^&(! That is one beautiful pic.