Saturday, April 18, 2009

"99 Red Balloons Floating in the Summer Sky"

We can laugh at his hair, turn him into a ridiculous puppet, and snicker about his "dong missiles," but this makes me think that we won't be laughing for much longer...

"North Korea said Saturday any sanctions or pressure applied against it following its rocket launch earlier this month will be considered a 'declaration of war.'"

I still don't like the belief most Americans have that we should be the only nation on Earth with the power to destroy the planet. Not that I want dictators like Kim Jong-il to have nuclear warheads, but I sometimes feel like I live in the country that is the worldwide equivalent of an overgrown playground bully constantly talking about how "Awesome!" he is without realizing that he's pissing everyone off.

America always has to be the guy with the biggest dick in the room. If someone else has even a half inch more than we do, we try to lock the doors and keep them out of the party.

All that aside, what are we going to do about this? How can the U.S. proceed without North Korea claiming that our actions are being considered a declaration of war?

Apparently, Kim Jong-il is a big fan of James Bond films and "any movie with Elizabeth Taylor." 

I say we send Daniel Craig over to North Korea. Have him wine and dine Jong-il Bond style. 

Maybe Daniel could bring those oh-so-easy-on-the-eyes swimming trunks he wore in Casino Royale and re-enact his re-enactment of Ursula Andress coming out of the water in Dr. No. Who could think about nuclear armament with a wet and nearly naked Daniel Craig walking towards them? That's right, no one!

So, we send Daniel, but we leave Ms. Taylor at home. Liz is so batshit crazy these days, just wheeling her through the Korean Demilitarized Zone would be construed as a willful act of aggression.

5 comments:

Pearl said...

Stephen, I don't think that's a bad idea at all.
Poor Kim (we're close like that). The marionette in Team America is a ridiculously accurate likeness. How much action could he be getting? A little acid in his wine, a little smoke, next thing you know Kim's crying and asking if he can just stay at Daniel's house, just until he can get his shit together...
Pearl

yellowdog granny said...

think we could convince ole liz to give him a blow job and maybe settle him down some?

cb said...

Kim Jong-il is a very angry, chubby homo.

buddha_girl said...

I shall ignore the offending hair-do boy and concentrate solely on Daniel. *sigh*

The Promiscuous Reader said...

Pearl darling, "Kim" is Kim Jong-il's last name. (In Asia, it's normal usage to put the surname first, as in Mao Tse-tung.) If you're like that with him, you'd be calling him "Jong-il" or Mousie Turd.

Nice post, Stephen. If you haven't already read it, Bruce Cuming's North Korea: Another Country gives a lot of useful information about North Korea and about Kim Jong-il.