Thursday, July 31, 2008

"You Ever Get Cum in Your Eye, Gabriel? Hmm? It BURNS! "

This just isn't my week.

After almost being run down by a subway train...

...and thanks to everyone for your kind comments and your "Are you out of your GAY MIND?!?!" tough love...

...and no, I haven't told my mama. She would kill me with her hands before I could get to the end of the story...

...and by the way, where was Ron Huberman when I needed him?

Chicago's hottie Head-of-the-CTA could have at least been there to offer a helping hand. Or just take his shirt off and pose in front of me on the platform. THAT would have been the motivation I needed to get my ass off those tracks!!!!!

...I laid down on my couch Tuesday night and fell asleep watching tv. With my last pair of daily wear contacts in my eyes. I woke up yesterday morning with a burning in my right eye that would not go away. The more light, the greater the burn.

But I had an Executive Committee meeting here at my office, so I made it downtown - - looking a little too The Miracle Worker for my taste. Anne Sullivan, not Hellen Keller, you bitch.

After grabbing lunch for the attendees - - which I had to be talked through, since I couldn't read the board at The Corner Bakery - - I made it to my office and through the meeting, but I couldn't check my email since the light from the computer screen hurt my eyes.

I made it home, slept most of the evening and the night. Today, my eye's a little better, but not a lot, so I have an eye appointment at Lenscrafters a block away later this afternoon. I think a new prescription and some new contacts will solve my problems - - I've been putting that off for financial reasons for far too long now.

You think a new pair of contacts will make me look like Heidi Klum? Yeah, I doubt it.

P.S. I'm wearing sunglasses at my desk so that I can write this post. Remember what Larry David said...

"You know who wears sunglasses inside?
Blind people and assholes."


P.S.S. Speaking of Heidi Klum, does anyone else want to KILL Suede?!?

I mean maim, torture, kill. Or maybe blind, torture and kill. Like that OTHER Rader.

9 comments:

Aaron said...

Now, Stephen, we're sure you'll be pretty no matter what eyewear you choose--as long as you don't choose the ones Heidi did. They look good on Anastacia, but they make Heidi look kind of like the Kelly "Shoes" character...:-)

Polt said...

Christ, I'd just off a train platform just so Ron Huberman could rescue me! Especially if he's shirtless.

Suede needs to stop calling Suede's self Suede seriously. Oh, and Dave S. and I are doing a Project Runway Rundown each week, stop by and check it out.

And I can tell you from experience that cum in the eye does inDEED BURN!!!!!

HUGS...

Alanda said...

Lord, this certainly is NOT your week. I'm so sorry, honey! xoxo

Joe said...

And, yes...if Suede doesn't stop talking about himself in the 3rd person ala Bob Dole I'll make sure someone hunts him down and hurts him. Badly. So that it leaves a mark (and not in a good way)!

Java said...

Ron Huberman = Hot!
So is he straight or gay?
And does it matter?

cb said...

I'd like to "auf" Suede and that tan twink boy who is just creepy as fuck.

cb said...

Oh, and you should really take out your lenses before playing any water sports...

Doug said...

First off, your headline is one of my favorite movie quotes. Miss Coco peru is genius.

Second, yes, Suede needs to go, and creepy tanorexic boy. Adding "licious" to everything is so 10 years ago.

Finally, glad you went to the doctor and we missed rehearsing with you last night, but what a great show it's going to be!

xoxo

Mark in DE said...

Sorry to hear about your eye distress! Glad you're taking care of it.

Mark wants to string Suede up by his eyelids with fish hooks. That's how sick Mark is of hearing Suede talk about himself in the 3rd person. Mark is ready to kiss his bi ass!

Mark :-)