Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Black Canary Barbie: Filth or Friggin' Hot?

I never was much of fan of Barbie dolls. I was too busy taking the clothes off my G.I. Joe doll...

...errrr.... sorry, Dad... you're right... it's not a "doll"... it's an "action figure"... yeah... whatever let's you sleep at night...

...And I was always disappointed that G.I. Joe wasn't packing ANYTHING down below. If Barbie can have plastic tits, why can't G.I. Joe have a plastic cock and ball sac. I'm just sayin'...

But I may have to buy this Barbie doll. Just because it's pissin' off the Christians.

This is Black Canary Barbie, based on the DC superhero of the same name. According to The Sun, a religious group by the name of Christian Voices thinks that Black Canary's costume on a Barbie doll is too racy for young girls. Christian Voices says...

“Barbie has always been on the tarty side and this is taking it too far. A children’s doll in sexually suggestive clothing is irresponsible – it’s filth.”

I guess it's okay for Barbie to have a body so insanely out of proportion with the human body that any girl aspiring to be Barbie will grow up with SERIOUS body issues, but putting fishnet stockings on that body is out of the question.

Maybe they would prefer Black Canary in the costume she wore during her Justice League International days.

Nah. Do we really want little girls to be inspired to wear headbands? Not to mention those pirate boots.

Fishnets stockings are one thing, but wearing white out of season? That's simply NOT done.

In searching for their official response to "Black Canary Barbie-Gate," I found both a U.S. and a U.K. group named Christian Voices, but neither of their web sites make mention of Black Canary or Barbie or fishnet stockings or plastic penises or anything.

So once again, some schmuck living in his mother's basement who feels guilty because he whacks off to "Two Girls One Cup" sends out one email speaking on behalf of the entire Christian Nation.

The squeaky wheel looking for some grease is once again pissing me off.

So since apparently one lone Christian is speaking for all of them, I now speak for MY people - - the Gay Mafia, the Homosexual Agenda and our Black Sheep member, Andy Dick - - and I say that Black Canary Barbie is hot.

If I had legs like that, I'd have on fishnet stockings morning, noon and night. Especially night.

So, if you don't want your daughter to be influenced by Black Canary's costume, then DON'T BUY THE FUCKING DOLL FOR YOUR DAUGHTER!

But please allow the rest of us to buy what we want to buy when we want to buy it. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean other people shouldn't own it or buy it or enjoy it.

Hmmmm... I wonder if Mattel will make a Power Boy Ken Doll. I can dream, can't I?


Aaron said...

It's amazing how irrelevant the so-called "Christian Right" is these days. I know we all say it, but with war raging, costs out of control, and people struggling to make ends meet, what are those numb-nuts worried about? Why, what else--a suggestively dressed plastic doll! Too much time on their hands--among other things, if your description of their "lone member" is accurate. :-)

That aside, I'll never forget the first and only live-action Black Canary I ever saw: I was 10 yrs. old and there was a Justice League adventure/tribute to Batman on television (yes, Adam West was still Batman, even at nearly 50). Ruth Buzzi played Aunt Minerva and Charlie Callas was also in it. It was like "Hollywood Squares" meets the Justice League. :-)

The Black Canary was played by some actress called Danuta, who went on to appear regularly on the 700 Club.

Ironic, no?

(I just remember that she looked like Loretta Swit when she opened her mouth fully to do her canary-yell.)

Polt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Polt said...

God, the JLU costume really sucked. Badly.

And just so you know, Power Boy is dead. Beaten up pretty badly and impaled on a tree limb. You can read all about it here:

Personally, i wouldn't mind the Cosmic Boy in the Mike Grell costume of the mid-70's Ken doll. Or better yet, in person. :)


Bunny said...

Have these people who are complaining about the Black Canary Barbie seen Bratz or the "My Scene" Barbie line? WTF? There are better things to complain about than a Barbie that is clearly aimed to the adult collector rather than little girls. Sheez.

EMikeGarcia said...

I used to check every one of my cousin's Ken dolls to see if any were anatomically correct.

Just thought I'd share.

Project Christopher said...

While the religious right doesn't want the 2g1c wanker to be catagorized with them, I must say, I'm not real thrilled with having Andy Dick bunched in with us.... (or was that your point?)

Either way, I think Barbie Dolls in the form of heroes such as this is so assinie! I don't know Black Canary (sorry, not that into it) but I'm going to guess that after she dons her fishnets, ass kickin' boots and a pleather top that hugs her tighter than her own flesh, she's not trottin around with that vapid uber white smile that every single Barbie Doll sports.

If they made a Susan Smith doll ( would they have that goofy ass smile on it?

Susan Smith Barbie! Have loads of fun while drowning your two children!

Aaron said...

Actually, Danuta looked a little bit like Susan Smith...

Anonymous said...

Geez, forget the fishnet stockings -- would it fucking kill Mattel to come up with a new face mold for their licensed dolls instead of trotting out some old Barbie head and changing the hair color?