Tuesday, July 01, 2008

TMI Tuesday

A rather serious marriage-themed TMI Tuesday...

1. Do you believe in marriage?

Absolutely. It's hard for me to find the right relationship, however, because of my parent's marriage. They loved each other at one time, but I mainly remember the fights. The almost daily fights.

When you're a child in a family where everyone outside of your home thinks you live the perfect "Leave it to Beaver" life, but everyone in the family knows that the second the front door closes, the masks come off and the screaming begins, it's hard to let anybody in.

And just my luck (or just my pattern), the last person that I let into my life pulled me into a relationship where I fought, screamed & yelled just like my parents.

The next person that I let into my life will be the first person I will ever consider marrying. And if I marry them, they will be the last face that I see before I die.

I'm the child of a divorce. I lived through "That's Mine, This Is Yours" when I was 12. I refuse to put myself through that ever again.

2. What is marriage to you?

Something I would like to be in. Something that seems rather unattainable at the present time, regardless of it's legal or illegal status for homosexuals.

3. If you are married, why did you do it? If you are not, why have you not married?

I'm not married because I haven't met the right man yet.

What's happening with these questions this week? When did I become Bobby in Company?

4. Do you believe in divorce?

Yes. My parent's divorce was one of the best and worst things that ever happened to me.

The best because they finally stopped hurting each other and therefore stopped indirectly hurting me and my brother. The worst because their divorce - - but more so, their entire relationship and the way that it ended - - affects me and my brother in our actions, our relationships, how much we trust others, etc.

I really hate being the child of divorced parents during the holidays. I'm 38 years old and I never feel that I'm giving enough time to either parent because if I wake up on Christmas morning with one of them, I'm not with the other one. No matter how much I give of myself, it can never be enough. And that is frustrating and sad at times.

5. If you are divorced, why did you do it? If you have not, are there certain circumstances under which you would agree to a divorce?

Let me just say that if/when I meet the man that I will marry, he needs to know that there will be no divorce. If he wants to leave, that's fine. But he'll have to leave this earth because leaving me ain't gonna happen.

We made a promise to God, baby, so unless you want to see Him soon, you better keep your promise. Hell hath no fury like a queen divorced.

Now, we can live together and/or maintain whatever kind of relationship we want (open, closed, "Take a Number and We'll Serve You," etc.) and then, if he wants to leave me, fine. I would rather someone who wants to be away from me be away from me than force them to be with me.

But if we get married, you're in it for the long haul, pal. I will not be The Gay Divorce.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you believe that same sex marriages are a threat to traditional marriages?

As if "traditional marriage" can be damaged any more than it already has been by "traditional couples."

I will say this, and I know that some gay people won't agree with me: Asking for Gay Marriage right now is too much. Asking for Civil Unions? Fine. Gay Marriage? Too much.

The word "marriage" is too attached and ingrained in religion for conservatives and/or fundamentalists to treat this issue with any logic or a level head. But I do believe that gays and lesbians asking for our relationships to be legally equal to the marriages of straight people would be accepted by the majority of the population.

Asking for a "Civil Union" doesn't necessarily bring to mind images of church and pastors reading sections of the Bible. "Marriage" does. And Gay Marriage will come, but this is one issue for gays and lesbians where we need to take slow, small steps towards our goal.

This is one we can't win through shouting. This is one - - like many others as well - - that we can only win through being.


Blue said...

Great answer for TMI's gay marriage question. I agree with you that a lot of the hostility people feel is because of the encroachment on the term marriage. I had never really thought of it that way.

Aaron said...

"You're not a kid anymore, honey. In fact, you'll never be a kid again, kiddo!"

(I'm kidding.)

(How about kids? Do you want them?)

(What are baby goats called again?)

David said...

Wow. Reading this was almost like looking in a mirror, except my parents were divorced when I was younger.

And I couldn't agree with you more on the gay marriage question, as I adamantly tell my more activist friends on an almost daily basis.

Shirley Heezgay! said...

"Do you believe that same sex marriages are a threat to traditional marriages?"

I happen to believe that Divorce is a threat to marriage, not the gays.

Stan said...

I thought the cool thing about us was we didn't have to get married. Aside from the legal rights we should have I see no benefits to being married. I dont need the church or state to give me some document stating I'm bound to this one person.
Anyway isn't the divorce rate for straight people like 50%? Why should it be any different for us?

Bunny said...

We straight folks fuck up our marriages all by ourselves, we certainly don't need any help with it! Seriously, how would anyone else's marriage (civil union, whatever you want to call it) affect mine? Not at all. The only effect would be many, many more wedding presents to buy and receptions to attend. This is not a hardship, in my opinion. A marriage is what the two individuals choose to make of it, unique to that couple and no one else's business.

Just as states and individuals were eventually forced to recognize and accept inter-racial civil marriage, individuals and states will have to recognize and accept intra-gender civil marriage. Religious marriage will remain a choice of individual faiths, just as it has always been. (Some churches will still not marry certain heterosexual couples for various reasons and that is no business of the state and should not be.)

Great answers. I truly hope you find the right guy sooner rather than later and fashion a marriage that fits the two of you.

Michael said...

*I will say this, and I know that some gay people won't agree with me: Asking for Gay Marriage right now is too much. Asking for Civil Unions? Fine. Gay Marriage? Too much.*

Sweet Jesus, I thought I was crazy for having that opinion! Bravo!!!

Thank you Stephen. I feel much less retarded now.

Project Christopher said...

Intra-gender Marriage... I love that term. Since so many right wingers think the whole homosexual thing is about sex alone, I like Intra-gender. Odds are half of them won't catch the meaning and will think it's OK. "lawng as it ain't that homosekshul shit"

Mark in DE said...

I must confess that I typically don't read memes, mostly because the questions are so stupid. ("What's your favorite lingerie?") But I did read this one because of the topic of marriage.

You wrote "No matter how much I give of myself, it can never be enough." But I must disagree. If you give of yourself whenever you can, and do so genuinely, it will always be enough.

Mark :-)