It's not what you say, it's how you say it. Especially insults. Shade is everything.
When talking to your wicked stepmother, you could easily say, "You look fat!" But that will just start a fight and 9 times out of 10, she'll pile drive you to the floor and plop her gigantic ass onto your chest and your face. And if there's a pizza in the room, she'll forget you're down there. What a way to go, huh?
It's much better to say to her...
"You know, that dress looks so good on someone your size."
You see? In that one sentence, you have bitchiness wrapped in truth and covered in 3/4's of a compliment. That's what I call "polite conversation."
Which is why in the current war of words between Barbara Walters and Star Jones, I think that the winner, believe it or not, is Fox News.
This is the first sentence of Fox News' report on the Barbara / Star brawl...
"Former 'View' co-host Star Jones has weighed in on Barbara Walters' claim that she 'lied' for Jones about her much publicized weight loss."
It may not be overtly funny to you, but I laughed out loud when I read that.
What's better than Barbara talking about Star's weight loss and saying "Well, we knew it wasn't portion control and Pilates"? What's better than Star saying that Barbara is "in the sunset of her life..."?
A writer at Fox News innocently beginning the story by saying "Star Jones has weighed in..."
Not too bitchy, not too catty. It's just right...