Monday, December 31, 2007


My comedy buddy Chris has a new blog named As Seen from Up Here... and he recently answered the Seven Deadly Sins meme. His answers are great, but my favorite part of his post is his link to a Seven Deadly Sins Quiz.

What a shock to discover that my mortal sin is the sin of Lust.

I figure, if you're going to sin, you might was well sin in the most pleasurable way, right?

Here are my results...
Your Sins are Revealed,
Your Fate is Sealed

Your sin has been measured. You have committed many sins, but Lust is the mortal sin that has done you in. Just below, discover your full sinful breakdown and learn what it is about you that condemns you to hell.






Lust:Very High


Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

I'm off to Lust in the New Year. What a way to watch the ball drop.

P.S. Isn't Phantom of Lust a hoot? It might actually be a hot porn. If there's none of that damn Andrew Lloyd Webber music in it.

A Warning

I was just looking through the Lost Entertainers of 2007 over at the AOL homepage...

...What happened to "In Memoriam?" Why are they considered "lost?" Did we really LOSE Yvonne DeCarlo? I doubt that the funeral home misplaced Lilly Munster's body...

...and accompanying the snippet about Betty Hutton's death was this picture...

Now, when I die, if there are pictures of me that look more like this picture of Ms. Hutton from her triumphant performance in the film version of ANNIE GET YOUR GUN...

... and instead of using that beautiful photo, you use one where I look like the crazy lady who smells like urine and walks down the street yelling at people to "Get out of my house!," I will haunt your sorry ass till the day you die.

And after you die, I'll be waiting in the Great Beyond to bitch slap you into Hell.

I'm just sayin'...

Adam and I Wish You a Happy New Year

Nothing says "Happy New Year" quite like a brand new jockstrap.

Especially when that jockstrap is being worn by My New Imaginary Boyfriend Adam.

International Jock is having a huge year end sale and I can feel all that money that my parents gave me in my Christmas stocking aching to be spent on some new, hot underwear. Something like this perhaps.

Those boys who model for International Jock ain't hard on the eyes, are they?

International Jock should have a new slogan to promote that. Something like...

"International Jock:
Ain't No Ugly People Up In Here!"

Happy New Year, y'all. Adam, what are you doing New Year's Eve?

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Back Home and Homesick

Well, I'm back in Chicago, a little heavier, a whole lot homesick and still severely pissed at American Airlines.

Did the flight delay I had getting to Knoxville piss me off? No, that was understandable. My bags arriving the day after I did? Well, that wasn't convenient, but at least I got my bags in time to wrap everyone's presents on Christmas Eve. Canceling my return flight to Chicago? Well, they aren't in control of the weather (that I know of).

So, what pissed me off? It was one, lone American Airlines "Joan Crawford on PMS" uber-bitch from their customer service line. When I called to reschedule my canceled flight, she immediately tried to force me onto a flight for the next day that didn't work with my schedule, yelled at me on the phone to "make a decision now, because there are 250 people waiting and if you don't take the flight I'm giving you, you'll probably be stuck in Knoxville a few more days," and then, when I asked to speak to her supervisor, she told me, "No," and then plunged my call back into the pool of 250 stranded travelers.

"American Airlines: Getting There Isn't Half the Fun, It's All the Aggravation."


But who can stay upset when you get to spend time with a cute little girl like Carter here.

I'm not sure what you would call her - - she's my stepmother's sister's granddaughter... what's that called? anyone? anyone? - - but she and I had a great time on Christmas Eve. She followed me around all evening, sat on my lap during dinner and she loved when I took her picture (the flash made her giggle). But how could I not take a picture of someone as cute as Carter?

And I got to spend time with my father and my brother, which is always wonderful.

One look at my Dad and you can see where I got my hairline. Why I didn't end up looking more like the linebacker that he is boggles the mind.

Insert "Stephen, you're not a linebacker, you're a wide receiver" joke here.


And then there was the trip to Dollywood to see my friend Aaron in Dollywood's Babes in Toyland. Aaron's partner John went with my mother, my brother and I. John is now an expert on all things Dollywood. The ultimate tour guide for the park.

Dear Lord, when did I become a lesbian?
Why am I prominently displaying my camera case like that?
What kind of self respecting fag am I?

Look at my brother in the picture below. Jeff would have rather been sucking the bile out of Dick Cheney's liver with a straw than visiting Dollywood on this day - - I love mom holding up the rabbit ears behind The Dolly Grinch's head - - but he went because I wanted to go so badly.

Besides, I'm sure it's fun to laugh at me spazzing out on "Dolly Energy" the second I enter the park.

I'm not quite a the level of those For the Love of Dolly folks, yet, but I'm close. I'm frighteningly close.

But this picture is my favorite. Such a beautiful picture of my Mom. The light hitting the camera. My mother looking off into the mountains. So peaceful.

Even though we were smack dab in the middle of an amusement park, you can see the Smokey Mountains all around and just being there re-energizes me. Calms me. Makes me happy.

Add that to the joy I get spending time with my family and you'll understand why, now that I'm back in Chicago, I'm homesick. Happy that I was there, but sad that I had to leave.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Happy New Year!

P.S. The evening of Christmas Eve, I spent time with some my best friends from high school. I didn't have my camera with me, but I hope that Kristie will send over some of the pictures she took. Seeing those friends again was my favorite part of the holiday. Send me those pics, cuz!

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Tomorrow, I'm flying back home for Christmas, so I won't be posting until I return to Chicago.

No posting mainly because I want to spend as much time as I can with my family while I'm in Tennessee, but also because there aren't many people who own personal computers in my family.

My kinfolk get confused on escalators, so this is probably for the best.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with this picture of me and my brother on the lap of what looks to be an albino Santa. An albino Santa! In Tennessee? Who knew?

Jeff looks either hungry, confused or moments away from peeing on Santa's leg- - or all three - - and I look like the poster child for "Future Fags of America"

I'm sure I labored over EXACTLY what to wear for my photoshoot with Mr. Claus and my smile just screams baby beauty pageant, doesn't it?

How did my parents not know?

Then again, my brother is also gay, so apparently the clothes don't make the fag.

All that aside, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone!

P.S. A special thanks to Rus Rainear for taking over my roles in Lyle while I'm home for Christmas. Rus is the best. And the funniest.

He gave me a card at our opening performance that simply said...


Break a leg. Really.

Love, Eve."

Keep an eye on Princess Fire and Music while I'm away. Me, an old kazoo with some sparklers.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Six To Eight Black Men

For today's Christmas video, I'm posting one of my new favorite holiday stories.

You probably already know it, and if you're like me, the first time you read it, you were sitting in a public place guffawing and laughing that "snort laugh" that you do while passersby stared and pulled their children a safe distance away from you.

I love David Sedaris and I especially love his book, The SantaLand Diaries...

...And if you're in Chicago and you haven't already seen it, my friend Mitchell Fain is tearing up the one-man show version of the main story from that holiday book at the Theatre Building until the end of the month, so go see him!!!...

...but have you read or heard Sedaris' Six To Eight Black Men?

This story is pure genius. Especially when read by the author.

Fratboy Friday

How about a (somewhat) holiday edition of Fratboy Friday! Here are this week's...


Don't ask where I found "Santa's Helper" here.
Just know that it's a nice as you imagine it to be... down below...


Yeah, I know he's not sporting a Santa cap, but the cap and the sag are red.
And with abs and pecs like those, who really cares, right?


I'm not sure where I found this pic, so if it was on your blog, let me know and I'll credit you.
Cause I love it. It's wrong and oh, so right!


"Maybe it's much too early in the game,
Ah, but I thought I'd ask you just the same.
What are you wearing New Years, New Years Eve?"

Happy Holidays, everyone. Hopefully, we'll all get to kiss a drunken straight boy in a tuxedo g-string at 12 o'clock on the 31st.

It could happen...

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Seven Deadly Sins: The Meme!

Again, I'm somebody's bitch. (a.k.a. I've been tagged for a meme.)

But I can't resist a meme created by hottie blogger CB over at The Mangina Monologues and when I've been tagged by cutie blogger Shirley Heezgay. Especially since the questions are based on The Seven Deadly Sins and I'm answering them right smack dab in the middle of "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

So, here goes.

The first one is a pretty serious answer for me.

1. If you could kill someone (or injure them egregiously) who would it be and why? Bonus points for ‘how’.

For a long time, I wanted to kill my ex. Seriously. I wanted to kill him.

It frightened me how much I actually wanted to kill him. After all the Hells that were brought into my life by that one man, the hate I felt was overwhelming. I wanted him to hurt as badly as I had been hurt by him. All the lies, all the false accusations, all the abuse, all the friends lost because it was easier to manipulate me if I was all alone - - for all that, I wanted him dead. And I wanted to do it.

Prior to feeling this way, I was in a massive depression and was contemplating suicide. I plotted it out, I picked the knife for my wrists, I knew how I wanted to be found, the whole thing. Our relationship was reaching one of it's many endings and I had told him about the night I spent staring at my wrists with the knife blade against my veins.

Days later, I was walking home with two friends when I spotted my "off again, on again, soon to be off for good" boyfriend walking down my street with another guy - - that evening's trick - - and I fell apart.

I screamed something to the trick. I believe I said, "Be careful if you fuck him. No telling what you'll get." My ex shouted back...

"Why don't you go home, slice open your throat and be done with it."

That's when it started. That's when my depression shifted to rage. I didn't want to kill myself anymore. I wanted to kill him.

Thankfully, time has allowed almost all of my heart to heal. And I don't feel that burning hate anymore. Actually, I was surprised a few months ago to realize that I didn't feel anything with regards to him - - not hate, not sadness, not anger, not care, not love. When his name or face flashes through my mind these days, there's nothing. It's a void.

So, I don't want to kill him anymore, but as far as egregiously injuring him... well... give a polo mallet, some barbed wire and a set of Lorena Bobbit steak knives and I'm good to go.

2. You have been given 25 Million dollars, and you have to spend it all (no donations to charity or investing). What do you spend it on?

Property. House for me in Chicago. House for my Mom in Tennessee. A house for me in Tennessee. A house for my brother in Atlanta. A house for me in Atlanta. HUGE house on the beach for me in Fort Lauderdale. A condo in New York. A flat in London. A small retreat in Paris. A place in several cities. And then, I'd use the rest to travel to and from each of my places. Over and over and over again.

3. You have the opportunity to steal anything in the world without getting caught. What is it and why?

The first thing that popped into my mind is my favorite painting in the world...

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Seurat.

Whenever I stand in Chicago's Art Institute and look at it, I want to have that painting on that scale near me at all times.

It's breathtaking.

Then, I could play my Original Cast Recording of Sunday in the Park with George in my house and act out all the parts in "It's Hot in Here" right in front of the painting.

Dear Lord, I'm a Gay Rod...

4. You have the opportunity to pawn off one facet of your life to someone else forever. What is it and why?

The facet where I have to work. Let someone ELSE work for me and give me all the money. Then, I can loll about and do nothing but collect, baby. COLLECT!

5. If you could have sex with anyone (or anything) throughout the history of the world without repercussions, who or what would it be and why?

Again, the first thing that popped into my mind...

I would have sex with Sean Connery from the time period when he was filming Dr. No.

Now that, gents, is what I call a man.

Stylish, sleek, cocky, sophisticated. He can take care of himself in a fist fight and he knows EXACTLY what wine to order with your meal.

And you know he's packin' more than that Walther PPK on him. You just know it.

Who cares if I end up dead after being covered in gold paint...

6. Describe the time in your life when you were the most bitterly jealous.

I've never admitted this, but when I was directing a show a few years ago, I was madly in love with one of the actors. My secret. He didn't know how I felt. He started dating another one of the actors in the show and since A) I didn't believe in being a director who dated a member of my cast and B) I never thought I had even the slightest chance of this man ever thinking of me as anything other than a friend, I simply watched from the sidelines.

But I wasn't bitterly jealous; I was bitter-sweetly jealous. I really fell for this man secretly.

The worst was during the Pride parade that year when he and his castmate / new boyfriend stood in front of the screaming hatemongers and began kissing as their personal "Screw you!" to all the haters and their hate speech. And they asked me to take their picture while they were kissing. And I did. And I all wanted to do as I snapped that photograph was to change places with that actor and start kissing him.

And I never told him. And now he's gone. Ah, well...

7. If you could have free, no-death, GOOD plastic surgery on anything and everything that you want, what would you alter and why?

Although I like my bald head and I've grown to love it as a part of me, I would love to be able to have some long, shiny locks to cut and make different with every passing whim.

Other than that, I'm sure I would tuck and pluck and suck the usual "everything" that we all want to have done, but for me, the big one would be hair.

Now, who do I want to be my bitch on this one. How about Doug at I Get That a Lot and Aaron at Go Away I'm Reading. Give me your Seven Deadlies!!

Privilege to Pee: Settled Out of Court

Because December is an insane month for me - - and this year I added opening a show to the insanity - - I've been WAY off on reading other blogs.

I tried to catch up a little today and that's why I spotted this item over at The Playgoer.

It seems that the lawsuit filed by the Broadway designers and director of URINETOWN against the Chicago production team has been settled out of court.

According to Variety...

"Chicago team, including director Tom Mullen, has agreed to pay an undisclosed sum to members of the Broadway version of 'Urinetown,' which was staged by helmer John Rando, choreographer John Carrafa, lighting designer Brian MacDevitt and set designer Scott Pask, among others.

"Creatives of 'Urinetown' on the Rialto publicly accused the creators of the Chi production -- as well as the production team from a separate but similar production in Akron, Ohio -- of plagiarism in November 2006."

Although this case has been settled, it doesn't bring any legal decision upon which a theatre director could copyright his or her work.

I wrote about my take on this issue a few different times last year and received some rather heated comments about it.

What I really find interesting is that I haven't read one thing about this in our local theatre publication. Did I miss it? Have any of the local theatre bloggers picked this up?

Funny how when Chicago theatre is tackling Broadway, we can't get away from the hype, but we don't hear a thing when our own are settling out of court after spouting again and again in the media that they most decidedly DID NOT plagiarize and had created their own, unique version of URINETOWN.

I mean, if they didn't copy several elements from the Broadway production and call them their own, wouldn't they be able to win a court case that accused them of plagiarism?

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'...

(I can hear the local theatre queens clicking to add a comment as I hit "publish" on this...)

Adam's Balls-In-One

Guess whose unpublished picture has finally been published?

That's right, My New Imaginary Boyfriend Adam!

According to the email I just received from International Jock, the picture where you can almost see "Lil' Adam" in all it's glory is promoting Balls-In-One with Ultra Pouch Technology by King Style.

As the email says...

"Their defining feature is the unique, seamless, egg-shaped pouch. Made using a proprietary manufacturing process, it is the only contoured pouch we’ve ever seen that is completely seamless for the ultimate in comfort. Made from a fine mesh fabric, this semi-transparent pouch cradles your boys unlike any other."

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that I could cradle Adam's boys much better than any fine mesh fabric on the market today.

Have I mentioned that rubbing your balls on my freshly shaved head is a skin sensation that's sweeping the nation?

Sure, my head may be a little banged up right now and rubbing anyone's boys on it might be painful, but for you, Adam, I'll gladly take the pain.

Take the pain? I'll enjoy the pain. I thought I would just say it before y'all did.

Bring Back Shields and Yarnell

Thanks to everyone for their concern about my nasty fall. And a special thanks to Eric McCool for my new LifeAlert necklace. I'll never be in harm's way again!!!

I'm feeling great this morning. No headache, no nausea and only twice have I ran up to a stranger saying...

"Are you the Key Master? I am the Gate Keeper!"

I think I'm fine.

So fine, in fact, that I wanted to share the first of a few of my favorite Christmas videos from YouTube.

This is the promo for Aunt Barbara's Christmas Special. We love our Aunt Barbara and this video is made even funnier for me because of a joke in Lyle.

You see, at the first read, I had a line in one of my songs that went like this...

"Together, we will rise to the top again, just like Crosby and Hope. Martin and Lewis. Flotsam and Jetsum."

But when I read it - - me being the asshole that I am - - I wanted to shake up the reading and get a laugh from something off the page, so I said...

"Together, we will rise to the top again, just like Crosby and Hope. Martin and Lewis. Shields and Yarnell."

Well, I got my laugh. Big time.

The room exploded with laughter and George Howe who wrote the song shouted, "That it! That's in the show."

And you'll notice from Aunt Barbara's video that Shields and Yarnell are also mentioned.

Stephen and Aunt Barbara: Bringing back Shields and Yarnell One Obscure Reference at a Time!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Stephen Rader Has Collapsed!

Karma is a bitch.

After poking fun at Liza Minnelli's "collapse" earlier this week, the universe decided to teach me a little lesson about laughing at another person's collapse. Especially when that person is a diva.

My hot and eternally young cousin Kristie is in Chicago right now getting ready for her company's show at the Merchandise Mart and we met last night for drinks and a bite at Mambo Grill.

Afterwards, we walked over to LaSalle, said our goodbyes and I then walked about half a block to the bus stop. The sign said that the bus only ran through early evening and since it was around 10:00 p.m., I decided to walk over to the Red Line.

I didn't notice the ice on the other side of the bus stop.

I took one step and down I went. Sideways. On my right leg. With my head crashing hard into the pole that frames the bus stop.

The metal pole sounded like Jaye P. Morgan had smacked her gong and when I grabbed my head, there was a faint trace of blood on my hands.

I made it home - - screaming "Goddamn it" and moaning as I walked... I'm so attractive when I'm in pain - - and I tried to rest. A few hours later came that "Linda Blair pea soup" moment that I could feel coming from the second my head hit the pole.

But I made it through my performance this morning and after a short nap at my desk, I'm feeling much better. And the cut on my head is covered up nicely. Thank God for stage makeup.

So, the score now stands at Liza: One / Stephen: One.

Can we call a truce, Ms. Minnelli? Please?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Adam and Steve and International Jock

Talk about "Christmas coming early!"

I just received a wonderful gift from a gentleman over at International Jock. He found my post from last week where I declared one of their models as My New Imaginary Boyfriend and he wrote the following...
"I ran across your post about our model Adam. I thought I'd brighten your day by sending you a couple of big, unpublished pics of him."

Adam. That's his name, Adam.

Adam and Steve. Just like the beginning of the universe, when God Intelligently Designed gay men. We are destined to be together.

And if we're not destined to be together, I'm going to stalk him. Check out the pics my new friend at International Jock sent me of Adam...

Okay, a jockstrap from Nasty Pig. How perfect is that?

If you look closely, you can figure out Adam's religion.
Eat your heart out, David Beckham.

Thank you to International Jock for sending these to me. Now, all y'all that are drooling over Adam, go to International Jock and buy a bunch of stuff. And tell 'em Stephen sent ya.

If you do, they may send me more pictures of Adam. Sweet Jesus, that be nice.

"Thumpety Thump Thump! Look at Frosty Go!"

I get a LOT of spam sent to my email address at Season of Concern. At least 100 a day.

Some of them are about mortgages. Some are from that diplomat in Africa who always signs his emails, "Yours in Christ." But most of them are about erectile dysfunction.

Sure, my hair is gone and gravity is pulling on my body in very unflattering ways, but I can still get it up. Sometimes without a cockring.

So, I don't need Cialis or Viagra at the present time, but I love the images embedded in those spam emails. Most are ridiculous, but this one to the left that I received today is kinda cute.

Frosty, the Good Fuck. Standing in the middle of The Valley of the Dolls.

Sex with Little Cindy Lou Who is so good that his Magic Hat spontaneously combusted, which can't be good when your body is made of snow.

His nose is a carrot. I wonder what they used for his cock. Hmmmm...

TMI Tuesday

With it being only a week away from Christmas, this is a surprisingly sexual TMI Tuesday.

Mmmmmmm... I like it.

1. Are you done with your shopping yet?

No. Rub it in, asshole. Rub it in.

I did try to purchase a few gifts at Border's late last night after I left work, but after I held the door open like a gentleman for the person walking beside me only to stand there like Benjamin in THE GRADUATE while 147 RAN past me and pushed so that I couldn't get through the door AND after I saw that the line for the check out went to the back of the store and then AROUND the store, I gave up.

Maybe I can knit something for my parents. How long does it take to learn how to knit?

2. What is your favorite sexual position?

The kind where the other person is actually in the room with me.

As long as something is being done to somebody in real time, I'm a happy guy.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how open are you to trying new sexual things?

10. Easily a 10. Whatever gets the other person going, I'm all for it.

You want to cover the living room in Twister pads, flood the place with lube and wear head-to-toe rubber suits where mine looks like Spider-Man and your's looks like Venom and both of them have holes in all the right places, count me in!

Hell, that sounds pretty hot.

4. What present are you hoping to get this year?

I'm not really hoping for anything. I just want to be back home. I am looking forward to this Sunday when I get on a plane and can spend time with family for a few days. That is exactly the present I want.

5. With your current partner (or your last partner) how often was the sex better than just good?

It was usually better than just good, but that's only because we fought every damn day, so the sex was more often than not make up sex

And I don't know about you, but for me, make up sex isn't happy sex. It's usually me pounding out my aggression. Pun intended.

Bonus (as in optional):Can a relationship that you are part of survive on sex alone? Could it survive a prolonged period of abstinence?

Well, everything is a relationship, so I guess there could be "relationships" where it's just sex, but I call those "fuck buddies." For a relationship in the traditional sense, I would need more. Sex isn't as important as someone who makes me laugh. And his honesty.

And for the second question, seeing as how I personally have survived a prolonged period of abstinence in the form of NOT HAVING A BOYFRIEND, I'm thinking I could go for awhile in a relationship without sex.

But I could also easily change his mind about the "no sex" thing. I would just start laying out the Twister pads and he'd be on me like white on rice.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Liza Minnelli Has Collapsed!

I didn't hear about this until late in the day yesterday evening...

Now, believe me when I say that if/when Liza leaves this earth, I will be very upset and will probably wear even more black than I do now.

That said, ever since I saw that headline, I keep thinking about my favorite Frank O'Hara poem.

It's a short, little poem about Lana Turner, but I think Frank would agree that if we replace "Lana" with "Liza," this poem is appropriately updated and succinctly speaks for all of us with regards to Liza's backstage collapse.

I mean, we all love Liza, but when you heard that she had collapsed, wasn't your first thought, "Geez, again?."

So with that substitution, I give you my favorite (updated) Frank O'Hara poem...

Liza Minnelli has collapsed!
I was trotting along and suddenly
it started raining and snowing
and you said it was hailing

but hailing hits you on the head
hard so it was really snowing and
raining and I was in such a hurry

to meet you but the traffic
was acting exactly like the sky
and suddenly I see a headline


there is no snow in Hollywood

there is no rain in California

I have been to lots of parties

and acted perfectly disgraceful
but I never actually collapsed

oh Liza Minnelli
we love you
get up

For the record, I took the last line of this O'Hara poem and changed it to three separate lines.

The way I see it, if you read it with those beats added in ("oh Liza Minnelli" - pause - "we love you" - pause - "get up"), the "bitchy queen" attitude of it just jumps off the page!

Purple Suit, Green Hair, Clown Makeup: That's Hot!

Dear Lord, I love the fan boys. THE DARK KNIGHT trailer has barely reached 1,200 hits on YouTube and already, Comic Book Resources has posted some killer screen grabs.

"Killer" being the operative word here. I mean, I know that the movie is focused on this guy...

...but I can't help being more excited by this guy...

My choosing Heath Ledger in psychotic clown makeup over Christian Bale in... well... ANYTHING speaks volumes about the men I typically fall for. Miss Teschmacher said it best in the first Superman movie...

"Why is it I can't get it on with the good guys?"

I Forgot to Take Off My Pants

Well, Lyle is open and I actually remembered all of my lines.

This is a much greater accomplishment than it used to be.

That was the good part of my opening performance yesterday.

The bad part of my performance was opening a prop book that I use on stage - - a collection of plays - - and turning directly to the title page of "The Scottish Play," otherwise known by normal people and non-superstitious theatre folk as Macbeth.

Whether or not a mere mention of the title of that play in a theatre brings about bad luck (many believe the play is cursed), I can report that, not one minute after reading that title, balls were dripped (literally), my punchlines were met with crickets and after one of my lightening fast costume changes, I walked onto the stage wearing the hat, jacket, vest and shirt belonging to one of my characters and the pants from one of my OTHER characters.

But the audience really enjoyed the play and lucky for me, there were no critics present. I'm not quite sure where Ben Brantley WAS yesterday, but he most certainly was not anywhere near Morse and Glenwood.

But today is a new day, it's the start of a new week and things are already looking up because the first full trailer for THE DARK KNIGHT has finally been released. And I love it!

What a difference a day makes.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Eat Your Heart Out, Ghost Rider

I don't know anything about Ed Hardy underwear, but I do know this.

This International Jock model who is seen modeling ALL of the Ed Hardy underwear designs they carry definitely has what it takes to get me to... ahem... stand and take notice.

This is my favorite picture in the bunch. " Hottie McLayMeDownAndMakeMeYourBitch" is sporting the Ed Hardy Flaming Skull Hip Brief in blue.

Sitting here staring at this boy's package of "flaming skull," I'm sporting wood.

I'm going to make him My New Imaginary Boyfriend.

Then, I need about 15 minutes with Mr. Flaming Skull here.

Okay, I just need 5 minutes. I live alone. Don't judge.

"Is That Posh Spice in Your Crotch, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?"

Chicago is once again covered in snow with more on the way. I have about 10 minutes to shower and shave before I have to dash outside and jump on the Red Line to take me up to Morse Avenue and today's first public preview of Lyle, but when I saw this clip from last night's episode of THE SOUP, I had to post it.

Watching Posh Spice try to smile on LARRY KING LIVE is funny enough, but wait till you see what Joel McHale and the rest of THE SOUP guys did to E NEWS' coverage of David Beckam's new Emporio Armani underwear campaign...

Oddly enough, that's EXACTLY what went through my mind the first time I saw that ad, too!

"Oh, the weather outside is frightful,
But your crotch is so delightful..."

That's my little Christmas ditty for David Beckham.

Like it?

Dear Lord, the last time I saw a basket like that, it was around Little Red Ridinghood's arm!

Friday, December 14, 2007

"A Day or Two Ago, I Thought I'd Take a Ride...

I've been getting emails from Threadless T-Shirts for awhile now and I love the clever designs.

They have their first "brick and mortar" store here in Chicago and I hope that they have this design in the store. I think this is the perfect Christmas t-shirt for me...

Get it?

Well, I don't know what parody lyrics YOU sang in elementary school, but I was partial to...

Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg;
The Batmobile lost its wheel,
And Joker got away!

My comic book geek-dom knows no bounds.

Ah-One, Ah-Two, Ah-Three... Ah-Three!

I was just about to post these when I got an email from Raven directing me to her posts about them. Great Bat-Minds think alike!

Though in our case, I think Raven and I are both searching for picture of Christian Bale wearing nothing but the Bat-cape and Bat-boots - - and maybe also the Bat-cowl just to kick up the kink factor a notch or three - - but alas, we haven't found that picture... yet.

We have found these new posters for THE DARK KNIGHT. First, we have the new international poster...

Then, one featuring The Clown Prince of Crime...

But this is by far my favorite. I haven't been able to find scan of just the poster, but this camera phone picture taken by a fan is EXACTLY what I love about The Joker as a character and the tone of this upcoming Batman film...

"Why so serious?" written in blood.

Sort of makes a Joker whose tagline is "You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight" come off looking more like Crazy Quilt than Batman's arch nemesis, doesn't it?

Fratboy Friday

This week has flown by and even though Christmas is only 11 days away (Dear Lord...), I haven't purchased one gift. Not a single present. For anyone.

So, before I get lost in Holiday Mania and actually complete a task on my To Do List, how about a little Fratboy Friday?

Here are this week's...


Once again, Rob over at Seduced by the New... sent me a pic of a boy that I had no choice but to post in Fratboy Friday.

Look at that boy. When they have arms the size of trees and pecs that could double as helipads, I assume everything else is anatomically similar. All that helps me overlook the fact that he has his hands behind his back because he just evolved an opposable thumb.

If he drives a pickup truck and has a Southern accent, I just might have to start stalking him.


Rock Hard Abs? Nice!

Football Toys? Sure.

Pencil Sketch of Jesus? Ummm... okay...

Feathery Angel Wings? Okay, what the fuck?

Let's just stare at the abs. Otherwise, we need the CSI team to decipher all these friggin' clues.


I've never been tempted to pick up hitchhikers, but this... this would make me pull over.

This would make me do a lot of things, but "pull over" would start it all out.


No other picture in the history of God and Man has ever fully depicted the "Damn, I Was So Drunk Last Night" phenomenon quite like this one.

It's the age old story. Boy meets boy. Boy invites boy over to watch the big game. Boy strips down to his FTL's and downs a Bud Light. Boy wakes up hours later and remembers dreaming that he had a bit part in a sci fi movie where he kept saying one line over and over...

"The anal probe. The anal probe."

Maybe I should start drinking Bud Light. Hmmm...