Monday, December 17, 2007

Liza Minnelli Has Collapsed!

I didn't hear about this until late in the day yesterday evening...

Now, believe me when I say that if/when Liza leaves this earth, I will be very upset and will probably wear even more black than I do now.

That said, ever since I saw that headline, I keep thinking about my favorite Frank O'Hara poem.

It's a short, little poem about Lana Turner, but I think Frank would agree that if we replace "Lana" with "Liza," this poem is appropriately updated and succinctly speaks for all of us with regards to Liza's backstage collapse.

I mean, we all love Liza, but when you heard that she had collapsed, wasn't your first thought, "Geez, again?."

So with that substitution, I give you my favorite (updated) Frank O'Hara poem...

Liza Minnelli has collapsed!
I was trotting along and suddenly
it started raining and snowing
and you said it was hailing

but hailing hits you on the head
hard so it was really snowing and
raining and I was in such a hurry

to meet you but the traffic
was acting exactly like the sky
and suddenly I see a headline


there is no snow in Hollywood

there is no rain in California

I have been to lots of parties

and acted perfectly disgraceful
but I never actually collapsed

oh Liza Minnelli
we love you
get up

For the record, I took the last line of this O'Hara poem and changed it to three separate lines.

The way I see it, if you read it with those beats added in ("oh Liza Minnelli" - pause - "we love you" - pause - "get up"), the "bitchy queen" attitude of it just jumps off the page!


Doug said...

You always know just what to write to crack me up! Great blogging about Liza, Lyle, and Heath.

So glad the show went well... and how terrifying to have to face "The Scottish Play"-- what a nightmare!

Sending lots of holiday hugs in case I don't see or talk to you before next Tuesday.


Java said...

The editing was inspired, darling. That line needed to be three.

Aaron said...

Was she perhaps rehearsing for the stage role of Lucille Austero?

RAD Homo said...

Poor dear was drunk I think?--have you seen the vid? Im with you at least a week in black wear when our Liza does move on....Im not ready for it yet though...

Stephen Rader said...

Doug - "Liza, Lyle and Heath" Sounds like a messed up BBC sitcom, doesn't it? If I don't see you beforehand, have a wonderful holiday. I'll think about you as I'm piling more country ham on my plate on Christmas morning!!

Java - Amen! It so needed to be written out that way. Frank would approve. :)

Aaron - She was. THAT'S how screwed up Liza is - - she's "preparing" for roles that she's already played and that she will never play again!! How's that for a tesseract?

Rad Homo - There's a video? Of her collapsing? Get out!!! Where is it?

Blockade Boy said...

Man, Mario Cantone must be having a field day with this. (Thanks to him, whenever I see Liza now, all I can think is "Pancakes! Pancakes! Bacon eyebrows!")

Mark in DE said...

You're right. News of Liza Minelli or Elizabeth Taylor collapsing would elicit the same response from me: "Geez, again?"

Mark :-)

Stephen Rader said...

Blockade Boy - Mario's LAUGH WHORE is on a "Keep Until I Delete" status on my Tivo! Him doing Liza falling and then saying, "It's so schhlippery. Schlip and schlide and schlip and schlide." Genius!

Mark - Exactly! Or we would say out loud, "And this is different because...?"