Thursday, December 13, 2007

"When the Dog Bites, When the Bee Stings, When I'm Feeling Sad..."

Oprah had her "Favorite Things" show yesterday.

Sure, she's powerful enough to give away cars, entice Americans to read 900 page books and she quite possibly might be able to sway an entire Presidential election, but is her top "Favorite Thing" listed in Nightspots Magazine beside her picture?

Uh, that would be a "No."

When it comes to prime placement in glossy gay rags, "The Big O" takes a back seat to me - - the bald, showtune-singing redneck who slept his way to the Local Celebrity F-List.

But when Kirk invited me to participate in this "Favorite Things" issue, I didn't even have to think about what I would submit.

I had placed it at the top of my Christmas Wish List less than a month ago.

Remember?

I just realized that by posting about this and now including this as my "Favorite Thing" in a local gay rag, I might end up with SEVERAL Carol Channing Ventriloquist Dolls this December 25th.

Remember those dolls with the sharp teeth that attacked Jane Fonda in BARBARELLA? Yeah. I don't think I'll be getting much sleep with 37 Carol Channing Dolls filling my apartment.

Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. In bulk.

18 comments:

Blockade Boy said...

Great. Now I'm picturing coming home to find my apartment filled with Carol Channing dolls. And then they all shout "Raspberries!" at me, in unison. And then I pee, just a little.

Doug said...

Stephen:
I'm getting one! A friend of mine slipped the other day and gave away the surprise. So Carol will be joining me for the "Showtune" cast party, where she will sing along to all of Mr. Herman's songs!

I'm so glad to be the one to alert you to the doll's availability, and thanks to Daryl Nitz for introducing me to her!

xoxo,
Doug

Stephen Rader said...

Blockade Boy - You pee just a little?!? Man, if that happened to me, I would either faint or start singing "Everything today is thoroughly modern" in my best Julie Andrews voice!

Doug - If I get one, we'll have to have Dueling Carols one night! I would love that!

Polt said...

sweetie, I think I would have gone for something like the other guy: a trip to paris. I doubt you would have gotten 37 of those for Christmas (although if you DO, take me WITH you, PLEEASE!!!!)

HUGS...

Stephen Rader said...

Polt - Paris schmaris. Paris would be for only a few days. Carol will last forever. Or at least until the string attached to her mouth holds.

Aaron said...

I never watch Oprah's favorite things show...she bores the hell outta me these days...

But you on the cover of "Nightspots?" MUCH better...I hope you get that doll. Handbag got one--I can find out where it came from!

Aaron said...

I never watch Oprah's favorite things show...she bores the hell outta me these days...

But you on the cover of "Nightspots?" MUCH better...I hope you get that doll. Handbag got one--I can find out where it came from!

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Well, I'm not on the cover, but that's okay. Today, one section of a page in NIGHTSPOTS; tomorrow, Stephen Rader Omni-Media!!!!

Oh, and the Carol doll is sold at JCPenny's. Can you believe it?!?!?

Doug said...

Stephen:
Speaking of Oprah, did you see Notorius J*O*E's blog today?

Talk about un-favorite things!

dirk.mancuso said...

I can't watch the "favorite things" episodes of Oprah because they send me into a spiral of depression over not being in the audience.

Why can't I ever have nice things? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Angel ABC said...

I saw Carol Channing in Honolulu doing "Hello Dolly," and she said a few words at her curtain call. All I can remember is her dragging out "Ho-no-lu-lu, Ha-wa-ii" several times. Is she dead?

And yes, the Nightlines "Crotch or Bea Arthur?" I was in was last week (along with my kissing nuns photo).

Thomas MacEntee said...

I think one of Oprah's favorite things is Gayle's index finger. Or is it her tongue?

Aaron said...

Well, I've been on the cover of Nightspots, but it was as one of The Joans--I didn't even get anything written about me! And after I spit at the photographer and EVERYTHING. Sometimes, a girl just can't get noticed...

UprightGuy said...

I NEVER tell my mother what I want anymore. One year I said casually, get me a green shirt. Apparently she parroted that to everyone and I got seven green shirts. The same happened a few years later when I said wallet.

Indeed be careful what you ask for, well from my family anyway.

Mark in DE said...

"When it comes to prime placement in glossy gay rags, "The Big O" takes a back seat to me - - the bald, showtune-singing redneck who slept his way to the Local Celebrity F-List."

LOL!!! This is why I love you! Well, that and your GIANT dick.

Mark :-)

Stephen Rader said...

Doug - Yikes!! That's quite a picture. I guess Gayle likes Oprah with a big ole' booty!

Dirk - I think if you and I were in the audience of one of Oprah's "Favorite Things" shows, our heads might implode. Or we would both gay out so hard, she'd give us our own talk show. Either way, we would make that show watchable again!

Angel ABC - Carol's still with us, but I can just imagine how many times she had to be coached on WHERE SHE WAS! I heard that when she was here in Chicago on the last HELLO, DOLLY! tour, she said in the curtain speech that she had, "so many wonderful friends here in Seattle." Oy...

Thomas - I think it's Gayle clitoris. You know The Big O is a sub in bed. You just know it.

Aaron - Spit at the photographer. You are a rock star, baby!!!

Uprightguy - Same with me!! One year, I said "sweater" and I ended up with nearly 20 of them. This was before the brilliant "Amazon Wish List" came into being. Of course, my mother doesn't have a computer and wouldn't know "amazon" as either the place, the race of super-women or the online store, so that doesn't help me in the slightest.

Mark - "GIANT dick!" Please repeat that often. To everyone you know. It may not be true, but I love how it makes everyone stare at my package!! :)

Palm Springs Savant said...

I MUST have a Carol Channing doll...I'll bring it with me to the PS Film Fest in January, I can hold it out and cry when I see Carol on the red carpet!

Stephen Rader said...

Rick - Hell, maybe she'll sign it for you! Or maybe you can trade your doll for the real Carol. Though, I wouldn't put my hand up the real Carol's butt if I were you. God only knows what you'll find up there. Gower Champion, perhaps. :)