Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Stephen Rader Has Collapsed!

Karma is a bitch.

After poking fun at Liza Minnelli's "collapse" earlier this week, the universe decided to teach me a little lesson about laughing at another person's collapse. Especially when that person is a diva.

My hot and eternally young cousin Kristie is in Chicago right now getting ready for her company's show at the Merchandise Mart and we met last night for drinks and a bite at Mambo Grill.

Afterwards, we walked over to LaSalle, said our goodbyes and I then walked about half a block to the bus stop. The sign said that the bus only ran through early evening and since it was around 10:00 p.m., I decided to walk over to the Red Line.

I didn't notice the ice on the other side of the bus stop.

I took one step and down I went. Sideways. On my right leg. With my head crashing hard into the pole that frames the bus stop.

The metal pole sounded like Jaye P. Morgan had smacked her gong and when I grabbed my head, there was a faint trace of blood on my hands.

I made it home - - screaming "Goddamn it" and moaning as I walked... I'm so attractive when I'm in pain - - and I tried to rest. A few hours later came that "Linda Blair pea soup" moment that I could feel coming from the second my head hit the pole.

But I made it through my performance this morning and after a short nap at my desk, I'm feeling much better. And the cut on my head is covered up nicely. Thank God for stage makeup.

So, the score now stands at Liza: One / Stephen: One.

Can we call a truce, Ms. Minnelli? Please?


Doug said...

OMG Stephen! So glad you are okay. You give new meaning to the term, "pole dancer."

The fact that the word "pole" was in your story in any other way than what we might expect is very scary.

Good thing you'll be with your mama soon. She'll make it all better, baby.


Steven said...

OUCH, Indeed! Play it safe for the next week or two. The brain can play terrible tricks on you when it is affected by events such as a head trauma. Here's hoping you're feeling better!

Rob said...

awwww.....hope you are feeling better.

Aaron said...

All kidding aside, have you been to the doctor?? If you hit your head hard enough to draw blood, it might be worth checking out. Especially if you felt close to vomiting at any point afterwards...

Goddammit, I'm not coming Saturday to see an understudy!! Stay well!


joe*to*hell said...

the only way to truly even the score with liza is to wear those fine looking sheer palazzo pants. please- i beg you

Elizabeth said...

Stephen, I agree with Aaron. If you hit your head and feel like vomiting, that's a sign of a concussion. Please go see a doctor.

Also, I'm hoping to come see you in Lyle after the new year; I'd love to bring my friend Nora (she's six)!

Merry Christmas and have a wonderful holiday with your family!

Betsy (Your Paula Line Buddy!)

Shirley Heezgay! said...

Oh, You!

You could have totally played up a retrostyle Dynasty-amnesia-not my baby-backstabbing bitch of a moment.

(Can you tell I'm watching Dynasty on DVD?)

Please take care, make sure it's not a concussion...the world needs Stephen Rader in it!

Palm Springs Savant said...

I don't know Stephen. You envoked the wrath of Liza!!!

Seriously, hope you are OK, Miss thing.

As a side note, I posted something today that was inspired by YOU....

Anonymous said...

Okay, that does it...

First of all....(((HUG)))

Secondly, I'm getting BOTH of you LifeAlert necklaces and signing you up for The Scooter Store mailings!


ps - I fly home to the family (south of Whorelando) 12/20-31...time to spoil the nieces!!!!

Stephen Rader said...

Doug - I haven't told Mama yet. Hopefully, it won't be obvious when I see her on Sunday, because if she knew, she'd be up here on the next plane and I don't think Chicago's ready for Mama Wanda AND the holidays at the same time!

Steven - Thank you and I will. I didn't black out, so I think I'm okay.

Rob - Thanks, I am feeling much better.

Aaron - I called my doctor yetersday and the nurse seemed to think that it was okay as long as I made sure that if any other symptoms reared their head (blurred vision, more vomiting, etc.) I went to the ER. This morning, I feel much, much better.

joe*to*hell - It's funny, but sheer palazzo pants are on my Christmas Wish List this year. Isn't that coincidental? :)

Betsy - Thank you so much. I can't wait to see you and Nora at Lyle. It's a bizarre little show, but very fun. Especially for little ones Nora's age. So cute. Merry Christmas! See you in the New Year!

Shirley - You're sweet! And don't think that me playing the amnesia card won't rear it's ugly head at some point. Now, I'm playing the "JR Wa Shot. Poor JR" card. It's fun, too!!!

Rick - WOOHOO!!! I can't wait to read it!

Eric - I can't wait for my LifeAlert necklace. Do they come in pink? Spoil those nieces!!! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Angel ABC said...

That's what I love about falling down sober ... when you're drunk, you can say to yourself, "That could have happened even if I wasn't drinking!"

Sometimes the next morning I see a gash or an inner-thigh bruise and I think, "Where did that come from?"

Thomas MacEntee said...

Gosh! Feel better soon. And be consoled by the fact that you were not as drunk as Liza when she collapsed - right after leaning on a piano and picking her nose. I think the video is somewhere out on the Web of that fateful night in Sweden.

Stephen Rader said...

Angel - I usually wake up and say, "Now, this hot hispanic twink. Where did HE come from? Where did he come? Hmmmm...."

Thomas MacEntee - I wasn't drunk, I wasn't leaning on a piano and there was picking of any noses, so I guess I am one up on Ms. Minnelli. Hey, and me falling isn't on YouTube, so I totally win!!!!

Mark in DE said...

OMG - you don't think it was Liza herself getting back at you, do you?????

Hope there's no permenant damage.

Mark :-)

Michael said...

Jesus Freaking Christ!!! Knock that shit off! !!!!
Hehehe...Jaye P. Morgan.....

Stephen Rader said...

Mark - No permanent damage. So far. As long as other things keep working on me, I'll be fine.

Michael - Consider it knocked off! But let's not knock off Jaye P. Morgan. I like her. :)

Anonymous said...

I always warn people not to laugh when someone falls or trips, karma is a bitch with a fucked up sense of humor. It does come back. I bet Judy thought it was funny.

I'm glad you are ok.

Stephen Rader said...

uprightguy - Karma is a bitch with a fucked up sense of humor! You said it!! And my head proves it!! :)

Anonymous said...

I hope you are well. I can sympathise with you. I took a fall a couple of months ago, I fell out of the bedroom window whilst cleaning them and landed in the lavender hedge 12' below, my arse took a bruising.

Those awful slacks Liza's wearing, did you know, they are adjustable ones for fatties, when she becomes lard arse again all she has to do is unzip the legs off and turn them upside down and they fit her fat thighs once again.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I shouldn't have said that. Liza will be wanting retribution!

Stephen Rader said...

Mitzi - Yep, beware the wrath of Liza!!! Trust me! IT BURNS!!!!!

Kristie said...

Yes karma is a bitch, my fabulous cousin. The southern girl in me was bitching about how slippery it was as we walked to dinner and you were giving me grief about it. I am truly sorry you got hurt but that will teach you to make fun of me..

Love ya cousin, see you Christmas Eve.

Kristie said...

Oops forgot, here's my fabulous recipe for white sangria. (Maybe you had too many of these and that's why you fell? Or at least that's what you can blame it on. We did drink an entire pitcher.) It's even better than what we were drinking at the restaurant..

1 bottle Rioja wine or other very dry white wine
2 ripe peaches cut into wedges (preferably white peaches)
1 lemon sliced
3 tbs sugar
3 shots mango liquor (orange liquor can also be used such as Cointreau but it isn't as good)
Mix all in a pitcher let flavors marry for an hour or so before serving.
Fill about half a glass or a little more with this then add a splash of seltzer and a few fresh raspberries in the glass for garnish.

Stephen Rader said...

Kristie - Thank you so much for the recipe. I can't wait to see you and all the old gang on Christmas Eve. It's going to be quite a gathering.