Thursday, December 20, 2007

Seven Deadly Sins: The Meme!

Again, I'm somebody's bitch. (a.k.a. I've been tagged for a meme.)

But I can't resist a meme created by hottie blogger CB over at The Mangina Monologues and when I've been tagged by cutie blogger Shirley Heezgay. Especially since the questions are based on The Seven Deadly Sins and I'm answering them right smack dab in the middle of "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

So, here goes.

The first one is a pretty serious answer for me.


1. If you could kill someone (or injure them egregiously) who would it be and why? Bonus points for ‘how’.

For a long time, I wanted to kill my ex. Seriously. I wanted to kill him.

It frightened me how much I actually wanted to kill him. After all the Hells that were brought into my life by that one man, the hate I felt was overwhelming. I wanted him to hurt as badly as I had been hurt by him. All the lies, all the false accusations, all the abuse, all the friends lost because it was easier to manipulate me if I was all alone - - for all that, I wanted him dead. And I wanted to do it.

Prior to feeling this way, I was in a massive depression and was contemplating suicide. I plotted it out, I picked the knife for my wrists, I knew how I wanted to be found, the whole thing. Our relationship was reaching one of it's many endings and I had told him about the night I spent staring at my wrists with the knife blade against my veins.

Days later, I was walking home with two friends when I spotted my "off again, on again, soon to be off for good" boyfriend walking down my street with another guy - - that evening's trick - - and I fell apart.

I screamed something to the trick. I believe I said, "Be careful if you fuck him. No telling what you'll get." My ex shouted back...

"Why don't you go home, slice open your throat and be done with it."

That's when it started. That's when my depression shifted to rage. I didn't want to kill myself anymore. I wanted to kill him.

Thankfully, time has allowed almost all of my heart to heal. And I don't feel that burning hate anymore. Actually, I was surprised a few months ago to realize that I didn't feel anything with regards to him - - not hate, not sadness, not anger, not care, not love. When his name or face flashes through my mind these days, there's nothing. It's a void.

So, I don't want to kill him anymore, but as far as egregiously injuring him... well... give a polo mallet, some barbed wire and a set of Lorena Bobbit steak knives and I'm good to go.


2. You have been given 25 Million dollars, and you have to spend it all (no donations to charity or investing). What do you spend it on?

Property. House for me in Chicago. House for my Mom in Tennessee. A house for me in Tennessee. A house for my brother in Atlanta. A house for me in Atlanta. HUGE house on the beach for me in Fort Lauderdale. A condo in New York. A flat in London. A small retreat in Paris. A place in several cities. And then, I'd use the rest to travel to and from each of my places. Over and over and over again.


3. You have the opportunity to steal anything in the world without getting caught. What is it and why?

The first thing that popped into my mind is my favorite painting in the world...

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Seurat.

Whenever I stand in Chicago's Art Institute and look at it, I want to have that painting on that scale near me at all times.

It's breathtaking.

Then, I could play my Original Cast Recording of Sunday in the Park with George in my house and act out all the parts in "It's Hot in Here" right in front of the painting.

Dear Lord, I'm a Gay Rod...


4. You have the opportunity to pawn off one facet of your life to someone else forever. What is it and why?

The facet where I have to work. Let someone ELSE work for me and give me all the money. Then, I can loll about and do nothing but collect, baby. COLLECT!


5. If you could have sex with anyone (or anything) throughout the history of the world without repercussions, who or what would it be and why?

Again, the first thing that popped into my mind...

I would have sex with Sean Connery from the time period when he was filming Dr. No.

Now that, gents, is what I call a man.

Stylish, sleek, cocky, sophisticated. He can take care of himself in a fist fight and he knows EXACTLY what wine to order with your meal.

And you know he's packin' more than that Walther PPK on him. You just know it.

Who cares if I end up dead after being covered in gold paint...


6. Describe the time in your life when you were the most bitterly jealous.

I've never admitted this, but when I was directing a show a few years ago, I was madly in love with one of the actors. My secret. He didn't know how I felt. He started dating another one of the actors in the show and since A) I didn't believe in being a director who dated a member of my cast and B) I never thought I had even the slightest chance of this man ever thinking of me as anything other than a friend, I simply watched from the sidelines.

But I wasn't bitterly jealous; I was bitter-sweetly jealous. I really fell for this man secretly.

The worst was during the Pride parade that year when he and his castmate / new boyfriend stood in front of the screaming hatemongers and began kissing as their personal "Screw you!" to all the haters and their hate speech. And they asked me to take their picture while they were kissing. And I did. And I all wanted to do as I snapped that photograph was to change places with that actor and start kissing him.

And I never told him. And now he's gone. Ah, well...


7. If you could have free, no-death, GOOD plastic surgery on anything and everything that you want, what would you alter and why?

Although I like my bald head and I've grown to love it as a part of me, I would love to be able to have some long, shiny locks to cut and make different with every passing whim.

Other than that, I'm sure I would tuck and pluck and suck the usual "everything" that we all want to have done, but for me, the big one would be hair.


Now, who do I want to be my bitch on this one. How about Doug at I Get That a Lot and Aaron at Go Away I'm Reading. Give me your Seven Deadlies!!

8 comments:

Shirley Heezgay! said...

I got chills when I saw the Seurat painting.

We ARE a lot alike...it is also my favourite painting. I discovered it a bajillion years ago when my art class was covering pointillism.

I always get such a serene and peaceful feeling when I see it.

That's just amazing. I'll help you steal it.

khbronson said...

Stephen, I'll help you and shirley heezgay steal the painting too, but only if I'm allowed to sing along with you from "Sunday In The Park With George"

Aaron said...

I love the Seurat painting also...but it isn't my all-time favorite...you'll have to read the blog for that! (I promise to be a good bitch.)

Stephen Rader said...

Shirley - You should come visit it and me here in Chicago. We may not be able to steal it, but we can definitely go visit it!!

Karen - You can sing along with me in SUNDAY any day of the week! Bring it on!!!

Aaron - I love you saying "I promise to be a good bitch." Makes me think that Billie Burke is going to glide down in a bubble and ask me, "Are you a good bitch or a bad bitch?" :)

Palm Springs Savant said...

I just want to say that I TOTALLY agree with you on the Sean Connery from Dr No period. Although since we're talking about 007 flicks, Daniel Craig isn't half bad either....

Stephen Rader said...

Rick - How about a three way with "then" Connery, "now" Craig and me? I'd be the meat in a Bond sandwich. LOVE IT!!

Project Christopher said...

OK Stephen, so you know you're my all time personal hero and I so want to be you... but keep my current follicle count! I seem to get these pass along questions, but they're in email form. I appreciate the Meme format though... (i had to look up the definition though) Go see mine and my tribute(ish) to you in my new "damned-determined-to-keep-up-to-date" blog. http://projectchristopher.blogspot.com
LOVE ya!
Chris

Stephen Rader said...

chris - I love your new blog!! I'll link to you asap. And I love your answers to the Seven Deadly Sins meme. How you been, baby?