Sunday, August 03, 2008

My New Favorite Caption Contest #29

All of the captions submitted for Contest #28 were truly brilliant.

And many of you informed me that it looks as though the shirtless boy in the pic is not only uber-drunk - - his blood-alcohol level is somewhere between Amy Winehouse and David Hasselhoff - - but he also seems to be handcuffed.

And if he is naked and handcuffed, I say to the guy in the Polo shirt, "Atta girl!"

This time, a new participant to the Contest submitted two entries that were both absolutely brilliant.

James from Shoeless James first submitted this hilarious caption...

"We are SO going to get it on tonight. Once he's done throwing up."

Which is extremely funny, but makes me think that James perhaps actually overheard those two sentences. About a year ago. In a bathroom. In a bar. Said by me.

But James' winning caption is also funny. And just happens to be my idea of the perfect Saturday night...

"It always starts with one finger, but he always begs me for more."

Wonderful caption, James! Both of them!

Ain't that always the way? How many "Mr. Online Right Nows" have we met who need to edit the spelling of "Total Top" in their online profile to the letters "P-U-S-H-Y B-O-T-T-O-M?"

The picture for Contest #29 once again is ripe with possibilities. I chose this pic because my brother Jeff actually bought one of these blowup dolphin pool floats for me during our vacation in Hilton Head a couple of years ago.

Did I love it? Hell yes!

Did I mount it and float for hours in the ocean? Of course I did!

Did I notice the stares, the snickers and the mothers who shielded their childrens' eyes as if they were Lot's Wife looking back at Sodom riding on a blowup dolphin? Yeah...

But I was too busy working out the details of a soon-to-be-performed Lars and the Real Girl-esque role playing scene with my own, personal, plastic Flipper.

However, I never made THAT face while I was riding my plastic dolphin. Sure, that was what I was FEELING with my legs wrapped around Flipper, but I didn't show it. I was raised right.

Give this boy a caption. And remind him to always hold on to the handles while humping the blowup dolphin. When you're riding a plastic fish covered in Astroglide, safety first, always!


Polt said...

"It ain't his blowhole, but it works for me!"


Mark in DE said...

Oh yeah baby, take it like a dolphin!!!

Mark :-)

EMikeGarcia said...

Interestingly enough, Charlie made that exact same face when the great white mounted him from behind.

Ryan Barrett said...

It was in that moment, that Bud Ricks realized the dolphin might have lied to him on porpoise. He wasn't a Flipper, he was an all out bottom (and, apparently, faster than lighting).

james said...

whoopee! i win! what's my prize? Wait, I know -- I'll just lay back for a while and imagine what happened with those two boys after that photo was taken ...

Java said...

LOL! No caption idea, but I love the picture.

philip said...

Flipper? You brought her.

McCool said...

SHAMU?? HELL NAW! Flipper's MUCH tighter! Also...Shamu NEVER douched!

Anatomicsd said...

"Wait! Whadya mean it's not a sperm whale?"

philip said...

Neither Timmy nor his dolphin were able to come on dry land.

No means no, but EHN ehn EHN ehn means Oh Yeah Oh Yeah!

Jimmy got confused by the addendum to the pool party invite: "Remember to bring your rubber."

Well, someone's into water sports.

The only safe sex is dolphin safe sex.

In case of a water evacuation, your partner can also be used as a floatation device.

So, I'm fuckin this dolphin, right? And I says, "You gotta a mouth like an asshole and a dick I can't even find." Dolphin looks at me and says, "Hey, get off my back."

Why does it smell like tuna?

Is it just me, or are the floats in the pride parade getting less and less elaborate?

That's a wet piece of tail, right there.

Finding Homo.

Butterlies are free,
but dolphins charge by the hour.

And to think Billy hadn't believed his girlfriend when she assured him there were other fish in the sea.

Aqualad, caught on tape. Film at eleven.

Smile, you son of a bitch!

Free Willy.

Thar she blows.

Snacks for a pool party: $40
Inflatable dolphin: $30
Giving the retarded kid something to do while the rest of us enjoy ourselves: Priceless.

Matthew said...

He didn't just accidentally show up at the pool, ready to be photographed... he CAME on PORPOISE!