Wednesday, November 12, 2008

"Oh, Hello! Hello! Oh, Dear God..."

Since I drink at least one Double Gulp of Diet Coke every day, I go to the bathroom at my office a lot.

What I just saw and heard in the men's room has happened a few times before and I just have to talk about it.

And before your filthy mind goes there, this has nothing to do with glory holes. I'm well versed in the art of the glory hole, thank you very much.

And this isn't about some Larry Craig foot tapping either. I mastered tea room language years before Larry Craig had even started dating that beard he married.

No, as I stood at the urinal just now, I heard a phone start to ring. And then, the man seated in the stall to my right - - apparently his early afternoon coffee had just kicked in - - ANSWERED HIS CELL PHONE!!! In mid-poop!!!

And as he talked to whoever it was on his phone, under the partition, I could see his hand reach down onto the floor of the bathroom to pick up THE PLASTIC CUP OF WATER he brought with him into the stall! And he drank it!! Over and over!!

Buddy, are you really so busy that you have to take care of business on your cell phone while you're "taking care of business?"

And is going to the bathroom such an all-day event that you have to bring water with you so that you remain hydrated?!?

Please Note: If I ever call you and you're "taking care of some business, " DO NOT answer my call. It can wait. Even if I'm bleeding and have a vital organ hanging out of my body, it can wait!!

And if you do answer, for God's sake, don't tell me what you're doing!! Even if I ask!!!

Also, if you have to bring refreshments along for your mid-afternoon poop, you have no room in your life for me.

I've had a lot of things put a lot of places in, on and around me, but talking and drinking when pooping is just too much for me. Anybody else with me on this one?!?


D said...

The same thing happened to me yesterday... They guy rushed into the stall right next to me without knowing I was there. I was about to flush when his phone rang and he answered!! Once I heard his voice it got worse because I recognized his voice--- so instead of flushing and embarrassing him by disclosing his location to the other party I waited in silence --- then had to continue to wait until he left the restroom for fear of making contact at the sink and both knowing that I witnessed this deed and sat in silence tucking my feet under me. It was Horrible!

Anatomicsd said...

Pardon the pun...but it irritates the piss out of me when people do that.

Project Christopher said...

d, you are very kind. I would have flushed, flushed again, then flushed a third time and said, rather loudly, "Damn that turd just refuses to go down!" and then flush one more time.

At least give a grunt or something to teach them a lesson!

ayem8y said...

This is the second time I have heard of this odd behavior. It’s disturbing how many people have absolutely no sense of telephone etiquette. I once had a teacher give instruction in the proper use of a phone in high school. I think it’s time that someone write the definitive book on this subject to get the matter on the path to resolution.

The telephone is to be used for important communication when person-to-person contact is impossible. It’s not a toy. It’s not to be used to mindlessly prattle on all day about nothing. It’s not to be used as a psychological support by insecure people when walking alone so that other people won’t perceive them as friendless. It’s not to be used in public spaces like drug stores or restrooms by obnoxious people who increase their spoken decibel volume for the world to hear their inane conversations.

Respect others privacy and serenity. There is no law that says you have to answer every single call. Let your voice mail take a message. When asked while dining if I prefer smoking or non I usually say I have no preference but please seat me in the non-phone section. For God’s sake please stop calling me every five minutes to ask me, “What are you doing?” unless you want me to say, “Nothing since the last time you called five minutes ago…I’m trying to live my life so that I actually have experiences to relate the next time you call five minutes from now.”

Misster Kitty said...

AH... this takes me back...

This has to be at the TOP of my list od pet peeves!

Aaron said...

I've seen this happen before, too. Frankly, if these people are so self-absorbed/insecure that they have to be connected to someone all the time so they can talk about themselves, they a.) deserve whatever embarassment comes their way, and b.) probably have no idea what's going on around them anyway, and won't realize someone else was in there.

So fuck 'em.

dirkmancuso said...

I never cease to be amazed by the level of nastiness people will stoop to.

RAD said...

some people are MUCH to comfortable in the b-room-- it is meant to potty only (1 and 2) and have hot sexual encounters and that is all-- not treat it as a office during your mid day dump!

philip said...

I know you know this, and I'm not an in-public-shit-talker, but if you've called me, and I'm at home, you can pretty much bet I've taken our conversation into the can. I look at telephone calls as an invitation to take a break from the hussle and bustle to go hussle some bustle, you know?

Love you, mean it,

Bunny said...

Okay, the phone in the bathroom thing has almost become commonplace. Gross, but not terribly unusual; but HE BROUGHT A BEVERAGE??!?!? W. T. F.? Even in the throes of undiagnosed diabetes, when I drank gallons of liquid a day and also, coincidentally, spent a lot of time in the bathroom, I never, ever, NOT ONCE, brought my beverage into the bathroom. What's next - a snack tray?

Ah, the Double Gulp - I miss 7-11. And Speedway. The purveyors of my favorite mega-beverages apparently don't care for my little corner of the deep South. Kangaroo and Cirle K only go to 32 oz. Pansies. I need a real tub o' soda people!!

cb said...

Oh, when i'm at home, I'll talk on the shitter.

But in public? no. In fact, I make a LOT of noise when someone is talking in a cubicle. I may grunt real loud. Or repeatedly flush the toilet. Or start talking back to the person on the phone.

Just so that the person on the call knows just where the call is coming from...

Ande "ahnday" said...

I absolutely hate it when I call people, "friends, co-workers and even some on my family members" and they go out of the way to tell me that they are taking a dump. Seriously, I am with you about the it can wait, part! Do they not understand that going to the "throne" is a personal thing. I do not want to hear any farting or splashing noises when I am on the phone.
OMG! how disgusting, right, I wonder how clean their cell phones are? OMG! I am so grossed out. Having a beverage with you while you are in the crapper! that is just purely disgusting.

NOTE! please crap in peace! =)

"Just David!" said...


Java said...

I'm more grossed out about the guy drinking water during. The whole thing is just.. ugh.

Mark in DE said...

Amen! I am definitely with you on this one!

Mark :-)