Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Powerboy Revealed

Ok folks, here it is. The truth about me. And a warning sign that might - - just might - -send me back to my therapist for few "mental tune-ups."

Back in January, I mentioned that my longtime imaginary boyfriend, TiVo, and I were on the out's and a new man had captured my fancy.


I went on and on about his massive arms, his hunky yet fabulous costume and his expertly clipped chest hair...

I haven't had a crush on a two-dimensional character like this since I fell in love with Prince Eric when I watched THE LITTLE MERMAID.

I remember watching that movie with a bunch of my gay friends in college and afterwards, we could talk about no one else except the cute, charming, well-mannered Prince Eric with his buns of steel.

Truth be told, we kind of fought over him. And by "him," I mean "an action figure OF him," but still - - the fights were vicious!

Finally, one of our straight girlfriends turned to us and said, "Guys, he's a friggin' CARTOON!!! Get a life, ok?"

I think I might have called her "Ursula the Sea Witch" under my breath, but I knew she was right.

Still, there's much to be learned from these 2-D infatuations.

Where my crush on Prince Eric was indicative of my idealistic belief in the White Knight who enters your life early, says all the right things, wears all the right clothes and bravely slays dragons and foils the plans of evil witches...

...my crush on Powerboy is indicative of how and who I date.

It's simple. You see, if there's a serial killer in a room full of nice, eligible single guys, I go right for the serial killer every friggin' time. Now, I haven't done this in years, but my choice of Powerboy as my first New Imaginary Boyfriend speaks volumes, doesn't it?

You see, in the latest issue of SUPERGIRL, we find out that Powerboy has not only created a huge, eerie "Supergirl Collage" on his bedroom wall (which, by the way, is the size of Rhode Island), but he also starts to "hit" Supergirl because he "loves" her and he can make her "perfect" if she will just calm down and "listen."

Some of the fan boys find this issue and this plot twist too "After School Special" for them, but...

Since I've had a boyfriend call me "pathetic" and "stupid" night after night in his drunken rages...

Since I've had a boyfriend hit me - - in my own bed - - with the first punch being thrown when I was asleep...

Since I've had a boyfriend go through my intimate, personal belongings without my permission only two or three weeks after we started dating - - and then brag about what he did and what he found...

Since I've had a boyfriend lie to me so often that his lies start to become my truth - - which leads to the loss of friends and the distancing of relatives, so that the only person I had in my life was the person lying to me and hurting me...

Since "evil Powerboys" exist, I find SUPERGIRL #15 to be truly incredible!

For example, when Supergirl starts to fight back after being knocked down by Powerboy again and again, she towers over him and says...

"You hit me.

You said you loved me... and you hit me.

No one who says he loves you should hit you. Ever."

I'm sure there are number of tween and teen girls reading SUPERGIRL these days. What could be better than empowering those young women with that idea?

No one who says he loves you should hit you. Ever.


David said...

Stephen, do you have a fursuit in your closet?

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"No one who says he loves you should hit you. Ever."


Having said that wtf is up with Supergirl's eyes? No irises or pupils... creepy.

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - In this particular rendition of Supergirl, her eyes are definitely fonky-donkey. In most drawings of her, the new Kara Zor-El is definitely hot and most assuredly has irires AND pupils. :)