Friday, March 09, 2007

"I Am Wanda of Borg"

My mother arrives in Chicago tonight at 8:30 p.m. and for several reasons, most of them revolving around the cleaning and up-keep of household chores, I refer to Mama as "The Borg."

You know...

"Resistance is futile."

Not that she's mean or cruel or strips off half of my flesh and replaces it a Speak-and Spell, two toasters and left-overs from the costume design of EDWARD SCISSORHANDS or anything...

It's just that, if I leave her alone in my apartment for more than 4 minutes, she will sweep, mop, scrub and more importantly, REARRANGE furniture, items in my cabinets, placement of pictures, everything.

This wouldn't be a problem if I never had to find any of the things she moves after she leaves town!!

Also in my apartment these days, you open the wrong drawer or look in the wrong box and you're going to get an eye-full...

...or a "something" full.

It's as if James T. Kirk discovers this fun-looking rock formation in my apartment and asks me a personal, rather pointed question, to which I respond...

"Yes, Captain Kirk, the whole thing. All the way. It's possible. Anything's possible."

****

I saw this pic alongside a great story on Matt Damon leading the pack to play Capt. Kirk in the next STAR WARS movie on Super Underwear Perverts. I love his blog!

I also love that I can hear Alanda laughing at this picture right of Kirk and the Granite Dildo now - - that cute little giggle that says, "Rader - - what the fuck?!?!"

5 comments:

Mike said...

Tell her if she gets bored she can gladly come up and clean/rearrange our apartment. Sure, we've got plenty of embarassing stuff too, but she's not our mama.

That said, if she also brought the fifty degree plus weather with her, she's not allowed to leave.

Stephen Rader said...

Mike - Regarding my mom cleaning your apartment, be careful what you wish for... you'll never find those toys again!

And you know, nothing would make me happier than to have my mom here all the time.

I'd be the size of Schaumberg with all the food she would cook, but I would love it. :)

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Tell your Mom I said hi (if she still remembers me) and that she is more than welcome to come over to my place (although I have a drawer I might not want her to look into as well).

Stephen Rader said...

Whim - "A" drawer... as in "one?"

An entire section of my apartment is Off Limits...

...or at least Enter At Your Own Risk!

Anonymous said...

Tell your mama I said hi. Hope you two have a good time.
Kristie