Monday, August 03, 2009

"Have I Said Too Much?"

I'll just say it. I don't like Madonna.

Not the Mother of our Lord. The other one. The one who is only "like" a virgin.

When I tell another gay men that I don't love or listen to Madonna, they usually get this look in their eyes.

It's the look that I gave to some boy I was dating when he didn't know who Joel Grey was.

The same look that I imagine a lesbian would get over and over if she walked out of an Indigo Girls concert.

Shame. Pity. Disgust.

Which is funny, since those are the same feelings I have for Madonna every time I have to suffer through her singing, "Don't Cry for Me Argentina."

When I'm at Sidetrack and that song starts with the breathy and almost-in-pitch Madge singing, "It won't be easy. You'll think it's strange," I always think to myself, "That's the understatement of the decade."

So I was thrilled this past Friday when Bill Maher introduced this "New Rule" for Madonna on "Real Time"...

"Stop working out if your arms start looking like
Clint Eastwood's penis."


That said, if Madonna's arms are also the same size as Clint Eastwood's penis, I would not be able to have sex with him.

I mean, the length is nice, but I need something a whole lot wider.

"Whole"... Funny...

15 comments:

Gyaos97 said...

Regarding Her Madgesty's arms. To quote Saffron from AbFab: "At her age the flesh slides off the bone like a well cooked chicken."

ayem8y said...

I’m so glad you said that. I don’t like her either but I do like her penis.

Java said...

HA HA HA HA!

I have never understood why gay men are so attracted to her. Babs, yes. Judy, obviously. There are a few more fabulous divas, but Madonna?

Avenjer said...

Another quote from AbFab about Madonna---Pasty: "Some day those arms of hers are gonna go, and then she'll have big kimono flaps Eddie." Ha. Well, it's fine if you don't like Madonna. I don't like Liza. There, were even. Lol.

Polt said...

Stephen, I'm sitting giving you "that look" right through my monitor.

Although the arms jokes ARE all pretty good... :)

HUGS...

Prospero said...

I heard she was up for the role of Skeletor in the new He-Man reboot, but she lost out to Joan Rivers (rim-shot!). Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal!

Aaron said...

I'm not a big fan of Madonna, either. I liked her up until "Like a Virgin," and then I realized how insipid and shitty her music was beginning to sound.

She kind of redeemed herself with "Into the Groove," but sadly, she tried to act in the movie it was featured in. (Which I admit liking just because it was set in NYC during a fascinating time. But I just "watched around her"--like picking anchovies off a pizza.)

But those arms really do frighten me. At first I really, truly thought they were Photoshopped. I really did.

Kevin said...

Hmmm...

So WHO is Joel Grey, again?

First off...the arms. They're indefensible. I've got nothing. She needs to eat, and I'm talkin' vast amounts of fatty, cruelly obtained, dripping in cream sauce food.

That said...

How. Very. Dare. You.

Actually, I understand. ...ish.

I feel the same way about specific gay "icons" and absolutely don't "get" the reasons why.

I won't go into them here, but suffice it to say that for the longest time, I thought Liza Minelli was a pasta dish.

Anatomicsd said...

Now I have no choice but to Google Clint Eastwood's penis.

And why does Bill Maher know what it looks like?

karmicdragonfly said...

I'm afraid I don't know who Joel Gray is, lol! But, lawd, what is she thinking to let her arms get into that state?!! I don't have a thing for Madonna either...but what ugly, ugly arms!

Just Kevin... said...

Finally I know who the only other guy who is cringing when that song comes on..I just threw up a little thinking about it... Eewwwwww

David said...

I've been through with Madonna for years. Same goes for Kylie. And most other gay icons. Hell, I can't stand Liza (though she was wonderful during her recurring guest shot on Arrested Development).

But then again, dance music has never been my favorite genre. Like most future gay kids of the late 70s, you were supposed to like disco. Hated it, and still think most dance music to be repetitive junk that only sounds good when your high. Not that I know, just speculating.

I'm stilled attached to the early MTV days of pop music, though I'm more into the offbeat singer/songwriters.

But I can careless what she's doing, or who's she doing. She's a media whore, a narcissistic twit who does nothing for me.

There take my damn gay card away.

"Just David!" said...

let's start a club, i seriously thought i was the only gay man who didn't like madonna (again, not the mother of our lord), there must be others too ashamed to admit it! UNITE!!

Misster Kitty said...

Marry me Stephen!

GOD! I thought I was the only one... and already that leftover thing 'Celebration' is getting more air play than the stewardess on the red-eye from Vegas to New York.

But what really snags my craw (sorry Shirl) is when they insist on calling her 'The Queen" Exfuckingcuse me?! The Queen of getting on my last pressed nerve… maybe… of anything else? Certainly not.

Dave said...

Reminds me of the 'alleged' comment two years ago by Guy Ritchie when he told Madge she looked like a granny on stage.. and she got upset??!! Maybe she's adopting from Ethiopia next?