Sunday, August 16, 2009

"(He) Was Afraid to Come Out of the Locker..."

Alton Towers, a theme park in (where else) Alton, England, is battling the male bulge.

I should be so lucky.

Apparently, it was so hot there last weekend that several men actually wore tight, junk-hugging Speedos in the water park.

So, you see? Global warming isn't all bad.

Rachael Lockitt, public relations manager with the theme park said...

"With the heat wave over the weekend, we saw a big increase in men wearing tight Speedos. Plans are in place to introduce a ban, should this continue.

"We are a family resort and we don't want children asking questions."

I have a few questions...

First, what will James Bond wear if he has to go into the Alton Towers water park on a case? You try to cover up any more of my Daniel Craig and I'm gonna go all Sheree on your ass.

More importantly, are all the men in and around Alton, England really THAT well-endowed?

And if so, why am I living in Chicago?

That's husband material, ladies and homos. Can you imagine? A man who has a hot, British accent AND a penis so large, it frightens children if it's kept in a Speedo and not strapped into submission by a pair of board shorts?

Sure, your husband might look like Prince Charles above the neck. Ah, but underneath...

Hat tip to for introducing me to this big story.


Just Kevin... said...

Thumbs (or more) up on this blog! Alton, England...who knew. One thing I love about being close to Palm Springs is the masses of men in Speedos, the speedos at every swinsuit rack and at the side of every pool. You know how when you go on vacation and buy some lame shirt or hat, think it's just wonderful there but then realize what a faux pas it is at home? I have a drawer full of PS apropriate swimsuits that I think my condo association would be up in arms about. Sigh...

wcs said...

And yet, no one seems to be concerned with all the breasts just barely hiding beneath the women's bathing attire. Shall we ban bikinis (again)?

In fact, many women's garments are designed to lift and accent that particular female feature.

Where's the concern? Where's the outrage? Where's the double standard (oh, there it is).

I'm just de-lurking here! Enjoying your blog tremendously.

Peter said...

The next thing you have to ask yourself is... What are those well endowed hunks doing in a 'family' park? Are they all breeders or pedo's!

Aaron said...

And the next thing to ask after THAT is, why are they so afraid of children "asking questions?"

Is it, perhaps, because they don't know the answer?

Mark in DE said...

I'm with wcs. Do they think women in bikinis don't make the little wheels inside those kids' heads turn? Its sexism, plain and simple!

Mike said...

While I'm all for nut hugging Speedos on folks like Daniel Craig and the fellow pictured here, I have a feeling if the "offending parties" looked like that, nobody would be complaining. It's the gentlemen who typically wear them, who are far less appealing who are causing the complaints.

Fair? Probably not. But that's my guess.