Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Tragic Result of 10 Years of RENT

Does anybody know the perfect way to feel better about yourself after reading a critic's negative review of you, your performance or your body hair?

And remember, I've already taken him to task in my last entry. But your initial impulse was correct - - Cyber Bitch Slapping said critic on your blog may be petty and full of negative energy, but it definitely FEELS GREAT!

But after that, the second-perfect way to feel better yourself after a critic tells you to shave what little hair you can actually grown on your body or be judged in print as ill prepared for the responsibilities of playing a Jewish socialite mother....

(I never really read Uta Hagen's book AN ACTOR PREPARES... Is there a chapter about armpit shaving in there?) to laugh at what some other critic is saying about someone ELSE in your profession!

The lovely Brooke emailed me a quote from the ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY's review of the revival of LES MISERABLE currently playing on Broadway and folks, when its not about you, nasty reviews are FUN!!!

I'll give you the highlights of Whitney Pastorek's review - - the best of the bitchiest lines, if you will:
"(T)he grandeur of Les Miz past is nowhere to be found, leaving what now feels a bit like the musical equivalent of a Taco Bell Express." - Whitney Pastorek

"(S)everal performers are not quite up to their roles — in Daphne Rubin-Vega's Fantine, we at last discover the unholy combination of Carol Channing and a latter-day Whitney Houston..." - Whitney Pastorek

Even though her Broadway splash in RENT was only 10 years ago, check out these pics from the Opening Night party of LES MISERABLE of Daphne Rubin-Studdard... err... -Vega... Rubin-VEGA!

"No, I can't stand next to this guy.
I look like ass compared to this queer bait."

"Damn it! I thought for sure this toothy prick would make me look like Beyonce! I still look like a Latina Courtney Love. And these cheap-ass new tits keep moving toward my armpits. What the fuck!?!

"Wait. Hey, old dude. Yeah, you. Lean in here.
Ah... finally... fuckin' perfect.

If I stand beside the Crypt Keeper, I'll look 25 again.
This is the picture I want in Playbill, asshole!"

As we say in the South, Miss Daphne looks like she's been rode hard and put up wet. I can't see it from these pictures, so maybe she still has "the best ass below 14th Street," which is good cause the straight-on Missionary Position ain't gonna work for Over-Done Daphne. Doggie-Style with both parties facing the same direction is the only way anybody is gonna Light Her Candle these days.

And even then, make sure there are no mirrors in the room!!

Are you SURE she's not playing Madame Thenardier?!?!?

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