I should have known that, as with all things in this day and age, the circumstances surrounding JESSICA GATE (Jessica Simpson screwing up the words to 9 TO 5 at the Kennedy Center Honor's Gala celebrating the ever-radiant Dolly Parton) were blown slightly out of proportion.
Running off stage? Well, she ran but not the way I pictured it in my mind - - with her dropping her mic in horror and then flailing her way towards the stage door so that she could seclude herself in some sanctuary for idiots shunned by the world for fucking everything up.
She wouldn't be alone there for long. I'm sure George W. will be joining her VERY soon.
Returning to the stage in tears? Well, not the blubbering, humiliating mass of mascara that we all associate with Miss Tammy Faye Baker.
But still, this clip from INSIDE EDITION is funny because...
1) Jessica is holding her stomach as if she might projectile vomit all the way up to the balcony (Hey, Dubya was up there... that would have been HY-larious to see!)
2) Jessica is blatantly reading cue cards WHICH ARE AT HER FEET. At least on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, the prompters are at camera level so they just look confused, not moronic.
3) When Jessica DOES screw up the words, its so wonderfully obvious. I get all warm and gooey inside from the joy of it.
4) This clip also shows Jessica's little sister Ashlee's (yep, that's how she spells it.... puke...) famous flub from SNL where her canned music comes in, exposing her as a lip-sync'er and then Ashlee does a little jig for no fucking reason whatsoever!
What are the odds for a couple to raise not one but TWO children with I.Q.'s lower than George W. Bush's approval rating?