Thursday, November 30, 2006

Darth and Drunken Danny

A few months ago, Kathy Griffin said that all the crazy shit in the world was goin' down on OPRAH. Well folks, as my friends Mike and Andy can attest, for the last three months, the crazy shit has moved from OPRAH to THE VIEW.

Sorry Mr. Cruise, but you jumping up and down on a Oprah's couch yelling about how much you love Katie "My New Beard" Holmes is no longer interesting. Its just plain sad.

Unless of course, someone on YouTube takes a snipet of that OPRAH segment and turns a self-loathing, closeted ex-Paramount Studios megastar into the maniacal Darth Sidious...

Can we please have the sequel to BORAT revolve around Borat trying to meet Katie Holmes so that Tom will dump her as fast as Kid Rock dumped Pamela Anderson? We need to help this poor woman. Maybe we can hire the people who freed Patty Hearst to get to Katie before she drinks the strychnine-flavored Cool-Aid in the Cult of Cruise.

So Oprah, I'll see your couch-jumping Cruise and I'll raise you one Drunken Danny Devito after a sleepless night of drinking and carousing with George Clooney.

When celebrities stay out all night long and show up sloshed to the tits for a morning talk show, the 70's are truly back. Which means that a MATCH GAME reunion show can't be far behind.

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