Elvis and Lisa Marie

I have to admit, when I first heard about this, I thought it was uber-silly and I hated the idea.

In commemoration of the 30th anniversary of her father's death (August 16, 1977), Lisa Marie Presley has released an UNFORGETTABLE-esque song / video of Elvis' IN THE GHETTO.

I mean, of all the Elvis songs to sing... IN THE GHETTO?!?!

Then, I read the details and I'm quite impressed by Lisa Marie's choice and the action she is taking...

Lisa Marie Presley is commemorating the 30th anniversary of her father's death by singing along with him. Elvis Presley's only child, who has released two albums of her own, will premiere the video of a posthumous duet with her dad on his classic 'In the Ghetto' Thursday night at the the 30th Anniversary Elvis Presley Tribute Concert in Memphis.

Starting on Friday, it will be available for purchase on iTunes for a charitable cause near and dear to the Presleys.

The video, directed by Tony Kaye ('American History X'), was shot in New Orleans, and, as Presley tells Spinner, she was so touched by the lingering affects of Hurricane Katrina that she decided to make this video more than just a tribute to her dad.

"I landed there to do the video, and I looked around when I got off the plane ... It looks like Katrina happened six months ago," Presley says. "So, that's when it all fell together."

The duet -- both song and video -- will be available on iTunes for downloading, starting Friday. All proceeds will go toward the building of a Presley Place transitional housing development for underprivileged families in New Orleans.

"Families come in and live there, get their life skills together," Presley explains about the charity her family originally started in Memphis. "They get jobs and then they save their money, and about a year later, they move out when they can get back on their feet. It's something [Elvis] was very interested in, because it's kinda where he started from."

See? Pretty amazing, huh? I still can't shake the sound of Cartman singing IN THE GHETTO when I think about this, but Lisa Marie is definitely doing this for a worthy cause.

P.S. An even better tribute to The King of Rock and Roll is something I first tried with my cousin Kristie on her last visit to Chicago.

If you see these - - Limited Edition Elvis Peanut Butter & Banana Creme Reese's Cups - - buy them, several of them, for they are out of this friggin' world brilliant!

As my Daddy would say, "They'll make your tongue slap your brains out!"

Ranting at Rove

As discussed earlier this week, at the end of this month, we won't have Karl Rove to kick around anymore.

We all know that, but did you see this picture taken on the White House lawn when Bush announced that Karl was leaving?

Bush is his usual "Howdy Doody" dumbass self, but Rove looks almost... what's the word?... "sad?"... "distraught?"...

No, I was thinking "human," but you're right - - it looks as if Karl is slightly depressed at the thought of not spending every day as the brain for a President who made us all think...

"You know, Dan Quayle wasn't THAT bad after all."

Okay, so you know Rove's resigning and you've seen this "Sad Rove" picture, but did you know about the "scan-dahl" from that day?

I'm sure you've heard this already- - I somehow missed this until just now - - but at the announcement on the White House lawn, when "The Decider" was saying goodbye to and singing the praises of "The Architect," CBS correspondent Bill Plante shouted...

“If he’s so smart, how come you lost Congress?”

Republicans are upset and call the remark "Unprofessional" and "Innappropriate", Democrats are praising Mr. Plante for being the first to finally stand up and tell the truth to Georgie Porgie, but all I can think is...

...After all the lies, after all the "inalienable rights" we've slowly watched be taken away "for our protection," after all of the Weapons of Mass Destruction that were never found and all of the soldiers doing back to back tours of duty in Iraq - - after way too much disgusting, evil. vile behavior by our "chosen" leaders...

...THIS is what makes you speak out of turn?

This is the time to heckle the administration?!?

After one of them takes a friggin' curtain call?!?!

Where've you been, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press? Where the fuck have you been?

TMI Tuesday

TMI Tuesday #6. Some good ones this week.

1. Define "infidelity" as it relates to a relationship. Have you ever been guilty of infidelity? Have you ever been the victim of infidelity? Have you ever been a participant in someone else's infidelity?

"Infidelity" - The act of not being... ummm... Fidel? Castro? I don't know the definition. Who am I? Funken-Wagnel?

I would say that infidelity is breaking the rules established by both you and your partner in your relationship. Yes, this could be cheating on your wife by sleeping with your secretary, or it could be more complex. Like...

"Our agreement was that we could have any sex we wanted with anyone we wanted, but kissing is too intimate and therefore not allowed. And you were kissing him. It's over!"

One relationship's infidelity is another relationship's "I'm so jealous you hooked up with HIM!! Tell me all the hot details and don't leave out a thing!!" No one needs to understand your relationship except the person who is in that relationship with you. Period.

And as for those other questions: Yes, yes and yes. Why have I done these things? Because I am alive on the planet. Who could answer "No" to all of those questions?!?

Yes, okay, "Jesus," but other than that...?


2. What is the last thing you stole?

A cockring from a "gentleman caller." Not a good one. Just one of those crappy, $3 rubber ones.

Of course, saying I "stole" it is stretching it a bit (pun intended). "He left it at my place and I consider it 'Payment In Full' for 'Services Rendered'" is more to the point.


3. Name one place in your country that you have never been but would like to visit and why.

San Francisco. But I don't dare visit.

Because I know deep down that I will pull a "Mary Ann Singleton" within the first five minutes of arriving. I would call Chicago, quit my job, tell my friends to ship my stuff west and I would be off to find an apartment that has a joint taped to the door welcoming me to my new home.

Why is that a bad thing? Well, with the cost of living there, I would probably have to become a porn star to make ends meet. And I've SO done that already, right?


4. What movies can you watch over and over again?

A bizarre assortment: SMOKEY & THE BANDIT, WAITING FOR GUFFMAN, CASABLANCA, ARTHUR and 'NIGHT MOTHER.

Yep, those are the ones.

What can you tell from this list? Well in order as they appear in the list above: I'm a redneck, I'm a theatre person, I'm a romantic at heart, I love Liza when she has a good script to work with and at times, my depression and loneliness are overwhelming, and yet they seem absolutely invisible to everyone around me.


5. Who is the last person you saw naked?

You want his NAME? I just tryin' to get laid and I'm supposed to ask his NAME in between teeth placement, unhinging my jaw and breathing through my nose? Geez...

Well, I don't know his name, but his screen name was "BamaRamaBigDong." Does that help?


Bonus (as in optional): In honor of the 237 reasons we have sex study. Tell us at least five but not more than ten reason you have had sex.

1) Because I was horny. (Isn't this ALWAYS the reason?!?)

2) Because I paid good money for a cross-town cab ride and I'm going to get SOMETHING out of this "That Wasn't A Recent Picture of you AT ALL, dude!" hookup if it kills me!

3) Because he wanted to and I loved him.

4) Because I realized that if I didn't, he would be sad, then bitchy, then mean, then violent.

5) Because it was the perfect first date and when I told him I didn't want to spoil it by sleeping with him on the first date, he told me that what was happening between us was beautiful and nothing could spoil that at all.

And he was right.

See? I am a romantic at heart.

Abraham Lincoln Quote

"...Corporations have been enthroned....

...An era of corruption in high places will follow and the money power will endeavor to prolong its reign by working on the prejudices of the people...

...until wealth is aggregated in a few hands...

...and the republic is destroyed."

- Abraham Lincoln

Face Lickin' Good

Big thanks to Fausto for taking this pic of me and Philip at yesterday's Halsted Street Market Days.

Fausto asked us to "tongue each other" for the camera and we just laughed. Philip and I are friends; that would be like Frenching your sibling or something. So, Philip opted for the next best thing...

Licking my face...


It's cute picture number two of us. This one is "sans gnome."

However, the words "Sampler Platter" are just over my head. Which I kinda love.

Season of Concern & The AIDS Run & Walk 2007

You may or may not know that while I spend nights singing, drinking and blogging, I spend my days running an incredible organization, Season of Concern.

Season of Concern (SOC) is the Chicagoland theatre community's fundraising effort providing compassionate care to those in our community who are experiencing the effects of HIV/AIDS and other catastrophic illnesses.

Last year, SOC formed a team for the AIDS Foundation of Chicago's AIDS Run & Walk. We had recently joined the AFC's Service Providers Council and as a member, we received 75% of all of the pledges raised by our team for the AIDS Walk.

Out team last year was relatively small; it was basically made up of myself and members of the cast and crew of Chicago's production of THE 25th ANNUAL PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING BEE. Although we were a "teeny tiny band," we raised quite a bit of money and SOC's 75% of the pledges came to just under $7,000.

For this year's AIDS Run & Walk, the AFC is being even more generous to the members of their Service Providers Council. This year, SOC will receive 100% of all the pledges raised by our AIDS Run & Walk Team.

A little over a week ago, I sent out emails to friends, family and theatre community members to join SOC's Team and/or pledge me for the Walk, but I have to say, the response has been underwhelming - - 4 pledges so far and no one has joined the Team.

I have a lot of work to do in just over a month if SOC is going to make it's fundraising goal for the AIDS Run & Walk of $15,000. A lot of work.

That's why I'm posting it here. If you're in Chicago and can join our team, I would GREATLY appreciate it. And if you aren't available to join the walk, but have a few extra bucks to sponsor me, that would be extremely helpful.

To join the SOC Team or to pledge me in the Walk, go here and type in "Stephen Rader" in the search field. The site will guide you through the rest.

And feel free to pass this info on to anyone you know. I greatly appreciate the help!

AIDS Run & Walk 2007

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Broadway Idol

My friend Chris in Atlanta sent me this little piece of news about the Roundabout Theater Company's upcoming revival of Terrance McNally's brilliant, bathhouse comedy, THE RITZ...

"The script requires several actors to play patrons of the bathhouse where the action of the comedy is set. Most notable among the new production's "patrons" is former gay porn star Ryan Idol (aka Marc Anthony Donais), who will make his Broadway debut in the show.

"A notable adult film performer in the 1990s (and one-time Playgirl magazine nude centerfold), Idol formerly appeared onstage as a replacement star of the off-Broadway comedy Making Porn."

So other than a hot, gay porn star, who else is in the cast? Well, there's Seth Rudetsky of the Broadway Chatterbox.

And there's Rosie Perez playing Googie Gomez - - the role made famous in THE RITZ's original production (and subsequent film version) by Rita Moreno in a Tony winning performance.

Think Ryan Idol will win a Tony for the role of "Patron" in his Broadway debut?

If he does, I just might commit hara-kari.

Or start a career in gay porn. Since obviously, that is the fastest path to The Great White Way.

Bush's Geppetto Resigns

Karl Rove is leaving the White House at the end of this month.

It will be interesting to see what will happen to "Georgie Porgie Wooden and Sly" after Karl - - nicknamed "The Architect" - - is no longer "The Man Behind The Curtain" on Pennsylvania Avenue.

I mean, have you ever seen Bush speak when Rove is drinking a glass of water? Neither have I.

Maybe Geppetto's wish came true and his "Little Wooden President" is finally "The Real Decider Guy."

Maybe The Wizard looked in his black bag and gave Dubya a brain.

I doubt it.

P.S. Is ANYONE in the Bush Administration going to go to prison? Or are we going to allow each of them to ride off into the Texas sunset, their pockets lined with Haliburton stock, their tracks covered, without any concern for the once-great country they have destroyed?

Market Days 2007

Today, Philip and I had a late breakfast and walked through Halsted Street Market Days, the annual street fair that takes place barely a half a block from my apartment.

My little, bald head is sunburned, I'm slightly buzzed from one too many champagne slushies and once again this year, I have returned home with a bag full o' crap including...

• A paint stirrer with the words "Spanks Someone Happy" written on it, compliments of The Pleasure Chest

• A flier from the Gay Liberation Network promoting Russian gay leader Nikolai Alexeyev's upcoming appear here in Chicago

• A postcard the Queer Fest Midwest

• A card from that blue haired cutie Fausto for his wildly popular podcast Feast of Fools

• A $5 admission coupon for the Bijou Theater & Sex Club (normally a $20 admission... which I know... cause it says so on the card... ummm.... yeah... that's the ticket...)

• A free packet of Tylenol PM handed to me by a hot boy promoting the OTC nighttime sleep aid wearing a tight t-shirt that said, "Sleepy Boy"

• A postcard for Raw Candles that I picked up in the Raw Candles booth which was being manned by quite possibly the HOTTEST man I have ever seen wearing boots, several piercings and what can only be described as a mini-kilt (and y'all, if you've never seen a hot man in a mini-kilt, let me just say that the view is NICE!)

• A card good for a "Free Standard Room" at Steamworks (which was actually Philip's, but he lovingly gave it to me... along with a Steamworks mini-flashlight and cum towel)

But my favorite item of the day is this picture of Philp and me taken by a Polaroid Instamatic at the Travelocity booth.

Until I can have it scanned, this picture of the picture that I took with my digital camera will have to do, even though it's blurry and doesn't provide the true brilliance of this image!


Y'all, ain't that cute?!? Notice that Steamworks is in the background. Dear Lord, how trampy.

I have noticed a trend in the pictures taken of me lately: I always have a cocktail in my hand.

I'm coming dangerously close to turning into that girl you went to college with who is holding a beer and a thumbs up sign in every picture taken of her for a 4 year period. That's not a good thing. Or is it?

My Favorite Caption Contest Week #5

Well folks, here it is. The moment we've all been waiting for.

No, Dubya didn't resign, Cheney didn't shoot HIMSELF in the face and Britney didn't hire a chauffeur!

I have the winner of My Favorite Caption Contest Week #4.

And, why did this particular person win? Well, other than the fact that his caption really made me laugh, let's just say I'm a sucker for a man shrouded in mystery. Especially when the mystery man also has a wicked sense of humor with punchlines centering on an issue near and dear to my heart: Hot, kinky, Dom/sub sex.

Yes, the winner for the second week in a row is Eric. The man who, as of yet, has no last name (How Cher...), no blogger profile available for us to peruse and who is not in a hurry to reveal his "secret identity."

But, I do so love a good mystery. And I love his caption for the bizarre Robin / Riddler pic. Eric wrote...

"Do you want to end up like the Joker after he gave me that look? Now open up."

Isn't that great? I love it when a man wearing green briefs and a yellow, satin-finish cape tries to be all butch. It's exciting, silly and endearing - - all at the same time.

Congratulations, Eric... whoever you are...

Now, in keeping with our superhero theme, I give you Week #5's pic...


Yeah. That's a lot, isn't it?

I have no idea who this is, what function he is attending or which friends allowed him to WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE DRESSED LIKE THAT, but he looks like he's having a real good time, bless his heart

FYI: "Bless his heart" is Southern for, "He's so stupid."

So, give the boy a caption. Deadline for possible captions is this Friday, August 17th at 5:00 p.m. (CST).

Note to Eric: You know, if you don't tell us who you are soon, I might have to start calling you Deep Throat. Are you? Would you?

You Keep Your Mama's Ashes in What?

My mother called to tell me that she watched Larry King's tribute to Tammy Faye Messner a couple of nights ago. She loved it, but when I told her that I didn't see it, she rattled off another comic goldmine...

"Good thing you didn't watch. I cried and cried.

"They cremated her and gave each of her kids a little, tiny vial of her.

"When I die, I'll be able to give each of y'all a Mason jar."

If you don't know a Mason jar from a coffee cup filled with bacon grease sittin' on the side of the stove, take my word for it - - that last sentence of my Mama's is damn funny.

When Caine Met Connery

This clip says everything about why I love Craig Ferguson.

This is Craig's little remake of WHEN HARRY MET SALLY...

Starring Michael Caine and Sean Connery.

With a special appearance by Prince Charles.



Yep. All three played by Craig Ferguson. Take that Carson Daly.

The Party That Lost It's Way

Bill In Exile posts several different, informative and incisive "Quotes of the Day" on their blog. Today's quote, written in a post by blogger Down With Tyranny, was too perfect not to pass on here.

Hopefully, Bill in Exile and Down With Tyranny won't me me posting this here. This tells it like it is. And this is why in my opinion, Ron Paul is the ONLY potential Republican candidate to be considered in the 2009 race.

"The Republican Party crafted themselves a brain dead, zombie-like base, incapable of independent thought and Pavlovian in it's response to the dog whistles from Hate Talk Radio and Fox-TV — commercial enterprises catering to the lowest-information groups and most bigoted people in the country. And now Republican politicians, who were all too willing to feed that tiger are realizing that they're the next meal."

- from Down With Tyranny

If you want to know why I am fast becoming a supporter of Ron Paul's bid for the Presidency, simply visit his site, or better yet, do a search for him on YouTube.

Ron Paul is the anti-neocon. He makes decisions based on his core values - - primarily his steadfast belief in defending and upholding The Constitution of the United States.

And while I don't agree with everything Congressman Paul says, it is refreshing to hear a candidate firm in his resolve, even when his stance on an issue might be unpopular with his supporters.

I never in a million years would have believed that I would consider endorsing a Republican, but Congressman Paul isn't the kind of Republican people my age and younger have grown to despise; as I understand it, he is a true Republican with ties that stretch back to the creation of his Party.

The media may not want to allow Congressman Paul the same amount of air time as the horrific Mitt "Double Guantanamo" Romney, but the American People have found him on YouTube and we're slowly making his voice heard.

Listen to him. Let me know what you think.

UPDATE - 8/10/07 - 10:50 AM - Last night, Philip sent me this excellent article about Ron Paul from Seattle's THE STRANGER and I forgot to add it to this post. Check it out.

Planet Hiltron

If you've never visited Planet Hiltron... well, then you obviously haven't check out "My Favorite Visual Arts Blogs," so if that's the case, here are a few reasons why you should check for updates on Planet Hiltron every day.

It's a simple morphing of pictures of celebs with pictures of... well, us. Actually, though, this is "not so simple," since I'm sure this work is complicated but it's done so well, the perception is that it's easy. These images are hilariously skewer celebrity. This is brilliant work.

For instance, here is yesterday's post - - Paris and Nicky Hilton...

And this isn't the first time Planet Hiltron has tackled Paris Hilton. For instance, here is 40's Paris...

Planet Hiltron has also tackled sisters before, like The Olsens...

...or Tori and Candy Spelling...

And I love this one 0f Ann Coulter. Finally, a picture that shows her for the used up, trashy coke whore that she is.

But this one is the prize winner. This is really brilliant. This says it all.

Hype

Last night, Eric and Philip and I went to a little benefit at T's for the workshop production of a new play by my friend, Danny Bernardo. His play, HYPE, is being produced by one of the best producers in Chicago, Mike Checuga.

I don't know very much about the play, but I know Danny and Mike and if this is their project, then this is definitely one workshop production that must be seen.

Here's all the info:

4+1 Productions presents the workshop of HYPE, a play by local actor Danny Bernardo, featuring songs by indie folk rock sensation Christopher Dallman. A social commentary on life as a gay celebrity and the Big Brother machine that is the media, at heart HYPE is a love story: finding true love, keeping it and ultimately dealing with its loss.

Andrew Jordan , a former child star, lives somewhat happily with his long-term boyfriend Paul (a writer), their best friends Sheila (a would-be journalist) and Kyle (a lovable slacker, wannabe musician) in a one bedroom apartment in North Hollywood . The problem: no one is taking him seriously as an adult actor. When he gets discovered waiting tables to head a new teen drama, he gets caught up in the battle to stay on top. When the media frenzy that accompanies fame begins to take its toll on his relationship with Paul and stands in the way of his two best friends falling in love, Andrew must ultimately decide what is more important: his dreams of being a famous actor or living a life that is true to himself and those he loves.

The workshop will run at

The Cornservatory, 4210 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago, IL 60618.

BOX OFFICE # 773.355.1752

The performances will be Wednesday, August 22 through Saturday, August 25 at 8p and Sunday, August 26 at 3p. All performances will be followed by a post-show discussion.

Admission is $10 General Donation, $7 Student & Industry Donation

The Romney Boys: Fighting Terrorism On The Campaign Trail

In Iowa, Mitt Romney was asked why none of his five sons are fighting the War in Iraq.

Mitt. Is that really his name? Or was he just bad at Lacrosse in school and got gloved a lot.

All five of Mitt's sons are old enough to serve in the military. And apparently all five are either straight or have the morals of their father and don't mind lying about their sexuality under the ridiculous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Mitt's response to why none of his five sons are fighting the War in Iraq...

"One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

As usual, Jon Stewart and the writers on THE DAILY SHOW, have the best response to Mitt's pathetic answer to this very important question...

UPDATE - 8/9/07 - 11:13 PM: Apparently, the boys at Viacom and Comedy Central are living in the Dark Ages and don't want clips from THE DAILY SHOW on YouTube anymore. I'll see if the clip is still on my TiVo and transcribe what Jon Stewart says.

Hey Viacom and Comedy Central: Lighten the fuck up. Oh yeah, and blow me.

Pantsed

I learned a new word today: Pantsed.

It's a simple, little word. The Urban Dictionary's definition is succinct: Having one's pants pulled down.

Used in a sentence: "I got pansted today at school."

How did I find this new word? Well, this little clip popped up during one of my YouTube searches. What I was searching for is irrelevant. I plead The 5th.





Why, oh why was I so against pledging a fraternity when I was in college?

These frat brothers walk around commando and jerk each others' shorts down to their ankles, exposing their hot asses and, as the boy in the above video so eloquently puts it, "My balls!"

They spank and paddle each others' butts and scream out "Thank you, Sir. May I have another?"

And they get uber-drunk on kegs and kegs of beer and end up pissing on each other.

I have to pay quite a bit of money to go to very specific leather bars on very specific nights to get that kind of action. If I was in a fraternity, I could have been in on hot scenes like that EVERY NIGHT!

Youth is wasted on the young and hot, gay sex is wasted on fraternity brothers.

Well, maybe "wasted" is the wrong word. Especially if they let me join in.

More from MR Magazine

UndiesDrawer just posted another hot pic by Joe Oppedisano for MR Magazine. Just as hot as the last few.

And this time it's double our pleasure.


Maybe he has an unfair advantage since he's wearing white, but the guy on left wins whatever fight these two are in HANDS DOWN just on the size of his package alone!

Yum...

A "Less Lethal" Death

I wake up every morning and watch the WGN-TV Morning News.

If you live in Chicago, this is the morning show to watch - - informative, irreverent, funny, warm, charming and smart-assed. The perfect combo since I am most definitely NOT a morning person.

This morning, they mentioned this story (which links to the CBS site since, for some reason, the WGN site doesn't list this story... get it together, guys...)

Victim's Family Outraged Over Taser Death

A Chicago family is calling for justice after the death of a loved one who was tasered by Chicago police officers.

Linda Johnson said Tuesday she and her mother regret calling 911 the night her brother was killed.

Saturday night, Linda's brother, Gefrey, had locked himself in his room with a silk tree. Linda believed he was hiding drugs in the tree and threatened to call police.

When police arrived, Gefrey's mother instructed them to break the bedroom door and get her son out of the house.

Several police officers responded. Linda says the scene somehow went from calm to chaos. The 42-year-old was hit twice by a taser, maced once and died.

Tuesday, police defended their choice to use the taser.

"This individual was combative. He slammed a couple of officers against a wall. The officers, in an attempt to gain control of him again, exercised less lethal force by using the taser," Deputy Supt. Dana Starks said.

But the family says the force was excessive. Gefrey was disabled and could not fight back.

"They actually executed my child. They executed him," Gefrey's mother said.

Police are waiting for an autopsy report to see what exactly killed Johnson. In the meantime, they will continue to use the taser gun when necessary.

Here's the deal: I don't know if Gefrey was combative or not. I don't know if Gefrey possibly attacked the police or not.

Although, what would he use? The silk tree? What would he do with it? Get into some sort of bizarre, nellie flogging scene?

But I do know that this is not the first time that Chicago police have used a taser on a "combative" individual which led to that person's death.

My problem is first with Deputy Supt. Dana Starks' statement...

"The officers, in an attempt to gain control of him again, exercised less lethal force by using the taser."

Since not just Gefrey Johnson, but also other individuals, have died after being tasered, the idea that using a taser is exercising "less lethal force" is not only ridiculous, it's dangerous.

Also, both CBS and WGN report that...

"Police are waiting for an autopsy report to see what exactly killed Johnson."

Maybe it's me, but I don't need Jack Klugman in scrubs to tell me that the taser killed Gefrey Johnson.

Let's look at what happened: He was alive, the police taser him, and minutes afterwards, he died.

What do the Chicago Police need to figure out what killed him? Flash cards?

How many Chicagoans have to die from being tasered before the Chicago Police refrain from using these "less lethal" weapons?

Granted, I don't know how many times individuals are tasered with non-lethal results, but isn't just one death enough for us to demand that someone study tasers and re-design them so that NO ONE dies from them again?

And before you write to tell me "being tasered is better than being shot," let me say that scientists have figured out how to give a 90 year old man a four hour erection. If our priorities were in line, we could figure out how incapacitate an individual without possibly killing him.

TMI Tuesday

My TMI Tuesday #5. I'm starting to like these things.


1. What is the worst/corniest pick up line someone has used on you and/or you used?

It was my second time in my hometown's gay bar, The Carousel II. I was just barely 18 and I was standing next to the sunken, "light up," disco dance floor waiting for my friend Scot to arrive.

Yep. An 18 year old boy all alone in a gay bar. Wearing a little too much Drakkar Noir. It was like blood in the water to the pack of sharks in that place.

This thin-as-a-rail queen kept walking around and around me. He was as drunk as he was trashy, and after his 114th orbit, he stopped, looked at his friend a few feet away, then stared right into my eyes and said in the most nasal, Appalachian accent...

"Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, I sure would like me some of that!"

Yeah. Dream on, Klingon.


2. Have you ever gone out on a date with someone and went home with someone else? Explain.

Nope, not even close. I was raised right.

But a few years ago, my ex-bf showed up at my birthday party and ended up screwing my then-current-bf in my bedroom while my apartment was full of party guests.

Do I get "Bizarro Credit" for that one?


3. What is the worst thing (spread a rumor, hook up with their SO, etc...) that you did to a friend? Did they do anything to deserve it?

I honestly can't think of a thing.

Believe me, I'm no saint, and when I feel I've been wronged, I lash out like a Southern bitch, but I don't intentionally set out to hurt my friends. Not at all.


4. What is your favorite sex scene in a regular movie (not porn)? Why?

Hands down, the first love scene between Maurie and Scudder in the film MAURICE.

Scudder puts a ladder to the 2nd floor window of the bedroom where Maurice is staying, climbs into the room, walks over to him and without a word, they begin to kiss furiously.

Silence and passion.

Sexy and romantic and perfect.


5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What would you change on your SO?

I would love to have a beautiful head of hair. Mine started falling out at 19, which if don't know, sucks donkey balls.

I shave my head out of necessity. People who HAVE hair and shave their head boggle my mind. If you can grow hair, GROW IT! I'm doomed to look like Daddy Warbucks - - you have a choice!!


Bonus (as in optional): What countries, other than your own, have you had sex in? Was it someone on the trip with you? Someone from that country?

I had sex in Tokyo with a guy from the FOSSE! tour. We met me in Chicago, had a hot little week of fun, and then he flew me - - that's right FLEW ME!... as in "paid for my trip" - - to Tokyo to be with him for the week the show was there.

And did I mention this guy was a PRINCIPLE DANCER on the FOSSE! tour?!? This man had an ass you could bounce coins off of. When he moved, he rippled.

And he flew ME to Tokyo!

International Booty Call, y'all. THAT'S how good I AM!!!