Wednesday, July 04, 2007

My Ultimate Wish List

Today, as we celebrate the America's birth, I thought it would be nice to display a little "wishful thinking" in the form of a news bulletin that actually hit the CNN INTERNATIONAL airwaves this past May for a brief 10 seconds.

According to a little news report I found
, CNN was running a story about British Prime Minister Tony Blair stepping down from his post, and the banner that should have said "Blair resigns" instead mistakenly said "Bush resigns"

You might refer to this slight error as an "unfortunate mistake" or a "Freudian slip," but I like to think of this as the top item on my Ultimate Wish List.

Other items on my Ultimate Wish List include...

1) Playing Little Edie in the first community theatre production of GREY GARDENS

A crazy bitch who lives in chaos, is eternally single and breaks into song at the drop of a cat? Ya'll - - that's me!

I can't wait to belt the now classic lyric from THE REVOLUTIONARY COSTUME FOR TODAY:

Come on! "Staunch" is the new "Does anyone still wear a hat?"

2) Exchanging DNA with one of those "Keira Knightley-esque," negative percent body fat, thin people who say things like...

"I don't know what's wrong with me.

I eat and I eat and I just cannot gain one pound.

It's so awful!"

A person who says something like that is evil and must be forced to eat Paula Deen's Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding to gain enough weight so I'm not tempted to pretend their thinly skin-covered rib cage is a xylophone and bang out that classic song from from OLIVER!, " Food Glorious Food!"

3) Convincing Christian Bale that I am the ONLY actor who could possibly play Dick Grayson / Robin, The Boy Wonder, in the next Batman movie after THE DARK KNIGHT.

For you fan boys wondering where I found out about this third Batman movie and Robin's debut in said feature film - - Don't get your underoos in a wad!

There is no third movie planned. I'm merely predicting the The Boy Wonder being brought in on the next go around.

And I'm staking my claim here and now to be the brightly colored costumed sidekick of The Dark Knight right down to the nut-hugger Daisy Dukes and the green, elven cutie-booties!

If anybody is going to be sliding down a Batpole with Christian Bale, it damn well better be me!

And as for everyone else, before you even THINK it - - YES, I could play a "Boy" Wonder.

I mean, what do Burt Ward and Chris O'Donnell have that I don't have?

Please Note: If your answer is "hair," I will knock you into next week and be there on Tuesday with a prescription because you will need drugs to kill the pain!

That said - - Happy 4th of July, ya'll!

And thanks to Bill in Exile for posting the "Bush resigns" picture. I didn't know it existed till I saw it there.


dirk.mancuso said...

1) BUSH AND CHENEY IMPEACHED would be a better headline.

2) Keira Knightley. Seriously, WTF is her deal?

3) I'll cede the Robin role to you if you promise I can grab my ankles as Havok in my dream CYCLOPS movie and let James Marsden show me some brotherly love.

Stephen Rader said...

Dirk - In order...

1) BUSH AND CHENEY IMPEACHED seems so impossible given Republican arrogance and the Democrats cowardice that even wishing for that seems foolish.

2) Keira. Fashion Tip: "Eat a cookie."

3) Done and done. And maybe afterwards, Batman, Robin, Cyclops and Havok can... ummmm... have a little "team up."

Dear Lord. I could hear the slash fiction being written as I typed that.

Palm Springs Savant said...

Stephen- you will always be Grayson / Robin, The Boy Wonder in my mind...

Stephen Rader said...

Palm Springs Savant - Thanks for the vote of confidence. It's because of those pictures of me a few Halloweens ago when I dressed as "Robin, The Naughty Boy Wonder," isn't it?

"Holy Slutty Sidekick, Batman!"

Alex said...

You said "underoos".

You win.

Stephen Rader said...

Alex - Did you hear that underoos are making a comeback for kids? I read it somewhere last week.

Isn't it interesting that all of the trendy men's underwear styles are really just "Underoos 2.0"? I love that so hard!

It was great to see you Tuesday night!

Aaron said...

"Cheney has heart attack" is the CNN headline I'm waiting for. Like a 6-year-old at Christmas. "Bush devoured by own daughters" would be a close runner-up.

OK, that picture of Keira is just fucking gross...sort of like Felicity Huffman in that Oscars dress last year. That flat chest is a huge turn-off. If ya ain't got 'em, don't pretend to flaunt 'em, capisce?

You'd be a terrific boy wonder. I'd pay just to see you in the green cutie-booties. :-)

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - Thank you for the compliment, kind Sir. And if you know where I buy a pair of those fag-o-licioius green booties, be SURE to let me know!!! :)

Aaron said...

I will do that...I have a friend who dressed up as Robin for Halloween once, and he had some of those booties. I think they were made of felt, so you probably couldn't just walk the streets in them. And I hope that I didn't sound completely misogynistic with the Knightley/Huffman comment, but society has put such a premium on being bone-thin that people wear things that are really unflattering to them. (NO, NO, NO to the scoop neck dresses if there's nothing in there. It's like the reverse-Aretha: if there's LOTS in there, don't wear strapless things!! You WILL fall out!!!)

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - I love that you actually DO know where to find little, green booties!

And you Keira comments are right on the money. A scoop-necked dress on her frame makes her look like the Crypt Keeper in drag. It ain't pretty.

dirk.mancuso said...

Regarding that Batman, Robin, Cyclops and Havok "team-up" slash fiction: be kind to me, won't you...?

Stephen Rader said...

Dirk - Be kind to you? Baby, you're the star of the team-up! Whatever Havoc wants, Havoc gets!