Saturday, May 12, 2007

I Woke Up A Millionaire

The email below is the first thing I read after I woke up this morning and all I could think...

"Bless this little old scam artist's heart."

In the South, "Bless his heart" roughly translates into, "He's so stupid."

Is there anyone who on the planet who would fall for this? I mean, other than certain mental defectives who are trying to evolve a thumb (a.k.a "Jeb and G.W. Bush").

It reads...

Date: Sat, 12 May 2007 14:48:52 +0200 (CEST)

ATTN, Grant Beneficiary

This is to bring to your notice that your email has been randomly selected and approved as a charity grant beneficiary of PRINCESS OF WALES MEMORIAL FOUNDATION (POWMF). You are awarded a One Million Five Hundred And Fifty Thousand Great Britain Pounds) and for further instructions on how you are to put claim to your grant,you are to FORWARD a copy of this notification to our International Grants Officer email address below as well as give him a call via phone number below:

Dr Loveth Woolford,
INTERNATIONAL GRANTS OFFICER,
GRANT AWARD DEPARTMENT,
Tel: +447769639965

Email: dr.woolford.powmff@uk2.net

Congratulations once again from the entire staff of PRINCESS OF WALES MEMORIAL FOUNDATION and it is our hope that you will appreciate our gesture and judiciously spend your grant.

Sincerely,

Ray Bullock.
Communication Officer,

The Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fundation,
Award for People
Floor 2
Downstream Building
1 London Bridge
London
SE1 9BG ,
UNITED KINGDOM.

Yeah.

Here it is again with my comments in bold. Think of the bold additions like a window into my own, personal thoughts as I sifted through this stinking pile of bullshit.

Date: Sat, 12 May 2007 14:48:52 +0200 (CEST)

ATTN, Grant Beneficiary

This is to bring to your notice that your email has been randomly selected and approved as a charity grant beneficiary...

(I've not been selected. but my email has been selected to receive a grant? How much will I have to put out to get my email to split the cash with me?)

...of PRINCESS OF WALES MEMORIAL FOUNDATION (POWMF)...

("POWMF?" So, when you abbreviate Lady Di's Foundation it looks like "POW Muthafukka!!?!?!?!")

You are awarded a One Million Five Hundred And Fifty Thousand Great Britain Pounds)...

(Why do I hear Dr. Evil saying that total as I read it?)

...and for further instructions on how you are to put claim to your grant,you are to FORWARD...

(Jeez, don't yell at me! I get it. "Forward." Alright. Calm the fuck down)

...a copy of this notification to our International Grants Officer email address below as well as give him a call via phone number below:


(Can someone please diagram these fucking sentences for me?)

Dr Loveth Woolford,...

(Seriously? Loveth? His first name is Loveth? LOVETH WOOLFORD?!?!? I think I just found my porn name...)

INTERNATIONAL GRANTS OFFICER,

GRANT AWARD DEPARTMENT,

(How many friggin' times can they use the word "grant?" I get it. It's free. Someone I don't know randomly picked my faggoty ass to give a million GB pounds. After 10 years of Tony Blair, what is that, like 40 bucks or something?)

Tel: +447769639965


Email: dr.woolford.powmff@uk2.net

(I want a "POW Muthafukka" email address! Daddy. Can I have one?)

Congratulations once again from the entire staff of PRINCESS OF WALES MEMORIAL FOUNDATION...

(Yeah, "the entire staff" - - you and your crack dealer who got the idea for this scam when his iTunes shuffle started playing Elton John singing "Goodbye English Rose" )

...and it is our hope that you will appreciate our gesture...

(No, I won't appreciate it. When someone randomly gives me a million bucks, I ususally send a "Go fuck yourself" card in the mail and call it a day)

...and judiciously spend your grant.

("Judiciously?" It's a million bucks. I'm a redneck fag. I'm gonna pimp out my Double Wide trailer and have Liza and Larry the Cable Guy entertain at my next barbeque / cock fight. Fuck "judiciously.")

Sincerely,

Ray Bullock.
Communication Officer,

("Communication Officer?" Like Uhura?)

The Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fundation,
Award for People

(Yeah, cause the "Award for Wombats" idea went nowhere and really sucked)

Floor 2

Downstream Building
1 London Bridge

London

(I get it. You're in "London." BFD)

SE1 9BG ,

UNITED KINGDOM.

(I get it!!)


You know what the scarey part is? As I typed all that, a little voice in the back of head kept saying, "You know, it doesn't sound THAT ridiculous. Give him a call. You never know."

I am so friggin' gullible.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

We're rich! Rich, I say!! Now we can buy that little Goth (or was it Tudor), country estate and have our dream wedding. I'll dress as Morticia and you, well... shall it be Gomez or Garbo or...? Perhaps we should leave the pesky details up to Ray (never mind the) Bullock(s).
-Serena
P.S. Interesting choice for a name. "Hey, Dick Nads here; you've won a gajillion dollars!" Spend it wisely. Either that, or John Lydon is down on his luck.

Stephen Rader said...

Serena - "Gomez or Garbo" I'm pretty sure that is now the title of my autobiography! :)

And oh, how I would love an email from "Dick Nads!" I think I might actually fall for that one!

Anonymous said...

"Fundation" [see the London mailing address at the bottom of the email]. They can give away a gajillion British Pounds...but can afford a bit of proof reading.

Anonymous said...

^^^^^^
GLASS HOUSES! ... Of course I meant "...can't afford..."

[crap, I wish there had been an 'edit' button!]

Stephen Rader said...

I guess basic spelling goes the way of the Paris Hilton's driver's license when your organization starts randomly giving out gazillions of dollars a day to anyone gullible enough to believe there is such a thing as a free lunch.

If they had offered JUST a free lunch, that I would have fallen for...