Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Husky

I remember a time back in the 70's when my mama could take me to J.C. Penny's Department Store and buy me a pair of Huskies and a couple packages of tighty-whitie briefs and barely bust a $20 bill.

For those of you who didn't live through the ridicule of wearing "Huskies," you may think that "husky" - - as defined on dictionary.com - - is an adjective meaning...

1. big and strong; burly.

or perhaps...

2. (of the voice) having a semi-whispered vocal tone; somewhat hoarse, as when speaking with a cold or from grief or passion.

or even...

3. like, covered with, or full of husks.

It's not any of those. Especially not "covered with, or full of husks."

My mother made me wear a lot of things, but "husks" have never adorned my body.

Well, not in public, anyway...

No, "husky" is an adjective meaning...

4. made in a size meant for the larger or heavier than average boy: size 18 husky pants.

and...

5. for, pertaining to, or wearing clothing in this size: the husky department; husky boys.

And it's a noun, meaning...

6. a size of garments meant for the larger or heavier than average boy

It's a type of jean for us boys who grew up on the larger side of life. Boys who are often nicknamed "Hoss." Boys who know they are overweight and have to go around with the tag on the back of their jeans - - right above their ass - - announcing to the world that they are, indeed, "Husky!"

Why don't they just print the words "Fat Ass" or "Wide Load" right across our backsides? If you're gonna insult us with "Husky," you might as well just go all the way.

Where is all this coming from? Well, I saw this image today on the Undergear site...



Why am I browsing through underwear ads on the Undergear site? Do you live in a cave?

And while the uber-hotness of the model made me stop and... ummm... "take him in," I wanted to know what was written across his significantly un-Husky, bubble butt.



It says, "Keeper of Secrets. Guardian of Desire."

Umm... YUM!!!

But, for all his hotness - - and yes, he IS My New Imaginary Boyfriend - - these boxer briefs are $29!

Do you have any idea how many pairs of Huskies you could buy for that amount of money?!?!

3 comments:

Aaron said...

My favorite euphemism (heard at the Big and Tall Men's store across the road from the Fayette Mall in Lexington, KY) was "portly." I knew what she meant, but she sure sounded polite saying it! :-)

David said...

I always used to laugh at the 'huskies' section as a pin thin child. My mother taught me to mock heavy people at an early age. Stephen, I can't imagine you as a 'huskie'.

Stephen Rader said...

Aaron - God love us Southerners. Nobody else will!

My favorite euphemism of that kind that I have heard came from the woman in the gift shop in the hospital where my mother works. I wanted to buy mama some roses for Valentine's Day and the woman at the gift shop said this EXACTLY...

"Son. Now, I know your mama. And she's a big girl. She don't want her no flowers. She wants her some candy!"

A BIG GIRL!?!?! Only in the South can someone get away with that!!!

David - Oh, trust me. I was a "Husky." For quite awhile. And if I have one too many Ann Sather's cinnamon rolls at one sitting, I can be a "Husky" again in no time!!