Wednesday, January 31, 2007

What Is Today Trying To Tell Me?

I am feeling slightly better, but my voice is still way too "Elizabeth Ashley" to be considered "back to normal."

And as I glanced at my desk calendar this morning and read the names of those born on this day in history, in addition to sounding very "Elizabeth Ashley," I suddenly felt very "Shug Avery."

You know... "God is tryin' to tell you somethin'" That kind of thing.

You see, a lot of people with meat grinders for vocal chords were born on January 31st.

There's this femme fatal, born in 1903.

In between her famously, husky- voiced "Dahhlllling"s, she's known for saying...

"Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been using it for years."

...and...

"I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw."

Then, in 1921, this Little Girl from Little Rock with a charmingly bizarre voice was brought forth.

She made Diamonds her Best Friend and apparently never remembered when she had eaten corn.

Then in 1937, this raven- haired beauty with vocal chords soaked in bourbon came into the world.

In the early 70's, she married a stammering, tv psychologist and forced us all to take a shot of hooch every time she sexily uttered the words, "Hey, Bob."

Ok, ya'll...

What is the universe trying to tell me by having all these throaty- voiced celebs celebrate their birthdays today??!?!?

That I'll star in the next BATMAN movie as The Black Widow?

That I'll headline the next bus- and- truck tour of HELLO, DOLLY!?!?!

That I'll be the love- interest in Bob Newhart's next sitcom?!?!?

Or are The Big Three...

...No, no the Holy Trinity, I mean, The Big Three in Control of Everything - - you know - - Mary Zimmerman, Robert Falls and Barbara Gaines, silly...

...telling me that this cold and flu voice I have will stay with me forever, making me the Harvey Fierstein of Chicago's non-Equity theatre scene?

Wait! No! That's not it.

This hottie was also born on this day in 1981...

...and he brought Sexy Back...

...so there's hope for me yet!

Boy, those casting directors for The Mickey Mouse Club sure know how to pick 'em, don't they?

"Forever let us hold our banner high"... indeed...


Before we lose ourselves in Timberlake Land, I have to tell you this...

Today isn't all about throaty divas...

...and it's not al about Justin's banner...

...even though we all want Justin's banner... I know... I know...

No, today, there is only one birthday to celebrate.

And it's for my friend, Eric Reda.

Here's Eric the cutie with me this past All Hallow's Eve...

Yes, I have a mask on... bitches...

I went as V from V FOR VENDETTA and V wears a Guy Fawkes mask like this.

Oddly enough, today is ALSO the day that Guy Fawkes was executed for the Gunpowder Plot.

Huh? What am I? GOOGLE? Look up "Guy Fawkes" yourselves, bitches. Geez...

Eric is an incredible director, an amazing composer, a wonderful friend...

...and another hottie who brings sexy back...

...again and again.

Happy Birthday, Eric.

...and Talullah... and Carol... and Suzanne... and Justin...

Do I get to give Justin his spankings? Mmmmm...

2 comments:

eric said...

I once tried to bring sexy back but I could only get a store credit.

Stephen Rader said...

Eric - Ok, that is one of the funniest damn things I have ever read. Period. End of story.