Tuesday, June 09, 2009

"I'll Bet More People See That Than the Phone Book!"

Like any other well-raised, Southern boy who learned about sex by taking a night class taught by his cousin behind the barn, I have a HUGE sexual attraction to anything that my parents told me I couldn't do because it was "trashy."

Tattoos, for instance.

I don't have a tattoo, but I find guys with tats incredibly sexy. The more ink on their body, the hotter they are to me.

And like most people who want to get their first tattoo, I can't decide what I want.

Not that this is a new idea. I've been thinking about this for years now.

For awhile, I thought of getting a panther tat on my torso after I saw this Calvin Klein hottie, but then I remembered that the panther is my high school mascot and that would be just... bad karma, I think.

Then, I thought about going full on comic book geek and getting the Robin "R" on my left pec. But as much as I love the Boy Wonder (even the Damien Wayne version), I think I might lose my mind if too many people assumed the "R" was for Rader & not Robin.

I had one more tattoo idea, but this story from Food Network Humor has convinced me that I need to come up with some new ideas for tats. Something simpler, more traditional.

You see, you might think that Lindsey Mitchell tattooing "butter y'all" on her arm to show the world her love for Paula Deen is funny or ridiculous, but consider this...

Consider how ridiculous it would be if, to show the world my love for the movie Mommie Dearest, I got a tattoo on my ass that says...

"Property of MGM."

For those who haven't seen the movie (a.k.a. "straight people"), it references the scene in the movie after Joan has been forced to sit at Mr. Mayer's table at Perrino's and she screams, "I ought to have Property of MGM tattooed on my backside!"


Now, since so many gay men know that movie, consider this...

In the heat of the moment, the hot guy I'm with looks down...

Sees that tattoo and not only gets the reference...

But laughs a little...

Probably losing his wood in the process.

With that much at stake, a Paula Deen "butter y'all" tattoo seems almost charming. Almost.

8 comments:

Java said...

*snicker*

I love your sense of humor, but I see how it might be a liability in the bedroom scenario you describe.

I haven't seen the movie Mommie Dearest, but I read the book. Does that count?

Perhaps you should tattoo your backside with something that would increase the quality of wood....

Polt said...

teehee...you make me snicker, Stephen.

I say go for the Robin R! I put a Superman S on my shoulder, and no one thinks it stand for my last name, even though that begins with an S.

Although, the Superman S is more recognizable than the Robin R, but still....I think that'd be the way to go!

HUGS...

dbb said...

What about a small, discreet set of comedy and tragedy masks, either one on each cheek, or as a pair on either a bicep, or the torso at the waist line.

Amy said...

yay, tatts! I have one....and want another. I'm just worried that gravity is going to take over. Meh.

I'll be looking for play by play pics when you get one!

Aspen said...

Stephen, you should definately go with the Robin "R". Not only would it be super hot but it would be pretty unique. I have quite an ink fetish myself and I have never seen anyone with the Robin symbol tattooed on their chest. Take the plunge Stephen, you won't regret it.

Mark in DE said...

I recommend you keep thinking of OTHER tattoo choices.

cb said...

Why don't you get "crisco y'all" tattooed in gothic lettering on your lower back??

McCool said...

stick to the MGM idea cause picture this:

he sees it and exclaims, "Christinaaaaaaa...bring me the AX!"

to which you reply, "Don't FUCK with me fellas!" as you start flipping thru the crate&barrel catalog picking out china patterns.