Friday, April 13, 2007

Raider Wear

All my life, people have tried to spell my last name with an "i" after the "a."

I'll introduce myself and they'll say...

"Oh yeah, like the football team"

I give them a blank stare. Or they'll say...

"Oh, so you're a Raider of the Lost Ark, huh?"

Then, I pity them. Because they have no funny.

There was one woman who worked in the school clinic at my elementary school who didn't want to put an "i" in my name, but she did want to change the first letter. She said...

"Oh yeah, like Darth."

Apparently at a very young age, I exuded "The Dark Side of The Force."

But just as I have been reclaiming the shortened version of my first name...

(I actually allow people to call me "Steve" now... but don't call me "Stevie"... my grandmother was the only person who could call me "Stevie" and she's dead, so fuck off...)

I am also embracing the "i" version of my last name.

And just in time for N2N Bodywear to release a "Raider" line of clothing for the well- "under"- dressed party fag.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present...

RAIDER WEAR!

The first item in our fashion show is an homage to an old nickname I was granted back in my high school and college ball days...


RAIDER SPORT COMPETITOR


And really, nothing says "sport competitor" quite like pink bikini briefs with micro-holes.


I'm certain that if Rex Grossman had worn the RAIDER SPORT COMPETITOR under his football pants during the SuperBowl, the outcome would have been QUITE different!!!


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Next up, we have an item that I know we will be seeing in excess at this year's Chicago Marathon...


RAIDER RUNNERS


I just love that name!


Although, I'm not quite sure where you would attach your marathon number on this garment...


But then again, if you're wearing a RAIDER RUNNER at the marathon, you're already a WINNER, aren't you?


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And last, but DEFINITELY not least, the item that typifies everything about the master sportsman that I am at the core of my being...


RAIDER JOCK


I'm sorry...


Give me a second...


I apologize...


I was just in the Bahamas with the RAIDER JOCK model here...


And it was NICE!!!!

4 comments:

yinyang said...

That's some of the more disturbing things I've seen in my life. Thanks, really, from the bottom of my heart.

Danifesto said...

Does all Raider undergear come in hot pink or can I get other colours? :)

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

I'm sorry, were you saying something? I got a little distracted.

Stephen Rader said...

yinyang - Yes, it's disturbing - - but "disturbing" mixed with "fabulous" is my favorite combination!!!

danifesto - Why, only in hot pink, of course!! Should all of these garments be in Kelly Green like a bride's maid's dress or something?!?!?!? Ewwww.... :)

whim - I know. I have "distracted" myself quite a bit this weekend looking at these pictures. I know, TMI... TMI...