Thursday, April 05, 2007

Balls, Cojones, Nads, Nuts & Tea Bags: My World, Welcome To It!

I heard about this story this morning on the WGN News and then this headline caught my attention...

"Vet Claims Doctors Removed Wrong Testicle"

Now, here is a brief synopsis of the full story...

"An Air Force veteran filed a federal claim after undergoing an
operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.

Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed on June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells. It also was atrophied and painful.

But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle, according to medical records and the claim, which seeks $200,000 for future care and unspecified damages."

Now to repeat, the headline says, "Vet Claims Doctors Removed Wrong Testicle."

Here's the thing...

The vet "CLAIMS" doctors removed the wrong testicle?!?!?!? CLAIMS?!?!?! Is there any doubt that a mistake was made here?!?!? I know that a "claim" was filed, I get it, I get it. But still!!!

The headline makes is sound like there's a veteran of our armed forces sitting in a hospital bed looking down at his crotch and saying to his doctor...

"Hey, you cut off my right ball and you were SUPPOSED to cut off my LEFT BALL!!

...and then the smug-assed doctor says...

"Well, how do you KNOW we cut off the wrong ball? I mean when it comes down to it, it's your word against mine."

We're talking about the guy's nuts!!! He has two of them! Don't you think he KNOWS which ball was causing him pain and was supposed to be removed?!?!?

He's not CLAIMING that his doctor removed the wrong testicle, he KNOWS THE DOCTOR REMOVED THE WRONG TESTICLE!!!

The way the headline reads now, it's sort of saying "Doctor ALLEGEDLY Removed Wrong Testicle of Vet."

With that headline, I imagine the doctor being quoted as saying,

"Once we have analyzed all the data and reviewed all the necessary information, I will let this man know whether or not I removed his painful, atrophied testicle or his healthy, semen-producing testicle. But until then, the jury is still out on whether or not I made a mistake."

Note to Physicians of the World: If I ever - - EVER - - need to have one of my balls removed and you cut out the wrong one, you can bet your sweet ass that it's gonna cost you a lot more than $200,000!

My nuts are a million a piece, baby! And don't even THINK of coming near my penis if you can't tell your right from your left without reciting the Pledge of Allegiance!

This story reminds me of that old, German folk song that Bette Midler used to sing in her concerts....

Hitler had only one big ball!
Goering had two and they were small!
Himmler had something sim'ler,
and poor old Geobbels had no balls at all!
Hitler had only one big ball!...


whimsicalnbrainpan said...


yinyang said...

Haha. "Diamonds the size of testicles" funny.