Tuesday, April 24, 2007


I just saw Him.

I left the wonderful Hell in a Handbag benefit at The Spot, waited way too long for the Broadway bus, ended a lovely evening with Brooke, walked towards my apartment in the rain and there He was.

The last guy I really thought would be "The One."

He was walking with some guy. He was holding a huge golf umbrella that shielded both of them from the rain.

I was getting drenched.

As I walked past them, they stopped talking. I didn't know it was Him till I was right beside Him.

It all came flooding back.

I spent years dating the most horrific man on the planet, spent more years in therapy dealing with what that man did to me and then I met Him at a party on New Year's Eve.

We rang in 2006 with our first kiss. The perfect way to start a year.

We had three incredible dates. Dates where all we did was laugh. Dates where our hands instinctively moved towards each other as if we had been holding hands for centuries.

And then, after celebrating my birthday with my friends, He never called me again.

And He never had the guts or the decency to tell me why He didn't want to see me again.

He just left.

That was over a year ago.

And I haven't been on a date since.

My therapist told me a long time ago that when I got mentally healthy, the dating pool would get smaller and smaller.

I understand that. I accept that. And I don't want to date someone just for the sake of "dating."

But I really thought He was one of "The Ones."

But He wasn't.

And no matter how much I enjoy my time by myself, I am becoming lonely.

Seeing Him again makes that loneliness palpable.

Oh well.


Lance Noe said...

God, I love you!

I love when people are honest about how they feel. Their shame, Their constranation. Their anger! and I applaud you for owning it, writing about and celebrate the fact that you, my friend, are human and most importantly, ALIVE!

Mike said...

He sucks. You're awesome.

Anonymous said...

Just chalk this one up to experience and as confucius says
"Experience is a comb that nature gives to men when they are bald"

We all love you very much so remember you are never alone.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"My therapist told me a long time ago that when I got mentally healthy, the dating pool would get smaller and smaller."

Amen! Your therapist sounds quite wise.


I'm sorry honey. I know you'll find someone. You are just too damn good of a catch not to.

Alanda said...

Oh Honey...


Stephen Rader said...

I love you guys very much. Thank you for your kind words.