Monday, January 25, 2010

"The Police Took Your Chicken? It Was Illegal Chicken?"

I'm back in Chicago and I have an important message for all Southerners:

Pimento cheese is a hazardous material!

I'm not saying that pimento cheese is hazardous TO tighty-whities (in the Colon Blow way). I mean pimento cheese is hazardous LIKE tighty-whities.

Yes, the pimento cheese spread that my mother purchased at the Food Lion and then gave to me to take home (don't judge) is considered a "liquid or gel" by Homeland Security.

Pimento cheese + white bread =

Pimento cheese + Stephen =
"Danger! Queen with a Spread! DANGER!"

Knoxville Airport Security confiscated my pimento cheese spread, y'all! I'm lucky I got through with Mama's fried chicken!

I'm sorry, but if redneck boys can no longer travel with pimento cheese, Mama's fried chicken, a couple of Moon Pies and an RC coca-cola, the terrorists win!


Anonymous said...


Ron said...


Prospero said...

You know how easy it is to smuggle explosives in pimentos... Just be glad it wasn't Head Cheese... they'd have done a full-body cavity sear... oh. Nevermind. You probably would have enjoyed that too much! ;-)

Java said...

What is it, a liquid, or a gel? That's too sad. Food Lion's pimiento cheese spread is some good stuff.

Did they let you on with an R'aC co'cola? I'd think that'd be a liquid, too, on most days. The moon pie should have passed muster, though. (Damn, boy, you got me all hungry again!)

Take "Queen with a Spread" out of context and it's even funnier.

Michael Rivers said...

What has this world come to?!?!

Mike, Studio city said...

Sick sad world.

Aaron said...

I think airport security has rather flipped out nowadays...I understand being concerned about unknown and possibly dangerous substances, but I mean, really?! CHEESE!??

On another note, I love your quote. I used to watch that movie over and over just for Yvonne Wilder. "De doctor says to me, 'Aurora, jou gotta get jou feet-a screpped!"

Mark in DE said...

LOL!! The terrorists have already won, silly.

Nick said...

Knoxville is the worst. I got stopped there at 5:30am one morning because my exfoliating face cream was in a container that could hold 3.5 oz instead of 3.4. Yeah.

And, like your cheese, it was a present from my mama too.

laura linger said...


And I would never judge. I'm bona fide Poor White Trash from should see the redneck culinary delights I gobble when I go home.