Monday, January 25, 2010

"The Police Took Your Chicken? It Was Illegal Chicken?"

I'm back in Chicago and I have an important message for all Southerners:

Pimento cheese is a hazardous material!

I'm not saying that pimento cheese is hazardous TO tighty-whities (in the Colon Blow way). I mean pimento cheese is hazardous LIKE tighty-whities.

Yes, the pimento cheese spread that my mother purchased at the Food Lion and then gave to me to take home (don't judge) is considered a "liquid or gel" by Homeland Security.

Pimento cheese + white bread =

Pimento cheese + Stephen =
"Danger! Queen with a Spread! DANGER!"

Knoxville Airport Security confiscated my pimento cheese spread, y'all! I'm lucky I got through with Mama's fried chicken!

I'm sorry, but if redneck boys can no longer travel with pimento cheese, Mama's fried chicken, a couple of Moon Pies and an RC coca-cola, the terrorists win!


Nathanael Rey said...


Ron said...


Prospero said...

You know how easy it is to smuggle explosives in pimentos... Just be glad it wasn't Head Cheese... they'd have done a full-body cavity sear... oh. Nevermind. You probably would have enjoyed that too much! ;-)

Java said...

What is it, a liquid, or a gel? That's too sad. Food Lion's pimiento cheese spread is some good stuff.

Did they let you on with an R'aC co'cola? I'd think that'd be a liquid, too, on most days. The moon pie should have passed muster, though. (Damn, boy, you got me all hungry again!)

Take "Queen with a Spread" out of context and it's even funnier.

Michael Rivers said...

What has this world come to?!?!

Mike, Studio city said...

Sick sad world.

Aaron said...

I think airport security has rather flipped out nowadays...I understand being concerned about unknown and possibly dangerous substances, but I mean, really?! CHEESE!??

On another note, I love your quote. I used to watch that movie over and over just for Yvonne Wilder. "De doctor says to me, 'Aurora, jou gotta get jou feet-a screpped!"

Mark in DE said...

LOL!! The terrorists have already won, silly.

Nick said...

Knoxville is the worst. I got stopped there at 5:30am one morning because my exfoliating face cream was in a container that could hold 3.5 oz instead of 3.4. Yeah.

And, like your cheese, it was a present from my mama too.

laura linger said...


And I would never judge. I'm bona fide Poor White Trash from should see the redneck culinary delights I gobble when I go home.