Sleepin' Single in a Double Bed

Around the first or second week of January last year, I was in the Walgreen's on Broadway and Belmont...

...and if you haven't been to this particular Walgreen's, run (don't walk) there and be sure that you wait in Maureen's line - - she talks to people, talks to what you're buying, sort of ANNOUNCES what you're buying to everyone in the store, sings along to the Muzak - - it's heaven under fluorescent lights and I adore her...

...and as I waited in Maureen's line, a man walked into the store and was immediately stopped by the huge aisle of Valentine's candies and cards and stuffed animals...

...and this is what he said... verbatim...

"Goddamn! Valentine's Day? FUCK!!"

And I couldn't agree more.

The only good thing about being single on Valentine's Day is the realization that this is the last of the long series of holidays where the world and Hallmark celebrate people who are in relationships...

...no matter how fucked up and destructive those relationships happen to be...

...and encourage single people to feel more and more like bastards at a family reunion.

As Lisa Lampanelli says when people talk to her after her show and ask for a free cd because this is their 30th wedding anniversary or some such bullshit...

"It's your wedding anniversary?

I'm 45 years old and single.

I'M NOT HAPPY FOR YOU!"

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Who Needs Osiris? Give Me Captain Marvel, Jr.!

"Are you the Key Master?

I am the Gate Keeper."






















"Now Superman, can you show me where on the doll Captain Marvel, Jr. touched you?"


















"Thank you, Master Marvel, Jr.

May I have another?"
(in German, of course)

Note: I found these and about a gazillion other fabulous images at SuperDickery.com. Check it out!!!

The names comes from the image gallery that started this site - - comic book covers and panels proving once and for all that "Superman is a dick!"

TCM on a Snow Day

If I had to go back in time and only have three television stations...

...and I got to choose which three...

...number one on my list would be Turner Classic Movies.

This is only because I do not currently get the Turner South channel in my cable package - - probably because it is only offered, for some stupid reason, IN THE SOUTH.

But today, I worked from home because of the 55 inches of ice and snow outside and TCM played HANNAH AND HER SISTERS as part of their month long "Salute to Oscar."

I had never seen the movie and found many more classic Woody Allen lines that I fell in love with, including this one...

"I was born Jewish, you know, but last winter I tried to become a Catholic and it didn't work for me.

I studied and I tried and I gave it everything, but you know, Catholicism for me was... ...

'Die now. Pay later'"

CNN or Fox News?

This from Jon Stewart on last night's THE DAILY SHOW regarding the media's switch from FATAL ATTRACTION- esque, "Depends"- wearing astronauts to "The Death of a Playmate"...

"Move over crazy astronaut in diapers!





















The media unleashed a full scale coverage orgy with CNN at one point going 90 minutes without a commercial...

...making the death of Anna Nicole Smith a more significant news event than a State of the Union Address and slightly less than 9/11."

To the People of America: What the fuck??!?!?

To CNN: We already HAVE Fox News for this kind of insanity. Knock it the fuck off!

A Great Night with Boho

Tonight's performance of LOVE'S FIRE, benefiting Bohemian Theatre Ensemble and Season of Concern, was wonderful.

Thanks to everyone at Boho for organizing this event for SOC - - especially the two women who put the whole thing together, Brooke and Kate. Congratulations on putting together a terrific fundraiser / theatre performance. Thank you for everything you did.

Also, thanks to Mike and Andy for coming to the show. You two are the best and support me in anything and everything. P.S. I need a trip to The Second Story Bar with you two asap!

And congratulations for Michael Ryzcek for his outstanding direction of the Kushner piece and to the ultra- fabulous Jodi Kingsley for playing said Kushner piece to the hilt.

Most importantly, a huge thank you to Jeff Roscoe for his fantastic musical direction and to Michael Kingston and Matt Gottlieb for their beautiful performances in the song I directed - - PAINTING by William Finn. Outstanding work, guys. Thank you so much!

Best of all, a very cute boy talked to me for quite a long time tonight and then asked me out.

"Wonder of wonders...

Miracle of Miracles..."

I told Stephen and Thomas, the leaders of Boho, that if I scored a boyfriend out of attending this event, I would have to name my first kid after them.

I meant that I would name my child "Stephen" or "Thomas" after their first names.

They thought I meant I would name my child after the theatre company's name.

They said, "Yeah! Boho Rader!"

Actually, I kinda like it.

Looking at the Numbers

Today on THE VIEW, Rosie immediately began to discuss what she had said about Anna Nicole Smith just hours before her death. She handled it perfectly.

Then, she presented this... to put our celebrity obsession into perspective...

"Since (Anna Nicole Smith's) son Daniel died, which was three days after the birth of her daughter, there have been 10,461 stories of her on American television.

Since (his) death, there have been 482 American soldiers killed in this war."

It reminds me of the beginning of the AIDS crisis when Larry Kramer presented the fact that...

"The New York Times wrote 54 articles about the Tylenol poisoning scare of 1982 within a 3-month period, with 4 articles on the front page and there were 7 deaths from that horrific act.

During the first 19 months of the AIDS epidemic, the same paper wrote 7 articles, with only 1 appearing on the front page and by the end of those 19 months, there had been 891 reported cases."

The numbers don't lie.

The Other F-Word

Thursday night, when I got home I did what every gay man living in the gutter while gazing at the stars does...

...I watched that day's TiVo'ed episode of THE VIEW.

And I saw this.

Rosie talking joking about Anna Nicole Smith. This was recorded live on Thursday only a few hours before Anna Nicole was found dead.



Contrary to the what some people have said already, I don't think Rosie is in bad taste here at all. What is she - Miss Cleo? She has no "spidey sense" to warn her of Anna Nicole's death hours later. She was making a joke. And when you make a joke, it's often ABOUT someone or something, so someONE is likely to be offended.

With all that's going on in our world today, I think we should all take the stick out of our asses and lighten up. We're coming dangerously close to having "bad words" again - - words you "can't say" and I just don't understand it.

I am a faggot, but lately everybody has traded that word for a phrase like, "a homophobic slur" or "a derogatory term for a gay man." The word is faggot people. Fag.

That word doesn't bother me. The people who hate me and harm me BECAUSE I am a faggot - - they bother me.

I had very hush, hush boyfriend my senior year of high school. Robbie went to a neighboring school and one night, after another nightmarish day of avoiding homophobic bullies and being called a "fag" ad nauseam, he asked me what was wrong...

Stephen: "They called me a fag at school again today."

Robbie: "Well... are you? Are you a fag?"

Stephen: "Well... yes.

Robbie: "Then, why does that bother you?"

That may be over- simplifying a much greater issue, but with so much work to be done to ensure that gays and lesbians are guaranteed life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, shouldn't we concern ourselves more with bone- breaking sticks and stones and less with the words that homophobes hope will hurt us?

Faggot is my word. I take it. I embrace it. I love it. It can't hurt me if I own it.

And as for being funny, this clip below is a laugh riot. And our pleasure in viewing it DEFINITELY comes from laughing at someone else's embarrassment. But I'll bet good money that Richard Simmons is laughing right along with us on this one.




So, let's follow Richard Simmons...

...no, let's NOT SWEAT TO THE OLDIES...

...let's laugh at ourselves a little.

P.S. Thanks to Jeremy for posting the Rosie clip on his blog!

Staking My Claim

Since the rumor mill is in full swing, I now announce that Prince Frederick von Anhalt, Zsa Zsa's ex and possibly Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy, is my New Imaginary Boyfriend.

I am flying to the Bahamas asap to begin adoption procedures wth my Prince Freddie...

...NOT Freddie Prince, Jr.

Get it right.

Is gay marriage legal in the Bahamas?

YES TO EVERYTHING

If you are free tomorrow night, Sunday, February 11, go, Go, GO to my friend Philip Dawkins' short play, YES TO EVERYTHING, in the Around the Coyote Winter Festival.

The brilliant Eric Reda directs it and my friend Cynthia is running the whole kit- and- kaboodle.

This 10- minute play contains a piece of Philip's writing that I believe to be his best... his best "so far," anyway. It resonates deeply with me. Especially this line...

"I don't wonder how I got here, but I do wonder how I get back."

Bravo, Philip. Incredible work.

Here's Philip's blurb about the show...

HEY ALL. . .
From the creators of UGLY BABY comes the brand new short comedy,
YES TO EVERYTHING!
by Philip Dawkins
directed by Eric C. Reda.
Starring [gulp!] Philip Dawkins.

One Weekend only!

February 9 (9:00), 10 (9:00), and 11 (9:00)

At
Dulcenae, a wicked cool spot in Wicker Park
1431 N. Milwaukee Ave.

Ticket Prices: $10.00
(This gets you an all-weekend pass to the AROUND THE COYOTE WINTER FESTIVAL
good for my show, any shows before (starting at seven), poetry events, art
shows, dance, film, and readings. A great bargain for either a night of
theatre or a whole weekend of art. Yay, Art!)

It was great to see Mike and Andy and Nick and Adam and Philip's parents there tonight.

And best of all, it was open bar for beer and vodka. What else could a girl want?!?!?

Lisa on Donald

My new favorite quote...



...from The Queen of Mean...



...Ms. Lisa Lampanelli!



Regarding Donald Trump's hair...

"What do you say to get that haircut?

'I fucked your daughter.'"?!?!?

LOVE'S FIRE This Monday

This Monday, Jeff Roscoe is playing a wonderful song called PAINTING by William Finn sung by the incredible Michael Kingston to Matt Gottlieb in Bohemian Theatre Ensemble's benefit performance of LOVE's FIRE.

The evening benefits Boho as well as Season of Concern. Michael, Matt, Jeff and I rehearsed the song again last night and it's wonderful. If you're free on Monday, join us!

Everybody and their brother is in this benefit. It wouldn't surprise me if Erin Moran is in one of the pieces...

Here's all the info...





7 Playwrights, 2 hours, 1 theme..
A BENEFIT for BoHo and SEASON OF CONCERN


A ONE NIGHT ONLY BENEFIT PERFORMANCE
Produced by Kate Garassino & Brooke Sherrod

Theatre Building Chicago
February 12th, 2007 7:30 pm
Cocktail & Appetizer Hour 6:30 pm
* Piano Entertainment by Carl Chadek
donated by Big Delicious Planet, Bespoke Cuisine & Beloit Beverage Company


TICKETS: 773-791-2393 $25
www.BoHoTheatre.com

Each of the seven one-act plays in Love's Fire offers an original and contemporary perspective on a single Shakespearean sonnet. Love and sex unite the seven short plays, which provide realistic, unusual and even wild glimpses into the choices people make in today's society.

Love’s Fire heralds the triumphs and tragedies of the heart. Using a variety of moods, settings, and stories, seven of America’s best contemporary playwrights pay tribute in a rich and marvelously entertaining celebration of the Bard.

Love's Fire Features Guest Directors: Nic Dimond, Kathleen Maki, Stephen Rader, Peter Robel, Michael Ryczek, Kimberly Senior and Chuck Smith

Featuring: Actors featured in Love's Fire: Anne Adams, Brian Amidei, Anthony Apodaca, Steve Best, Julie Burt, Alanda Coon, Michelle Courvais, Esteban Cruz, Brannen Daugherty, Brandon Dahlquist, Coco Elysses, John Ferrick, Ricardo Gamboa, Kate Garassino, Steve Genovese, Sarah Gitenstein, Jess Godwin, Jonathan Goodman, Matt Gottlieb, Chris Hainsworth, Kristin Hanson, Annie Joseph, Michael Kingston, Jodi Wonio Kingsley, Kelly Leaman, Brandon Miller, Mike Nichols, Vanessa Panerosa, Dan Riley, Blair Robertson, Jeff Roscoe, Tom Samorian, Justin Sample, Robyn Senchak, Brooke Sherrod, Danni Smith, Nick Sula, and Nico Tricoci.

Season of Concern is the Chicagoland theatre community’s fundraising effort in providing compassionate care to those in our community who are experiencing the effects of catastrophic illness. This effort supports the fight against AIDS, contributing to programs that provide direct-care support (funded programs provide personal financial support, housing care, meals, medications, legal assistance and a variety of other services for people living with HIV and AIDS) to members of the theatre community and others in Chicago and the Midwest; and emergency needs expressed by theatre community members in their struggles against other life-threatening illnesses.

Oh, The Humanity!

Tonight.

It happens tonight.

And there is nothing any of us can do to stop it.

Tonight, David Hasselhoff opens in the Las Vegas 90- minute production of THE PRODUCERS.

No, he's not playing Leo or Max.








He's not even playing Franz Liebkind, the German playwright of SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER and he'd be great playing Franz... those Germans fucking LOVE The Hoff.



No, he's playing the director of SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER, Roger "Elizabeth" DeBris.

That's right. He's playing this guy.

Yes, The Hoff will be wearing that dress.





Tonight, Mr. YouTube HOOKED ON A FEELING will be singing KEEP IT GAY.

Tonight, Mr. KNIGHT RIDER will be dressed as Hitler singing the lyrics...

"Heil myself! Watch my show!
I'm the German Ethel Merman, don'tcha know!"

Kit, get me out of here... Turbo Boost, Kit... TURBO BOOST!!!

Here's a picture of The Hoff with actor Rich Affamato who plays Carmen Ghia, Roger DeBris'... ummmm... better half.

Pray for Mr. Affamato. Or just send him cash.



I would imagine he would rather go quail hunting with Cheney than play the boyfriend of Mr. BAYWATCH. Dear Lord...

Korean Kabaret

My Korean friend...

...no, not Kim Jong-il...

...my OTHER Korean friend...

...Max Chung, is premiering his cabaret show entitled...


...wait for it...


...wait for it...

SECRET ASIAN MAN!

Isn't that a hoot? I LOVE that title!

Here's a teaser from Max:

The secret is out and Max Chung is telling all.

Well, everything you wanted or needed to know about Chicago's one and only Korean American musical theatre actor (phew).

You'll laugh. You may even cry. You will have a drink.

Secret Asian Man ... a Korean Kabaret at Davenport's Piano Bar, Wednesday February 21 & 28 at 8pm.

Max is telling all, huh?

So tell us, Max: What was Patti LuPone REALLY like when you worked with her in ANYONE CAN WHISTLE at Ravinia?

And did she REALLY say...

"Do you know WHY you're going to stop rehearsal and build a ramp for my entrance? Because I'm PATTI FUCKING LUPONE!!!!"

Because if she did actually say that, she is my new favorite human.

Tell us, Max. Inquiring minds want to know.

Look Out Elton John

Ya'll.

Go to this posting on my friend Mike's blog.

Just do it.

It's Mike's lyrics to what he calls GOODBYE AMERICAN ROSE


That's right, it's CANDLE IN THE WIND written for Ms. Trimspa herself.

Bow to Mr. McNamara.

We're not worthy. We're not worthy.

A Logical Replacement

In the spirit of BEWITCHED...

...where we can easily replace one Darrin...







...with another Darrin...

...without ever referencing it, explaining it or calling attention to it in any way, shape or fashion...

...may I suggest we replace one crazy, drunk and high Southern nutjob...



...with her very own cousin, Shelly...



Shelly, Shelly, Shelly, Shelly

Shelly "All Gums!"

She's so outrageous.

Yeah, I'm a Bitch, But I Said It First

In an email exchange just minutes ago with a friend who I won't name just in case my poor taste in this posting would offend anyone they know...

Friend: "anna nicole smith died!!!!!!"

Stephen: "TrimSpa, baby!!!"

Friend: "There are so many reasons why I adore you, and that response was all of them."

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Anna, Anna, Anna, Anna

Anna Nicole

She's so outrageous

Will The Real Peyton Manning Please Stand Up?

If this is what it means to be a Bears fan, I'm so glad that I'm musical theatre fag...

CHICAGO BEARS FAN BEGINS PAINFUL NAME
CHANGE

DECATUR, Illinois (AP) -- Scott Wiese is a man of his word. But soon his friends will be saying that about Peyton Manning.

Wiese, a die-hard Chicago Bears fan, will legally change his name to that of the Indianapolis Colts quarterback. He signed a pledge in front of a crowd at a Decatur bar last Friday night, vowing to adopt Manning's name if the Bears lost Sunday's Super Bowl.

The final score was Colts 29, Bears 17.

So on Tuesday, Wiese went to the Macon County Courts Facility and started the process of changing his name.

"I made the bet, and now I've got to keep it," said the 26-year-old,
who lives in Forsyth, just north of Decatur.

Wiese will now have to advertise his intention in the local newspaper -- the Herald & Review -- for several weeks and then have a judge give him the OK to become, legally anyway, Peyton Manning.

The men have little in common, Wiese acknowledges.

Manning the quarterback is 30 years old, stands 6-foot-5 and has a contract with the Colts worth more than $100 million.

Wiese is 5-foot-11 and works at a Staples office-supply store for somewhat less.

"I think I kind of represent all Bears fans," he said. "Not that I'm saying they're all idiots like me, but I represent their passion because I really care about my team, you know?"

While he pledged to take on the new identity, Wiese didn't make any promises about how long he would keep it.

Guys, seriously. Stop making Chicagoans look like we all have an I.Q. equal to the third shift at the Sweetwater, TN Waffle House. Come on!!!!

In a related story, if Christine Ebersole doesn't win the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical this coming June, I will offically change my name to Kristin Chenowith.

Baba Wawa Tews It Wike It Is

Apparently, you CAN pray the gay away.

Did you hear that sound? Yep, that was my father finding Jesus.

UNITED STATES: 'Ted Haggard is now heterosexual'
published: Wednesday | February 7, 2007

HAGGARD

DENVER (AP):

A leading evangelist who admitted to "sexual immorality" following allegations of sex with a male prostitute is convinced he is "completely heterosexual," said one of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counselling with the disgraced minister.

The Rev. Ted Haggard, a vocal opponent of gay marriage, also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story yesterday edition.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."

Yeah...

On yesterday's episode of THE VIEW, Baba Wawa...

I'm sorry, I had a Gilda Radner moment...

...Barbara Walters had this to say...

"What is interesting in this world of rehab, is that he went in for three whole weeks of treatment. And in those weeks, he really fell that it was his religion. He said that three weeks were like three months and Jesus put him back together again.

But somebody said to me, 'You know when your kid smokes and you don't want your kid to smoke or when your kid drinks and you don't want your kid to drink, so you make the kid smoke all day till he or she can't stand it... you make him drink all day...

I wanna know what they did in the three weeks.'"

Barbara Walters breakin' it down.

Working

Well, it's official. If something is posted on Playbill.com, then it is definitely official.

Actors' Fund to Present a Working Benefit Concert in Chicago

By Andrew Gans
07 Feb 2007

The Actors' Fund of America will present a benefit concert of Working March 5 in Chicago.

The concert, which will benefit the Actors' Fund as well as Chicago's Season of Concern, will be held at The Harris Center for Music and Dance. Show time is 7:30 PM.

Working, which was adapted by Stephen Schwartz based on the Studs Terkel book of the same name, features songs by Schwartz, Craig Carnelia, Micki Grant, Mary Rodgers, Susan Birkenhead, Stephen Schwartz and James Taylor. The musical, according to press notes, "paints a vivid portrait of the men and women the world often takes for granted. It is a highly original look at the American landscape that is simply impossible to forget." The original 1978 Broadway cast included Patti LuPone, Joe Mantegna and Bob Gunton.

The Actors' Fund, which was founded in 1882, is a non-profit organization that provides for the social welfare of all entertainment professionals. Some of the many programs The Actors' Fund provides include a nursing home and assisted living care facility; senior and disabled programs; mental health services; chemical dependency services; entertainment industry assistance programs; the Phyllis Newman Women's Health Initiative; the AIDS Initiative; and supportive housing on both coasts.

The Harris Center is located at 205 East Randolph Drive in Chicago, IL. Tickets, priced $50-$500, are available by calling (312) 334-7777.

Visit www.actorsfund.org for more information.

I am so excited about this concert and what it will mean for both Season of Concern and The Actors Fund. So many people in the theatre community in Chicago don't know anything about The Actors Fund, their services, their programs. Many people don't even know The Actors Fund has an office in Chicago.

They do. As Season of Concern's Executive Director, I share office space with The Actors Fund Midwest Coordinator. Season of Concern provides a major grant to The Actors Fund's Chicago office each year to ensure their presence in the Windy City and throughout the Midwest.

This concert will highlight the partnership of our two organizations, but more importantly, it will inform people in Chicago's entertainment industry of the incredible services and programs available to them through The Actors Fund.

And to all of you who collect audience donations after performances, hold special benefit performances for us, or make personal donations to Season of Concern on a regular basis, know that your generosity and hard work for us is going right back into our community to help our own. Thank you.

What is WORKING? Well, this little clip will give you an idea.

Eileen Brennan in a musical. Who woulda thunk it?

The Burning Bush & "Turnin' On"

I was all prepared to add a truly bizarre video clip to my blog - - another one of those "I Can't Believe This Is Actually A Musical" things - - and as I googled around for an image from the show...

I stumbled into an old friend.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you (on the far right) the fabulous Bridget Crawford!

This is a pic from a musical called I LOVE MY WIFE. We'll get to that later.


I met Bridget during the 27 week run of FALSETTOS I did for Porchlight Music Theatre.

I met so many incredible people during the run of that show. That was my first show for Walter and Eugene. That's where I met the fabulous Jeanne - - stage manager supreme who took such good care of us all and became a wonderful friend.

That was the first time I met Mark Mavetz and Carrie Beth and Janna Cardia and Jacob Hoffman - - all incredible people doing amazing projects all the time.

That's where I met David Nash, the big L.A. actor now, and his mom Cindy - - and as soon as Cindy realized that we were both from Tennessee and both graduates of UTK, she adopted me on the spot.

And that's where I met the lovely Gary McNulty.

Here's me with Gary hovering over me and cute- as- can- be Jacob on the left in a picure taken during a show one night in "Jacob's Bar Mitzvah" scene.

It was Gary who kept me from reading a review that would have hurt my feelings. I imagine because it said I wasn't pretty enough to play Whizzer... or that I was too fat.

Check out my chunky legs on the postcard above and you'll see how much heavier I was back then.

But Gary saved me from those who would make fun of me. He's an amazing guy.

Sadly, even though this little "Production- That- Could" was only 8 years ago, two of our "teeny tiny band" are no longer with us.

We lost the amazing MaryBeth Thiels a few years ago. And just last year, we lost our incredible producer and friend Fred Solari.

A few months ago, I was travelling with Cindy Nash and she put in a tape she made during one of the performances of FALSETTOS and I curled up in the back of her minivan and listened to our performance. And when MaryBeth started singing, I cried out of some sadness, yes - - but more out of the joy of hearing her beautiful voice again.

That was an amazing 27 weeks. We knew it then - - how amazing it was. But I guess in some ways we didn't know just how special that was.

Here's the whole crew in a cast pic.


There's Bridget over on the right.


Ok, enough "Looking Back with Melancholy." Let's talk about Bridget.

Bridget came into the show to replace MaryBeth for some reason or another, and here is the EXACT exchange we had when I first met this fiery redhead. I remember it verbatim:

Walter: "Stephen this is Bridget. Bridget this is Stephen"

Stephen: "Is it true?"

Bridget: "About my pubes? Yes."

She knew EXACTLY what I was oh- so- cattily referring to and one- upped me immediately. I fell in love with her.

She went on to tell me she preferred her nickname to be "Fire Crotch" or "The Burning Bush."

What's not to love about Bridget?!?!?!?

Ok, weird segue. Other than the fact that Bridget did a revival of musical called I LOVE MY WIFE at a theatre in New Jersey and that show contains this song, there is no reason for my adding this clip to this posting...

...well, maybe also because this clip features Rock Hudson AND Bea Arthur...

...singing...

...about drug use.




Don't get any ideas about lifting the song and doing it in your cabaret shows - - I am claiming this for my own RIGHT FRIGGIN' NOW!!!

The Other End of the Spectrum

My friend Aaron has informed me via a comment on this blog that...

"...you can NOT vasilate in imaginary boyfriends between hairy leather daddies and hairless twinks with pony fetishes. It waste's your time and confuses the bears. "

So, to show you readers at home the wide range of types of men that I like...

Two Legs and a Crotch - - Two Legs Optional!!!

...I have changed my Imaginary Boyfriend from a boy who plays a character named Harry to a hairy man who played a character named Grizzly.



Yes, my New Imaginary Boyfriend is none other than Grizzly Adams, as played by Mr. Dan Haggerty himself.



For those of you born too late to enjoy the frivolity of 70's era television, Dan Haggerty played the uber- bearman of the 70's, Grizzly Adams in both the 1974 movie and the subsequent '77 through '82 television series sharing the title, THE LIFE AND TIMES OF GRIZZLY ADAMS.

I remember watching this show... a lot... for a number of reasons...

And since I like all men - - from twinks to bears, from smooth to hairy, from chunky to funky and everything in between - - Grizzy Adams will now be my imaginary "plus one" at any and all parties and events.

Now, can anybody help me find this Mini- Grizzly?

And A Little Child Shall Lead Them

Yesterday after the SEUSSICAL performance, me in my Cat drag and Teresa dressed as the Wife of the Mayor of Whoville wearing a beehive wig that towers so high on her head there's a chin strap to keep it in place walked down to the Apollo Theatre's studio space to be the celebrity guests at a birthday party...

...for two 8 year olds.

The girls were lovely, but Teresa and I were attacked the second we walked in. It was kind of like that scene in BARBARELLA where Jane Fonda is surrounded by those little walking dolls with sharp, mechanical teeth that begin to eat her flesh.

Yeah, like that... but nicer.

One of my standard questions when I'm signing autographs or attending one of these birthday parties is, "What was your favorite part of the show?"

One little girl answered. When she described her favorite part in full, I realized that what she MEANT to say was "the curtain call," because of the fun choreography Ernie did for the final song, GREEN EGGS AND HAM.

What she ACTUALLY said was...

Stephen as The Cat: "What was your favorite part of the show?"

Little 8 year old girl: "The end."

I laughed that loud, obnoxious laugh that I'm known for. It was the perfect response to my question. And one I will use when other people ask me what part of their play or musical I liked best from now on.

You've been warned.

Changing

Last night, I had a wonderful dinner at Cesar's with Ms. Bea.

Today, she is auditioning for MORTIFIED, "a showcase of people reading aloud their most embarrassing, REAL teenage diary entries, poems, love letters, lyrics and locker notes... in front of total strangers."

After reading through a few of Bea's very real, very wonderful and VERY funny diary entries from 1992, if the folks at MORTIFIED don't cast her, put her high on a pedestal, illuminate her in a spotlight with an amber gel and allow the world to realize just how amazing she is, they are complete and utter fools who probably think that Louie Armstrong was the first man on the moon!

Break a leg, Bea!

If you don't know Ms. Bea, this little moment from last night's dinner will tell you just how fabulous she truly is.

We were at a table, had finished our meals and were slurping down the last little drops of our jumbo margarita's when one of the waiters asked if we wouldn't mind finishing our drinks at the bar so they could turn the table.

Bea and I were ready to call it a night and were grabbing our bags when the waiter said...

"If you move to the bar, we'll buy each of you a free margarita."

In a mere nano- second, Bea jammed her knee into my leg...

...the subtext of that action being...

"Look fag, don't get all Southern and say, 'Oh, that's alright. We were just leaving.' Take him up on the free booze, nimrod!"

So, of course we did. And of course that second round was accompanied by straight shots of tequila.

Tequila: The Heroin of Alcohol.

I love me some Bea!

And what's the best way to show her I love her? By stealing her really cool ideas, of course!!!

You see, Bea has an alternate blog dedicated to her own promotion of her friends' plays and projects called Oh, My Talented Peeps!

And while I am not going to create a whole new blog like that, I am adding a couple of new sections to this blog. The inspiration for these new sections comes completely from Ms. Bea.

First, there's a section of links to projects that I'm currently involved in. Let's face it, this IS a blog about me, after all.

And then, there's a section of links to my friends' current projects. I have posted a couple already (The production of THE OLDEST PROFESSION that Alanda assistant directed and Max's upcoming cabaret show), but if ya'll have a something you would like me to post, send me the info and the site link and I'll do what I can to promote your gig.

And it can be anything, not just theatre. Singing gigs, poetry, performance art, which room you've reserved at Steamworks for Saturday night, ANYTHING.

Oh, and I added one more new section as well: An ever- changing picture of My New Imaginary Boyfriend.

My current selection - - Daniel Radcliffe. The production photos from his West End production of EQUUS have definitely turned me into a Harry Potter fan...

Oh, Harry...





Also...

...after looking at these "Horse & Harry Potter" pictures...

...I now possess a deeper admiration for Catherine the Great and her...

...ummm...

...equestrian passion.

Noel and NINA

Treat yourself.

Go to YouTube and subscribe to this User ID: MusicOnTv.

He or she posts INCREDIBLE clips from all eras of television featuring singers and Broadway stars performing song I never knew they sang. I didn't know these clips even existed.

Bette Midler singing "La Vie en Rose."

Blossom Dearie singing a cool jazz version of "Surrey with a Fringe on Top."

Amazing stuff.

This is the clip that MusicOnTv posted yesterday.

Classic Noel Coward. Watch it. This is how it's done.

"Does Anyone Still Wear a Hat?"

Open Letter to Elaine Stritch

Regarding Her Rhetorical Question

"Does Anyone Still Wear A Hat?"

Right here, dude.



If this doesn't convince you that the mind is the first thing to go, I'm not quite sure what will.

But ya'll, isn't it great that the mind IS the first thing to go. I want other... things... to hang on for a long, LONG time.

Now, let me explain the Uncle Sam drag.

No, I'm not running for President on the Democratic ticket...

...although I think I'm just about the only person who is NOT announcing his bid for the Presidency...

...right now, I wouldn't be surprised if Vic Tayback made a run for the Oval Office.

In fact, this country could use a little Tayback right about now.

Just think about it...

Mel Sharples debating Hillary.

Hillary: "It takes a village."

Vic Tayback: "Stow it, blondie."

And hey, Hillary, one thing.

You took your husband's name when you married him...

...you stayed WITH your husband after that whole "jizz on a dress" thing...

...so how about dropping the Cher / Madonna / Oprah one- name bullshit and put CLINTON somewhere on your campaign posters!!!

Come on, Hillary! Al Gore distanced himself from your husband in 2000 and look where he is today.



Ok... yes, he's the center of an Oscar-nominated documentary, but that's not the point.... Ummm... Well...

I digress.

In order to encourage people in the Chicago theatre community...

...actors, designers, directors...

...audience members, crew members, staff members...

...that hot guy with the mohawk wearing a black jacket lined with safety pins who sat behind me a the Goodman's opening night performance of A CHRISTMAS CAROL last November...

"Near. Far. Where ever you are..."

Sorry. I'm back.

In order to encourage anyone and everyone to go to Season of Concern's new web site and join our online community, SOC's brilliant and oh, so hot web mistress, Jodi, created the above image to head an email blast that hopes to reach every single theatre artist in the city.

"Uncle Stephen Wants YOU to
Join Season of Concern's Online Community!"

That kind of thing.

It's a brilliant way to make people laugh and encourage them to register with our site...

...but I can feel my career veering dangerously close to a production of LIL' ABNER starring me as Pappy Yokum.

Yeah, that's Pappy. The bald guy being held horizontal. Fuck.

The thought terrifies me.

So, make me feel better. Log onto Season of Concern's web site and register with our online community. Soon, that VIP section (no velvet rope, yet but we're working on it...) will have cool auctions, ticket discounts, information on great parties and events - - the works.

So, please register. For me. For Pappy Yokum.