1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?
Going commando is sexy. And sometimes disgusting. Which is just fine, because sometimes, disgusting is exactly the kind of sexy that I crave.
I've never been one of those queens who only goes to the cleanest of bathhouses. I prefer a little sleaze with my sleaze. Just because it looks hot on "Grey's Anatomy" doesn't mean that fucking in a place as sterile as a hospital is fun. At all.
And no, I don't have a "best" commando story. Because today's not over yet.
2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
Certain Southerners of a certain age will remember summers when homemade ice cream had to be churned manually. Over and over. For a very long time. Working that crank up and down and around. In the middle of all that heat. Sweat pouring all down your face. Muscles aching as you grunted to keep everything moving around and around for what seemed like an eternity.
All because, when you opened up what was inside, it was absolute heaven.
That's my answer. Now, start churning!
3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?
Good if you're giving and GREAT if you're getting.
I think we all prefer 68 to 69, don't we?
You know what 68 is. To quote George Carlin...
"68 is 'You do me and I'll owe ya!'"
I'm 40. If you want more than one a night, I need to go somewhere and reload.
I'm like Barney with his one bullet. I can hold on to it for a long, long, long time.
5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
Morning sex is awesome.
Sometimes, it's hard for your partner to realize that your hardon is morning wood that sprung up from a monstrous need to pee, and jumping up and sitting on top of it is shoving your bladder up into windpipe, but for love, I can handle anything.
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?
Ummm... What part of "Cocksucking Rimjob Homo" didn't you understand?
I don't need to know their last name. Or their first name. Just their inseam.