Super Tuesday

If this isn't a real-life Jefferson Pierce - - a.k.a. Black Lightning - - then I don't know who is!

I love Black Lightning's new look.

So much better than the wide white collared shirt that was unbuttoned all the way to his navel.

That look was as always a little too Tony Manero for me.

But this look is HOT!

"Makes Me Want a Hot Dog Real Bad!"

I just saw this speedo over at i Candy.

This design kinda just says it all, doesn't it?

It could only be improved if it had the words...

"Nuff said"

...across the backside.

And if the hot dog was perpendicular instead of horizontal.

Perpen-dic-ular. Get it?

I'll just stop now...

"More Than Meets The Eye"

Call me a freak...

Call me a sicko...

Call me a total pervert...

But when I see these pictures of Shia LaBeouf in full burn / damage makeup on the set of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I really wanna do him.










Then again, I really wanna do Shia LaBeouf every time I see him.

Especially when he's eating a banana.

I don't think I'm alone in this, am I?

"I Can Cook, Too"

Check out this brownie pan.

This ensures that each and every brownie you bake will have those yummy, crispy edges.

It's from a company named Baker's Edge.

I love their slogan - - "The First and Only Pan for Edge Lovers." Makes me giggle. It's kinda dirty.

I don't know about you, but I am a big Edge Lover.

Both the brownie kind and the... ummm... other kind.

"Who Makes the Fog Surrounding the Golden Gate Simply Disappear? Phyllis!"

In addition to her other jokes at the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget, Cloris Leachman said that Mary Tyler Moore is a...

"Total slut. She taught me everything I know. "Here's something you don't know about Mary - when she had an orgasm, she threw her hat in the air."

She went on to say...

"None of this dirty joke stuff is shocking to me. During the Golden Era of comedy, I broke my ankle when I tripped over Milton Berle's cock."

And she ended by saying...

"I was classically trained in live theatre. I improvised.

"No script. No director. Just me and the donkey.

"Five sold out shows a night for six years
till the donkey died of exhaustion.

"Then, I was finally ready for Hollywood.

"What have you nothings done?
'My YouTube video has 400 hits.'?!?

"Fuck a donkey, then talk to me!"

"In My Tennessee Mountain Home"

I've found another blog and blogger that I love - - Joie Mayfield's blog So Much To Deal With.

This man likes comic books, Dolly Parton and he lives in East Tennessee. I am an instant fan!

And speaking of Ms. Parton, one of Joie's posts brought these t-shirts to my attention...

"Dolly for President"

These are being sold inside of Dollywood. Fortunately, I have a Season Pass. Want one?

"Fish Gotta Swim, Birds Gotta Fly..."

Tomorrow night - - Monday, August 25th from 6pm to 8pm at Sidetrack - - I am performing in Flip-Flop 2: Flip-Flop Goes to the Movies, a wonderful benefit for the About Face Youth Theatre.

For those of you not in Chicago, About Face Theatre is an incredible gay and lesbian theatre company and their youth program brings together GLBT young people every year to workshop a theatre piece based on their true-life stories. This piece is then toured to high schools throughout the city and the suburbs. It's ground-breaking work and I am proud to be a tiny part of a fundraiser for this company.

And I'm performing with some SERIOUS talent tomorrow night. My buddy Amy Matheny is hosting and scheduled to appear are Amy Armstrong & Freddy Allen, Christine Buanan, Dale Calandra, Kristoffer Cusick, David Edelfelt, Ora Jones, Pat Kane, George Keating, Heidi Kettenring, Elizabeth Laidlaw, Tom Michael, Stanton Nash, Liz Pazik, John Riley, Paul Stovall, Chris Walsh alongside cast members of "Wicked" and "Jersey Boys." (whew...)

Click on the link if you want more info.

I'm singing "Can't Help Lovin' That Man of Mine" - - which is dedicated to a certain Boy in Florida, by the way - - and I'll be leading a sing-along written by a fellow East Tennessean who just happens to own her own theme park.

Oh, and they don't know it yet, but I'll be telling a story about the blow job I saw being given in the main room of Sidetrack one Sunday afternoon when they were playing The Trolly Song.

If I can't smoke in a bar anymore, I might as well tell blow job stories, don't you think?

My New Favorite Caption Contest #32

This week, there were SEVERAL brilliant captions for Contest #31. Among them Bunny from Down the Rabbit Hole gave us...

"It was another one of those
damn Bea Arthur dreams!"

And here I thought that only I had Bea Arthur dreams. Of course, I refer to mine as nightmares, but still...

Then, Jer from You're Being Ridiculous submitted...

"ok, there's gaydar and
then there's GAYDAR"

I used to have that kind of gaydar in middle school. Only it was in reverse. I got wood whenever I saw a straight guy. It caused a lot of problems. I'm just sayin'...

And my buddy Steve from ...not that there's anything wrong with that! wrote...

"Looks like the turkey is ready . . ."

Love it, Steve. And while I am in love with Philip's "Marco---?," I had to go with a new player for the Caption Contest. Kansastock submitted this caption that really made me laugh...

"Not bad... but you know why black only comes in XL, don't you?"

Funny AND bitchy. Now, that's my kind of caption. Thanks, Kanastock!

The picture for this week's contest is in a similar vein... so to speak...

Aren't straight boys silly when they pretend that they're about to grab their buddy's "woody?" Is this Gay Chicken 2.0 or something?

Stop screwing around, put it in your mouth and be done with it, I say. Give 'em a caption, y'all.

"Daddy'll LOVE That"

Looks like Chicago isn't the only city in the U.S. where a homo can get his Little Mermaid on.

The Ubiquitous Hobbit just sent me this pic from San Francisco.

He recently relocated there.

Yes, I'm jealous.

I want to be Mary Ann Singleton.

Actually, I aspire to be Anna Madrigal...

Mary Ann:
"Do you have any objections to a pet?"

Mrs. Madrigal:
"Dear . . . I have no objections to anything."

"Holy Hole in a Donut!"

No, this isn't Burt Ward at ComicCon.

At least, I don't think it is...

This is a picture that I found over at Super Underwear Perverts, and it almost killed my Robin the Boy Wonder Fetish.

Luckily, I had this picture, shall we say, "handy."

P.S. Do you think he can store his chair in his utility belt.

And by "utility belt," I mean "ass."

"The Only Way To Get What You Want Is To Become a Human Yourself"

MK just told me about this and even though Hamlet 2 is now open, this takes precedence...

Sing-Along Little Mermaid

Be part of the music, fun and excitement under the sea and experience the animated classic in a whole new way! Sing along with Disney's Little Mermaid as the words appear on the screen for each song! Come dressed as your favorite character!

August 22 - September 1

* Daily at 5:30 & 7:45

* Wednesday at 10:30am, 3:15, 5:30 and 7:45

* Saturdays, Sundays & Labor Day at
1:00, 3:15, 5:30 and 7:45

I know that Dirk will be going. He's a huge fan of The Little Mermaid.

And I will be going. I'm a huge fan of Ursula, the Sea Witch.

She's grey-haired, overweight to the point of having sentient back fat and her only friends in the world are a couple of eels.

She is what we all are going to become. She's the character we can relate to.

Who else can we relate to in the movie? Ariel?!?" The bitch who has everything and COMPLAINS about it?!? Please...

"Do You Think This Outfit Makes Me Look... You Know... A Little... Gay?"

I ran across this somewhere last week and perhaps this explains my fascination and obsession with comic books at a very young age.



I never really thought of it before, but He-Man is basically wearing a harness.

And an incredibly gay-ass Little Lord Fauntleroy haircut.

Orko is right...

"Dude, I'm telling you. You look super gay."

Fratboy Friday

BOYS IN CAPS

Check out the dude on the right.

A gun show and a bottle job all-in-one.

Ain't she precious?

****

SAGGERS

"Think pink! Think pink when you shop for summer clothes!
Think pink! Think pink when you want that quelque chose."

(Love Kay Thompson. LOVE HER!)

****

MOONERS

Guys! Stop teasing Senator Craig!

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Two six packs for each of them.

That should be enough to make me look like Lindsay Lohan
through their beer goggles.

Or at least her mother. Hopefully, they're into MILTF.

"Come Here and Pull My Finger."

Eric McCool just sent me this link.

In the subject line he wrote...

"And now for something COMPLETELY pointless..."

I'm just happy that the internet isn't equipped with Smell-O-Vision. Yet.

Go ahead. Click on the link. And then click on a finger. I dare you.

"I Am Frau Blücher"

Rumor has it that Cloris Leachman auditioned several times and was TURNED DOWN to reprise her role in the Broadway musical version of Young Frankentein.

Allegedly, Mel Brooks was concerned that if Ms. Leachman played Frau Blücher on the Broadway stage, the show would become all about her.

As much as I would LOVE to see Ms. Leachman as Frau Blücher live and in person, these clips from the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Sagat prove one thing - - Mel Brooks was right.





She's 82 years old, folks. This is why it blows that we celebrate youth in our culture and not age. That woman knows how it's done!!!

UPDATE: Comedy Central's site is undergoing maintenance right now. Give it a few.

"Mrs. Robinson, You're Trying to Seduce Me... Aren't You?"

Sharon Stone is said to be dating this man, Chase Dreyfous.

Other than the fact that his name is "Chase"...

...I try to avoid dating men with names that sound like Tennessee Williams characters - - you know, Brick... Chance... Stanley...

...everyone is apparently up in arms because Sharon is 50 years old and Chase is 24.

Now, my initial reaction is, "'Atta girl!," but after reading that Chase shows off her phone number to his friends when Sharon calls his cell phone and that Chase has said that Sharon is "pretty good for 50," I have to say...

Sharon, throw this one back. He ain't ready yet.

The fact that he was 8 years old when Basic Instinct came out is hot, but he sounds like a douche.

A hot, young trick for booty calls? Yes. Boyfriend material? No.

P.S. Check out the shoe in the bottom right corner. Fierce!

"No One Is Alone. Truly, No One Is Alone"

Tonight, I had dinner with my friends Lori Cannon and Brian-Mark Conover.

Each of us work for various HIV/AIDS service organizations and it was wonderful to have some time chatting, laughing and catching up.

In my opinion, Lori is THE person to know in the Chicago HIV/AIDS community. If you need help, if you need services, if you need to get something done, you call Lori. Period.

We all try to help others; Lori succeeds at it.

Months ago, Lori called me and asked if I would read names at a small showing of The AIDS Memorial Quilt at The Center on Halsted in the gymnasium. I would and will do anything Lori asks, so of course I said yes.

There were only 10 or so sections of The Quilt on display, and as I had done in the past - - as far back as my Knoxville days - - I read the names of those people whose lives had been ended by this horrible plague into a microphone at the end of the room.

Not just the names of those on the Quilt panels being shown at The Center that day, but all of the names on all of the panels of The Quilt that had ever been made.

Tonight, Lori told me that a woman was attending a meeting inside The Center the same day that The Quilt was being displayed. The woman's meeting was down the hall from the gymnasium and she left the meeting for a few minutes to stretch her legs and look outside. As she took in the view outside the window, she heard someone say her son's name.

Her son had died of AIDS and she and her husband had created a panel for him for The Quilt.

And as she looked through the window, I read her son's name.

I didn't know this at the time, but when the woman heard her son's name, she came into the gymnasium and saw The Quilt panels. And there was the panel that she had made for her son.

Lori told me that later that evening, the woman came back in, talked to Lori and spent time with her son's panel. She smoothed it out. She was proud that she had taken the time to back stitch the panel; it was holding up well.

As Lori said tonight, that is the magic of The Quilt. Stories like that follow it everywhere.

Exactly one month from today, I am walking in Chicago's AIDS Run & Walk for the AIDS Foundation of Chicago. I am the Captain of Season of Concern's Team and I am happy to say that, because of the generosity of the AIDS Foundation, 100% of the funds raised by our Team will go directly to Season of Concern

Season of Concern provides direct-care services and support to people living with HIV/AIDS in the Chicago theatre community.

We still need Team Members and we very much need donations. In the past, I have raised over $1,000 myself for the AIDS Walk and this year, my pledge total is only $75. Season of Concern's Team fundraising goal is $15,000 and our Team pledge total is currently $1,959.

So, if you would like to join our Team, email me and I can talk you through it.

Or if you would like to pledge me in this year's AIDS Walk, click here.

And Lori, thanks for telling me that story. It truly means the world to me.

"The Whole World's Gone Gay!"

There's a new blog on My Favorite Blogs blogroll, Moe's Tavern: Home of the Flaming Moe.

It's written by a fellow Boystown resident, Ron and it's brand spankin' new. (I said "spankin'"... Hot...)

Now, I don't know Ron, but in a recent post, he wrote out a piece of dialogue that he heard between two boyfriends who live in his building.

This exchange happened in his building's courtyard.

Spoken loudly...

Man 1:
"Well what was I supposed to do?
The power has been out for days!"

Man 2:
"That doesn't mean that
you had to fuck him!"

If that's not some dialogue right out of a gay version of Gossip Girl, I don't know what is!

Q: What is a gay version of Gossip Girl?

A: Gossip Girl.

So go over to his blog and give Ron some love.

The name alone of his blog is absolutely brilliant.

"The Spy Who Loved Me"

I saw this over at Seduced by the New... and it makes me very happy. And horny...

"Daniel Craig is urging movie bosses to revolutionize the James Bond franchise by including a gay scene involving the superspy in the follow-up to CASINO ROYALE.

"The heart-throb actor has also reportedly told studio chiefs he is prepared to film a full frontal nude scene to please both his male and female admirers. He says, 'Why not? I think in this day and age, fans would have accepted it.

"'I mean, look at DOCTOR WHO - that has had gay scenes in it and no one blinks an eye.'"

Daniel wants Bond to seduce men as well as women. And he wants to be completely naked.

It's official - - I love him. And want him.



In a related story over at Seduced by the New...

"The British intelligence service MI5 is pushing to recruit more LGBT people to the organization.

"MI5 is being advised by Stonewall, the UK's leading gay equality organization, on how to attract a more diverse range of applicants. The intelligence service also wishes to encourage spies to be more open about their sexuality."

I guess I should move to England so I could join MI5 and have a summer fling with a real-life James Bond.

But alas, I'm here in the US of A. The Land of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the foundation of which is basically "We Believe in Honor, But Please, Just Lie to Us and to Yourself" or "If We Don't Talk About It, It Doesn't Exist."

Or as Robert Preston said in Victor/Victoria...

"Kill him but mustn't kiss him."

"The Comedian is Dead"

This just in...

"Who will watch The Watchmen? Nobody, if 20th Century Fox gets its way.

"After a major court victory, the studio has announced a bid to block the release of Warner Bros.' anticipated adaptation of the seminal graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.

"Fox originally tried to develop the project more than a decade ago, but didn't manage to get the film off the drawing board. The studio claims Warners never properly acquired the rights to The Watchmen, and, in a major twist, instead of seeking a share of the would-be blockbuster's box-office gross, Fox is seeking to kill the flick entirely before it unspools in theaters March 6."

Apparently Fox is so jealous of Warner "The Dark and Very Financially Successful Knight" Bros. that they don't want a piece of the pie, they want to throw the pie into the garbage.

A homemade pie. After it's been baked. As it's cooling in the window sill.

Just throw it out. Fuckers.

Shakespeare said it best...

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

"They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab, But I Said No, No, No!"

This is Clark Kent.

This is Clark Kent at a circuit party spinning his invulnerable balls of on red kryptonite.

Any questions?



Or maybe this is Clark screaming at Jor-El, "I learned it by watching you!"




Either way, I just can't quite take my eyes off it.

TMI Tuesday

A sexual fantasy themed TMI Tuesday...

1. Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.

"Truly?" Nope. Not at all. Thank the good Lord.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Words should not be sugar-coated.

Cereal? Yes, that should be sugar-coated. As much as possible. But words? Not so much.


2. Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?

I've been naked on stage, in the middle of a football field, on a construction site and in various alleys and gangways throughout the city, but during rush hour just crosses the line of good taste, don't you think?


3. Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?

Yes, but attendance at my public sex extravaganza better be more than a paltry 20!

Public sex performed for less than 20 people... Please...

I've been to orgies held in the middle of the day in Batavia that had more than 20 people. Where is the friggin' PR, folks?!?


4. Do you ever not have good table manners?

Other than constantly putting my elbows on the table, I have wonderful table manners.

Please remember, though, that I was born in an area of the country where the word "Dante" is pronounced "Dainty." So, rate my answer accordingly.


5. Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.

In the woods. In the rain. Tied to a tree. Naked.

And that guy from that show Beastmaster comes walking by.

What happens after that? Whatever he wants.

As long as he doesn't want to leave, that is...


Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.

I try to take as many of my sexual fantasies and turn them into real life sexual realities as is possible (See #2).

However, if a cop is going to walk into one of your real life sexual realities, it's best if he's a "fantasy cop" and not the real deal.

And if he is the "real deal," you better hope that he's a nice guy and is going to let you off with a warning.

And if he does let you off with a warning, follow my lead, listen to the warning and never take your clothes off in an alley again just because a man dared you.

You don't always have to choose "Dare," you know. "Truth" is an option.

"Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Bea?"

I just found this picture that I took during my stroll through Halsted Market Days.

This was the best t-shirt at the street fair. Period.

And I love the look on this boy's face. ..

Mischievous. And very dirty.

A dirty boy wearing a Bea Arthur t-shirt scores with me every time.

My New Favorite Caption Contest #31

Once again this week, there were several brilliant submissions for the #30 Caption Contest.

Joy from tryna to find a way submitted the caption that makes the most sense to me...

"Stephen... Was... Here..."

Joy, thanks for believing that I could bag a beautiful butt like that. And that Mr. Humpy Fucker would enjoy our 15 minutes of passion so much (alright, 10 minutes of passion... would you believe 5?) that he would tattoo my name on his oh-so-perfect ass.

If those two things ever happened, I would know that I had found Heaven. Or Shangri-La. Or I would realize that the mushrooms had just kicked in. Hard.

But even though Joy's caption takes me to Heaven, the one and only caption submitted by Philip this week makes me laugh out loud every time I read it...

"Enter before knocking."

That is hysterical. It reminds me of one of my favorite Dorothy Parker quotes - - "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." Genius.

This week's picture... well, it does include guys in bathing suits, but Michael Phelps they ain't!

I'm not sure what's going on here, but somehow I doubt I'm going to see anything like this when I'm in Hilton Head, SC in a few weeks.

However, if I AM lucky enough to see something like this in Hilton Head, you can rest assured that I know EXACTLY what to do with it.

And no, I'm not thinking of playing a game of ring toss.

Give these two a caption. And a room.

"What Did That Mean, to Kiss?"

Ah, the Greeks. They sure know how to tell a good story, don't they?

Add Out Magazine photographing a nearly naked, golden-winged Chad White portraying Icarus and the result is...

...friggin' HOT!...

...(pardon the pun)...

You know, because Icarus' wax wings melted because he flew too close to the sun...

I've always been into wax play, but this takes it to a whole new level...

I said, "(w)hole"... Funny...

"I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy..."

A friend of mine is working on the new Tommy Tune musical, Turn of the Century, at the Goodman Theatre.

And he has stories. Wonderful stories.

Well, stories that are wonderful to a musical theatre fag learning about the ins and outs of a musical being positioned with hopes for a Broadway transfer.

And while this clip that my friend sent me has absolutely nothing to do with Turn of the Century, it does have Tommy Tune, the contestants of the 1986 Miss USA Pageant, that chick who played Bob Newhart's wife on Newhart and the following lyric...

"Yankee Doodle came tonight just to do some tappin'!"

Yeah.

Please to enjoy...

"Short People Got No Reason..."

Just in case you can't read the text, it says...

"Who could dream that such tiny folk really exist? And learning that they do exist, how could Captain America suspect how deadly they could be?
The Weird Tales of the Wee Males!"

Yes, "Wee Males" can present several problems...

"Tell me when it's in. Oh, it IS in?!?
Oh, you're finished. Well... that was... fun..."

...but if I were Cap, I'd be more concerned with the GIANT HAND coming out of the cave trying to grab my crotch!

Or maybe Cap would enjoy a handjob from a Supersized Thing. Who knows...

P.S. Does anyone else remember the episode of The Addams Family where Thing gives Morticia the mail and she starts singing...

"It's so nice to have a Thing around the house..."