Monday, November 02, 2009

"Oh, My Goodness!"

I've had Paul Lynde on the brain today. I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because Halloween always makes me think of the "Paul Lynde Halloween Special," that landmark of 70's television.

Maybe it's because I have several clips of Paul's "Hollywood Squares" zingers that randomly pop up on my iPod's shuffle mode.

Or maybe it's because I simply stole directly from Paul in "Macabaret" and delivered one of my lines ("Always a Paul Bearer, never a corpse.") using my best Paul Lynde snarly laugh talk.

Whatever the reason, it brought me to this poem of his. Read it while doing your best Paul Lynde impersonation. Don't have a Paul Lynde impersonation? Use your Alice Ghostley voice. It's the same thing. Really.


TROUBLE IN THE TULIP BED, by Paul Lynde

I don't know what to say
A tulip talked to me today

I was trimming the hedge
Quite near the mountain ledge

When lo and behold
My blood ran cold

Yes, a tulip SCREAMED at me today

It was my favorite, the one I call Blanche
She puckered up her petals and screamed AVALANCHE!

Yes, a tulip saved my life today

Now you may not think this quite so much
But you see, most tulips speak Dutch.

4 comments:

Breenlantern said...

We purchased and watched the Paul Lynde Halloween special last year and it was so very awful it was almost fun. You haven't seen anything until you've seen a show featuring the voice stylings of Florence Henderson along side Kiss.

Michael Rivers said...

Love it! I've never seen the Halloween special. I should get a copy of my own!

Mike said...

Oh, everybody has a Paul Lynde impression -- at least, if they have the gay gene and it was mutated by the bright lights of a cathode ray tube emitting his faggoty wonderfulness anytime in the 1960s and 70s.

Many of us suppress it much or all of the time, but it's certainly there.

Who would win in a poetry slam between Paul Lynde and the poet laureate of the game shows Nipsey Russell?

America, that's who.

Eugene said...

Using your Paul Lynde impersonation for that line was precious every night. I looked forward to it every time we got to that song.