I've had Paul Lynde on the brain today. I'm not sure why.
Maybe it's because Halloween always makes me think of the "Paul Lynde Halloween Special," that landmark of 70's television.
Maybe it's because I have several clips of Paul's "Hollywood Squares" zingers that randomly pop up on my iPod's shuffle mode.
Or maybe it's because I simply stole directly from Paul in "Macabaret" and delivered one of my lines ("Always a Paul Bearer, never a corpse.") using my best Paul Lynde snarly laugh talk.
Whatever the reason, it brought me to this poem of his. Read it while doing your best Paul Lynde impersonation. Don't have a Paul Lynde impersonation? Use your Alice Ghostley voice. It's the same thing. Really.
TROUBLE IN THE TULIP BED, by Paul Lynde
I don't know what to say
A tulip talked to me today
I was trimming the hedge
Quite near the mountain ledge
When lo and behold
My blood ran cold
Yes, a tulip SCREAMED at me today
It was my favorite, the one I call Blanche
She puckered up her petals and screamed AVALANCHE!
Yes, a tulip saved my life today
Now you may not think this quite so much
But you see, most tulips speak Dutch.