Shia LaBeouf + Banana = Best Picture Ever

I was Google Cruising just now and I came across a blog named Twinkies, so you know I stopped to check it out.

I was hoping it wasn't a blog dedicated to the packaged confection that my mother considered a part a well balanced school lunch. Luckily, it wasn't.

It was there at Twinkies that I found this picture of Shia LaBeouf.

The paparazzi are rather horrible, but every once in awhile, they deliver unto us a gem like this.

Shia LaBeouf. Starting to eat. A wonderfully large and curved. Banana.

All my wildest dreams come true.

Everybody Must Get Stoned

This just in...

"Marijuana potency increased last year to the highest level in more than 30 years, posing greater health risks to people who may view the drug as harmless, according to a report released Thursday by the White House."

Eight years under King George Bush II and the only thing that INCREASES in quality is pot.

Maybe we can count that as a slight silver lining, but when held up against war, a broken economy, a failing heathcare system and an incompetent educational system, it don't mean much, does it?

Oh and Georgie - - Marijuana can and does help many people who are seriously ill. And marijuana IS harmless. Especially when you compare marijuana to the crap you've put us through.

Seriously. Would you rather be waterboarded or baked?

Yeah, baked is pretty harmless. Waterboarding? Not so much.

Listen to Franklin Pierce Adams and Learn

This is Franklin Pierce Adams.

He was a member of the Algonquin Round Table and among his famous quotes is the following...

"Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody
rather than for somebody."

So, to those Democrats who supported Hillary Clinton and are now declaring (and for some reason, slightly bragging) that they will vote for McCain instead of Obama, I say this...

Read Mr. Adams quote above and don't be a stupid fuck.

Also, please also refer "The McCain Loyalty Oaths." There's one for gays, one for women and one for straight, white men. Mikey over at The Gospel According to Mikey turned me on to them and they are 100% true.

But if you want four more years of the War in Iraq, if you want to see us sink deeper towards a war with Iran, if you want to pay $6... $8... $10 for a gallon of gasoline, if you want to lose your job, if you want to be evicted from your home, if you want to continue to slash away at this country and its core principles instead of coming together as a people, diverse and beautiful, and beginning to heal, rebuild and restore our nation, then by all means, don't vote for Barack Obama out of spite and see that John McCain wins the election.

But if you do, I will refer to you as a "stupid fuck" for the next four years. Even if you say that you're sorry later on down the road.

I may forgive you four years from now, but I can't be sure of that. As Mr. Adams also said...

"To err is human; to forgive, infrequent."

Cap's Got Back

Roborange over at Seduced by the New... posted this image of Captain America and I had to pass it on.

This is Gabrielle Dell'Otto's variant cover to Ultimate Origins #2.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love comic books.

You can't buy an issue of Blueboy when you're a little gay boy, but you can buy a comic book.

And with an ass like Cap's, it'll do.

It'll do just fine...

Bunny's Meme

The lovely and sexy Bunny over at Down the Rabbit Hole tagged me for this meme a few days ago and it's taken me a little while, but here are my answers. Thanks for the tag, Bunny! You're the best!

1. What was I doing ten years ago?

Working for a touring theatre specializing in HIV/AIDS and violence prevention education for young people.

And preparing to go back home for my 10 year high school reunion.

I'm going to miss my 20 year reunion because of one - - count it, ONE - - performance of Aladdin. And I'm pissed.


2. What are five things on my list to do today?

1) Return the phone call from a client in need of our services at Season of Concern.

2) Call one of the actors on the Mamma Mia! tour who wants help putting together a fundraiser for Season of Concern when the show is in town this fall.

3) Complete the financial report for the SOC board meeting coming up next week.

4) Send out an eblast for a fundraiser being done for SOC a week from today.

5) Keep my willpower strong so that I can continue the retreat back into the Atkins Diet that I started this past Monday.

I don't think I've hit ketosis yet, but I've avoided bread, sugar & sweets for three days. If I don't lose at least a pound soon, I'll kill anyone near me who dares to be eating something from Cold Stone Creamery.


3. Snacks I enjoy?

Okay, seeing as how I just mentioned that I'm back on the Atkins Diet, this question pisses me off!!!

I enjoy ALL snacks. Especially Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream, Peanut M&M's and Doritos. All kinds.


4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?

Hire someone to remove all the fat on my body, give me pec implants and ab implants and anything else that I would need so that I could eat anything I wanted whenever I wanted, look amazing and never have to go to a gym. How's that?


5. Three of my bad habits?

Being late for things, sleeping late and eating late.

If I were a woman, I imagine that all of my periods would be late as well. And that would just stress me out way too much.


6. Five places I have lived?

This one I can't answer, because I've only lived three places in my life - - Knoxville / Powell, TN, Chicago, IL and Rome, GA.

I was one year old when I lived in Rome. I was so skinny, my parents nicknamed me "Toothpick." Obviously, that was a LONG time ago.

7. Five jobs I’ve had?

This one should be funny...

1) Arby's: The summer I was 16. It wasn't pretty. Don't ask.

2) Movie Magic: One of two video stores in Powell, TN where I grew up.

3) Naturalizer Shoes: Yep, I was a shoe salesman at a time when Married With Children was on the air. People would jokingly refer to me as Al Bundy. And then, I would kick their ass and cut off the oxygen to their brain. Again, it wasn't pretty.

4) Housemanager for a Chicago theatre: My first job in town and one for which I was never paid. You Chicagoans should be able to figure out which theatre it was by that description.

5) The lastest and the best - - Season of Concern.


8. How did you name your blog?

Judy Blume, baby. Judy Blume.

Chita Rivera, My Penis, Joel Grey and Dating

Yesterday, I was on the phone with Philip catching up and he mentioned that a mutual friend of ours...

...I won't mention who it is, because that would be indiscreet (It's Mark of The Fudge Pack who now lives in NYC)...

...and his boyfriend both don't know who Chita Rivera is.

I stopped dead in my tracks and I said to Philip...

"I don't let anyone near my penis if they don't know who Chita Rivera is."

Philip said the he would not talk to me until I posted that quote on my blog.

So I did it. And I mean it.



I once broke up with a boy when we were watching tv, the credits at the top of the show listed Joel Grey as a Special Guest Star, I said that I loved Joel Grey and this boy I was dating said...

"Who is Joel Grey?"

My response...

"Get out of my house."

I don't play around with this stuff. It's too important.

Educate yourself, people. There's no excuse.

We have Google now, for God's sake!!!

"The World of World of Warcraft" and "The Right to Generally Act Like Miss Thing"

I have never played World of Warcraft - - I know... something geeky that I don't do... will wonders never cease? - - but this video over at The Onion made me laugh over and over again.

Once again, The Onion knocks it out of the park.


'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

After you've viewed that, check out this Onion article concerning gay rights. Here are a few of my favorite paragraphs...

"The Connecticut Supreme Court on Monday upheld the right of individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, to engage in any number of 'grandiose behaviors,' including, but not limited to, sashaying across the room 'like a hussy, yelling "Oh my God!" at the top of their lungs while hopping up and down, and generally acting like Miss Thing.'

"'American family values are under siege,' said T. Herbert Rosch of the American Family Values Coalition, which has protested the ruling. 'If gays are granted state approval for prancing, what's next? Gallivanting?'"

TMI Tuesday

A highly sexual TMI Tuesday.

1. If you're in love with your partner, does it make the sex better?

Well, it should, theoretically.

Because to me, being in love with someone means that you would be able to share all of your sexual desires with them without judgment or fear of being ridiculed. Being in love should provide you with a safe place, in bed and in life.

But somehow, it's easier to tell a complete stranger what you want sexually. Probably because we don't have very much to lose with a stranger. If they laugh at our fetishes, we can show them the door with little or no regret. It's not that easy with someone we love.


2. What is the most expensive sex toy you've ever purchased?

Damn, you want me to go through ALL of my receipts?!? So many boxes, so many toys, so little time.

It may not count as a sex toy, but I bought a harness at IML a few years ago that cost me more than a few dollars, but paid for itself several times over at certain parties on certain weekends.

I also have a nice cop outfit. I'm not sure whether I should go for the "Construction Worker" or "American Indian" ensemble next.


3. If you knew ahead of time you would not have an orgasm, would you still have sex?

I may be the only man in the world who will say this, but I would definitely still have sex if no orgasm was going to come of it.

The way I see it, if you're just in it for the orgasm, you're missing so much fun that can had on the way there. And you know, a watched pot never boils, so if you really want to "get there," it's probably best to relax, give in and see where things go, without a plan, a road map or a specific agenda.

Besides, sometimes me concentrating on the other person's orgasm and not my own brings me more pleasure - - spiritually and physically - - than anything else.

You see? The reports of my being a pushy bottom have been greatly exaggerated.


4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with if given the chance?

Tom Cruise.

So that I can infiltrate the compound and free Katie Holmes.


5. Have you ever had sex while an audience watched?

Oh yes. Many times. I kind of enjoy that.

But audience members watching me hit it and get it have to understand one thing: This ain't no improv show!

I'm not taking suggestions, this isn't all about your enjoyment, and unless I slip on the lube and fall out of bed or someone punctures the blow-up doll making it fart and fly all around the room, there is no laughing.

Cheering? Yes. Laughing? Hell to the no!


Bonus (as in optional): Describe the best sexual encounter you've ever had.

My good friend Master Aaron said it best on the first day I met him during rehearsals for Collette Collage.

The cast was standing in a group, casually getting to know one another on day one of rehearsals, and something Aaron said made me ask if he had had fun the night before. Aaron replied...

"I could tell you, but it would shock the children."

That's my answer. If you want to know the full story, buy me a cocktail. Or four.

Judy Garland

Today is Judy Garland's birthday. She would have been 86 years old.

Say what you will about her life, her addictions, her relationships, but Francis Ethel Gumm was one of the greatest entertainers of the 20th century. Or any century.

In searching for just the right Garland song on YouTube, I came across this clip from The Judy Garland Show. It's Judy singing "I Wish You Love."

I had never heard Garland sing it before, but I think it shows just how brilliant she was on stage.

She brings you in. At the top of the song, you can barely hear her. You begin to focus on her, the lyrics, the story. It's not until the bridge of the song that you realize she's letting someone go, ending a relationship with all of the love in her heart.

And then, there's a pause in the phrase, "I wish you... shelter from the storm." You think she might have forgotten the lyric. It's as if she's on a tight rope with no net and she slightly falters. You want to be there for her, catch her. But in your heart, you know she will succeed. And when the lyric is sung, when she sings "...shelter from the storm," you almost cheer.

Garland brings you into the story of the song, while at the same time allowing you to thrill at her performance and her craft.

Why are gay men obsessed with Judy Garland? Because we have excellent taste.

What better way to say Happy Birthday than "I Wish You Love."

Haiku T-shirt

T-shirt from Threadless.

Yet another brilliant one.

I have to buy it.

Planet Unicorn! OMFG!

Well, it's not a new episode of Planet Unicorn, but it is a funny spot that opened LOGO's First Annual NewNowNext Awards Show.

Planet Unicorn won the OMFG Internet Award.

Yeah, "OMFG" is now not just an obnoxious internet phrase, it's also the name of an award. Gross.

Still, we get some more Planet Unicorn, and anything that gives me more Planet Unicorn makes me very, very happy.



Planet Unicorn, HEYY!

Pictionary and Pubes

This past Saturday night, we celebrated the upcoming birthdays of my friends Alanda and Steve at a kick-ass game night hosted by Clover and Andy.

Alanda and Steve make a pretty damn cute couple, don't they?

They don't always wear the Spongebob Squarepants party hats. Those were my idea. I saw them and had to buy them for the party.

I'm classy. All the way.

We started our birthday game night playing Pictionary and we soon found that I suck at this game. And not in a good way. So, I will spare you any of my personal drawings, but Alanda sent me these highlights from our Pictionary game and they are too wonderful not to share.


This is what Steve drew for the word "yodel."

In my vodka-induced state of being eternally smart-assed, I told him it looked like Humpty-Dumpty in overalls.

Steve replied...

"They're lederhosen, asshole!"

Touché.

Now that the vodka has worn off, I kinda think Steve drew me. Standing on a mountain. Singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music..."

While wearing lederhosen. Made from curtains.




Our friend Max drew this. The image at the top is a hammer.

That said, would you have guessed "Crafty Beaver" from this?

I love me the Crafty Beaver.





This one is my favorite. Alanda drew this one.

The word was "crabs."

Yes, Alanda draws pictures of pubes during Pictionary games.

This is why she is one of my closest and best friends.

And as she said, "I love how the pubes are visible from the OUTSIDE of the pants!"

Happy birthday, guys!

Flickr Meme

Uber-fabulous blogger Shirley Heezgay tagged me with a fun Flickr meme.

I'm not quite sure what the final mosaic image means, but anything that combines a frog umbrella, bananas foster, Joel McHale and gargoyles is enjoyable to me.

All it really needs is a picture of a shirtless Chris Evans and it's art in my book.

Thanks for the tag, Shirl!

The concept:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.
4. Tag as many people as you like.

The questions:
1. What is your first name? Stephen
2. What is your favorite food? right now? Prime Rib
3. What high school did you go to? Powell
4. What is your favorite color? Black
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Joel McHale
6. What is your favorite drink? Diet Coke
7. What is your dream vacation? Paris
8. What is your favorite dessert? Bananas Foster
9. What do you want to be when you grow up? Good Looking
10. What do you love most in life? Loved Ones
11. What is one word that describes you? Loud
12. What is your flickr name? None


Flikr Images from the following: 1. Not available, 2. Not available, 3. San Francisco Freeze at Powell & Market, 4. Not available, 5. Not available, 6. Not available, 7. Not available, 8. Not available, 9. good looking, 10. Not available, 11. Not available, 12. bun... none

I won't tag anyone, but if you participate (and I highly recommend it), let me know.

Obama '08 Boxer Briefs

With Hillary Clinton conceding and endorsing Barack Obama, and with the media abuzz at Senator Obama's and the Democratic National Committee's inspiring refusal of money from lobbyists and political action committees to fund his campaign, "Obamania" has reached a much deserved high.

But I can't quite decide if Andrew Christian's new line of Obama '08 Boxer Briefs" are a fun way of expressing our nation's much needed hope for a President with vision, intelligence and grace to help us come together and rise up and out of our troubled times, or if "Obama underwear" is a tad... well... tacky.

Who am I kidding? I'm homosexual white trash and we EMBRACE all things tacky!! Yeah, I want a pair.

But if someone decides to make a "McCain 'O8 Boxer Brief," please do me a favor and never show them to me. Ever.

Can you imagine having John McCain's "Crypt Keeper" face that close to Mr. Happy? My penis would never forgive me.

Thanks to Undies Drawer for the info!

Fratboy Friday

A little Fratboy Friday for my brother, Jeff. It's his birthday today. Happy Birthday, Jeff!

BOYS IN CAPS

This hottie with abs and attitude of steel comes from one of my new favorite blogs for pictures of incredibly hot guys of all types - - RUSH2B. Check it out. You'll be very glad you did.

****

SAGGERS

"Dumb, Drunker and... Yeah, He'll Do."

****

MOONERS

"You there! Why are you so late? Why have you kept me waiting?"

(Extra credit if you know what movie that quote is from and who said it.)

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

You see? This is what happens when straight men try to
produce, direct and star in Seussical: The Musical!

It ain't pretty, is it?

THE SOUP Takes On Clay Gay-ken: Daddy.

This, ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I love THE SOUP!



This and the fact that Joel McHale melts my butter.

Joel is funny and cute.

If I find out he has a trick pelvis, I will begin stalking him. Make no mistake.

Heeeeee's dreeeeeamy...

Andy Coopy's Boo

The cute Dan Cox sent me this little video of Anderson Cooper and as Dan said in his email to me...

"I wanna be Anderson Cooper's boo!"

I'll fight you for him, Dan! I'll fight tooth and nail to be Andy Coopy's boo!

And if we're gonna watch vids of Andy Coopy, we have to include this one of Anderson talking about his love of cute and cuddly bears.

"Frankly, I could watch this bear for hours."

Amen, Anderson. I'm right there with you!

Stephen + Beer + Vodka = Paula. Ms. Abdul If You're Nasty.

If you want to hear what several Bud Lights and four-too-many vodka and cranberys do to me, head over to my latest co-hosting podcast on the Windy City Queercast.

I. Sound. Ridiculous. (Read as "Drunk")

We recorded this episode after I had listened to / judged 22 singers at the Windy City Gay Idol Semi-Finals, which is sponsored by Bud Light, so the beer was a-flowin'. Then, several vodkas were bought for me and that was all she wrote.

Listen to it. You can hear it in the podcast. I become Paula Abdul. The only difference is that I actually have talent.

I do, however, know all the words to "Cold Hearted Snake." Yes, even the queer-assed "Paula raps" section. Just sayin'...

This a picture of the 13 singers that made it into the Windy City Gay Idol Finals.

There isn't a picture of me from the way-too-much-alcohol evening.

Thank God.

Hey Batman! Rub Me On Your Butt!

My weekly email from Threadless came the other day and it provided me with the perfect t-shirt to wear to the midnight premier of The Dark Knight next month.

Yeah, I know The Batman doesn't fight The Penguin in this movie, but still, this t-shirt is too cute to pass up.






I also enjoy this design as well.

Perhaps I should buy both t-shirts and wear the "Rub Me On Your Butt!" one under the Batman one.

Just in case I run into Christian Bale at the movies.

I can show him what a Batman fan I am, then strip off the Batman t in hopes that he will read the second t-shirt and then rub me on his butt.

A girl can dream, can't she?

TMI Tuesday

June is Pride Month, so here's a very gay themed TMI Tuesday.

1. How old were you when you first kissed a boy?

Seventeen. The boys I played "Doctor" with in elementary school were pretty kinky, considering our age - - How many times did you play "Doctor" where the doctor tied you up before he stripped you down? Yeah, I started early - - but kissing was too "faggy."

Little did I know that I would continue to meet men throughout my adult life with strict "No Kissing" policies.

They'll put their tongue in crevices of your body that have never and will never see the light of day, but kissing is too "intimate."

Maybe it's just me, but I've always found someone's tongue in my ass as pretty damn intimate. Go know...


2. Who would play you in the movie of your life story?

Michael Cerveris is the obvious choice, but after the 18th rewrite of the script, the character of "me" will probably be changed to a straight, Southern woman (with hair) living in a loft in Manhattan with three feisty gal pals.

In that case, I would want Sissy Spacek to recreate her Coal Miner's Daughter magic in my biopic entitled, "I Don't Know How It Got There, Just Get It Out."


3. What is the number one thing your love/hate about gay people?

My answer for both love and hate would be our community.

I can only speak for myself, but I struggled for years to find other people like me, while at the same time hiding my real self from everyone around me. I tried to walk like a straight man, to talk like a straight man. I tried to pass. Tried, but never really succeeded.

Then, I found people like me. I found a community. I could be myself. I could be as gay as I wanted to be. And I loved it.

Until the message I received from my new community seemed to be saying that I needed to look straighter, act straighter, fit in. I needed to pass. At times, it feels like the gay community shuns those who are different. The nellie queens, the bull dykes.

You hear it all the time at Pride Parades - - "Why do THOSE people have to be in the parade? They just make us look so bad."

And yet, if it weren't for a group of nellie queens and bull dykes, we wouldn't even have a public, out and proud gay community at all.

Maybe I'm alone in my feelings about the community. I don't know.


4. If you could legally get married to "the fella" - or any fella - would you?

If it's the right "fella" and we both wanted to get married, then yes.

But seeing as how my dating life is presently rather stagnant, and because I haven't had sex in so long, my hymen grew back, I think figuring out my wedding plans is a bit premature, don't you?


5. Have you ever worn short short shorts in public?

Hell, I've worn short short shorts on stage. And they left nothing to the imagination.

Because of the g-string worn underneath.

And the cockring.


Bonus (as in optional): Who is your favorite blogger?

There are far too many brilliant blogs out there, but I have to say that my favorite is Ramblings from the outside of nowhere.

Her writing is funny and warm and caring and reminds me of home. Her recent Memorial Day post is one of my favorites.