Still Here

In her one-woman show, ELAINE STRITCH AT LIBERTY, Stritchy talks about seeing women in their 40's singing I'M STILL HERE, Stephen Sondheim's landmark song from the musical FOLLIES. At 40, they are far too young to sing and understand the song. As Stritchy puts it...

"I'm still here? Where've they been?"

I can understand why they want to sing it, though. The song speaks to all artists, regardless of gender or art form or age. It's our little anthem about living through a life of being the focus of enormous attention one minute and being forgotten soon after.

And beyond that, I'M STILL HERE resonates on so many other levels.

My favorite moment of the movie POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE is when Doris (Shirley MacLaine) is singing the song at a birthday party she's throwing for her daughter Suzanne (Meryl Streep) who has just gotten out of drug rehab.

Doris/Shirley moves down to Suzanne/Meryl, takes her daughter's face in her hands and sings the line "I got through all of last year..." directly into Suzanne/Meryl's eyes and changes the meaning of the lyric from the stuggles of her life to her struggles with her daughter's drug addiction and recovery. The reaction shot given by Meryl Streep after that moment is breathtaking.

But no matter who identifies with the song, I'M STILL HERE will always belong to Yvonne de Carlo.

Yvonne played Carlotta in the original cast of FOLLIES on Broadway and her original song was CAN THAT BOY FOXTROT! In it, she sang about meeting a grocery clerk who didn't look like much but (as the lyric goes),"Boy... can that boy ffffffffffff- -oxtrot!"

I don't have to spell out what the audience THOUGHT Ms. de Carlo was going to say instead of "foxtrot," do I?

But that song, funny as that is, was just a one-joke song. I believe it was Michael Bennett who asked for another song in it's place.

So, Sondheim talked to Yvonne, listened to her stories about her career and wrote I'M STILL HERE...

...about her life.

And from what I heard, Yvonne never much cared for other people singing I'M STILL HERE.

"That's MY song," she would say.

Yvonne de Carlo passed away on Monday.

So, for those of you who only think of her as Lily Munster...

...here are the lyrics to I'M STILL HERE. This is, and will always be, Yvonne de Carlo's biography. It will keep her with us.

I'M STILL HERE

Good times and bum times, I've seen them all and, my dear,

I'm still here.

Plush velvet sometimes, Sometimes just pretzels and beer,

But I'm here.

I've stuffed the dailies In my shoes.

Strummed ukuleles, Sung the blues,

Seen all my dreams disappear,

But I'm here.

I've slept in shanties, Guest of the W.P.A.,

But I'm here.

Danced in my scanties, Three bucks a night was the pay,

But I'm here.

I've stood on bread lines with the best,

Watched while the headlines did the rest.

In the Depression was I depressed? Nowhere near.

I met a big financier And I'm here.

I've been through Gandhi, Windsor and Wally's affair,

And I'm here.

Amos 'n' Andy, Mah-jongg and platinum hair,

And I'm here.

I got through Abie's Irish Rose,

Five Dionne babies, Major Bowes,

Had heebie-jeebies For Beebe's Bathysphere.

I lived through Brenda Frazier, and I'm here.

I've gotten through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover,

Gee, that was fun and a half.

When you've been through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover,

Anything else is a laugh.

I've been through Reno. I've been through Beverly Hills,

And I'm here.

Reefers and vino, rest cures, religion and pills,

And I'm here

Been called a pinko Commie tool,

Got through it stinko by my pool.

I should have gone to an acting school. That seems clear,

Still, someone said, "She's sincere," So I'm here.

Black sable one day. Next day it goes into hock,

But I'm here.

Top billing Monday, Tuesday you're touring in stock,

But I'm here.

First you're another slow-eyed vamp,

Then someone's mother, then you're camp.

Then you career from career to career.

I'm almost through my memoirs. And I'm here.

I've gotten through "Hey, lady, aren't you whoozis?

Wow! What a looker you were."

Or, better yet, "Sorry, I thought you were whoozis.

Whatever happened to her?"

Good times and bum times, I've seen 'em all and, my dear,

I'm still here.

Plush velvet sometimes, sometimes just pretzels and beer,

But I'm here.

I've run the gamut. A to Z.

Three cheers and dammit, c'est la vie.

I got through all of last year and I'm here.

Lord knows, at least I was there,

And I'm here!

Look who's here!

I'm still here!

Kate Quotes

There is a small part of SEUSSICAL: THE MUSICAL where I, in all my Cat in the Hat glory, echo the lines of a song being performed Mayzie LaBird as played by the hilarious, beautiful and multi-talented Kelli Morgan.

I just repeat the words, "How luck, how lucky you are," and for some reason, the script says that the Cat does so using a Louis Armstrong impersonation.

Sounds easier than it actually is. You see, my Louis Armstrong sounds more like Neil Armstrong... on the moon... talking through a bad 60's microphone... with lots of static.

That, coupled with the fact that there really is no friggin' reason why I'm singing like Louis Armstrong at that moment makes it SO not funny.

So, one night I was just fucking around with it and decided that if it was going to be an impersonation that is not linked to character or plot or motivation, I would do an impersonation that would at least make me laugh...

So, I did Katharine Hepburn.

And I really didn't hear any laughter from our director Ernie Nolan, or anyone else in the house. I put it Kate aside and went back to my pathetic Louis Armstrong in the next run.

Here's the note I received from Ernie about that:

"I think the Hepburn idea is so you and makes the Cat... Stephen's Cat."

So, I will be doing an impersonation of Katharine Hepburn dressed as Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat.

"Oh, the thinks you can think," indeed

So, here's the deal. I need ideas for little throw-away lines to say after the "How luck, how lucky you are." Something quick, funny and easily recognizable as a Katharine Hepburn movie line.

"I'd hang you from the nipples but it would shock the children" from THE LION IN WINTER is NOT an option. This is children's theatre, folks.

As for others:

"The loons, the loons." - Got it.

"You old poop." - Done.

"The calla lilies are in bloom again." - SO in my pocket.

"Debris, debris, debris" (pronounced by Kate as "DEH-bree, DEH-bree, DEH-bree") - Already in the rolodex.

Other ideas, folks?

I could say that fabulously bitchy line that Kate said to Barbara Walters in an interview. Kate despised Barbara for trying to get her to talk about Spencer Tracy, so when Barbara made mention of the fact that Kate was one of the first women to ever were slacks, Kate replied...

"Yes, I wear slack. I love slacks. I'll wear slacks to YOUR funeral."

God took Kate and left us with Ms. Walters. It ain't fair. I just ain't fair.

The Changin' Times

Last night in my post about the ridiculously sublime...

(or is is "sublimely ridiculous?")

...video of Lauren Bacall from the Broadway musical APPLAUSE performing the song BUT ALIVE and featuring more homosexual characters dancing and singing than I personally have had sex with...

...well, this year anyway...

In the post, I mention that BUT ALIVE is much better musical theatre than "a pasty-faced white boy dancing around with a fake guitar surrounded by dancing dog-clowns telling us that the times, they're a changin'."

If you didn't get the reference... well, A) you're straight, but B) don't feel out of touch with the current Broadway scene because the Bob Dylan musical entitled, THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN', lasted about as long as dangerous erection brought about by Viagra.

You see, four hours of wood is thought of as impressive and perhaps even life-threatening (to the man AND his partner!), but when four hours is the amount of time between a Broadway musical's Opening Night and it's Closing Notice, it signals a flop that makes Ben Affleck think to himself, "Well, GIGLI wasn't really THAT bad."

This clip from THE LATE, LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON shows you just how far we've come from OKLAHOMA.



Bravo, Craig! And by the by, if you're not watching Craig Ferguson late at night, you're missing out. He's really amazing and has guests that are beyond the usual celebrity circuit concerned only with pushing this Friday's movie opening or sweeps week on a CBS sitcom. Check him out. He's actually one of the few things that my step-mother and I agree on! He's THAT GOOD!!

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN'
R.I.P.

Alive!

YouTube is proof that God exists.

And he LOVES musical theatre!!!!

A few years ago, my friend Peter gave me a bootleg tape of a musical that... well... let's just say that the first time I heard it - - Hell, the first time ANYONE hears it - - the first thought that comes to mind is, "No fuckin' way. This is a joke, right?"

It's the same feeling I had the first time I saw the SOUTH PARK episode with Mr. Hanky, the Christmas Poo.

Yeah, that explains it, doesn't it? It was THAT feeling.

Jaw open. Eyes glazed over. Uber-shock & awe.

The musical was APPLAUSE! It's the classic Bette Davis film ALL ABOUT EVE set in 1970 (the year the musical opened on Broadway) starring Lauren Bacall in the role Bette made famous - - Margot Channing.

Now, if ALL ABOUT EVE set in 1970 made you flinch, these next few tidbits might induce an epileptic seizure.

Margot's dresser, named "Birdie" in the movie and played by Thelma Ritter, was changed into a male character named DeWayne. And being a great Broadway star's dresser, the character of DeWayne was gayer than a clutch purse on Tony night.

So naturally, the night Margot meets the homely Eve Harrington...

...Eve, Eve, little Miss Evil... who will later try to steal her career AND her boyfriend...

...if you don't know the movie, I can't help you... you must be living in a Red State or something...

...anyway, the night Eve meets Margot is the Opening Night for Margot's new Broadway play and instead of going to the after-party, she convinces DeWayne to let them tag along with him...

...to a gay bar... naturally...

That doesn't sound too very frightening, I know but to a Broadway audience in 1970 - - only one year after Stonewall - - it must have felt just this side of OH, CALCUTTA.

But in 2007, it almost sounds like the perfect fit for a musical.

Broadway Star + Back-stabbing Ingenue + Gay Bar Filled with Dancing Boys = THE ULTIMATE SHOWTUNE!

But when you add in Bonnie Franklin, a song called FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELT where everyone sings a car horn sound over and over ("Eh-eh-eh"), and Bacall speak-singing a rickety score and towering over the rest of the cast and nearly every set piece, it's got CARRIE: THE MUSICAL written all over it.

And yet somehow, the show really works and is a hundred times more entertaining than some green chick screaming about defying gravity or a pasty-faced white boy dancing around with a fake guitar surrounded by dancing dog-clowns telling us that the times, they're a changin'.

And even though we're 37 years past the Opening Night of APPLAUSE and my bootleg tape of the show is no longer in my possession, we've been blessed with YouTube, which can show us just how glorious an opening number set in a gay bar can be...



Glorious. APPLAUSE manages to be sublime AND ridiculous AT THE SAME TIME.

"Partly Jane Fonda and partly Jane Austen," indeed.

My Boyhood Celebrity Look-alikes

Ok, so I got a little carried away with the Celebrity Look-alikes web site.

I uploaded a picture of me when I was... well, it was taken just a few short years ago...

Anyway, one of the options was to write captions under each of the celebrity pictures that most resemble me as a young lad.

And the best part is that my comments pop-up in the form of a word bubble, so it looks like Young Stevie is saying all these things.

Ok, I just explained a joke which of course means it ain't funny, but enjoy the results of my celebrity look-alike labor, nonetheless.

http://www.myheritage.com

I think we should upload pictures of celebrities and see if this facacta web site will match them with themselves - - or screw up and say that they most resemble Shirley friggin' Temple, too!

Happy Birthday, Big E!

Today is Elvis Presley's birthday.

I'm not using the present tense because I think he's still alive...

...although his middle name IS misspelled on his grave marker... explain that non-believers!!!

I use the present tense because Elvis' effect on our music and entertainment and culture is still very much with us every single day.

I know that many people write off Big E as an over-weight, mumbling guy in a rhinestone polyester jumpsuit doing faux-karate moves, but take a quick look at this clip and learn why we Elvis-lovers keep this man's memory alive.

This is taken from an incredible documentary called ELVIS '56 which chronicles the first year or so of Elvis' career. This is Elvis' first television appearance and the clip begins with an act that was on the same show before Elvis that night.

Watch the xylophone girls and tuxedo-wearing tap dancers and then take in Elvis singing SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL. You'll see that there a clear delineation in modern music and culture - - everything that came before Elvis and everything that came after him.

That's over 50 years old and is still hotter and more revolutionary than almost anything "cutting edge" we're hearing today.

So tonight, say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to The King of Rock and Roll by fixing yourself a nice, plump fried peanut butter and banana sandwich and wash it down with an RC Coke Cola.

And for dessert, have a good ole' jelly donut while you watch Elvis' '68 Comeback Special.

It don't get no better 'n that!

My Celebrity Look-Alikes

As we all know, the internet does not lie.

And happily, I agree with the internet's thoughts about my attractiveness wholeheartedly!

Ok, I love that I look like Jude Law, but he reportedly has a penis the size of a baby gherkin pickle, so I'm not happy about that...

...but since I also look like Ewan McGregor and his massive member is legendary in certain circles, I think that the two cancel each other out...

...leaving my own size exactly as it is... Just Right!

And ya'll, who else could pass for Beyonce Knowles AND Hillary Rodham Clinton?!?!? I'm your Dreamgirl AND possibly your next President! Go know!

Now, will someone tell me who the Hell is Selma Blair?

And more importantly, does anyone have any more pictures of Ricky Ullman? How cute is that little twinkie, huh? As Will Farrell says in TALLADEGA NIGHTS, "Please, be over 18."

"I feel like chicken tonight... like chicken tonight..."

Epiphany

Yesterday, January 6th is known to many as Epiphany.

Twenty-four years ago yesterday is a day I always remember as the day that my father left my mother.

Well, not "always remember," because yesterday, I didn't...

I forgot to remember.

I remember January 6, 1983 extremely well. For years, my parents fought - - loud, screaming fights - - but only in private, never in public.

My father, mother, brother and I were the model family at PTA meetings, at the Little League baseball field, at my chorus concerts and at family functions, but as soon as the garage door closed, my parents fought.

And there was never really any rhyme or reason to it.

My mother was severly manic-depressive and no one ever knew what her mood would be from minute to minute. And my father, whose parents never raised their voices to each other throughout their entire married lives together, would let the rage of being yelled at build up so much that when he unleashed it, anything was possible. Anything.

I learned to function in unexpected chaos.

But when I came downstairs for breakfast on Janaury 6, 1983, it was quiet.

Dead quiet.

After years of living in the middle of a screaming, yelling war zone, the sudden quiet terrified me.

As my father drove me to school, I remember telling him to be careful - - that something was going to happen. And later, when I saw a student from the principle's office walk into my music class with a note, I immediately knew the note was for me - - to excuse me from school for the rest of the day.

I knew my father had left my mother.

My father checked my brother and I out of school and took us to a hotel on Papermill Road - - the Holiday Inn. I remember watching HART TO HART and enjoying the adventure of staying with him in that hotel. I felt so incredibly guilty for enjoying that night when I saw my mother the next day.

You see, after my father dropped me off at school that January 6th, he returned to our house and once again, he fought with my mother. The fight escalated. My mother swallowed a bottle of pills and slit her wrists with a knife, kneeling in front of him in the middle of our kitchen. It was her final desperate act to keep him with her in that house.

He walked out and picked up my brother and I from school.

He didn't tell us what had happened and I don't remember even asking. All I knew and all I cared about that night, January 6, 1983, was that it was over - - all the fighting and screaming and yelling and anger and hurt and me wishing and praying to God that the ground would swallow me whole so I wouldn't have to be in the middle of my mother and father's hatred for each other.

I didn't know then that divorce isn't something that ever stops affecting a family. I am eternally grateful for my parents' divorce, but it affects me every day of my life - - my relationships, my friendships, even celebrating the holidays with my family is still problematic because of how I cope with my family splitting in two.

For years after that day - - even after I moved to Chicago - - my father would call me up on January 6th and say, "Do you know what today is?"

He never needed to remind me. I always remembered. And it is extremely fitting to me that the day my father decided to leave my mother is known as Epiphany.

In Western churches, Epiphany celebrates the coming of the wise men bringing gifts to visit the Christ child, who by so doing "reveal" Jesus to the world as Lord and King.

The date of January 6 was selected because, according to some ancient reckoning, the day began to grow longer on that date and so it was celebrated by pagans as the day of victory of light over darkness.

Light over darkness. The perfect way to describe the end of my living in the middle of my parents' explosive hatred for each other.

And also the perfect way to describe yesterday.

Because for the first January 6th in twenty-four years, I didn't remember to grieve for the death of my parents' marriage.

Maybe that means I'm growing up. Maybe that means I'm moving on. Maybe that means I've let go.

Whatever it means, I'm so happy that I forgot.

My Kind of Action Figure

Brandon...

What are you trying to say to me, Brandon?

You don't have to ask me to touch you there, Supes.

I'm already there, baby...

Trust me...

I'm there...

Two New Blogs for You and Me

Yesterday, I sent out the official notification that I am changing my personal email account from America Online to gmail.

It has taken me a long damn time to do this. It was a hard decision since I've had my AOL screen name for most of my time here in Chicago...

...and when I moved here, our boys were in Korea...

...Ike was in Mamie...

What the Hell is Mamie looking at, anyway...

Well back to the subject at hand...

Be sure to change your address books to my new email address: stephen.rader@gmail.com.

In the process of sending out word about this change, two friends sent me links to their blog which I had added to my Links section. Definitely check them out.

First there is Angel who is a performer, a dancer, an activist, a writer and all-around hero to the gay and lesbian community here in Chicago. He's truly incredible.

Also, there's my friend Chris who I met taking a stand-up comedy class a couple of years ago. He had decided to blog about a very personal struggle he is going through and I am so proud of him for writing about it and sharing it with the world. Send Chris all the good energy and prayers you can. He's an amazing man.

A Very Fudge Pack Holiday Picture

Here's a great picture of The Fudge Pack from our little get-together at Philip's place right before the holiday.

Starting from the far left and going clockwise, there's Mark, me, Philip, Joe, Dan and Eric.

What IS The Fudge Pack, you ask? Well...

Since a bunch of us homos were hanging out quite a bit a year or so ago, I mentioned to Philip that we were becoming something of a queer Rat Pack - - the 60's group of pals who ruled over Las Vegas (Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis, Jr., Frank Sinatra, Joey Bishop, and Dean Martin).

And what else could a queer version of the Rat Pack be called but The Fudge Pack??!?!

To my understanding (and correct me if I'm wrong, fellas), but our counterparts in the Rat Pack are as follows:

I'm Frank Sinatra - - because I'm the oldest, beyotches!

Philip is Dean Martin... which is odd since Philip rarely drinks...

Joe is Sammy Davis, Jr.

Mark is Joey Bishop

and Eric is Peter Lawford

Technically, Dan is not a member of The Fudge Pack, but since he's Eric's boyfriend, we're letting him in join via our "Shirley MacLaine" slot. Shirley MacLaine, Angie Dickinson and Juliet Prowse (damn... what a trio, huh?) were often referred to as the "Rat Pack Mascots."

Fudge Pack Mascot. That title sucks, Dan. We'll work on it...

By the way, our little group is achieving some degree of well-deserved celebrity. We have actually been approached at parties and been asked by total strangers, "This sounds odd, but - - are you a Fudge Packer?" and I don't think they were just asking us that question for the obvious reason.

My 30 Dollar A Week Habit

No, I'm not talking about Cold Stone Creamery!!!

I'm in a huge comic book phase once again.

If you didn't pick up this week's issue of DC's 52 featuring Luthor watching Metropolis in chaos...

...or Marvel's CIVIL WAR #6, you are truly missing out!

So in the middle of my current comic book craziness, I stumbled across this clip and I had to not only share it, but also post a few pricess comic book covers and revised comic book panels for you and your's.

First, this clip of how the first Superman movie SHOULD have ended...

Hy-larious! But truth is always stranger than fiction. Check out this cover from BATMAN years ago...

Where exactly IS Robin's face? What is Robin trying to tell us? Maybe this panel from another BATMAN comic explains it a little too well...

Well, Batman may not be gay enough for Robin, but what in the Hell DOES Gordon have for Robin that's he's keeping "up his sleeve?" Sounds like Gordon means to give Robin exactly what this villan is dishing out to Spider-Man...

Err... ummm.... yeah... Now you know why I read comic books. Yeowza...

But this last piece really made me laugh. This Batwoman panel has been altered with regards to certain... ahem... changes in orientation that have occured recently, but I loved the end result, nonetheless.

For those of you who don't know, this is the reason that Bruce Wayne chooses the symbol of the Bat for his crime-fighting alter-ego...

This little piece that I found on politedissent.com shows a similar yet decidedly different decision made by Kathy Kane - - the future Batwoman...

And as those of you who have been reading 52 know, what a damn HOT lesbian she has become. Yum...

What Burns My Ass 2

Today, I was walking into work and I saw a person do something that pissed me off as it always does when I see someone doing this certain thing. So, that means it's time to add to my..

List of Things That Burn My Ass!

We've only had one other one so far and it was:

1) Fundraising Bullies Who Stop You In The Middle Of The Block

Today, I am adding to the list with...

Smokers Who Think That Our Streets and Sidewalks Are Their Personal Ashtrays

Now, let me start by saying that I am the nicest non-smoker you will ever meet. I think that the new bans on smoking in bars and restaurants are ridiculous.

Non-smokers talk constantly about second-hand smoke, but if you don't like being around smoke then DON'T GO TO BARS WHERE THERE ARE SMOKERS! Why should the world have to be sanitized for you? There are plenty of bars and restaurants that are No Smoking - - go there!

By making EVERY PLACE No Smoking and forcing smoker to stand 15 feet away from building entrances, you are creating a dangerous prescendent of Rules and Regulations "For Your Protection" that will come back to bite us all in the ass.

So smokers - - I'm not against you smoking at all.

I am against you not having the ability to put out your cigarette IN AN ASHTRAY!!!

By carelessly flicking your butts (so to speak) onto the pavement, you are litering our streets in the most horrific way.

If I ate my lunch on a park bench and then took the sandwich wrapper and plastic utensils and threw them on the ground at a whim, you would call that litering. I'll bet I would make that American Indian from that commercial cry just like he did in the 70's.

What the fuck is the difference in me throwing the container from my Filet O'Fish onto the ground and you tossing your cigarette butt into the street?

Not a damn thing.

So smokers, please remember...

Which Is Gayer? A or B?

My lovely friend Michael Pacas just sent me this clip in an email that simply said...

"Sheer gay nirvanna!"

I couldn't agree more...



Then after I watched that clip on YouTube, one of the "suggestions" was this clip aptly named, "Gay Dancing"...



Wow, that's pretty friggin' gayballs!

Which is gayer?

A (I JUST WANNA FUCKIN' DANCE) or B (GAY DANCING)?

Are You There, God? It's Me, Pat

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, it's time once again for The King of Kings of Televangelists...

Mr. Pat Robertson!

Starring in everybody's favorite show...

GOD TALKED TO ME!:

HE TOLD ME THE FUTURE IS GONNA FUCK YOU UP!

(Disclaimer: This only applies to Democrats, homosexuals, people of color, women, the poor, the needy, the homeless and the meek. Please note that the meek shall not inherit the earth - - the earth is Pat Robertson's bitch, so step aside, Mofo's!)

Proving again this year that he secretly wishes he were Miss Cleo ("Call me now, man!!") or at least some low - life operator on Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network, Pat Robertson announced that once again, God spoke to him and told him horrific news about the future.

God told Pat that there would be a terrorist attack on the United States in late 2007 which would result in "mass killing."

On THE 700 CLUB, he said...

(And by the way, when I say "He said," here I am referring to Pat Robertson and not God since A) God was not available for comment, and B) we don't know for sure that God is a man - - he might be a woman - - and why the fuck would God need a gender anyway? Who could possibly be on the same level to date God... yes, Oprah thinks she is and at times in her yoyo dieting she's big enough to date God, but come on...)

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear. The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

Ok, first of all, our highly unpopular President can't even PRONOUNCE the word nuclear, so if there is a nuclear attack, the 20 minutes of prep time we have will be severely cut down since people running the Global Thermo-Nuclear War game will keep saying...

"It's a what attack? Newt Layer? Nuppleeare? Ok... three syllables. First syllable..."

Secondly, it will be something LIKE a nuclear attack? God - - The Almighty All Powerful God - - couldn't be more specific?!?!?!

What else exactly is destructive and powerful LIKE a nuclear attack?

If you say Mentos dropped in a Diet Coke, I'm done with you.

Apparently, God is either lying his ass off when he talks to Pat or God is just making stuff up to make Pat look foolish, because Pat's track record on predicting the future sucks donkey dick.

In January 2004, Pat predicted that G. W. would easily win re-election, but Bush, Jr. only won 51% of the vote that fall.

Well, maybe George does consider a 51% victory "easy" since he didn't have to steal the presidency like he did in 2000.


There's only so much fraud and theft that his brother Jeb and the boys at Haliburton can pull off!

In 2005, Pat predicted that Dubya's Social Security reform proposals would be approved and that Bush would nominate conservative judges to federal courts.

Well, alright - - lawmakers confirmed Georgie Porgie's 2005 nominations of John Roberts and Samuel Alito to the Supreme court, but the Social Security initiative was stalled.

"I have a relatively good track record," Pat said. "Sometimes I miss."

"Sometimes I miss?!?!?!" Isn't God All-Knowing? Don't you think God would get His predictions down 100% of the time if the voice you were really hearing was indeed God?!?!?!

That's not the voice of God, Pat - - it's the after effects of all that Oxycontin you snort with Rush Limbaugh.

Happy Birthday, Horton

Yesterday, I was home sick with whatever the Hell this cold / flu thing is that everybody is getting, but I'm better today...

...although I am still weak and very tired - - as if I had to run a marathon with Nell Carter tied to my back...

So, even though it's a day late, I wanted to send a belated shout - out to Michael Kingston - - "MK" if you're nasty.

Michael is playing Horton the Elephant the Emerald City production of SEUSSICAL that I'm in rehearsals for, and he is incredible in the role.

When you see the show (and you WILL see the show... ) bring Kleenex because when MK sings SOLLA SOLLEW you will cry that heavy, sobbing cry that you cried at the end of TITANIC...

...because you realized you had wasted 3 hours of your life watching that crappy movie...

...the tears you will shed when Michael sings, however, will be tears of joy - - because he's so talented and that song is sung so beautifully.

This is for you Michael. Hope you had a Happy Birthday...

Don't you LOVE how Horton is looking at those twinks?

This is an image from the little known and usually banned Dr. Seuss book entitled...

HORTON'S HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOTTIE-HO'S

HOTTIE-HO'VILLE would be SO much more fun to live in than WHOVILLE, don'tcha think?

Life After The Hard Knock Life

First and foremost, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!

I spent the Witching Hour watching a documentary here at home all by my lonesome... and although that started to bother me as I sat down at 11:35 p.m. and told my boyfriend TiVo to start playing this particular movie, I actually enjoyed myself immensely and certain ideas I have about New Year's Eve came around full circle.

Let me explain...

Mike emailed me last week and mentioned a particular new documentary that he and Andy had LOVED call LIFE AFTER TOMORROW. As the documentary's web site explains...

What do Sarah Jessica Parker, Alyssa Milano, and Molly Ringwald have in common? They all began their careers as child actresses appearing in the hit musical "Annie."

Life After Tomorrow is a personal journey of filmmaker and co-director, Julie Stevens, who played one of the orphans in the Broadway cast and National Tour. With partner, Gil Cates, Jr., the filmmakers spoke with over 40 women who played orphans in the show during its original run on Broadway, from 1977-1983. The film explores the life-changing repercussions of child performers in "Annie" as many orphan cast members revisit their experience in the show, their childhood, family support structure, what happened when they left the show and tried to resume a "normal" childhood, and what they are doing today.

Now, I immediately thought that this would be just like incredible song from FORBIDDEN BROADWAY where an adult woman in a red, curly wig and an Annie costume walks up to the mic with a cigarette and sings to the tune of TOMORROW...

I'm 30 years old

Tomorrow

And I haven't worked since I played Annie

When I was 10

It's a really genius bit and true to the lyrics above, in this documentary, there is one woman near the end, when a bunch of the Annies and Orphans get together for a reunion (I know... ), who is wearing a little too much red ANNIE: THE MUSICAL merchandise all over her body and is more than a little happy to sing HARD KNOCK LIFE for the camera.

But for the most part, what I thought was going to waiver between melodrama and camp turned out to be thoughtful and touching and in some instances, a little more than telling about where our culture is going if we continue on this Reality Television - YouTube Celebrity - Time Magazine's Person of the Year is YOU mentality that we have in this country.

The Person of the Year is YOU?!?!? As Ms. Alanda Coon says, "This is some bullshit." But, back to my these former Annies...

These little girls in the Broadway show and on tour went from cattle call to instant celebrity and then, in most instances, back to oblivion (or as anyone else would call it "normal life") the minute a growth spurt hit and they were too tall to for the costume.

Sarah Jessica Parker talks about finally moving up in the ranks to play Annie and suddenly growing 4 inches and being terrified that she would lose the role she had worked so long to get over something she couldn't possibly control.

As one of the stage managers says in the documentary, "Once the stagehands started to get interested in the Orphans, it's was time for them (the Orphans) to move on to another job."

And the stories these women tell are sometimes pretty harsh.

There's Kristen Vigard who was the original Annie at the Goodspeed Opera House pre-Broadway tryout and was fired from the show before it transferred to Broadway. Having the director yell at her at such a young age made her completely shut down, which I would imagine made him yell at her more, which shut her down more so that eventually she was fired. An adult may or may not be able to handle the pressure of an asshole director, but can a child?

And there's stories of marriages that ended because one parent was on tour with their child and the other parent was at home, which of course makes the child blame themselves for their parents' divorce.

Or one girl's mother screamed at her and walked away. Then, the little girl took her headshot, put in on the floor and began to stomp on it yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" because she was too tall.

Now, the cynic in me wants to say that dealing with the transition of normal life after major celebrity at at 10 and complaining about how hard it was is utterly ridiculous when you compare that to the incredible hardships faced by the men and woman now serving the U.S. in Iraq, but there's something very AMERICAN IDOL-y in all of this...

Using up real people like so much fast foot to be chewed up, swallowed down and flushed away without any thought or care because we're already hungry for "the next big thing."

We think we've come a long way from men fighting tigers or each other to the death in front of huge coliseums of people, but it's not a large step from where we are now to watching people being killed on television.

Hell, if we want to right now we can see video online of Saddam Hussein being hanged or Steve Irwin being pierced through the heart by a sting ray.

We've not come a long way, baby.

I'm probably taking it way more seriously than anyone else will, but here's where it comes full circle...

One of the Annie's being interviews was Allison Smith.

Here she is in her Annie costume singing at some random gig...







She went on to play Jane Curtin's daughter in another one of my favorite 80's sitcoms, KATE & ALLIE.








And KATE & ALLIE is the reason that I have a problem being alone on New Year's Eve.

The year I went to live with my father full time after my parents divorce, he went out on New Year's Eve and left me alone.

I know... boo hoo...

But I was content with my the new VCR we had just bought. Our first one... top loading... looked just as cool as this one...

And I was taping all of my favorite shows, including KATE & ALLIE.

And in that episode, Jane Curtain and Susan St. James are trying to figure out what to do for New Year's Eve and Jane Curtain said a line that hit me in the gut. She said...

"Let's face it. When you don't have anyone to kiss on New Year's Eve, you are the worst of all possible things - - unpopular."

And sitting alone at 13 years old in a crappy apartment with barely any furniture and a Christmas Tree with no stand, no lights, no ornaments leaning against a wall...

...my father bought the tree on Christmas Eve, leaned it up against the wall and there it stayed until the Spring... no joke...

I promised myself then andn there that I wouldn't be alone on New Year's Eve ever again.

It was a very Scarlett O'Hara "As God as my witness, I'll never be hungry again" moment.

And yet last night, I was alone on New Year's Eve.



And you know, after years and years of trying to make the evening special because everyone and everything told me I should make it special, last night watching the girls from ANNIE was just right.

Isn't that the perfect segue into Andrea McArdle singing TOMORROW?

P.S. In searching around, I found a FABULOUS site dedicated these former Orphans and Annies called AnnieOrphans.com. Check it out!