Thursday, June 10, 2010

"Toot, Toot. Hey... Beep, Beep!"

If you've never quite understood why, when compared to the other decades of the 20th century, the 70's will forever be the redheaded, bastard child in the annual Christmas card family photo, just watch Liza Minnelli in the clip below. Singing "Bad Girls."

Yes, that "Bad Girls."

Of course, comparing Liza singing a Donna Sommer song to a redheaded, bastard child would also mean that the little illegitimate fire crotch arrived at the photo shoot for said family Christmas card loaded on God-knows-what and accompanied by a flaming homosexual she kept introducing as her new husband.

This clip is... Oy... Even with Liza's tremendous talent, this production of "Bad Girls" is a sea of bedazzled wrong.

Let's face it. Only in the 70's would someone have thought that Liza HAD to sing "Bad Girls." And only in the 70's would no one have stopped them!

Why? Well, also on 70's television, the dancers on Donny and Marie Osmond's variety show weren't really dancers. They were were ice skaters. Yeah... Donnie and Marie would start singing "I'm a little bit country...," and then there would be ice skating. Before, during and after the song. And, occasionally, Paul Lynde would do some comedy sketches. With children. Sounds like "La Cage aux Folles" directed by Fellini, doesn't it? Nope. It was worse.

But, it's not just the song choice. I'm sure the same showtune queen who put a disco beat behind "The Ballad of Sweeney Todd" pushed Liza to sing "Bad Girls," which lead some chorus boy with a dance belt and dream to choreograph what looks like Bob Fosse's version of the dream ballet from "Oklahoma," forcing Liza's new gay husband to suggest ending the song with an homage to "The Telephone Hour" from "Bye Bye Birdie."

It all leads me to one simple thought: WHERE IS THE REST OF THIS TELEVISION SPECIAL?!? For the love of all things Lorna, I need it!!!

P.S. I realize this special aired in 1980, but just like our former President and our current financial shit box, the blame for this lands squarely in the past.


Joe said...

Oh My!!

And I thought that Liza singing "Single Ladies" was bad!

Oy, indeed!!

Polt said...

This is about the same time as the movie Arthur came out. Liza played a prostitute in that, maybe doing a song about ladies of the night was her way of doing research?

But her God, they look like they were taken out of the same closet as the get up for the the female Krytonian on Superman 2 and for General Kala in Flash Gordon!


Stephen Rader said...

Joe - She danced her 64 year old ass off in that SINGLE LADIES video! As well as two hips and half a knee, but who's counting? :)

Polt - Ah, General Kala... I can just hear her on Queen's Flash Gordon theme song saying, "Vhat do you mean, 'Flash Gordon approaching'?" OPEN FI-AH. ALL WEAPONS! Dispatch war rocket Ajax to brrrring back 'is body!"

Camp sophistication to the extreme! Maybe there's a Halloween costume in that. :)

Michael Rivers said...

I love this!!! Very fun!

Prospero said...

"For the love of all things Lorna..." I have to go change my pants because I have peed myself, laughing, you bitch!

cb said...

Personally I'd love to hear Liza butcher a Lady Gaga song...

Oh wait.

Mike Ellis, The Jolly Reprobate said...

After your description, I was expecting horrible flashbacks to the 70s I remember, but this wasn't that bad. Rather liked it even.

Stephen said...

Leapin' Lornas!
The decades don't conveniently end on the 00... the 70s ended in 1981, so you are safe on that one. Poor Liza, but we all made mistakes in the 1970s. I hardly remember them. I was in a Qualude haze.

Anonymous said...

OH DEAR GAWD! NO!! Make her stop!

That was really really shameful.

And I loved Liza in "Arrested Development". She was wonderfully funny.


I just found your blog. I like the energy and humor in your writing.


just me said...

Ok, all you haters, I bet you watch Caberet every time it comes on....tell me I'm wrong!