"If Your Phone Can Fart, You're Part of the Problem"

With my comic book purchases hovering around $25 a week and with my recent purchase of a Watchmen action figure, I obviously understand and approve of "comfort purchases," but... 

The Snuggie?

Is it popular because that ridiculous commercial has turned it into a kitschy, hip, ironic purchase? Or are massive amounts of people really in love with, what the Boy from Florida perfectly described as...

"A robe worn backwards."

That's really all it is. A robe. Worn backwards. Meaning the opening is in the back. Like a friggin' hospital gown worn at home. That's what I want to do. Wear a puffy hospital gown over my clothes at home. Since hospital gowns are so comfortable, practical and "snuggie."

Yet, Facebook groups have been created around Snuggies. TimeOut Chicago has set up a reader photo gallery for Chicago Snuggie owners. The Chicago Tribune features articles about a local Snuggie bar crawl. 

So much media attention for an item that you've had for a long time and chose only to wear with the opening in the front. Ah, the simple days when you referred to this undiscovered gift from God as merely a "robe." How you carelessly left it hanging on a hook (never once thinking it could be worn backwards... how simple-minded we all were), and attempted to watch tv while periodically struggling with your non-sleeved, obsolete, Betamax, 8-track, "John McCain-like" blanket as it shifted inches out of place every time you used your remote control. 

The blanket moved, your arms were exposed to your home's cruel, 72 degree temperature for a few seconds. Seconds filled with despair and anguish... Job had it easier than this... FEMA was called...

Come on, this blanket / backwards robe is nice, but it's no ShamWow. 

But when faced with unemployment, mortgage foreclosure and unpaid bills, escapism is needed. During the Great Depression...

...Will we call it "Great Depression One" now? Or "GD1" for short?...

...Americans escaped at the movies. Champagne... art deco... Fred Astaire...

30's escapism? Fred & Ginger in "Top Hat."  21st century escapism? The Snuggie. Which means, "We suck."

Maybe not but is this the escape we need? Do we need more escape? Our modern heads are so far up our 21st century asses with Twitter and Facebook and Blogger...

...See? I'm not just a critic of escapist technology, I'm also a contributor!...

...that, in a sense, we have almost too many ways to escape. We don't have to go to the movies, the movies come to us. And with the whole country Twittering, who's gonna drive the damn bus?

Maybe Bill Maher. Hell, if he makes it through three back-to-back debates with Ann Coulter over three consecutive days in three different cities, he deserves a medal, a Tetanus shot AND the keys to the bus. Check out last night's final "New Rule" on Real Time.

P.S. Anybody up for getting tickets to the Maher / Coulter Celebrity Deathmatch here in Chicago on March 11th? Too much Ann Coulter live and in person might be hazardous, though.

I wonder if the Chicago Theatre will stuff complimentary vomit bags inside each Playbill...?

Fratboy Friday

This is going to sound extremely gay (well, gay-ER than usual), but I have no choice. 

I mean, when Beyonce sings "Top Hat, White Tie and Tails" at the Oscars wearing Jessica Rabbit's red sequined, "Hello Dolly!" show choir outfit...

...Not that she didn't look GORGEOUS. She did! But how? How did she do it? How did she pull off an outfit that would look like a Bob Mackie dishtowel on ANYBODY else?!?...

...dancing cheek-to-cheek with Hugh "Wolverine / Peter Allen" Jackman, while Zack Efron dances/poses (a.k.a. "Vogues") in the background beside Vanessa Hudgens, who, in her meant-to-be sexy fishnet stockings and a black tailcoat, looks more like a magician's assistant, if that magician was, for some reason, performing at a Hooters... in Jersey...

All of that boils down to one thing - - it's getting hard to tell the breeders from the queers.

So, to prove I'm a Kinsey 6, here's a musically captioned Fratboy Friday...

BOYS IN CAPS

"Smack it, whack it, let your hand rotate.

"Show it, blow it, put it in your pocket for a future date!"

(Anybody know this song? These lyrics are supposedly about saying hello with a "high five" instead of a handshake. Sure. "And I am Marie of Romania.")

****

SAGGERS

"It's fun to stay at the Y..."

...uh... ummm... "M"...

Ummm... Hobocamp?

Fandango?

Damn, we don't know it. Line?

****

MOONERS

"I left my heart (and a few other things, which is why I have my back to you and won't turn around with my pants down) in San Francisco..."

****

DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

"Here she is boys! Here she is world!

"Here's ROSE!"

Yes, after the beer kicked in, Trent's version of "Rose's Turn" was really brilliant. 

Mainly because he was naked after the first 12 bars. 

And because he would dry hump you if you ignored his performance but stared at his crotch.

Hell, his crotch WAS his performance, but still, he sang it well. 

Better than Roz Russell. Which isn't really a compliment, but that's all I got...

Sure, he's an easy drunk lay with a nice package, but he's no Tyne Daly!

"Relax, Sweetheart. I'm Not Gonna Bite You... Yet."

Years ago, my friend Patrick had a boyfriend who would open up his puppy dog eyes, pout his lips and say to Patrick, no matter where they were...

"Buy me a present."

He didn't really mean it. It was just a running joke. Funniest when he said it in 7-Eleven...

"Buy me a present."

My buddy Scot just emailed me to tell me that a man who bought a copy of Action Comics #1 in 1950 for fifty cents has just put this rare comic up for bid.

Action Comics #1 is the first appearance of Superman. It was originally sold in 1938 for 10 cents. Copies of Action Comics #1 in "fine" condition are worth around $126,000. This one could sell for several times that.

So, y'all...

"Buy me a present."

"You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly, Little Darlin'"

So, I put my face in the hole on Face in Hole and... well...

Remember when I discussed "manazons?"

Well apparently, when it comes to my face, manazons are a lot like Marxism.

Sounds good on paper, but in reality...

It's a fuckin' ugly mess.

"Is He Strong? Listen, Bud. He's Got Radioactive Blood!"

What do you do when the nation's economy is in such a state of collapse that banks are failing, fathers and mothers can't afford to feed their children and tent cities are popping up all across America?

You open a new musical on Broadway with a 40 million dollar budget!

And you make sure the musical is about a costumed superhero, because those have done SO WELL in the past.

And you secure a rock band to write the music and lyrics. A rock band that has never before written the score to a musical.

And just so people won't think you've COMPLETELY lost your mind, you don't put "musical" in the title AT ALL. You call the new musical, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.

WTF?!? Did Julie Taymor watch The Producers or something?!?

("I'm hysterical! I'm having hysterics! I'm hysterical!")

Worst of all is this piece of news from the New York Times article...

"...there (are) no plans to use or riff on the well-known theme song from the television cartoon series about the Marvel comic-book superhero."

That sucks. I don't care what Bono writes for this show, it can't surpass the brilliance of this...

"I Feel Like Nancy Drew in the Mystery of the Mid-Life Crisis"

Philip sent me a link to a site named FaceinHole.com.

Yes, I was expecting some hot, glory hole pics, but...

...instead, I found this picture of Philip...

...as Nicole Kidman...

...in the movie poster of the remake of The Stepford Wives.

I love it! Suddenly, the name "Face in Hole" makes more sense.

I can't wait to get home and have fun with this site!

And if anyone knows of a good site for glory hole pics, let me know.

Just sayin'...

"She's Got a Way About Her..."

One of my new blog finds...

...and I'm happy to say, one of my new friends...

...is Yellowdog Granny.

If you're not reading her blog, this is just a taste of the wonderful person she is and what you'll read on her blog.

On my post discussing Parents & Friends of Ex-Gays and the group's president, Richard Cohen, Yellodog Granny had this to say...

"people that think like that make my ass hurt....

"uh...wait..that's your line.."

I laughed so hard at that, my ass hurt. 

And it had nothing to do with the man... oh, nevermind...

"I Am Used to Going Out at 3AM and Doing Something Stupid!"

Ummm... y'all...

The clip below was just posted on io9.

Apparently, Watchmen director Zack Snyder...

...This is a picture of Mr. Snyder. Heeeee's dreeeeeamy...

...debuted this clip on MTV's show Spoilers. It's an extended preview of the prison break scene.

I'm a little wet from watching it.

And from looking at Zack Snyder. Yum.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Spoilers also had this sing-a-long from the upcoming movie version of The Land of the Lost (Come on, you know what the song is, right?)...

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

And they show this little "featurette" of the new Star Trek reboot (That Chris Pine would be so nice to come home to)...

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Look at all that. It's a geek-gasm. Give me 10 or 15 minutes and I can do it again.

"I'll Rent THE READER"

I just got back from a wonderful Oscar party hosted by Jeremy from You're Being Ridiculous.

Jeremy's home was filled with great food, good friends and a lot of laughter, and the Academy Awards ceremony was smart, funny and well-executed. But even after two musical medleys...

...Please note that when you DON'T hire Debbie Allen to choreograph your medleys, the medleys are actually GOOD!...

...and all the brilliant, moving speeches, my favorite part of this evening came just a few minutes ago. As I was walking home, a young woman passed me talking to her friend and I heard her say...

"Dating is almost as bad as shopping for jeans."

Never have truer words been said in the history of language as we know it. 

That's it, girl. On the nosey.

"Two Penises and Two Vaginas Don't Work."

Once again, someone wrote a comment on my blog and... well...

I'm not sure if the commentor is a homophobe, a size queen or just someone who creates interesting internet spam... Someone whose medication is way, WAY off...

Remember when Margot Kidder's manic depression overtook her, leaving her delusional and homeless in just 4 days? Well if during those four days, Margot had snorted OxyContin with Rush Limbaugh and Anne Heche dated her and then dumped her, that would match this commentor's current mental condition.

Unless this person simply disdains homosexuals almost as much as they love a big, fat, juicy 12-inch piece of man meat.

You're confused, I know. Well, just read the comment. This was left on my "Happy Birthday" post for Chris...

"'Oppositional behavior is an integral part of homosexuality. I’m very certain that people who have same-sex attractions suffer from arrested development…. The penis and the vagina fit together. Two penises and two vaginas don’t work.' — Richard Cohen, Pres. of Parents & Friends of Ex-Gays."

Pretty straight forward "Homosexuals Are Unnatural" kind of stuff. To which, I say to Mr. Cohen...

"You're right. Two penises don't fit together. Now, could you bend over and pick up that bar of soap for me?"

When I first saw that comment, I was thinking about how the abbreviated name of Mr. Cohen's group of ex-gay parents and friends is "PFEG," which sounds like someone zurburting and then saying the word, "fag" ("Pfffftt... Fag...," which is what I would probably say to someone if they told me they were an "Ex-Gay"), when I clicked on name of the commentor's name, Jennifer. The link took me to a site specializing in "Penis Enlargement Methods." 

So to recap, a woman named Jennifer embedded the link to a penis enlargement site in a comment on my blog in which she quoted the father of a man who is telling the world he "prayed the gay away." Uh-huh... So much to talk about...

1) The term "Ex-Gay" is ridiculous, nonsensical and should not be trusted. 

"Ex-Gay" is like "Peacekeeper Missile." Or "I'll Only Stick the Head In." Or "President Palin." All you have to do is watch the Ted Haggarts and the Larry Craigs of the world to realize that you can't change the core of your being. Nothing will change that. "Not all your prayers to your God, not all the analysis you can buy in all the years you've got left to live," as Harold says in The Boys in the Band. 

Your friends can't change it and your parents can't change it either. You are who you are and you love who you love. When your parents and friends refuse to accept you for who you are... well, that's when things get dangerous. 

Which brings us to...

2) "The PARENTS and FRIENDS of Ex-Gays"?!? 

Not to knock a support group, but who and what, exactly, are they supporting? Are they supporting each other and their gay/ex-gay loved ones? Or are they ganging up on the homosexuals in their lives and using the power of the many against the one to shove their "loved ones" back in the closet?  

Since PFEG's president, Richard Cohen, was permanently expelled from the American Counseling Association for ethics violations such as "fostering dependent counseling relationships" and "exploiting the trust and dependency of clients," I would say it's the latter.

And beyond that, does anyone in this group really believe that the loved who refers to himself as "The Heterosexual Formerly Known as Sasha Fierce!" is actually telling the truth?

These gay men and lesbians have been lying for years. To everybody. Including themselves. Because their family and friends let it be known early on that they do not accept homosexuals into their lives.

So, when telling the truth will alienate you from your friends and family, you learn how to lie. You learn how to lie very well. And the person who suffers for it is you.

3) And as for "Jennifer" suggesting that my penis needs enlarging, pictures speaks louder than words.

Go to photographer Ron Volanti, Jr.'s site, click "Enter," go into the "Galleries," scroll down and you will see me. All of me. 

That's right, that's my package. Now, does it look like it needs more length, width or stimulus?!? You're welcome.

P.S. If some of the ex-gay men from "PFEG" find this post, click over to Ron's site, see those naked pictures of me and realize that they are gay after all, do I get full points for recruiting them? Or just partial points for helping guide them back into the flock?

Only one or two more recruits and I'll have enough points for the free toaster. 

"Woah! Hey! What Are You Doing? That Is Mint-in-Box!!!"

Look what I bought on Friday.

That's right, for the first time in years...

...Not since '88 when I purchased Picard... He's is still in a box... somewhere...

...I bought an action figure. A toy.

Yes, I actually bought a toy that doesn't require you to lube it up when you play with it. Necessarily.

It's Rorschach from Watchmen. And I LOVE IT! (It's the little things these days...)

I bought him at a store around the corner from my apartment called GayMart. 

You read it right - - GayMart.

A store filled with images of hot, naked men on greeting cards & calendars & refrigerator magnets alongside kitschy movie collectibles and a sea of superhero action figures.

That's what keeps me in Chicago when the weather is like this. Naked men, movie stars and superheroes - - all in one store! 

And while the character of Rorschach will soon be in a movie, I don't think that Jackie Earl Haley will be naked in film version of the Watchmen. 

Billy Crudup will be naked, though. And blue. Sure, it's naked CGI, but I still can't wait to see it. The movie. And "it."

The movie opens in less than two weeks, so I'm currently re-reading the graphic novel. Philip was kind enough to let me borrow his paperback version, so I wouldn't have to carry my ultra-cool, hardcover, over-sized, platinum geek, edition of Absolute Watchmen (a present from Alanda and Steve a year or so ago).

All I need now is this prop replica set of Rorschach's mask and grappling gun. Seriously, I need this. 

In case someone disses one of the Fudge Packers and I have to investigate.

"It's a Free Ride When You've Already Paid."

This isn't meant to be an Alanis Morisette song, but go with me here...

The Chicago Transit Authority recently implemented a 25 cent fare increase to ride the train or the bus. If you want to pay cash or use a temporary fare card instead of a Chicago Card, there is also an additional 25 cent charge...

...I think... Looking at the chart of what the fares were and what they are now is confusing...

...Remember trying to figure out if Anne Heche was a lesbian or bi or just a "playah"? Yeah, it's confusing like that....

Now for you non-Chicagoans, a Chicago Card is a CTA debit card of sorts the deducts my fare from an account when used at touchpads to enter buses and trains. 

Well, just as the fare increase took hold, my Chicago Card Plus stopped working. Luckily, I had a few temporary fare cards to keep me going and since I take the bus every day, there was no 25 cent increase added to the fare that was just increased by 25 cents.

See? It's so Anne Heche wearing Birkenstocks to a Indigo Girls concert. Oy...

But today, the CTA removed all of their accordian-style buses from service after a crack was found in the chassis of one of them. ONE of them. One of over 200 60-foot long buses had a boo-boo and ALL of them are taken off the road. 

Now, I know this is for my safety, but (here's the slightly Alanis part) isn't it ironic that the CTA suggests that we avoid rush hour traffic (because we all just LOVE staying at work until 7pm everyday) or that we TAKE THE TRAIN, which is already packed and costs an additional 25 cents?

I know, I know. No one planned this, but I would be less inclined to offer up small-time conspiracy theories if Ron Huberman was still running the CTA. And on the train with me. With his shirt off.

Is that too much to ask?

Fratboy Friday

BOYS IN CAPS

"The boy on the right is a flight attendant. It was his first flight to Hawaii. They told him, 'On arrival, give the passengers a lei.' 

"He got confused, the boy on the left got lucky, and they now live on Maui."

(Stolen from the best. Modified by me.)

****

SAGGERS

I remember when Ezekiel was primarily known as a chapter in the Bible.

Now, it's a line of clothing.

Well, the word "Madonna" used to make people think only of the Mother of our Lord, not a

"past-her-prime, vocally-challenged pop star with scary arms" like we do now. 

****

MOONERS

'Atta girl...

****

DAMN, I WAS DRUNK LAST NIGHT

This is your brain on alcohol.

And this is a mint green t-shirt on your penis.

Any questions?

If any of my high school classmates read this, please look at this dude's mint green high tops. 

The black Reebox Ex-O-Fits that I wore senior year don't seem so faggy now, do they?

"No, He's Not Harold, He's FOR Harold."

Okay, I will admit it. I should log onto Facebook more often than Amy Winehouse combs her hair.

Because if I had, I would have known that today is my friend Chris' birthday.

You know Chris. He's the blogger behind As Seen From Up Here...

And Chris, speaking of "the blogger behind," wouldn't it be lovely if this genetic lottery winner was the man giving you your birthday spankings tonight?

Or better yet, remember that commercial asking "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"

Well, what a wonderful birthday it would be if your goal this evening was to find out how many licks and bites it takes to make your way through that cake to get to... the...

Well sure, after all those steroids he's taken, his penis would probably make a baby gherkin look like the Hindenburg by comparison, but remember...

Madonna is apparently crazy in love with A-Rod and A-Rod's steroid-shrunken "a-rod." And you know, you'd think that size would REALLY matter to the Material Girl, considering all the added wear and tear she's put her stuff through over the years, but I guess not.

I can't wait for the Madge & A-Rod homemade "stolen" porn dvd. I see it as A Star is Born meets The Graduate combined with Hotdog Thrown Down a Hallway. That would be funny, right Chris?

Chris knows the funny. We met in a standup comedy class - - the only two gay boys in a sea a straight "bros." After a few minutes of trying to figure out how we knew each other, we laughed our asses off when we realized that we knew each others' Manhunt pictures. It was a great way to begin a comedy class and Chris was a great class partner. He's so funny.

He's also uber-talented, sexy, smart, an event planning genius and a fundraising guru. Chris is the man who suggested that Season of Concern form a team in the AFC's AIDS Walk. In the 3 years since, our AIDS Walk teams have raised over $37,000 for SOC. We have Chris to thank for every dime of that.

So, go show him so love - - on his blog or live and in person. And if you're showing him some love "live and in person," somebody better take some pictures, damn it! So we can post them on Facebook. Happy Birthday!

TMI Tuesday (on Wednesday)

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you you give your time or just money to that charity?

I am blessed to work for (and basically run) my favorite charity - - Season of Concern. As I write on all of our correspondence...

"Season of Concern is the Chicagoland theatre community’s fundraising effort in providing compassionate care to those in our community who are experiencing the effects of catastrophic illness. This effort supports the fight against AIDS, contributing to programs that provide direct-care support (funded programs provide personal financial support, housing care, meals, medications, legal assistance and a variety of other services for people living with HIV and AIDS) to members of the theatre community and others in Chicago and the Midwest; and emergency needs expressed by theatre community members in their struggles against other life-threatening illnesses.

"Since 1988, funds have been raised through generous gifts from theatre artists, staffs, boards and audiences. Funds supported include The Actors Fund and The Biscotto-Miller Fund."

I give my time, money, blood, sweat and tears to SOC. Happily. Because I see the tremendous ways in which we change peoples' lives for the better.


2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?
My bed is a very low-to-the-ground IKEA purchase and I sleep on whichever side I damn well choose since ain't nobody else sleepin' with me.

Can I get an Amen?!?


3. How important is a partners kissing ability?
On a scale of 1 to 10 - - 11.


4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?

After spending the ages of 12 to 16 living with just my "Drink a 1/5th of Scotch per Hour" father, I rarely take advantage of someone who's under the influence of alcohol. I usually tell them to take their nasty, sloppy-assed selves home.

I did my time taking care of a drunk man. I don't intend to do it anymore.

Have I ever been taken advantage of? Nope.

Philip read Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus to me one day after I went a little too far with the margaritas and was falling asleep in Caribou Coffee, but that's about it.


5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?

Nope, but I have tried to replay the famous scene in The Da Vinci Load 2: Electric Twinkaloo, does that count?

How was it? Meh...


Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use?

The kind where I don't have sex with or in vaginas.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

"Holy Priceless Collection of Etruscan Snoods!"

Yesterday, my buddy Steve sent me an email with this subject line...

"A shirt that says 'Rader'"

The link inside to me to this t-shirt from Chunk. It's Batman and Robin. In the Witness Protection Program. Hence, their images have been blurred so you can't recognize them.

Because, you know, so many fully grown men walk around in grey tights and a blue cowl with matching cape.

Accompanied by their "ward" who wears a yellow cape and green bikini briefs with matching elvin booties.

See? Those two figures could be anybody.

Well, anybody at certain Saturday night, homo cosplay parties, anyway.

Steve wrote in the email...

"This shirt made me think of you... the homotastic models where just an added bonus."

I would have called them "faggy," but Steve is right, the models on the Chunk site are VERY "homotastic." Especially Miss "Have Your Roots Done" here with the Posh Spice haircut.

I'm not sure if Steve created the word "homotastic" or not, but regardless, I'm adopting it. And striving to BE it in all things.

Maybe one day, I'll be known as Mr. Homotastic. Leader of my own superhero group - - The Homotastic Whores.

I could happen.

P.S. The title of today's Super Tuesday post is an actual line spoken by Burt Ward on the Batman tv series. They just don't write 'em like that anymore...

"The Emancipation Proclamation... Was a... Proclamation..."

I watched a wonderful PBS special late last night - - The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln, which you can watch in it's entirety here. 

Kudos to PBS for the easy accessibility of their programs online.

I learned so much more about Lincoln, Booth, the Civil War and especially the Emancipation Proclamation.  Historian David Blight describes the proclamation in terms I had never really thought of before...

"(Lincoln) has now linked the cause of black freedom with the cause of the preservation of an American republic, which means, in effect, the war is being fought to reinvent the United States, not to preserve it. 

"The government, the republic that would come out of this war would not at all be the same any more."

Or as the Wikipedia entry states...

"The proclamation represented a shift in the war objectives of the North — reuniting the nation was no longer the only goal. It represented a major step toward the ultimate abolition of Slavery in the United States and a 'new birth of freedom'."

After watching this documentary, I feel like I've gone through life up this point knowing as much about the Emancipation Proclamation as Barney Fife does...

At least, I know the Preamble to the Constitution, thanks to Schoolhouse Rock. 

Barney? Not so much...

"Who Are You? Who, Who, Who, Who...?"

A month or so after I started this blog, I decided that I would use my full name in my profile.

One of the reasons I list my full name is that I stand by what I write in these posts. Obviously, with things like Fratboy Friday and My New Imaginary Boyfriend, this blog is more Hot House Video than Huffington Post, but even though most of my opinions aren't highly political, they are still my opinions.

And frankly, for a shy, fat little Southern boy who never stood up to fag-bashing bullies and who never raised his voice in anger or even in disagreement because of his fear of conflict and the need to keep everybody happy - - for that kid to grow up, form his own opinions, write those (possibly unpopular) opinions down and then, sign his name to them and claim them as his own...

Well, I think I've come a long way, baby.

That's why I'm not overly upset when someone disagrees with one of my opinions on this blog. Even when the person leaves a comment that attacks me, mocks the things I enjoy, belittles my work and accuses me of being a pedophile.

This is a comment that I received regarding my dislike of Facebook's 25 Random Things...

"How ironic, since your blog is basically a glorified status update, generally saying the same things over and over.

"Robin fetish, how loenly (sic) you are, how your acting career is retarded childrens shows, and your sexual preference, which so far, seems short on sex with underage boys.

"I guess if people can get their fix with facebook, it takes attention away from you. Waaa waaa."

When I first read that, all I could think of was that line from the movie Roxanne where a guy calls Steve Martin's character "Big Nose" and Steve says...

"What a waste of an opportunity! Well, I mean, you've got someone standing in front of you with THIS, and all you can think of is 'Big Nose'?!"

Big ass, bald head, pasty skin. Come on, buddy, I'm giving you SO much to work with here!!!

And while I disagree that my posts are nothing more than "status updates," if this person has read so much of my blog for so long a time that they can identify the recurring themes of my work, and yet, they don't enjoy what they've read, then why do they continue to read it?

As for the second paragraph, I will admit that I'm a comic book geek with a bizarre attraction to the Boy Wonder and my theatre career has seen better days, but my sex life has never and will never include underage boys. If this person had ended that sentence a little earlier, as in "...your sexual preference, which so far, seems short on sex.," they would have been three for three.

It's so funny to me that people don't think I know the bizarro, messed up world that is my own life. Yes, I'm a geek, I'm gay, I'm single, I'm lonely, I've gained weight, I'm bald and my career is in the toilet. But I claim each and every one one of those things. They're all me. They're mine to be sad about and mine to laugh at.

The person who left this comment read those things because I wrote them. They can't hurt me with them because I've already claimed them.

But the person who left the comment above didn't claim their own words or opinions or personal attacks. They chose, when they left the comment, to be "anonymous."

And that says more about that person than all the posts in my entire blog say about me.

P.S. I'm off to change my status message on Facebook to "Stop getting your fix on Facebook, it's taking attention away from my blog!"

"Here's Lookin' at You, Kid."

I just saw this and I have to pass it on.

From The Bonnie Hunt Show, this is the last scene from Casablanca. Played by children. So cute, so funny.

And even though it has absolutely nothing to do with Valentine's Day, here is Bonnie Hunt as Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta auditioning for American Idol.

This is genius!