"I Used To Be With Stupid"

Oh, my... Oh, my, my, my...

The first person to un-ironically use the word "InternetS"...

The man who referred to himself as "The Decider Guy"...

The man who, even though his brother's name is Jeb, is the stupidest man in an illogically stupid family...

Former President George W. Bush thinks he can conjugate and has written a book.

A) I've officially found the first Christmas gift for both my father and my step-mother. They'll love it. Oy...

B) I may have just found a book that will make me laugh harder than Carrie Fisher's "Wishful Drinking." Sure, it will be laughter through tears with "Decision Points," but still...

P.S. The title of this post comes from a t-shirt that my brother once saw. The perfect break-up t-shirt, I think. And, if I had attended President Obama's inauguration, that is the t-shirt that I would have worn.

"He Kills Me"

When I first met my friend Eric Reda, he had a picture of Ronald Reagan on a wall in his home.

I immediately said...

"What's this son of a bitch doing here?"

Eric then told me about the opera he was writing ("Reagan's Children") based on the speeches that Ronnie's children gave at his memorial.

I replied...

"In the 80's and early 90's, this man killed half of my friends as if he had taken a knife and stabbed them in the heart."

It's true. Not saying the word "AIDS" until 1987, not doing anything to help those who were dying of this dreadful disease because it was only killing homosexuals, Haitians and hemophiliacs - - he killed my friends. Him and that horrific harpy of a wife of his, Nancy. When she dies, I will dance and sing, just like I did when Ronnie died.

Reagan is something of a saint to Republicans these days. Even though he couldn't win his party's nomination if he were to run for President today. Reagan wouldn't be conservative enough for all the Neo-Reaganites out there.

So, when I have to deal with the country's revisionist history about Reagan, I take some time to remember my friends, remember their names, their faces, their humor, their smiles.

Then, I watch this clip from the 1964 film, "The Killers." And I imagine myself as John Cassavetes.

And I punch Reagan right in his smug, cowardly face.




Interesting that, in Reagan's final film before entering into public service, he played his first and only bad guy. And by "interesting," I mean "telling."

"And That's the Word"

"I think this has been a wonderful decade for civility, and anyone who disagrees with me can
gargle my mansack."

- Stephen Colbert discussing
the first decade of the 21st Century.

I'm tempted to disagree with him. Just so I can get down there, get a good whiff of it, and be able to wear a t-shirt that says...

"I Gargled Stephen Colbert's Mansack."

Do you think my parents would like a t-shirt for Christmas that says, "My Son Gargled Stephen Colbert's Mansack, And All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt"?

Consider my shopping DONE!

"Do You Think We're Ready for That Kind of Commitment?"

Yesterday's vote in the New York Senate was not a step forward for gay and lesbian people, but New York Senator Diane Savino spoke truths yesterday that, I think, could possibly change minds, and help those against gay marriage to understand that this is a human rights issue, plain and simple.

But once again, it comes down the word "marriage." Its simply too ensconced within a religious framework for certain Christians, which is why they constantly object to gay marriage on the grounds that it's "changing the definition of marriage."

If we could receive the exact same rights and privileges with a civil union, would be still be fighting this fight? Probably so. And I think that's a mistake. We're fighting for a word when, I believe, we should be fighting for the same rights. From what I understand, if we simply called it something else, a strong majority of Christians would have no issue with gay people receiving equal protection and privilege under the law. But as it is, "marriage" is holding us back.

Then again, don't listen to me. The marriage I grew up observing crashed and burned not long after I entered into this world. Maybe I think if I call it something else, the result will be different. Who knows.

Here's Senator Savino, a new hero of mine...

"All We Have is Love Right Now, What We Don't Have is Time"

Today, World AIDS Day 2009, I remember Lemmie Smith.

If I hadn't met him, I wouldn't be an actor, I wouldn't live in Chicago, I wouldn't be the man I am today.

Lemmie was a great actor, funny, warm & (as Silva Lamé - - "Heigh Ho Silva! Lamé!") the best drag queen in town!

I miss you, Lemmie & I love you.


Take some time today to remember those we've lost to this plague. And follow this link if you would like to make an online donation to Season of Concern in honor of World AIDS Day. Thank you.

"What Do You Think I Fought For In Omaha Beach?"

This is Philip Spooner, an 86 year old WWII veteran, speaking about equal rights for gays and lesbians.

To quote Mr. Spooner...

"The woman at my polling place asked me do I believe in equality for gay and lesbian people. I was pretty surprised to be asked a question like that. It made no sense to me.
Finally I asked her,

'What do you think I fought for
in Omaha Beach?'"

Thank you, Mr. Spooner. May God bless you for your service to our country, then and now.

"Lying is Done with Words and Also with Silence"

Last night, Congressman Joe Wilson interrupted President Obama's speech by screaming the word, "Liar!"

Good for Congressman Wilson.

Not that I agree with him. Not in the least. But, think about his actions in a different light.

Senator John McCain called Wilson's interruption, "totally disrespectful," adding that, "There is no place for it in that setting, or any other, and he should apologize for it immediately."

Bruce Maiman of the Examiner went further, saying that Wilson's outburst, "was an extraordinary breach of congressional decorum and a disgusting display of poor manners."

I'm sorry, are we enjoying high tea at the Palmer House or are we trying to run a country here?

Not that we're going to get a Hell of a lot done in Congress (as if THAT'S ever been an issue in Congress... getting TOO MUCH done...) if we allow screaming and ranting and "The View"-style backtalk in the chamber, but last night, Wilson showed us once again that Republicans have balls - - balls that the Party of Pussies, the Democrats, can only dream of feeling swinging between their legs.

Because if once - - just ONCE! - - in the eight year reign of George "Dubya" Bush, a Democrat had shouted "Liar!" at any of the gross untruths that man shoved down our throats over and over again, perhaps we wouldn't be in the ungodly mess we are in now. A mess that even a Barack Obama can't seem to get us out of because he's too busy trying to convince the Glenn Becks of the nation that inspiring children to stay in school and learn is not "Marxist brainwashing."

Say what you will about the Republicans, but even when their party is at an all time low, they have their talking points down. And they know that it's better to do something and apologize for it afterwards, than ask permission, be denied and never gain any footing whatsoever.

What do the Democrats have? The "public option." A confusing term they can't seem to explain, agree upon, figure out a way to promote, or decide if it should or should not be a part of healthcare reform.

The Democrats remind me a lot of the Gay Community. Again and again, I think, "What's it going to take to get these people angry enough to stand up and fight for themselves?" For gays and lesbians, Prop 8 did that to a limited extent. But the Democrats? How much Fox News bile are they going to swallow before they spit it back in all those ridiculous, bloated, Right Wing faces?

I look forward to a day when a Democrat becomes so enraged during an official speech that their behavior is described as "an extraordinary breach of congressional decorum and a disgusting display of poor manners"

Because what is there to fear? In Bruce Maiman's Examiner article, he claims that Wilson wrote his "political epitaph" last night ("the man who called the president a liar"), reporting that the Congressman "had taken a brutal beating on his Twitter page."

A "brutal beating on his Twitter page"?!? Gee, how horrible. I'll bet all the sons of bitches who were tarred and feathered hundreds of years ago would consider themselves lucky that they never had to endure a "brutal beating on their Twitter page."

Why do the adults in this country continue to talk like and live their lives as if they were all 8 year old girls passing notes in a middle school math class?

Come on, Dems. While your chastising Congressman Wilson, will you take a few notes?

Or better yet, just get fucking angry.

"A Few Timid People Who Fear Progress"

So, since President Obama is trying to ensure health insurance for all Americans, that means he's a Socialist, huh? Well, remember what President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said about his New Deal...

"A few timid people who fear progress will try to give you new and strange names for what we are doing.

"Sometimes they will call it Fascism, and sometimes Communism, and sometimes Regimentation, and sometimes Socialism, but in so doing, they are trying to make very complex and theoretical something that is really very simple and very practical."

The more things change, the more Republicans stay the same.

"Now They See Me, Now They Don't. I've Come & Gone"

Good ol' South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. Caught with his pants down. In Argentina.

And even though his pants were down and we all could see that his package looks like a golf pencil hanging between two Planters peanuts, he has the balls to act surprised when we wonder where the fuck he was for 5 days and why he wasn't at work.

But that's Sanford. He's a staunch conservative who opposes gay civil unions, meaning he's not JUST opposed to gay marriage, but civil unions, too.

As a Senator in the 90's, he voted AGAINST a bill that preserved sites linked to the Underground Railroad.

And I found this on Pandagon...

"When South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford learned that his state was being advertised as a gay tourism destination, he ordered a Cabinet-level department head 'to do the right thing personnel-wise or process-wise to ensure this does not happen again'"

I think Jon Stewart said it best last night on The Daily Show when he described Governor Sanford as...

"Just another politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis."

"The Lies of Handsome Men"

This Memorial Day, as we recognize and remember the men and women who died in military service for our country, let's also think about the nearly 12,500 gay and lesbian members of the our armed forces who have been discharged under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Especially Lt. Dan Choi, the latest Arabic translator to be dismissed from the National Guard because of his sexuality. Making him the first gay person discharged from the military since President Obama took office.

Now, I understand that Obama is busy blowing out the fire billowing through our Hindenburg of an economy, while simultaneously trying to end one war while escalating another, so I haven't given up hope. I believe he will make every effort to end "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." But...

Is it just me, or is it starting to feel like deja vu all over again? No, it's actually, it's more like everything new was old. Again.

I feel like the waiter at this hot, new restaurant sold me on the chef's signature dish, (the "Change We Can Believe In" frittatas served with"Yes We Can" risotto) and even though the food looks spectacular and the aroma is mouth-watering, something in my gut tells me it's going to taste like Clinton.

Err... I mean, chicken. ("Taste like Clinton." I just stepped in Lewinsky...)

Think about it. Clinton promised he would end the ban on gays in the military when he ran for his first term in '92 and within months of his taking office, we got "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," a policy that actually increased the number of gays and lesbians discharged from the U.S. military.

I get the feeling that Obama is facing the same realities in his first few months in office. God forbid history repeats itself, the ban continues and we get a new policy even more confusing than the one we have.

Then again, what could be more confusing and illogical than "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"? As Jon Stewart explained a couple of weeks ago on The Daily Show...

"Dan Choi is one of 54 Arabic translators dismissed due to their sexual preference.

"So, it was okay to waterboard a guy over 80 times, but God forbid the guy who
could understand what that prick

was saying has a boyfriend."

If the ban on gays in the military is actually lifted, I wonder if I can be a WAC? Or maybe an Andrews Sister. I'm thinking Patty. She was sort of the Beyonce of the group. So Patty. Definitely Patty.

"'Enhanced Interrogation' Is Dick Cheney Changing a Word"

I never thought I'd say this, but - - Jesse Ventura for President!

Check out this video from last Friday's episode of The View.

And check out this HOT picture of Jesse "The Body" Venura as Blain in the 1987 film Predator.

In the video, Mr. Ventura whips Hasselbeck's ass on the subjects of waterboarding and torture.

And just for the record, Mr. Ventura could whip my ass any day of the week. 

Maybe I'm just in a "Thank You, Daddy, May I Have Another?" mood because IML (International Mr. Leather) is this coming weekend, but Jesse Venture, with his pumped up body and his passion to take down those who have done harm to this country, is HOT! 

While you watch this, I think I'm going to watch Predator again...

"99 Red Balloons Floating in the Summer Sky"

We can laugh at his hair, turn him into a ridiculous puppet, and snicker about his "dong missiles," but this makes me think that we won't be laughing for much longer...

"North Korea said Saturday any sanctions or pressure applied against it following its rocket launch earlier this month will be considered a 'declaration of war.'"

I still don't like the belief most Americans have that we should be the only nation on Earth with the power to destroy the planet. Not that I want dictators like Kim Jong-il to have nuclear warheads, but I sometimes feel like I live in the country that is the worldwide equivalent of an overgrown playground bully constantly talking about how "Awesome!" he is without realizing that he's pissing everyone off.

America always has to be the guy with the biggest dick in the room. If someone else has even a half inch more than we do, we try to lock the doors and keep them out of the party.

All that aside, what are we going to do about this? How can the U.S. proceed without North Korea claiming that our actions are being considered a declaration of war?

Apparently, Kim Jong-il is a big fan of James Bond films and "any movie with Elizabeth Taylor." 

I say we send Daniel Craig over to North Korea. Have him wine and dine Jong-il Bond style. 

Maybe Daniel could bring those oh-so-easy-on-the-eyes swimming trunks he wore in Casino Royale and re-enact his re-enactment of Ursula Andress coming out of the water in Dr. No. Who could think about nuclear armament with a wet and nearly naked Daniel Craig walking towards them? That's right, no one!

So, we send Daniel, but we leave Ms. Taylor at home. Liz is so batshit crazy these days, just wheeling her through the Korean Demilitarized Zone would be construed as a willful act of aggression.

"Just Breathe Through Your Nose"

At some point in my relationship with my ex, he made the mistake of talking to me and my then roommate, Aaron, about a night he spent in the backroom of a local bar.

Now, of all the cans of Crisco that Aaron has purchased, NONE have ever made their way into a kitchen (unless the sling, for some reason, was set up in the kitchen), so when my ex told us...

"Some man... (he) didn't know... sucked (him) off... in the BACKROOM... of a BAR!!!"

Aaron had no choice but to reply...

"Awww... You think that's kinky...
That's cute."

And these days, with straight conservatives and liberals utilizing the language of the homosexual without so much as a Google search to help them out when they discuss those "fisting" Obamas or when they confuse who's on top and who's on bottom when discussing "anal poisoning," I hear Aaron in my head saying to them...

"Awww... You have no idea what that word means... That's cute."

But today's "Gay Word/Republican Agenda Mad Lib" goes beyond cute. This is now a laugh riot! I know he's in on the joke, but I SO wish I was RECEIVING this action every time David Shuster says this gay word.

Yeah, yeah. It's not necessarily a "gay word" but enough of us do it, so I'm callin' dibs, alright?

Shuster saves his best use of the word for the last sentence. Well done, David . If you're interested, I owe you one of these after this clip. (Don't worry, I'm a professional.)

"Laundry Day. See You There. Under-Things Tumbling"

I'm going to have to find a new laundromat.

And since there is only one in my neighborhood, that's going to be a bitch.

I walked into my laundromat earlier tonight and the tv was blaring Fox News, specifically Mike Huckabee's show. (I know! Mike Huckabee has a show? Who knew?)

And as I was putting my clothes into the washing machines, I heard some random woman on the Huckabee show reporting something about the bailout. What caught my attention was her repeated use of two words: "Mr. Obama."

Her sentences went something like, "Today, Mr. Obama blah blah blah blah blah. In response, so-and-so said that Mr. Obama blah blah blah..."

Before I could even finish loading my laundry, I shouted back at the screen, "It's PRESIDENT Obama! PRESIDENT! He's our President. Show a little respect!," completely forgetting that the laundromat was packed and that people can hear me when I shout.

So, I avoided further embarrassment by plugging my ears with music from my iPod (the Original Cast Recording of L'il Abner to be precise). I finished loading my laundry and walked down the street to buy some groceries.

When I returned to transfer my clothes into dryers, Sean Hannity's show was on. And unfortunately, I had turned my iPod off.

The nice woman who works there on weekends happened to be walking past me just as the venom, bile and hatred spewing from Hannity's mouth into my ears had reached critical mass, so I said to her (in a voice perhaps little too loud to be considered anything but bitchy)...

"How can you watch this crap?!? The things they say are ridiculous!

It would be funny if it wasn't so damn hateful!"

Lucky for me, she laughed, said she she never changes the channel and doesn't even hear it anymore.

Well, I hear it and it pisses me off.

So, in order to maintain my sanity and to keep me from disturbing the residents of my neighborhood, it looks like I might have to walk a few miles to do my laundry.

Or just remember to keep my iPod earbuds in while I'm at that laundromat.

I wonder what happens if I start playing "Dark Side of the Moon" at the top of Sean Hannity's show? Hmmm...

"Gee, That Was Fun and a Half"

I just saw this over at Seduced by the New...

Pretty friggin' brilliant, isn't it?

This, combined with my "You Hucka the Bejeepers" shirt, means that I will have my wardrobe SET for any and all weekend happenings for quite awhile.

The "I Survived the Bush Administration" t-shirt is available at Print Liberation for $16.

I am available all this weekend and I'm 100% free.

Just sayin'...

"All You Get Out of That Is a Car."

I can't wait to get home and watch today's episode of The View because today's guest was the man with the Shoney's Big Boy hair, Governor Rod Blagojevich.

As you've probably heard by now. Blago announced earlier today that he considered appointing Oprah Winfrey to Barack Obama's vacated Senate seat.

And according to the Chicago Tribune, The View's Joy Behar responded to that idea by saying...

"All you get out of that is a car."

Which is brilliant, but it gets better.

Later, Joy said she had heard that Blago does a great Nixon imitation. So, she asked Rod to say, "I am not a crook." Blago refused.

I hereby propose that Joy Behar be recognized as one of our country's most beloved national treasures. And also, I am officially bestowing upon her the title of "Honorary Gay Man."

She is a queen amongst queens!

"Point Me Toward Tomorrow"

What do you get when you cross a Marvin Hamlisch tune - - a showtune that was, basically, the Defying Gravity of the 70's - - with Stephen Colbert's comedy and (sorry Ian...) Christine Ebersole's voice?

Well, you get "America's Worst President: An Administration in Revue" (to borrow from that Will Rogers Follies tagline). Political commentary in showtune form. You know I love it!

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Tribute to the Bush Administration - Christine Ebersole

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

This is sort of like the idea that Hell is not fire and brimstone, it's a gigantic movie theatre. The seats are filled with your friends, family and loved ones, and you sit down in the middle of them all. The lights dim and as the movie starts, you realize that you are watching your life played out, not just in front of you, but also in front of everyone you every cared about. All of your life. Every minute of it. So that, all of the possibly shameful or immoral things you did because no one was looking or no one would know, all those moments are shown in sparkling Cinemascope, over and over, for everyone you love.

God, I hope that happens to Bush! Then again, if he's sitting in a room filled with his family, they might slap him on the back and congratulate him. And Jeb would just envy him. 

Thank God the 8 years is over.

"We're Bringing Back Style to the White House..."

"First of all, how good looking

 is my wife?"

Those were President Barack Obama's first words after being announced at tonight's Neighborhood Ball.

And then, the President and the First Lady danced to At Last, sung by Beyonce.

And when Barack twirled Michelle around ever so slowly, she giggled and beamed a shy little grin.

Look at them.

If these two people don't make you want to fall in love...

...well, you're probably this guy.

"Now You're Here, And Now I Know Just Where I'm Going..."

I can't decide what song to sing today?

1) Just In Time, which I think perfectly describes President Obama's greatest gift - - the ability to inspire us, to give us hope, to give us purpose, so that WE, not just HE, can begin to mend our broken country... or...

2) Ding! Dong! The Witch Is Dead, which is the obvious choice for Bush, Cheney and all the evils that they heaped upon this country over the past 8 years.

So, in keeping with our our new President's message of hope and change, I'm going to force my cup to be half full (I know... shock!!!). Just In Time is my song for today.

Not just any version of Just In Time, though. We need a Judy Garland version of Just In Time - - the perfect remedy for those Saddleback Church invocations.

"This is a Mistake in Choice"

"First, the glibness about, 'Well, you know, it's just a bunch of gays being unhappy that people don't agree with them,' is wrong."

"If this was a preacher out there using moral weapons against African-Americans, we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

"Second of all, the fact that we're actually having this conversation means that this is a mistake in choice."

- Hilary Rosen on Anderson Cooper 360 discussing President-elect Barack Obama's decision for evangelical pastor Rick Warren to lead the invocation at next month's inauguration.

See the entire clip at Planet Homo.