TMI Tuesday

Something I haven't done in a long, long time. TMI Tuesday!


1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?

Going commando is sexy. And sometimes disgusting. Which is just fine, because sometimes, disgusting is exactly the kind of sexy that I crave.

I've never been one of those queens who only goes to the cleanest of bathhouses. I prefer a little sleaze with my sleaze. Just because it looks hot on "Grey's Anatomy" doesn't mean that fucking in a place as sterile as a hospital is fun. At all.

And no, I don't have a "best" commando story. Because today's not over yet.

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?

Certain Southerners of a certain age will remember summers when homemade ice cream had to be churned manually. Over and over. For a very long time. Working that crank up and down and around. In the middle of all that heat. Sweat pouring all down your face. Muscles aching as you grunted to keep everything moving around and around for what seemed like an eternity.

All because, when you opened up what was inside, it was absolute heaven.

That's my answer. Now, start churning!

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?

Good if you're giving and GREAT if you're getting.

I think we all prefer 68 to 69, don't we?

You know what 68 is. To quote George Carlin...

"68 is 'You do me and I'll owe ya!'"

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?

I'm 40. If you want more than one a night, I need to go somewhere and reload.

I'm like Barney with his one bullet. I can hold on to it for a long, long, long time.

5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."

Morning sex is awesome.

Sometimes, it's hard for your partner to realize that your hardon is morning wood that sprung up from a monstrous need to pee, and jumping up and sitting on top of it is shoving your bladder up into windpipe, but for love, I can handle anything.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?

Ummm... What part of "Cocksucking Rimjob Homo" didn't you understand?

I don't need to know their last name. Or their first name. Just their inseam.

TMI Tuesday (on Wednesday)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

TMI Tuesday (on Wednesday)

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you you give your time or just money to that charity?

I am blessed to work for (and basically run) my favorite charity - - Season of Concern. As I write on all of our correspondence...

"Season of Concern is the Chicagoland theatre community’s fundraising effort in providing compassionate care to those in our community who are experiencing the effects of catastrophic illness. This effort supports the fight against AIDS, contributing to programs that provide direct-care support (funded programs provide personal financial support, housing care, meals, medications, legal assistance and a variety of other services for people living with HIV and AIDS) to members of the theatre community and others in Chicago and the Midwest; and emergency needs expressed by theatre community members in their struggles against other life-threatening illnesses.

"Since 1988, funds have been raised through generous gifts from theatre artists, staffs, boards and audiences. Funds supported include The Actors Fund and The Biscotto-Miller Fund."

I give my time, money, blood, sweat and tears to SOC. Happily. Because I see the tremendous ways in which we change peoples' lives for the better.


2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?
My bed is a very low-to-the-ground IKEA purchase and I sleep on whichever side I damn well choose since ain't nobody else sleepin' with me.

Can I get an Amen?!?


3. How important is a partners kissing ability?
On a scale of 1 to 10 - - 11.


4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?

After spending the ages of 12 to 16 living with just my "Drink a 1/5th of Scotch per Hour" father, I rarely take advantage of someone who's under the influence of alcohol. I usually tell them to take their nasty, sloppy-assed selves home.

I did my time taking care of a drunk man. I don't intend to do it anymore.

Have I ever been taken advantage of? Nope.

Philip read Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus to me one day after I went a little too far with the margaritas and was falling asleep in Caribou Coffee, but that's about it.


5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?

Nope, but I have tried to replay the famous scene in The Da Vinci Load 2: Electric Twinkaloo, does that count?

How was it? Meh...


Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use?

The kind where I don't have sex with or in vaginas.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

TMI Tuesday

A late night TMI Tuesday...

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?

Depends on the person, really. I mean, I'm not sure why, but I tend to find a guy's feet sexy, and yet, when my ex had his nasty-assed clonkers parked on each side of my head while I "drilled, baby, drilled," I thought they were the ugliest things on the planet.

For me, any part of the body can be sexy on the right man. But if a man is not nice or kind or funny or giving, it's hard to find ANY part of him sexy. 

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?

Over. And I only know this and have an opinion about this because this was a question on The Newlywed Game YEARS ago and I thought to myself...

"I need to figure out where I stand on this issue tout de suite! In case I'm ever on The Newlywed Game."

Cause that's gonna happen soon. Yeah right...

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?

Hell to the yeah! I've called in sick to stay in bed with SEVERAL sexual partners. 

Not at separate times, I mean several sexual partners in one bed on that one day.

If you're going to use a sick day, make it worth your while, you know?

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?

My Dad did, but I can't remember how old I was. I just remember telling him that I didn't think that I would ever put my penis in a vagina, and he chuckled and told me that I would change my mind about that.

Wrong again, Batman.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?

Lick my ass.

No, I don't mean, "How DARE you ask me that question! You, Sir, can lick my ass!" I mean, "You want to rock my world? You, Sir, can lick my ass!"

Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you?

Sex means ever having to say you're sorry.

No. Damn it. That's "love."

Sex, to me, means anything from mutual masturbation to handballing and everything in between.

I know some people who don't think it's really sex unless a vagina or an ass is being pounded. To those people, I always ask...

"So, is a mouth no longer a hole?"

TMI Tuesday

It's a late-in-the-day TMI Tuesday...

1. When you sleep with someone, how much or how little contact do you like to have?

I hate to sound even remotely like Sarah Palin, but "Spoon, baby! Spoon!"

Sure, we both might move around in our sleep, but it sure is nice to fall asleep holding someone or being held.  

Sleeping with someone isn't a boxing match. It's not "Fuck, then go to your corners!"

2. What do you think there is a appropriate amount of time for a divorced parent to date before introducing the kids to the "new" "special" person in their life?

Well, from personal experience (meaning my father's introduction of my soon-to-be step-mother to me), I'd say one should wait more than two weeks.

And the child really shouldn't meet his future step-mother in a bar at 1:00 a.m. when his father's drunk and the new woman in his life passed "three sheets to the wind" three hours ago.

And most importantly, the new woman should try to talk softly, so that the child doesn't hear her say to his father, "Why don't you drop the kid off at home and come back to my place."

Because that really starts things off on the wrong foot, wouldn't you say?

3. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay? 

D. All of the above.

It was either that or "E. All the guys from the 2009 Dieux du Stade calendar," but we all want that in our bed, don't we?

4. What do you thinks makes a kiss great?

The moment.

Seriously, sometimes you want soft and gentle and sometimes you want to be fucked like the whore you are. The best kissers know which moment is which.

5. Describe your sex life in two words.

Non-existent.

If you count that as just one word, then my answer is: "Non-existent, bitch."

Bonus (as in optional): Do you remember a time when you were having sex that you smile or even laugh about now? Do tell....

I remember kissing one of my college boyfriends, Tony, while we were in bed listening to the radio. The song changed to James Taylors' "Fire and Rain," and for some reason, I started singing right at the top of the song - - "Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone" - - and Tony laughed right in my face. What a douche I must have looked like.

In general, though, I laugh and smile when I'm having sex. I quote Rob Lowe from St. Elmo's Fire...

"You're allowed to have fun 

when you're fuckin'!"

TMI Tuesday

A very "Let's Go to the Movies" version of TMI Tuesday...

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?

Alanda and her husband Steve treated me and our friend Max to a movie just this past Sunday.

It was a birthday celebration (Max's birthday is the day after mine) and Alanda fixed a fabulous dinner, showered us with amazing gifts (seasons one AND two of The Venture Bros. is just a sampling of the fabulous presents I received), and then we saw a movie.

Max chose the movie. I had nothing to do with it. So, don't judge me.

It was Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans.

I won't go into how horrifically bad this movie is, but I will refer you to the Time Magazine movie review by Richard Corliss. The title of his review tells you everything you need to know...

"Underworld 3: Me No Lycan."

2. What is your favorite movie theater snack?

It's not just my favorite movie theater snack, it is my "must have" movie theater snack.

Popcorn. Severely buttered, overloaded-with-salt popcorn. The bathtub size, if possible.

And if you don't like buttered and salted popcorn when you watch a movie, what else don't you like? AMERICA?!?


3. Have you ever snuck in 'outside' food into a theater?

Well, I haven't, but Alanda certainly did at last Sunday's movie. She snuck in popcorn for all of us.

My mother used to sneak in popcorn and cans of soda, so that, as soon as the lights dimmed, you'd hear my mother, rustling around in her purse and then you'd hear that "Pffzzzt" sound as she opened the can. And everyone would stare, assuming that we were poor, redneck, white trash. Which we were. Good times...


4. Have you ever made out in a theater?

Yes, I went to middle school. Isn't that the same question?


5. What is the 'farthest' you have gone in a theater?

Well, I've done the "Alanis Morissette," but I didn't do it to one of the stars of Full House, I never wrote a song about it and I didn't receive a Grammy Award because of it.

Yeah, other than the popcorn that was stuck to my knees and a sore jaw, I didn't get a damn thing out of that.

Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scene?

This will probably call me out for the sick fuck that I am, but the first thing to pop in my head is the sex scene from Fatal Attraction, when Glenn Close says to Michael Douglas, "Have you ever done it in an elevator?," then hits the stop button on the lift and lunges for him. Hot. Seriously fucking hot.


P.S. I found this "Fatal Attraction" picture in a Google image search. I think I've found my costume for Halloween this year...

TMI Tuesday

A TMI Tuesday on this most historic day that has absolutely nothing to do with this most historic day. I love it!

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?

I've done many, many things "purely for money," but I have never dated and/or married anyone simply because of the size of their wallet.

I HAVE dated and/or proposed marriage to SEVERAL people simply because of the size of something else they carried in their pants. Does that count?

2. What is your type?

Breathing. (Oxygen tent optional).

I don't really have a set type. A month or so ago, Philip said to me, "You know, a lot of people SAY that they find just about everybody attractive, but you ACTUALLY do!" And he's right.

I try to be open to everyone and everything. And yes, I meant that dirty.


3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?

Check out the answer under "Wrath" on this TMI Tuesday post. As far as sex games go, I think I won that one, don't you?

Actually, my favorite sex game would definitely be the "Disappearing Hand Game." No matter which side of the field you're on, it's always fun.

Seriously. With some practice and the right lubricant, you not only see Jesus, you also have lunch with him and split a crème brûlée.

(Don't knock it till you've tried it. And don't try it till you've trimmed your fingernails.)


4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?

Let's try this again...

I'm a HOMO-sexual...

Are we done?


5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?

Yes. Several times. While trying to convince him that I would only put the head in. And for tip money.

Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?

Men reach their sexual peak around the time they can legally drive a car. Women reach their sexual peak around the time they can take legal possession of their ex-husband's vintage car. The one he bought when he was 16.

This is why Ashton and Demi have got it all figured out.

Then, there's poor Bruce Willis. Watching Demi driving around in the car he bought when he was 16. And there's Ashton. In the car seat.

TMI Tuesday

It's been a long time since I TMI'ed...

1.On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?

Just last month, a Chicago theatre critic caused a bit of controversy when she reviewed a local production of Romeo & Juliet and the review was printed in a local paper. Even though the critic admitted that she only attended the first act of the play. What a gal, huh?

People were upset because, when you review a play in it's entirety, it's best to actually view THE ENTIRE PLAY. I mean, watching just half of The Way We Were leaves you with The Way They Are - - Hubbell and Katie, together forever. It doesn't fucking work.

So, since the last couple of people I have had sex with promised me 69, but left me with 68 - - which means, I did them, they got dressed and told me "I'll owe you one." - - I will defer from rating my sexual satisfaction at this time. Like the "Half-a-Show Critic," I don't think I should rate the 68's.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?

"Thank you, Daddy. May I have more?"

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?

It's telling when I can't think of one thing. Many men have been extremely romantic with and for me, but nothing really stands out in my mind right now. Which means it's been WAY too long since I've been on a date.

Now, where did I put that small talk?...

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?

In a house that was under construction. Some of the outside walls were up and some weren't.

So, of course, we stood in the area where there WEREN'T any walls. Completely naked. In the moonlight. With people walking by.

Should I be amazed, thankful or insulted that those people didn't see, hear or notice the two of us fucking as they walked by?!?

5. How do you liked to be kissed?

Early and often. In every way imaginable. Different times call for different kisses.

However, if you're the kind of kisser who enjoys taking your tongue and shoving it down another man's throat, I will stop you and show you another area of my body where your probing tongue will make me EXTREMELY happy.

Bonus (as in optional):Most embarrassing sexual moment?

A fuck buddy of mine asked me to play out a scene with him where I was German skin head who would "rough him up" a little in the course of our usual fucking and sucking. (Stop laughing!) He really wanted me to play the part. Meaning, he wanted me to speak only in German. Yeah...

We were chatting online late at night when he asked me over to do this scene, which left me with no knowledge of German and no time. So, I Googled a English-to-German translator and frantically began to translate and memorize every dirty phrase I could think of. In a few minutes, I was ready. But the guy asking for the German wasn't.

You see, when you ask an actor to role play a scene with you, we don't fuck around. I was trained for this; I was IN this scene. I was only speaking the dirty German phrases I had looked up, nothing else. And when my fuck buddy didn't understand, I would get angrier, more forceful, "less giving with the goods," if you know what I'm saying.

Finally, my fuck buddy had had enough of me and my queer Hitler, so when I yelled the one of the same (now, probably rather tedious) dirty phrases in German and got a little pushy, he screamed at the top of his lungs...

"For Christ's sake, I don't know what the fuck you're saying!"

I apologized and calmed him down, but I didn't laugh. Even though, I was laughing my ass off inside. Laughing at what a supreme douche I must have looked and sounded like.

I should have just walked in, had him blow me, sang Danke Shoen and been done with it.

TMI Tuesday

A very sexy TMI Tuesday...

1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?

Certain things can be sexy because they are meant to or are trying to be sexy - - lingerie, leather, etc. Depending on what you do with it, anything can be erotic.

For instance, ice in an ice cube tray isn't sexy, but when you take a cube out and rub it over your partner's nipple - - or even your own nipple if it's a Sunday night and Desperate Housewives is a rerun - - then ice becomes erotic.

Men are particularly good at making just about anything erotic. A man can walk into your kitchen and see you cleaning your oven - - literally, not figuratively - - and he'll tell you it would really get him off if you would spray Easy Off all over your chest.

While he watches you do that, he'll jerk himself off and say over and over...

"That's hot. That's fucking hot!"

You see? Easy Off would never be considered sexy, but to some, it could be erotic. And apparently, very hot.


2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?

I believe in soul mates - - plural.

The way I see it, each of us is like a puzzle piece, and there are many different people who can fit perfectly to one of our sides.

We'd have to be rather boring creations if only one person in the entire would could fit with us.


3. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?

When I get one, I'll tell you.

But I can tell you from past experience that I don't "need" to hear it, but I like to hear it. Especially when he means it.


4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?

Anger. True rage. I know that my friends will laugh at that, because I'm so blunt at expressing my opinion, but my Southern training still tells me over and over that it's wrong to be rude, even when you're being treated cruelly.

I'm getting over that, little by little. So if you think I'm a bitch now, wait. Just wait.


5. What is worse - physical, mental or cyber cheating?

If you and your partner have an arrangement that specifically says "no one else - - just us," then physical and cyber cheating are the worst.

Mental cheating? You're really going to give your partner shit for fantasizing? Get a life.

But if someone wants to go, let them go. When it comes to straying, my father's advice is always the best. As he says...

"If you have to tie up your dog, it ain't your dog."

Bonus (as in optional): The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you - TODAY - on the scale?

Today, yesterday and any day in the future, I'm a 6.

They could "cure" homosexuality tomorrow and I will still be a 6.

And thank Christ for that. Someone's got to direct all the revivals of Oklahoma, for God's sake!!!

TMI Tuesday

A TMI Tuesday peppered with appropriate someecards...

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever inserted or seen inserted (in a sexual manner) in person?

Let's just say that I never walk past a traffic cone, a pool table or the produce section of a supertmarket without smiling.

How's that?


2. Have you ever had sex anyone whose name started with a J?

No one told me I had to know their names. I'm sure there was one that started with a J in there somewhere.


3. Have you ever been outside completely naked?

Does John McCain have an enlarged prostate? Yes and yes.


4. Do you prefer music, tv, or other noise in the background when you have sex?

It doesn't matter to me what's playing in the background. I much more prefer that the person (or persons) I'm with having sex with are makes noise. And a lot of it.

I can't stand guys who fuck like a Quaker in church.


5. Have you ever used ice for sexual purposes?

Bags of it, baby. Bags of it. Thank God the 7-Eleven is open 24 hours.


Bonus: Have you ever been propositioned for group sex?

Propositioned, accepted said proposition and followed through on my acceptance.

Though, the larger the group you have sex with, the more thank you letters you have to write, and that can be a bit of a bitch when it's above 25. Just sayin'...

TMI Tuesday - Reversed

Since I'm on vacation and won't be answering the TMI Tuesday questions as I usually do, I thought of a little twist.

One question. From me. Answered by you guys.

You can answer in the comments section or answer in your own blog and link back to this post or whatever you like.

Here's the question - - not really one with an answer that will be TMI, but it fits with my vacation...

"What was the best vacation you ever took

with members of your family?"

Fill in the answer as much as you like. Describe it or one specific memory you have of it. Or tell me why it was the best. Or why you remember it so vividly.

And when I get back, I'll describe my favorite memory from this trip. With my mama, there are sure to be SEVERAL to choose from!

TMI Tuesday

Another dose of TMI Tuesday...

1. Describe the perfect date for YOURSELF... what you would enjoy most.

Believe it or not, I'd say the perfect date for me would be pizza delivered to my apartment, a couple of bottles of cheap red wine and maybe some chocolate, all consumed leisurely as we sit in front of my fireplace watching an old movie that we've both seen a hundred times so we can chat and kiss and make out and let the evening take us wherever it wants to go.

Easy going and romantic and loving - - that's the perfect date.

2. Do you lean more toward being submissive or dominant?

I enjoy both sides of the coin, but I have to say that I love being submissive.

And I mean really submissive. Not this fake, pushy, "topping from the bottom" bullshit.


3. What do you usually wear to bed?

Nothing but a smile. Unless it's in the winter here in Chicago, and then I wear flannel pj's, thick socks and a Down parka. Under my electric blanket. On it's highest setting. And I pray that I don't have to get up to pee.

4. Have you ever seen a counselor?

Abso-friggin'-lutely. He saved my life. Or helped me save my own life.

But he was right about one thing - - once you get mentally healthy, you don't date a lot. You can see your pattern and spot those who will hurt you a mile away.

5. Lights on or off?

This probably means "during sex," so I'll say "on, but with a red bulb or a pleasing gel."

It's fun to see what's happening - - and it's sometimes important to know exactly what piece of flesh you have in your mouth and who it belongs to - - but when you're bumpin' uglies, Blanche DuBois said it best...

"I don't want realism. I want magic!"

Bonus (as in optional): Bonus: Have you or a partner ever faked an orgasm?

How exactly can a man can fake an orgasm? Heated Jergens lotion inside a squirt gun? How?!?

TMI Tuesday

A post-Labor Day TMI Tuesday...

1. When was the last time someone hit on you? What went down?

What is with this question? Is it just TRYING to depress me?!?

I can't remember the last time someone hit on me. Well, that's not true. I do have a memory of someone very hot hitting on me, but it was quite awhile ago.

I was invited to a little "gathering" (a.k.a. "sex party") and I was having a bit of fun with the 3 or 4 fellas there, when the door opened and a new member joined the festivities.

He was hot. He was ripped. He was a porn star.

And he took one look at me and... well... you know that part in West Side Story where Tony and Maria see each other and everyone else in the room just fades into the background? And then they do that finger snap / twisty-knee bend dance?

Yeah. It was like that. Except the finger snap / twisty-knee bend dance was mind-numbing sex. At the end of which, he gave me his phone number in front of all of the other attendees and asked for me to call him.

Which I did. Frequently. Until he left town. Ah, the good old days...


2. If you were single and could be with any one person, who would it be (thinking singer/actor or someone famous here, but whatever)?

Again, you're depressing me. "If" I were single. Oy...

I'll answer this question as "if" if you were asking me which famous person I would want to be with (a.k.a. "fuck").

I'm going with Kerry Degman, My Imaginary Boyfriend.

Heeeee's dreeeeeaaaaamy...


3. Have you ever had done anything sexual in your office or your place of employment?

Not in my current office (though, I'm sure my predecessor did have sex here and I cleaned my desk accordingly), but in my former office? Hell to the Yeah!

I actually had sex in my old office with the porn star mentioned in Question #1.

How is it that I went from being Blanche Devereaux to Dorothy Zbornak in so short a time?


4. Do you apologize when you make a mistake? How do you react when someone calls you out?

Of course I apologize when I make a mistake. I'm such an Adult Child of an Alcoholic that I usually apologize when other people make a mistake or when other people intentionally hurt me. It's my way.

Yet, when someone calls me out, I tend to get pissed off. Someday soon, all of my Southern Training - - the stuff that keeps me polite and keeps my mouth in check - - is going to be completely drained away, and when that happens, I will begin to destroy those who call me out.

It is my hope to one day become Julia Sugarbaker.


5. Top or bottom?

Stop laughing. Some people might not know. And I can be versatile. I CAN!!!! It's not THAT funny!!!


Bonus (as in optional): Bonus: How old were you when you first had a willing sexual experience?

Since I define "sexual experience" as just about anything sexual...

...meaning that poles don't necessarily need to go into holes for me to call it sex...

...I was about 12 or 13.

Second cousins in the South. When they're a couple of years older and play football, you just can't beat that.

Pardon the pun.

TMI Tuesday

This week's fairy-themed TMI Tuesday...

You find a fairy. With a wave of their wand they can change anything for you.

I AM a fairy and let me tell you, I don't have the power to change anything for you.

But when I "wave my wand," you will feel FABULOUS!

Now, on to the questions...


What is the one thing you would change about your body?

I would like to have hair. That stayed in my head.

It can turn grey, I just don't want it to turn loose.


What is the one personality trait you would change?

Maybe my moodiness, but even then again, probably not. I don't want to change things that make me "me."

I like my personality just the way it is, thank you very much.


What is the one thing about your job you would change?

I would like for there to be no need for me to have my current job because an AIDS cure would be found, no one else would have to die from this horrible virus anymore and organizations like Season of Concern would hopefully cease to exist.

Being put out of business because of a cure would be Heaven.


What is the one thing about your home you would change?

That it would be clean. Cleaned automatically. Or by someone other than me. Because I sure as Hell ain't gonna do it.


What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?

If you're talking about the Boy from Florida, there isn't a thing I would want to change about him. He always seems to know exactly what to say to me. He treats me like a Prince.

He's nice and sweet and kind and sexy and cute and funny. Why one earth would I want to change anything about that?


Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?

I would like to poof my ex, The Skank, out of existence. Forever. Because he is the worst thing that ever happened to me and deserves nothing but the absolute worst in all things. Forever.


Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?

I would say one of my grandparents, but I doubt that one of them would want to live without the other, so I'll say my mentor, Lemmie.

The man who taught me all I ever needed to know about acting...

"Focus is like loose change - - if it's laying around, pick it up!"

"If everyone on stage with you is moving around, stand still. If everyone on stage with you is standing still, move around a little."

"Get your hands out of your pockets and sing the fucking song, Rader!"

Lemmie would love the 21st Century. Cruising online would be absolute heaven for him. And YouTube would keep him indoors for YEARS at a time.

If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have become an actor or a singer. He changed my life for the better.

P.S. And if that last line makes you start singing that damn song from Wicked, I'm sorry. That song just SUCKS!

Listen to Stephen Schwartz talk about the musical being set in Oz and therefore the music has to have a sense of "another place," as if ANY song from that horrific show couldn't be lifted and dumped into Pippin or The Magic Show or any of his bullshit numbers from Working and fit perfectly.

He sucks donkey cock.

(Sorry for the raging ramble...)

TMI Tuesday

A sexual fantasy themed TMI Tuesday...

1. Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.

"Truly?" Nope. Not at all. Thank the good Lord.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Words should not be sugar-coated.

Cereal? Yes, that should be sugar-coated. As much as possible. But words? Not so much.


2. Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?

I've been naked on stage, in the middle of a football field, on a construction site and in various alleys and gangways throughout the city, but during rush hour just crosses the line of good taste, don't you think?


3. Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?

Yes, but attendance at my public sex extravaganza better be more than a paltry 20!

Public sex performed for less than 20 people... Please...

I've been to orgies held in the middle of the day in Batavia that had more than 20 people. Where is the friggin' PR, folks?!?


4. Do you ever not have good table manners?

Other than constantly putting my elbows on the table, I have wonderful table manners.

Please remember, though, that I was born in an area of the country where the word "Dante" is pronounced "Dainty." So, rate my answer accordingly.


5. Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.

In the woods. In the rain. Tied to a tree. Naked.

And that guy from that show Beastmaster comes walking by.

What happens after that? Whatever he wants.

As long as he doesn't want to leave, that is...


Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.

I try to take as many of my sexual fantasies and turn them into real life sexual realities as is possible (See #2).

However, if a cop is going to walk into one of your real life sexual realities, it's best if he's a "fantasy cop" and not the real deal.

And if he is the "real deal," you better hope that he's a nice guy and is going to let you off with a warning.

And if he does let you off with a warning, follow my lead, listen to the warning and never take your clothes off in an alley again just because a man dared you.

You don't always have to choose "Dare," you know. "Truth" is an option.

TMI Tuesday

A very late-in-the-day edition of TMI Tuesday...


1. What is your favorite song to have sex to?

I don't really have a Favorite Sex Song. Back in the day, I would put on that Enigma cd and either Sadness Part 1 or Return to Innocence would get my biscuits burnin'.

(Don't even tell me that you didn't have sex to Enigma. They just sold 16 millions copies of that cd for God's sake!)

But these days, I don't really care what music is playing.

If I'm spending time with The Boy from Florida, that's all I really need.


2. What is your vision of hell?

An eternal visit with my step mother. She's drinking. And I'm not.


3. In the film made of your life, who will play you?

Me, damn it! I'm an actor, I need the work.

Unless of course Sissy Spacek is available, then I would bow out and let her take the lead.

She kicked ass playing "Low-retty," I'm sure she would be incredible as a bald homo from Tennessee living Chicago. Wearing that dress.


4. What is the one thing you most urgently need to tell your mom?

"Don't send the Cow Pies! I'm trying to lose weight and there is no way that's gonna happen with a big ole' box of chocolate from Mama Wanda sittin' on my desk!"


5. What will be carved onto your tombstone?

The lyrics to Stephen Sondheim's song, Anyone Can Whistle. Mainly these lyrics...

"What's Hard is Simple, What's Natural Comes Hard.
Maybe You Can Show Me How to Let Go,
Lower My Guard, Learn to Be Free.
Maybe, If You Whistle, Whistle For Me."

And the bonus: What is your drag name (which would be, first name: the name of your first pet; last name: the name of the street you grew up on)?

Oh, I always thought the name of your first pet combined with the name of the street you grew up on was your Porn Name.

Which would make my Porn and/or Drag Name
Grover Whitcomb. Yeah.

So, I'm going to stick with the Drag Name that I came up with awhile back, Vagina Dentata.

It's SO appropriate, don'tcha think?

TMI Tuesday

A very romantic version of TMI Tuesday...

1. What is your definition of romantic?

The movie Casablanca. Period. End of story.

Maybe it speaks volumes about the reason I am still single, but to me, realizing that sometimes true love means giving the person you love freedom or giving the person you love whatever they want or need that will make their life better even if it removes them from your life forever - - that's not puppy love, that's real love.

To me, true romance is Rick putting Ilsa on the plane to Lisbon with Victor Laszlo.


2. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

Hell yeah. I VOLUNTEER to sleep in the wet spot. Doesn't that make me romantic?

Sure, I ENJOY sleeping in the wet spot, but I still get credit for being romantic, don't I?


3. Is your significant other romantic?

Who the fuck IS my "significant other?" Since you obviously know, could you please tell him to hurry the fuck up and find his way into my life SOON!

What do I have to do? Sing that Oleta Adams song "Get Here" at every open mic and karaoke bar I can find to send him the fucking message? Geez...


4. Have you ever chastised a SO for not being romantic enough or too romantic?

My ex, The Skank, once chastised me for not having a present for him on Valentine's Day.

This was, of course, after he had, unbeknownst to me, been fucked bareback by every man between here and the Mason-Dixon Line, given me syphilis, slept with one of our mutual friends and shown up at my front door drunk and disorderly every single weekend for over a year and a half.

And he wondered why I didn't feel "romantic."

It's amazing how someone with so few morals can also be so fucking stupid.


5. What do you consider a grand romantic gesture? Have you ever been the recipient or giver of one?

One wonderful man once picked me up in a limo which drove us to dinner at the Signature Room at the top of the Hancock Building, then to see Karen Mason's cabaret show at Davenport's and then dropped us off at the now defunct Hubbard Street Hot Tubs, where we got naked and soaked in a hot tub. And things.

If that ain't romantic, I don't know what is.


6. If you have done something romantic to get laid, did it work? If not, why and how did that affect your romantic tendencies in the past.

I don't really do romantic things to get laid. I do romantic things because I want to show someone how much I love them.

It's about more than just sex. It's about letting them know just how much they mean to me.


7. What is the most romantic thing you have ever done? Had done for you?

Well, someone just invited me to Florida for a long weekend. And quite frankly, the right invitation from the right man is pretty damned romantic.

P.S. Isn't this a great picture? I did a Google image search for "two men beach" and this came up. Not at ALL what I was expecting, but it's perfect!