"Get Carried Away." No, Seriously. That's the Tag.

I just saw this and had to pass it on.

It's the official (whatever the Hell that means) poster for the upcoming SEX AND THE CITY movie.

As even the blind among you can easily see, the title is written out in blazing pink light bulb-like bling.

Pink. Light bulb-like. Bling.

It's like Bob Fosse schtupped Truman Capote on top of Stockard Channing's PINK LADIES jacket in the basement of Studio 54 and somewhere in the middle of it all, Liza did a line off of Truman's ass and had a vision of this.

And I friggin' LOVE IT!

On a shelf in my home, dvd copies of THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS and MOMMIE DEAREST are swiftly realizing that they will not be the gayest movies in the world for very much longer.

And y'all, the tag. "Get Carried Away."

I look at that tag and all I can hear is Maya Rudolph dressed as Charlotte in that SEX AND THE CITY SNL skit saying, "Yay, puns!" Anybody with me?

Fratboy Friday

The temperature is dropping so low here in Chicago that, while waiting for the bus this morning, both of my testicles forged a new home deep inside my body, directly beside my right lung.

I need me some Fratboy Friday to get everything back in its proper place.

BOYS IN CAPS

In some alternate universe, I imagine Hugh Hefner to be gay and this hot, young thing is one of Hef's three E Channel Reality Show hotties on The Boys Next Door

Let's just hope this boy isn't the male Kendra. Sure, Kendra's hot and all, but have you heard her laugh? One giggle from Kendra in the bedroom and Hef's Viagra doesn't stand a chance.

****

SAGGERS

This boy's body gives me inspiration to hit my new gym hard in the coming months.
And his hair makes me feel better about being bald.

But then again, we're not really looking at his hair, now are we?

****

MOONERS

This week, we have a special treat in the Mooners Department. There are hundreds of thousands of pictures of guys mooning the camera, but it's not every day that we have "Before & After" shots so that we can match the heads...

...with the tails...

Please note that they re-arranged their order left to right between shots. But with a little deduction, you'll be able to match each "Boy" with the appropriate "Moon."

I think I may have just stumbled upon a new game. Show an audience just the faces of a bunch of different guys, scramble their order and then show the audience just their asses. The person who matches the most asses to faces wins! We could call it "Ass Face!" Genius!!!

Yes, you guessed it. I live alone.

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Sure, nothing too crazy is going on in this picture. Yet.

But with the beer flowing freely, with "Number 11" not-at-all-subtly lifting his shirt to show off half an ab, and with two - - count 'em TWO! - - sets of "Dude, we're SO WASTED" eyes, we all know what's going to happen in the next frame, right?

So damn it, WHERE'S THE NEXT FRAME?!? They never take THOSE pictures.

Cock teases...

Good Morning

"Lyin' in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you..."

I thought we were well overdue for a little Good Morning shot. Especially one of a man with a basket like that.

Sure, he spent hours getting his junk to sit up like that for this pic to be taken, but it's worth it, isn't it?

"Spiderman's a Big Ole Bottom"

MK over at Side Effects Include What Now? sent me an email yesterday with this subject line...

"Spiderman's a Big Ole Bottom"

Needless to say, it received my immediate attention.

Sure, I was hoping for a picture of Tobey Maguire getting cornholed by James Franco, but this email didn't have that picture

If anyone has THAT picture, I want it. Badly.

No, Michael's email had a link to this picture of the cake that Kate Hudson presented to her son, Ryder, for his 4th birthday.

Not only does it look like Spidey's being bent over and rode hard by Kal-El, it goes one step further...

Y'all, it's a Superman sandwich with Spidey and Batman as the bread!

THIS is what I call a Marvel/DC Crossover Team-Up!

Of course, the Dark Knight is the total top in this ménage. I'll bet he brags about the Batcave being Exit Only. Anal-retentive prick.

Sure, Superman can take a piece of coal and crush it in his hand until it becomes a diamond, but Batman's ass can do the same thing in half the time.

I'll bet that's how the billionaire playboy keeps his family fortune alive. Plus, he's gotta pay for all those "wards" he's got coming and going in the cave. Every night it's the same spiel...

"Come here, rent boy. Put on this yellow cape, green Speedos and Peter Pan booties.
Nice. Very nice."

"He Thinks He's Ethel Merman."

I almost missed it.

Thank God Jeff Roscoe emailed me and reminded me that today is a Gay High Holy Day.

Today, brothers and sisters, is Ethel Merman's birthday. She was born 100 years ago today.

And while she is and will be remembered for her killer-belt of a voice, I admire Ms. Merman for the words of wisdom she left behind.

For instance, backstage one night, someone standing in the wings with Ms. Merman heard Ethel's entrance cue and said...

"Ms. Merman! You're on!"

Merman replied...

"Yeah? How am I doin'?"

Or her response to being asked how she thought her song went on a particular night...

"They CLAPPED, didn't they?!?"

But the all-time best is the night she came backstage to meet Harvey Fierstein after seeing him in his brilliant three-act play, TORCH SONG TRILOGY.

There was Merman standing in Harvey's dressing room and as the story goes, he just couldn't resist asking her the question that was burning in his mind.

Harvey said...

"How did you like the play, Ms. Merman?"

Merman replied...

"I thought it was a piece of shit, but everyone around me was laughin' and cryin', so what the fuck do I know?"

That response from The Merm is quite possibly the best review anyone could ever receive.

Happy Birthday, Ethel baby.

"38? Stephen Doesn't Look a Day Over Gorgeous!"

In less than a week, I turn 38.

In the movie ALL OF ME, when Steve Martin's on-screen girlfriend wishes him a Happy 38th Birthday, he responds with this brilliant piece of sarcasm...

"In two years, I'll be 40.
In twelve years, I'll be 50.
I'm really excited about this."

While it's well known that I love sarcasm and have occasionally raised pessimism to an art level, I'm actually extremely happy about turning 38.

Lots of change taking place in my life right now and l have the extraordinary love of friends, both old and new.

To keep this from sounding too much like a Precious Moments card, I'm not getting laid all that much, so if you can help me out with that, let me know.

I would love to take some time on my actual birthday (and the day before) and just hang out with my friends. And my favorite place to hang out is Sidetrack on Showtune Monday.

But last year, my friend Mike mentioned that he only darkens the door of "Showtunes at Sidetrack" once a given year - - when he's celebrating my birthday - - so I thought I would change things up a little. Present a couple of options.

That said, I will be celebrating my birthday - - by drinking lots of vodka and singing a few rounds of "That Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used To Be" - - at and on the following:

A) Monday Night, January 21st - Stephen's Birthday Eve at the Inevitable
Sidetrack (3349 N. Halsted).

I'll get there around 8:30 p.m. or so, and I will park myself in the area my inner-Trekkie refers to as "Ten Forward."

When you go in the door, if you keep going straight forward, you will go up a couple of steps and then you'll walk into a small room. You'll know you're in Ten Forward if there's a huge Warp Core in the center of the room surrounded by banquettes.

I will be seated on one of those banquettes scream-singing I'M STILL HERE with Elaine Stritch.

- or -

B) Tuesday Night, January 22nd - Stephen's Honest-to-God Birthday at
T's (5025 N. Clark).

Why T's? Well, there's tons of room, the bartenders pour a mean vodka cranberry and four little words: Garlic Mayo Cheese Fries. 'Nuff said.

I will arrive at T's around 7:30 p.m. or and head straight for the back room (don't say it). And once again, I will be scream-singing I'M STILL HERE. This time a capella and without Strichy's help

Please, no gifts. If you want to give me something that I will love, join me at either Sidetrack or T's - - or both. Hanging out with my friends is exactly how I would like to celebrate my two year sprint towards 40.

That or a nice spanking. I'm easy.

P.S. In the picture at the top of this post is from one of my dual birthday parties with my cousin Rhonda. She was born on the same day that I was. In the same hospital. By the same doctors and nurses. Four hours before me.

I'm one smiling with his front teeth missing and no, the pink cake was not for me.

It was for Rhonda. I wanted a pink birthday cake, but my father said, "Hell no!" Imagine.

TMI Tuesday

Here it is: and end-of-the-day, right-before-bed, post-About Face-production-of LITTLE DOG LAUGHED, madly-in-love-with and hope-to-someday-be-half-as-cool-as Mary Beth Fisher edition of TMI Tuesday (more on the brilliant About Face Theatre production to come)...

1. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

This truly says it all about me, but I have to say The Addams' Family's house.

Sure, it's an odd house bordering on the masochistic, but living there, I might - - just might - - be able to sit in Morticia's chair, become "special friends" with Thing (imagine what I could do solo with THREE hands!!) and I would have several chances to flirt with Lurch.

Tall, gaunt and groaning. And if everything is proportionate. I'm sold. You had me at "groaning."

2. If you had a clone, what would you make it do so you could have free time?

Laundry and housework. Of course, I hate and rarely do both of those things as is, so I'm sure my clone would be just as much of a lazy ass as I am.

Maybe the two of us could tour the country in SIDE SHOW. Now, THAT's an idea...


3. Who was your best friend when you were 8? When you were 13?

Eight? You expect me to remember my pre-teen years when I can't remember if the guy across the bar looks familiar because I've slept with him, acted in a play with him or some horrific combination of the two?

Well, the name that pops up is Joe P. A kind, sweet guy interested in almost everything that I wasn't: forestry, hiking, model airplanes, etc. The perfect yin to my yang.

At 13? Simple - - Cathy G. We were best friends from 13 till our graduation from high school. In fact, we shared all of the same classes in high school except for one - - she took Trigonometry and I took Typing.

As I recall, I was one of a very few A.P. student who took Typing. All my Honors classmates laughed at me in those pre-"internets" years. "You don't need to know how to type, Stephen. You'll hire someone to type things for you."

Sure, I got a D in Trig in college, but I can respond to an Instant Message faster than you can say "Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud."

He who LOL's last LOL's best, I always say.


4. If you could travel anywhere, where would it be & why?

San Francisco. Definitely. I SO want to find out if I'm a Mouse or a Mona. I'm afraid I'm probably a Mother Mucca, but still, I'd love to visit and find out.


5. Would you hate losing your sight or hearing most?

Hearing. Music moves me in ways I don't even understand - - physically and emotionally. I dance to music everywhere I go and have no clue until someone starts staring at me swaying back and forth to whatever song is oozing out of the iPod of the guy sitting next to me on the bus.

I need music much more than I need sight.

FYI: If something happens to my sight in the next few weeks, I'm TOTALLY blaming this question.


Bonus (as in optional): Nature or nurture?

Both. In all things. Discuss.

Note to Mollie: Thank you so much for the tickets to the press opening of LITTLE DOG LAUGHED. I loved it. We need to make a date for a couple of hours of cocktails in the VERY near future!

"Who Are You? Perry Mason?"

I got my weekly email from Threadless T-Shirts last night and check out my new favorite design...

On the Threadless site, people who have purchased their t-shirts upload pictures of themselves in the various designs. I can't figure out which boy is cuter in this "Miss Scarlet" t...














They're both cute, but for me personally, I'd have to go with the emo guy who not only has a BATMAN BEGINS poster on his well, but also a THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH poster AND a framed, ginormous THUNDERBALL poster.

And even though I'm not as big of fan of the DIE HARD movies, with those DIE HARD posters on his wall, something tells me that when he's right at "that point," he screams...

"Yipee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"

And what's wrong with that? Not a damn thing.

P.S. Anybody get my title for this posting? I met my senior year of college boyfriend saying that line out loud, believe it or not.

Sheri Shepherd Explains It All For You!

Sheri Shepherd has done it again.

On today's episode of THE VIEW, Sheri mentioned that she attended The Stellar Awards this past weekend, which are, as Sheri described them, "the black Grammy's for the gospel artists."

Then, she said the following...

"There's a picture of me with Shirley Caesar who's like the black Patti LaBelle."

Yep, she called this Shirley Cassar woman "the BLACK Patti LaBelle."

So, if you're keeping track of "The World According to Sheri" at home: the world is flat, nothing & I mean NOTHING came before Christianity, and last, but certainly not least...

Patti LaBelle is white.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Star Jones.

Clay Aiken on Broadway: "Now THAT'S Faggy"

We all know Clay Gay-ken is a closet case...

...albeit a closet case with pretty hot taste in tricks, as my friend Mike's blog showed us back in '06...

...and we all know that his behavior borders on being Britney-esque...

...I mean, we ALL know what he did with this American Music Award when he got it home, don't we?...

...and we all know that I personally can't stand the drivel he passes as music to all the "Claymates"...

...or maybe we should call them "Gaymates" - - a much nicer term than what we've been calling them: "Middle Aged Fag Hags"...

...but now we know for a fact that Clay is a severe and pathetic dumbass.

This just in from the Associated Press...

NEW YORK---- Clay Aiken, who joins the cast of ''Monty Python's Spamalot'' this week, says its humor was initially lost on him.

''The first time I saw it I thought it was the stupidest thing I'd ever seen in my entire life,'' the ''American Idol'' runner-up told Newsweek.

''I thought Monty Python was a person until three months ago,'' Aiken told Newsweek.

Aiken plays one of the leads, Sir Robin, in the Tony Award-winning musical in a stint from Friday through May 4. He told the magazine he was so sore from rehearsals he ''couldn't even get off the toilet the other day.''

''It hurts so bad. I don't know if it's I'm not coordinated or using muscles I never had to use before,'' he said.


Yeah...

I guess when you've spent an entire evening shoving a set of billiard balls up your ass - - or as the Claymates refer to it, "Up his Clay-Hole" - - it's a little hard to get off the toilet.

I mean, how else can an impatient, pushy bottom like Clay get all those balls to come out?

And Clay, if it "hurts so bad" to dance standing up, why don't you try the combinations on your knees. You're used to being in that position for hours, right?

And as for thinking the show was "the stupidest thing" you'd ever seen in your life and believing that "Monty Python was a person," maybe it's ok to think that stuff, but when you get hired to work for those people, DON'T ADMIT IT IN PRINT!!

For awhile, I couldn't wait for the closet doors to swing open after you were found blowing George Michael in an LA bathroom, but now, after those incredibly stupid comments, I don't want you on our team.

Give back the shoes, bitch - - Dorothy isn't your friend anymore.

Of course, the straight people don't want you either. Although, I'll bet Mitt Romney would welcome you onto his team. He needs all the help he can get these days.

P.S. Does this photo frighten anyone else as much as it frightens me?

I'm not saying that homosexuality equals pedophilia, but that look on Clay's face... well... oh, Jesus...

Where the Hell is Chris Hanson when we need him?

Just Call Me Carol. Ms. Haney If You're Nasty.

Well, it's official: I'm no longer Margo Canning. I'm not Bea Arthur or Elaine Stritch. I'm not even Jimmy Durante, for God's sakes.

Right now, I'm Carol Haney. And I have the injury to prove it.

This weekend at LYLE was our first dealing with another show moving into our space. For weeks, we've had the place all to ourselves, but Lifeline is producing an adult show that goes into previews during the last week of our run, so we now have all these levels backstage that make our crossovers longer and generally leave zero space to move around back there.

As I said looking at it yesterday, "This is one, big actor trap."

And it was. For me.

Today, before my entrance as Valenti, I was standing on a level about a foot above the stage waiting for Jim to exit stage right so that I could step down off the level and then enter stage right.

Well, when my right foot touched the stage floor, my ankle twisted and all my weight (insert "fat ass jokes here") crashed down on my right ankle.

That's the ankle I injured extremely badly a few years ago when I broke that same foot.

The ankle twisted and I heard a "pop." And like a good little actor, I walked on stage and went right into my Valenti scene. Then, I went into my song. And then, my dance. And I moved right through the rest of the play without missing a beat.

Why? Well, for one thing, the audience was LOVING it - - and me - - and it's hard to stop the show when they're laughing at everything you do.

I also kept going because I know my body when it gets injured on stage and if I just keep going, the endorphins keep moving through my system and the injury isn't as painful.

But when the show stopped, that's when I really felt it. Luckily for me, my ankle isn't broken - - it's only a pretty bad sprain. Also, I'm lucky because my understudy, the fabulous Rus Rainear, was at the theatre with 10 minutes to spare to take over my role in our second show today.

Of course, that's probably where my good luck ends. I'm sure that a movie producer was in the house for the second show. And that's why I'm now officially Carol Haney. And Rus is now officially Shirley MacLaine.

Don't understand the references? Watch this clip and all will be revealed.



I'm off to rest my ankle, practice the hat trick in "Steam Heat" and figure out what key is best for me when I'm singing "Hernando's Hideaway." Oy...

"Short People Got No Reason..."

In my opinion, Craig Ferguson is the funniest man on late night television. Every time I watch THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON, I belly laugh through his opening monologue.

This quote from this past Thursday's monologue made me horse laugh in addition to the usual belly laugh...

"Nicole Kidman is pregnant. Isn't that lovely? Congratulations to Nicole.

"And here's the great news. She still has that little bed that Tom used to sleep in."

Tremendously funny.

Almost as funny as what Nicole herself said the day her divorce from Tom Cruise was final. When asked for a statement from the press, she said...

"Now I can wear heels."

See Katie, there will be life after Tom Cruise. And not only life, but life where you have sex with Keith Urban every night.

There is hope, Katie. There is hope.


P.S. I never noticed it before, but Randy Newman's song SHORT PEOPLE kinda calls Tom a closet case right in the first verse. Newman describes short people (a.k.a. "Tom Cruise") by saying...

"They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies"

Hey Tom. Come out, come out, where ever you are.

Burt Ward, Meet Stephen - The Eve to Your Margo.

Well, Doug over at I Get That a Lot is at it again.

I guess my bizarre comic book panel posts inspired Doug to use his Photoshop skills to slide me down the Bat-pole (so to speak) and rearrange me into "Robin, the Boy Wonder" by way of Burt Ward...

So very cool! Thanks, Doug!

However, with the schnoz that I inherited from my father, I think I look more like "Robin, the Boy Wonder" by way of Jimmy Durante...

Doug did what he could with my face (and he gave me hair!! WOOHOO!!), but on us Raders, certain things are just large no matter what you do. As my father said when I lost 4o pounds a few years ago...

"You can lose all the weight you want, but you're a Rader.
You'll always have a big ass."

Thanks, Dad. And apparently, I'll always have a big nose, too. And a big... Oh, yeah...

This isn't so bad after all.

Not ALL good things come in small packages.

Fratboy Friday

Here's this week's rather bizarre Fratboy Friday...

BOYS IN CAPS

The only reason I chose this is because it reminds me of a line from the pilot episode of THE GOLDEN GIRLS. Yes, that's one of the gayest things I've ever written. Go with me...

In the pilot, Dorothy (Bea Arthur) is talking about the circumstances leading up to Stan divorcing her for a hot, young stewardess he met on a flight to Hawaii. Dorothy says something like...

"It was her first flight. They told her upon arrival to give the passengers a lei. She got confused... He got lucky... They live in Maui."

That's honestly the first thing that popped into my head when I saw that picture.

Guess it's my wishful thinking that one (or all) of these boys would give me a lei.

Or my wishful thinking that I will one day become Bea Arthur. Either works for me.

****

SAGGERS

I have nothing to say. Other than, "Eat a cookie."

****

MOONERS

I love it when large groups of guys get bored waiting around and expose their asses en masse. I've never seen this happen in real life, but when I do see it, I'm going to love it.

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Drunken straight boys in singlets. Otherwise known as "Homo Heaven."

More Kinky, Tights-Wearin' Bitches

Mr. Peenee sent me this frame of Bruce and Dick to add to my collection of Kinky, Tights-Wearin' Bitches and I love it. Thanks, Mr. Peenee!

"No need to strangle me, Dick. I know what you want.
Is it in? Oh, you're done. That's cool."

I thought I would add a few more to the collection. Most of these, I found at Superdickery.com. If you haven't visited that site, do yourself a favor and go there. His collection is fantastic!

"I know I'm just your sidekick and all, but what is this?
A Cher concert?"

****

The real question is why are Ultraboy and Superboy using their special powers to look under the clothes of other boys IN THE FIRST PLACE?
You kinky teen super-bitches...

****

"There goes Hal bragging again."

****

Poor Cap just stands in the back thinking...

"None of the boys want to touch my shield. This sucks. Where's Bucky?"

***

'Atta girl!

Ana and the Cast

A few people asked if there was a clip of LYLE's WGN Morning Show appearance and they have uploaded one to their site. Click here if you want to watch us. You may have to scroll down to find us in the list, but we're there.

In the meantime, here we are with Ana. How friggin' cute is this picture?

(L to R: Tom Jansson, Jim Grote, Ana Belaval, some bald guy & Danielle Brothers)

Also, I had to pass on my favorite moment from our talk-backs with the school groups. It happened two days ago.

A little girl asked what it felt like to be an actor. Everyone else in the cast talked about how fun it is and how they wanted to be actors from the time they were little kids.

I asked the little girl if she wanted to be an actor when she grew up. Her response...

"Nah. Not really."

Priceless.

"Miss Channing is Ageless"

Well, this morning's AROUND TOWN segment on WGN's morning show was wonderful. Meeting and dancing with Ana Belaval was so much fun.

But now that I've been with one diva, I'm ready to move on to the next.

Check out one of the many commemorative stamps coming out this year...

Bette Davis as Ms. Margo Channing!

Licking the back of Margo Channing's head. Can it get any gayer than that?

Sure, I could lick the back of Shane Rollins' head.

And not the one above his shoulders. Okay?

Update: For those of you who wanted to see a clip of the LYLE on the WGN's morning show, click here. You may have to scroll down to find us in the list, but we're on there. I'll see what I can do to upload a clip to YouTube. Thanks!

Watch Out, WGN Morning Show! Here I Come!

Tomorrow, a little dream of mine is coming true.

You see, each weekday morning, I start my day by watching the folks on "Good ol' Number 9" - - Chicago's own WGN.

This is THE morning show to watch if you live in Chicago. Why? Just watch any of the clips from WGN's new YouTube channel to understand the brilliance of a news team that is not only on top of the news, but also at times behaves like part Marx Brothers and part SNL Cast Year One.


So, what's my dream? To be a part of their morning show. And tomorrow, I will be!

The super sexy Ana Belaval is coming to Lifeline Theatre in the morning to do live teases of LYLE, LYLE CROCODILE for WGN's morning audience. So, not only will the LYLE cast be performing on and off from 7:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, but y'all...

Lyle and I get to do our fan dance with Ana Belaval!

Sure, I have to get up at dawn's crack so that I can get to the theatre for my 6:00 a.m. call (sweet Jesus), but it's a small price to pay for fame.

Seriously, if it were any other local morning show, I'd say screw it, but for the hilarious folks at WGN - - especially for the smokin' hot Ana Belaval - - I'm there, baby. Front and center.

"I'm ready for my close-up, Ms. Belaval."

TMI Tuesday

Today is a full day: New Hampshire caucus, Elvis' birthday and TMI Tuesday. WOOHOO!

1) Do you have/ever had any dating or sex superstitions? (Wear 'lucky jeans' on first date, always light a vanilla candle, etc.) If so, what are they?

Nope, I don't have any. With sex, if you're up for it, I'm usually game for just about anything you want to put on the table.

Or the bed. Or on top of the refrigerator. Or in the small clearing in the middle of the park. For, you see, I am a slut.

And I also don't have any when it comes to dating. Maybe that's why I'm still single.

Anybody got any lucky jeans or vanilla candles I can borrow?


2) If you were stranded on the old deserted island, and a genie appeared who could only grant you one wish -- to bring one of the following people to join you, who would it be? - your spouse/significant other - an unrequited love or some person you've had a crush on - an old/past love - your best friend

First of all, I would tell the genie that he or she is a bitch for just giving one wish. What happened? Has the world suffered so much under the Bush regime that we don't even get the standard THREE WISHES anymore?!?

But with just one wish for someone to join me on a deserted island, I wouldn't choose anyone from the list above. I would choose my mother. I can't think of a more loving, caring, compassionate, giving, hilarious, funny, sweet soul to spend my days with.

Plus, she can cook.


3) Tell us "weather or not" you're in the mood -- how does rain, snow, sleet, scorching heat, sweltering humidity etc. affect your libido.

The hotter it gets, the more of a whore I become.

When it gets hot enough for me to go commando without fear of my boys getting so cold they end up somewhere around my left lung, no one on the street is safe. No one. Not even women.

4) Are you a crying drunk, an angry drunk, a 'I'm drunk, let's screw' sort of a drinker? (And, if you do not drink -- which one of those things is the reason?)

I'm not a drunk and I don't drink to excess because my father is a drunk. As was my last boyfriend.

I've done my time with men being assholes to me and then blaming it on the alcohol.

It's not the alcohol that made you an asshole, dear. You're always an asshole. And you always will be.


5) Who turns you on the most & why: [the activist, the author, the care-giver/healer (nurse, doctor, masseuse, herbalist, chiropractor, etc.), the comedian, the educator (professor, teacher, mentor etc.), the model, the musician, the politician, the scientist]

Hands down, the comedian. Just today in the dressing room of LYLE, I said that if a man makes me laugh out loud, I'm his. I can't imagine going through life with someone who isn't funny. I don't care how good the sex is.

Someday, I'm going to regret not picking "the model with a huge cock" on this question, won't I?


Bonus (as in optional): Looking back, what's the one thing you've done which was supposed to be erotic, but didn't quite work out?

Two words: Liquid Latex.

No one told me that you should really shave any area where you will be applying liquid latex completely smooth.

Ripping off hard, rubbery latex along with huge sections of body hair (pubic and otherwise) is a personal Hell that my penis will never let me forget.

Some Kinky, Tights-Wearin' Bitches

My buddy Steve Hobson just emailed me this picture along with just two words...

"um... awesome."

I can just hear Batman's inner monologue as the beast "goes limp" between his legs...

"That reminds me, I've got to call Selina when I get back to the cave."

He could have simply knocked out the tiger with some Bat-Sleeping Gas, but that wouldn't have been as much fun as straddling him into submission. You see, Batman's a kinky bitch.

And he's not alone. There's that time Robin whored himself out to that gargoyle...

"Now, everything except the gloves, the mask and the booties...
Ooo... Boy Wonder, indeed."

Or the time that Superman forced Jimmy Olsen to strip in front of Lois...

"See Lois? The carpet does match the curtains."

And who can forget all those watersports parties in the Batcave...

"Good job, Robin. Very hot.
Now, it's your turn in the tub. Open wide."

Seduction of the Innocent. You gotta love it.