No Reason, It's Just Friggin' Hot

I saw this picture over at WetboxersGuy and I needed - - NEEDED - - to pass it on to all of you for No Reason, It's Just Friggin' Hot.

I think I love it because it reminds me of this bizarre-assed Wonder Woman cover...

...and this bizarre-assed, yet frighteninginly hot Detective Comics cover...

What is Robin covered in? Nevermind. Don't answer that. Let me dream for awhile.

Move Over 8-Track, I Got Me an iPod

Look what I finally bought, y'all. An iPod nano.

It's taken me so long to figure out which one I want, and when you add that to the fact that I didn't want to be one of "those people" who sit on the bus and aren't aware of their surroundings because their music is so friggin' loud, I just never could bring myself to buying something from Mr. Jobs that would be obsolete before I got it out of the store.

For instance, I know that when my buddy Mike bought his boyfriend Andy an iPod nano a few months ago, it didn't have video capability, so when I walked into BestBuy to buy my iPod nano yesterday, I asked for the video iPod nano.

My nice, red headed customer service guy said, "Yeah, they all have video capability," making me once again feel like the idiot at the I.T. table.

I should have said, "Well, they haven't ALWAYS had video capability in all of them, Carrot Top, so lighten up, alright?," but I was nice and swallowed my hatred for and envy of tech geeks.

Thank God Mike bought Andy an iPod nano because when I got the beautiful, black 2 inch screener home yesterday, I started it and the language was set to Chinese.

Chinese and two inches. Coincidence? Not at all, baby.

So, Andy had to talk me screen to screen until we found which Chinese characters meant "Languages" so I could change the thing back to English.

Now, I have to load the damn thing. Any suggestions on what songs I need to download from iTunes?

P.S. Tomorrow I buy my new computer.

Children's theatre may not be as sexy as working on the Goodman stage, but it definitely helps me buy new toys.

And these are toys I don't have to stash in the closet when my mother visits. Friggin' sweet.

Here's Your Sign

I just found this and I love it.

The Church Sign Generator!

Not only can you write whatever you want and save the image, but there's also an option to order the Church sign you generated on everything from a magnet to a truck cap, from a t-shirt to a stein.

A friggin' stein. I love that.

Not that I ever use a stein. I'm strictly a vodka boy.

Vodka rocks. Hold the ice.

My (Imaginary) Boyfriend's Back

Love is very fickle thing.

Sure, I decided to go with a new, decidedly inked up Imaginary Boyfriend for '08, but John over at International Jock sent me a Valentine's Day picture of my Former Imaginary Boyfriend Adam and I can't help but flip flop back to the previous hottie.

Look at me. A flip flopper. Does that mean I'm versatile?

Or does it just make me the Mitt Romney of cyber homosexuality? I'm not Mormon and have no hair, but still...

Hmmm... I wonder... If Gay Marriage is legalized, will gay Mormons begin to take multiple life partners? And to gay men like myself, isn't that simply known as "Saturday?"

The tat boy, Adam and me together on a Saturday night sleeping triple in a double bed. I like it.

Can You Hear Me Now? HOT!

My friend Michael Pacas emailed this commercial to me a couple of days ago and I love it for reasons that will become extremely obvious when you reach the halfway point of the clip.



I've never been a big fan of clipping a phone to your ear and having everyone around you initially mistake you for a deranged schizophrenic whack job simply because you're talking out loud to, what appears to be, no one at all.

There is only one person who can turn a geeky tech gadget like a Bluetooth into a sultry, stylish, powerful, "goes with anything" accessory, and that is of course, Nichelle Nichols.

Ms. Nichols is so sexy, she can clip anything she wants anywhere she wants on any part of her fabulous body and we will not only declare it to be fashion, we will proclaim it to be art. Look at those earrings. Hot.

Nichelle should teach Bluetooth users how to wear their tech without giving up any chance of ever getting laid. When it comes to ear phone tech, Nichelle knows how to work it.

She knows EXACTLY how to wear the phone clip dangling from her ear so that it looks odd, foreign and slightly sexual at the same time. She knows how to gently touch the tech attached to her ear to indicate to everyone around her, "I'm on the phone now, bitch" without ever having to actually say it. And she knows PRECISELY how to cross her legs at the ankle when wearing her Star Fleet mini-mini-skirt while somehow continuing to keep her Hailing Frequencies OPEN.

Ms. Nichols is FIERCE!! And the Jawbone commercial is HOT!

I need me some Jawbone. And that tattooed man's phone number.

"Jane, What Is It You Can't Face?"

I'm sure everyone has already seen this by now, but below is a clip of Jane Fonda on The Today Show telling Meredith Viera her initial impressions of a certain monologue she was asked to perform from Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues.

If you've seen the play, you know the monologue she's talking about. The one whose title is a single word that can only be spoken by a Mother Superior when she's trying to solve a problem like Maria...

"Maria, what is it you cAUHn't face?"

Yeah, that word. But Jane doesn't dance around it like I just did. She lobs it right out into morning air. Like it's not a bad word at all. As if it's simply a word.



I know I sound like Alanis Morrissette, but isn't it ironic that the monologue Ms. Fonda is referring to is about shouting that forbidden word, that hurtful word; shouting it over and over until it's no longer frightening, until women reclaim the word.

Just like I claim the word Fag. I claim it for myself so that it can no longer be used to hurt me.

And while Jane Fonda may be able to shout the "C" word over and over, again and again in a crowded theatre behind a proscenium arch, saying it just once on national television makes that word "bad" again. It's no longer something you have reclaimed. Now, you have to apologize for it.

When are we as a nation going to grow up and realize that words can only harm us if we allow them to harm us?

As of today, three thousand, nine hundred and sixty U.S. soldiers have lost their lives fighting the War in Iraq, but not one single person ever died from hearing someone say, "See You Next Tuesday."

Fratboy Friday

If March 15th is "The Ides of March," then logic would suggest that February 15th is "The Ides of February."

Yet, "The Ides of February" is the 13th day of February, not the 15th.

I know what you're thinking...

"Who really gives a fuck? Unless you're Caesar. And it's March. And there's a soothsayer following you around. What's the friggin' point?"

Well, after reading that Ides fact, you can tell the I.T. guy at your office that you read Fratboy Friday for the fascinating cultural insights and information it provides to readers on a weekly basis.

The homo-erotic male nudity is beside the point. It's just there for filler.

Fratboy Friday:
Educating the masses one drunken, half-naked, pants-around-his-ankles college boy at a time.

Let's begin the lesson...

BOYS IN CAPS

Just keep saying to yourself, Stephen...

"Soon, it will be July. Soon, the sand will replace snow. Soon, shirtless hotties will lay on the beach with six packs of beer and abs and offer both to you. "

Hey, it's my summer fantasy. I could happen...

****

SAGGERS

Look at this boy. You could serve drinks off his ass.

And even if your drink fell from his "back shelf," you wouldn't mind having to lick the alcohol out from where the sun don't shine, would you?

****

MOONERS

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner,

Looking at several full moons

He put in both thumbs until they went numb,

And said, "Dude! Relax! I'm stuck!"

Dude, "Two Thumbs Up" is probably not the best way to rate a bunch of drunk mooners.
It looks like an invitation. I'm just sayin'...

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Again, this is what would happen if a group of straight men had formed The Village People.

Can't Stop the Music seems like a better movie now, doesn't it?

A Valentine's Gift for the Fanboys

How about this for a Valentine's Day gift for all us single fanboys?

This was just released today - - the trailer for the next Indiana Jones movie: Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.



What do you think? I wanted more Karen Allen and I don't think there's any way in Heaven or on Earth that they can end this movie with a better line than the one that ended The Last Crusade...

...you know, when Sean Connery says, "We named the dog Indiana."...

...but you know I'll be at a midnight showing on May 21st screaming "Indy!," if I'm feeling very Kate Capshaw.

Or "You call him Dr. Jones!" if I'm feeling very Short Round.

Dancing Through Life... In the Dark

WICKED is in the black.

No, I'm not just talking financially. Last night here in Chicago, WICKED was literally in the black.

This just in from Chicago Tribune theatre critic Chris Jones' blog...

"Wednesday night was not the best night to see Chicago's production of "Wicked." As they do eight times a week, Elphaba and Fiyero were warbling about their mutual affection in the second-act love ballad "As Long As You're Mine," when the Oriental Theatre was plunged into darkness.

"A power outage in the Loop was to blame. With no immediate sign of restoration, the rest of the show was canceled and everyone filed out of the theater. At least one patron complained that no information was available. A Broadway in Chicago spokesman said Thursday that the power is now back and future performances will be unaffected."

Dare I even type it? Were they "Defying Electricity?"

Yeah, it's stupid, but we all thought it. I said it first, though. Don't I get at least a little credit for that?

I Want to Hold Your Hand

The perfect song for Valentine's Day.

This is T.V. Carpio singing "I Want to Hold Your Hand" from the fantastic film, Across the Universe.

Happy V-Day, Y'all

Happy Valentine's Day from your Aunt Barbara!

"Yours till Niagra Falls."

I love it!

TMI Tuesday

A very, very late TMI Tuesday.

1. what's the sexiest gesture a person you are sexually interested in can make?

I'd have to say staring. Whether it's been a lust-filled stare or locking eyes with a stranger across a crowded room, I have fond and incredibly hot memories of seeing someone for the first time and not being able to break eye contact with them.

See? I may be jaded, but I'm an optimist at heart. Someday my prince will come.


2. what are 3 inevitable things about you?

Chaos, a friendship strong enough that if you need me I am here for you no matter what, and last but certainly not least, being bald, baby.


3. how many types of orgasms have you experienced?

As many kinds as a man can have, but I'm still working on the whole multiple orgasm thing that certain women seem to be able to achieve rather easily.

I'm not quite sure how a man can achieve multiple orgasms. Do we need to go somewhere and reload or something?


4. what asset do you have besides the physical and the material?

I would have to say my view of "The Big Picture." I'd like to say I've always had it, but really, I got it from my adviser in college, Mr. Bill Black.

One day I was talking to him about some play I was working on and how I couldn't find the character and the show was going to suck and I was going to get bad reviews and Bill looked me right in the eye and said...

"Stephen, what Mother Teresa does is important. We do skits."

That pretty much sums it up. When you really look hard at the things that upset you, 9 times out of 10, they mean nothing at all in the grand scope of life. And when I relize that, I can laugh at myself for taking something like a play so damn seriously.


5. what do you want . . . . now?

The end of the winter. The end of the snow. The end of the sub-zero weather.

I'm ready to feel so much Spring.


Bonus (as in optional):describe a sexy mind.

One that's not afraid to go there. Where ever "there" is. To enjoy the sex being had.

Bon Qui Qui

My brother introduced me to this yesterday, which means it's probably something everyone else in the country has been enjoying for months.

Jeff keeps me hooked up to pop cultural trends that include things other than Liza, Lorna and Little Joe.

This is Bon Qui Qui from MAD TV...



I'm pretty sure she waited on me at the Arby's the LYLE cast stopped at yesterday on our way back home from Arlington Heights.

And by the by, at this particular Arby's, when we walked in, they started playing "Summer Nights" from GREASE and later, they were playing "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls.

As if they saw us walking in and said...

"Put on the homo tracks! We got some gayrods comin' in!"

I loved it.

My First (Imaginary) Boyfriend of '08

Since we're well into the new year, it's about time I decide upon a New Imaginary Boyfriend.

A few weeks ago, Eric McCool sent me a link to Andrew Aponick's modeling site and, while Eric is definitely correct in his belief that Andrew would make a perfect imaginary boyfriend for me...

...Hell, Andrew would make a perfect ANYTHING for me...

...there are so many hot pictures of Andrew to choose from at that site, my eyes began to hurt.

And my keyboard really couldn't handle that much lube, so I had to stop looking at Andrew entirely.

But today, this boy to the right popped up in one of roborange's posts at Seduced by the New... and I fell in love with him. I hope rob won't mind me borrowing this boy for a little while.

Or we could share him. Or I'll take Sloppy Seconds. Or Filthy Fourths. Where ever I am in line, I will patiently await my turn.

I have a feeling it will be worth it.

Dolly Parton: "Jesus & Gravity"

Look what just popped up in one of my YouTube subscriptions...

A new Dolly Parton song from her upcoming album, Backwoods Barbie.

This isn't the official video for the song; it was made by a fabulous YouTube Dolly fan, Alan.

Check out the song. I love it!!! It's entitled "Jesus & Gravity."

Planet Unicorn 6: Christmas in February!

Just today, as I passed by a house that STILL had a Christmas tree in the window, I said that anyone who still has Christmas decorations up should be drawn and quartered.

That was before I knew that there a new episode of Planet Unicorn that had just been released - - with a Christmas theme!!!

And if Feathers, Cadillac and Tom Cruise want to celebrate Christmas in February, it's fine by me.

Here's Planet Unicorn 6 - Christmas in February!



If you've missed the other episodes of the Très Gay Trio, click here to be brought up to speed.

Planet Unicorn, HEYY!

Fratboy Friday

I'm a busy boy these days. This week and half of next week, I'm doing double duty - - work and LYLE each morning in Arlington Heights at the Metropolis Performing Arts Center.

That is my only excuse for a very late Fratboy Friday.

BOYS IN CAPS

I know a band on the left arm means "Top." but what does a band on the right upper thigh mean?
Is that covered in the Hanky Code?

****

SAGGERS

Eeny, meeny, miny, both of 'em.

****

MOONERS

This never happens at any of my parties.

Of course, everyone at my parties disrobe when they walk in the door, so mooning is kind of beside the point.

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

If these boys decided to sell those cups on eBay, they could make a fortune.

After their junk has been in them, you could serve a drink in one of those cups to an unwanted party guest and wait for them to say things like...

"That taste... I've had that taste in my mouth before."

or

"This drink has a wang in it."

Black & White Bond

As I've said before, I am a huge James Bond fan.

My father bought me the James Bond Edition of the game Scene It for Christmas two years ago but I haven't event taken it out of the box because no one will play it with me.

Until now, that is.

Cute Derek Czaplewski is an even bigger Bond Fan than I am. So much so that I'm kind of afraid to play Bond Scene It with me. After listening to him talk in brilliant detail about All Things Bond, I'm almost certain he would kick my ass in the game.

But look what he sent me today. This is the first poster for the next Bond film, Quantum of Solace.

I wasn't sure about it at first, but now I kind of love it. Sure, it doesn't have the camp fabulousness of the Octopussy poster, but it's infinitely better than Moonraker, the Bond movie with the tag line, "Outer space now belongs to 007."

Of course, Moonraker also gave us another kick ass Shirley Bassey Bond song, so it's evens out.

No Reason, It's Just Friggin' Hot

I saw this pic and had no real reason to post it.

So I'm creating one.

A new series I'm going to call...

"No Reason, It's Just Friggin' Hot"

All I can think when I see this is Mr. Hottie Business Boy in the suit hitting the intercom at this very moment and saying...

"Umm, Lucille. Call HR and tell them I've found the perfect man to fill that opening."

Check out that resume.

It just don't get no better than that.

Lil' Ole' Me? LOLITA.? Aww, Gee... Thanks...

Bunny took this book quiz over at Down the Rabbit Hole and she got "Watership Down."

Look what I got...

You're Lolita!

by Vladimir Nabokov

Considered by most to be depraved and immoral, you are obsessed with
sex. What really tantalizes you is that which deviates from societal standards in every
way, though you admit that this probably isn't the best and you're not sure what causes
this desire. Nonetheless, you've done some pretty nefarious things in your life, and
probably gotten caught for them. The names have been changed, but the problems are real.
Please stay away from children.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I kinda love it. And it kinda scares me. But the love part is winning out of the scary part.

The whore in me just oozes out in these quizzes. "Oozes." Funny...

My LOST Nickname

Mike over at Logopolis just posted about this Sawyer from LOST Nickname Generator and I could resist trying it out.

Even though I've never even watched one second of LOST.

I know, I know...

Mike's nickname is "Picasso." I got "Capt. Lou Albino."

Guess which one of us is gonna be sleeping with Sawyer.

Hey Mike, can I watch?

8 Random Things Meme

I got tagged once again. This time by the uber-fabulous Tilly Screams on something called The 8 Random Things Meme.

Of the 8 Random Things, 1 must be childhood-related, 1 thing must be vehicle-related, 1 thing must be sex-related, 1 thing must be clothing-related. As for the other four, they are "wildcards," otherwise known as "anything I want to write about but that you don't know about me."

Dear Lord, IS there anything I haven't already talked about on here. I guess we'll find out.


Random Thing #1 (Childhood): The first time I ever sang on stage was for an Easter assembly in elementary school.

We had cut huge pieces of poster board into egg shapes, colored them to our liking and then we dressed up like cowboys and cowgirls. Then, we were arranged into two lines on the stage (I can't believe I remember this so vividly) and each of us would crouch behind his or her huge Easter egg and pop up over our egg for our group's portion of the song.

The song - - and I am not making this up - - was "Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!" from OKLAHOMA.

What OKLAHOMA, cowboys or "corn as high as an elephant's eye" has to do with the resurrection of Christ is beyond me.

But I remember waiting behind an Easter egg for the second, not the first. occourence of the line "There's a bright, golden haze on the meadow" to jump up and belt out my line to the backrow.

And from that moment, I was hooked. And look at where it brought me. Oy...


Random Thing #2 (Wildcard): There are certain words I can't stand. Words that annoy me to the point that I try to ban them so I won't ever have to hear them again. Right now in the top three are:

"Like" - I know that I'm guilty of this as well, but if I have to sit on the bus one more time and hear some idiotic 20-something 'tard use "Like" in a sentence 117 times - - "I don't know, like, he really, like, seems to, like, like me, but like, I'm not, like, sure, like, if I, like, like him." - - I'm going to lose my fucking mind.

"Whatever" - When this word is used in an argument - - for instance, me telling my ex that I loved him, but I didn't appreciate him always showing up at my door drunk at 4 a.m. and him replying "Whatever"- - it essentially says, "Everything you believe or feel is utter shit and I both disrespect and disregard you, your feelings and your very existence."

"Change" - Sure, he can pronounce "Nuclear," but Barack Obama uses the word "Change" every five minutes and other than annoying the fuck out of me, it doesn't really SAY ANYTHING. Yeah, they'll be "Change" if you're President Barack, because (Newsflash!), you're black!! That's definitely a "Change" from the white male assholes we've had for years, but hey, if Hillary wins, that will be "Change" too because she's a woman. Now, stop saying "Change" and start telling us more of what you plan TO DO if you become President.

And P.S. Just because you're attractive, your wife is hot and you have two young children doesn't mean you're "The New Kennedy," so get over yourself.


Random Thing #3 (Vehicle): I wrecked my first car driving home from my high school boyfriend's house after he broke up with me while I was singing "My Man" alongside Barbara Streisand with the FUNNY GIRL Soundtrack blaring from my tape player.

The wreck occurred right as Babs and I were taking off in the song. Right at the big, "Oh, my man I love him so. HEEEEEE'LLLLLLL NEVER KNOW!!"

Right at that point, "Bam!" How pathetic was I?


Random Thing #4 (Wildcard): Although I don't really have a "type," I have a thing for redheads.

Maybe it's the clean, white skin. Maybe it's the carpet matching the curtains creating a true "burning bush."

Whatever it is, I find it hot. Very hot.

Extra credit for anyone who can name the redhead in this pic.

Not you, Mike. You're the one who introduced me to him. So to speak.


Random Thing #5 (Sex): I'm not having a lot of sex these days.

Sure, I talk a good game, but it's getting harder and harder to navigate the playing field out there while at the same time attempting to "play safe," keep an eye open for Mr. Right while you're cruising for Mr. This Minute and not get your feelings hurt or bruised because the guy you find attractive thinks you're too old, too young, not hairy, not into his scene, etc., etc.

Remember when fucking was fun and didn't come with all the mental challenges of a chess game?


Random Thing #6 (Wildcard): I'm not a big fan of hip-hop music. I think it's mostly overt self-aggrandizement. Posing and bragging about how much you've got that other people can never and will never have. And this guy - - Jon Lajoie - - has dissected the whole hip-hop culture brilliantly in his kick-ass funny song, "Everyday Normal Guy." Check it out...




Random Thing #7 (Clothing): I own a lot of leather. A vest I bought in Morocco. Chaps and pants that were given to me by friends (the best leather is alway hand-me-down). Various boots and armbands and hoods and what-not. Oh, and two harnesses.

The most expensive harness I have needs to be repaired since some fatty boombalatty tried it on at a party and busted one of the snaps off it. I bought it at IML a few years ago and when I saw it - - its maze of leather and chains like I had never seen before - - I had to have it.

The guy selling it put it on me and then spent the better part of 45 minutes cutting it and adjusting it, borrowing tools from other vendors to get the job done. I said to him that it must be a bitch to go throw this with every guy who buys a harness at IML and he said that it wasn't because they didn't do adjustments. But he was doing one for me. So, I asked him why he was doing a harness adjustment for me and he whispered in my ear...

"Because you want it. Bad."

He was so very right.


Random Thing #8 (Wildcard): I hate the winter. I hate the snow. And if this shit doesn't let up soon, I'm moving from Chicago to Fort Lauderdale faster than you can say "hanging chad."

THE DARK KNIGHT in LEGOs!

Well, we've seen the original and we've seen the original soundtrack synced up with both the '66 and the '89 movies, but now, a true genius gives us...

THE DARK KNIGHT Trailer in LEGOs!


Friggin' brilliant! Just what I needed on a day when I'm getting close to 14 inches.

And damn it, once again, I'm talking about snow!

TMI Tuesday

It's "Super Tuesday" and it's also "Fat Tuesday." Ergo, it's Super Fat TMI Tuesday.

Near country-wide primary elections being held on a day when most people get drunk enough to show their tits or their cock to a complete stranger for a few inches of plastic beads. Who thought this was a good combination of events?

1. By what nickname(s) were you known as a child?

I was born bald - - God only graced me with a few years of hair actually growing on the top of my head - - and I was very thin as a pre-schooler, so my parents nicknamed me "Toothpick."

Yeah...

I could be worse. My stepmother loved watching YOGI BEAR as a child and would always repeat Yogi's catchphrase "Hey, Boo Boo!," so her family nicknamed her, "Boo." They still call her "Boo." In fact, her nieces call her "Aunt Boo," and when my father married her, they of course nicknamed him "Uncle Boo."

I made it quite clear very early on that I would not answer to nor would I accept being referred to as "Cousin Boo." I'm a redneck, but there are limits.


2. Do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it? Recite it (or a snippet) here, please.

This is, hands down, my current favorite poem. It's by Mrs. Dorothy Parker...

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

- Comment (1937)

3. What is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did?

My greatest regret is that at age 25, I didn't realize that people were more important than plays and I let the one man who I loved and who loved me slip through my fingers because I decided that "The Theatre" was more important that our relationship.

He's in a very stable, wonderful relationship now and I wish him the best. But every time I see him, I wish that I had grabbed hold of him tightly and never let anything take me away from him for a second.

I think my dating life since him has been trying to find another one like him. And there aren't very many like him. But when I find another, I will not make the same mistake twice.


4. You are tired and hungry, but it's too late to cook. If any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why?

Raw chocolate chip cookie dough eaten with a spoon directly from the tube.

And in my experience with this food, it's always best to keep a box of oyster crackers handy, so that you can alternate between the sweet and the savory and consume all of the cookie dough in one sitting.

Why is this my favorite snack food? I guess because shoving a stick of butter into a bag of sugar is too gauche. How the Hell as I supposed to answer that question?!?


5. What is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it?

Well, it's not really THAT old - - I mean, I have some sweaters from the 80's that I just can't bear to give away, but I also wouldn't dare leave the house in them either - - but I have a pair of black Calvin Klein briefs that hold the boys up perfectly.

I always wear them when I'm performing a cabaret show. That way, if people don't enjoy my music, they have something to stare at. I'm a giver. I care about my audience.


Bonus (as in optional):Name a movie or TV show that changed your thinking or behavior.

I don't know that it changed my thinking or my behavior all that much, but my deep love of REMINGTON STEELE back in the day caused me to start quoting and referencing old movies (just like Mr. Steele) and also created my love for convertible Volkswagen Rabbits and my hope to one day live in a loft apartment (just like Laura Holt).

Also, it created my wish to one day blow Pierce Brosnan, but that's a dream that I doubt will be realized. But in my mind... Oh, in my mind...

"Young Man, There's No Need to Feel Down..."

I did it, y'all. I finally did it. Tonight, I went to the gym for the first time in well over a year.

And not just any gym, but my new gym. And my neighborhood's new gym - - The Lakeview Athletic Club.

It's directly across the street from my old gym and I feel like a big ole' gay Benedict Arnold, but LVAC is quite possibly the nicest and best gym in the city right now.

Everything is state of the art, the men's locker room is a religious experience (and for once, not just because of all the hot naked guys inside, but because of the actual DESIGN), there are two - - count 'em TWO!! - - pools (one indoor and one outdoor) and they have a KILLER discount for theatre artists that brought my monthly membership fee to EXACTLY the same price I was paying across the street.

Everyone told me that once you get out of the habit of going to the gym, it's very hard to get back IN the habit...

...I wonder if the same is true for nuns and their wimples. I mean, once those gals are allowed to take off the habit, I'll bet it's hard to get 'em back IN the habit, wouldn't you think?...

...and I hadn't been in a long friggin' time. But I waited until a little before 9:00 p.m., so that I wouldn't be intimidated with that huge after-work "workout boy" crowd and so that I could get myself acquainted with the machines and the general layout of this four story gym.

And when I put on my favorite A&F tank top, I realized that the last time it had been worn was at the beach this July at Hilton Head. It smelled EXACTLY like suntan lotion and sunshine and sand.

Nope, I hadn't washed it and thank the Lord that I hadn't, because it put me in a fantastic mood. "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows." You know, all that and Lesley Gore, too.

The workout felt great. And just like when I was in my old routine, I'm really looking forward to the next one.

Wednesday. 'Cause you know this bitch is gonna be sore tomorrow morning.

The Million Mile/Man Mark

I'm not much of a car aficionado, but check this out...

"Frank Orsenick bought his '91 Silverado in 1996. At the time, it had 41,000 miles on the clock. After 11 years of service (and a lot of driving), the old pickup is about to reach a milestone. Frank had the oil changed last week, just as he has every 3,000 miles since acquiring the Chevy, and it's sure to be the last one it receives as an everyday-use vehicle. You see, it's just 1,200 miles away from spinning past the 1,000,000-mark on the odometer. When it hits the big number, Frank is going to put his faithful ride into retirement."

I don't know what the big deal is. I mean, my ex has hosted his very own Million Man March right up his poop chute for years - - he passed the million mark on his ass-odometer YEARS ago - - and nobody is throwing him a parade.

As Susie Essman says about running into ex-boyfriends on the street, I see him and think...

"Was I in a deranged, psychopathic dementia when I was having sex with this person every night, twice on Fridays?!?"

Oy...

"I'll Have 25 Munchkins and a Diet Coke, Please."

What do you do when you haven't seen the sun for weeks, the ground is covered in days old snow, a dense fog rolls in over the city and a cold rain starts to fall?

You walk your fat ass half a block to the Dunkin Donuts and buy a box of 25 Dunkin Donut Munchkins, that's what.

At least that's what I just did.

And Rachael Ray had nothing to do with this lunchtime decision. This was pure "Desire for Sugar" talking.

As I sit here shoving down these round, high-carb clumps of lard into my mouth, I know that I have to hit the gym tonight and pay dearly for not purchasing a sensible salad for lunch.

But that's later, this is now. If I could dunk these in white chocolate - - or smear them with raw cookie dough - - I'd be the happiest fag in Freedonia.

"Sexually Non-Infectious"

I first saw this in a post by Bill in Exile and I've heard that a few other gay bloggers have also posted about this...

"Swiss HIV experts have produced the first-ever consensus statement to say that HIV-positive individuals on effective antiretroviral therapy and without sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are sexually non-infectious. The statement is published in this week’s Bulletin of Swiss Medicine.

"The statement’s headline statement says that “after review of the medical literature and extensive discussion,” the Swiss Federal Commission for HIV / AIDS resolves that, “An HIV-infected person on antiretroviral therapy with completely suppressed viraemia (“effective ART”) is not sexually infectious, i.e. cannot transmit HIV through sexual contact.”

"The article begins by stating that the Commission 'realises that medical and biologic data available today do not permit proof that HIV-infection during effective antiretroviral therapy is impossible, because the non-occurrence of an improbable event cannot be proven. If no transmission events were observed among 100 couples followed for two years, for instance, there might still be some such events if 10,000 couples are followed for ten years. The situation is analogous to 1986, when the statement "HIV cannot be transmitted by kissing" was publicised. This statement has not been proven, but after 20 years’ experience its accuracy appears highly plausible.'"

I would very much like to know how other people feel about this statement, because after reading this, I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm happy that viral loads can now be made undetectable to the point of improbable HIV transmission, but I'm afraid that this is only going to create more confusion and chaos in the sex lives of gay men. In the sex lives of everyone.

I believe that a person has the right to do with their body as they would like. If they want to practice unsafe sex, knowing full well that they might seroconvert, that's is their business, not mine.

I also believe that, if you are HIV negative, the only way to ensure that you will remain negative is to treat EVERYONE with whom you have sex as if they are HIV positive. Period.

I know so many gay men who have one kind of sex with negative guys and a different kind of sex - - or no sex at all - - with positive guys.

In my opinion, that arrangement will put you at a much greater risk to become HIV positive. I mean, if you're having unsafe sex with a guy simply because he told you he is negative, you have a better chance of seroconverting with him than you would if you had played safe with an HIV positive guy. The negative guy could be lying about his status. Or he may not know that he's HIV positive. Or he may have just sero-converted himself.

You see? It's so confusing as it is right now. Will this new statement by the Swiss add to the confusion?

Will the HIV positive man with a viral load of zero consider himself, for all intents and purposes, HIV negative and therefore not inform his sexual partner of his status?

Will this increase barebacking, since the HIV positive man is being told that transmission of the virus is now improbable?

Will this cause even more HIV negative men to believe that becoming HIV positive is "no big deal" because after a few anti-virals, you're virtually HIV negative again?

Will even more people believe that AIDS is now curable? I'm sure that several people would believe that if your viral load is zero and you can't transmit the virus, you are indeed cured.

So many questions....

I'm elated that HIV meds have come so far that my friends are able to have viral loads of zero - - I only wish these drugs had been available years earlier to have saved the lives of so many other friends - - but I feel that every battle won against this plague changes our interpersonal and sexual relations in a myriad of ways.

One step forward causes two steps back.

It's a complex issue and I hope that I haven't offended anyone. I also hope that you will share any thoughts or feelings you have about this new scientific announcement.

"I Just Like the Taste of Them"

What... is going on... in high schools these days?

And why am I no longer a high schooler?!?

Bite costs prep wrestling coach job

PITTSBURGH - A high school wrestling coach accused of biting a wrestler in the leg has agreed to resign rather than face possible criminal charges, police said.

Mike Marshall bit the Central Cambria High School wrestler at practice on Jan. 21, Cambria Township police officer James McGough said.

"The coach was wrestling with him and bit him in the leg, the upper thigh," McGough said.

The bite caused bruising but did not draw blood, McGough said.

The student, who McGough did not identify, did not want to prosecute and opted to drop the matter if Marshall agreed to resign, police said.

Marshall's attorney, John D. Messina, said the incident was "completely innocent" and not malicious.

"The incident occurred while he was joking around with one of the wrestlers," Messina said. "Certainly it was poor judgment and it cost him his job."

Oh yeah, when I'm joking around with an underage boy half-dressed in lycra, I always punctuate my joke by placing my mouth on his upper thigh. And then biting.

It reminds me of what I sometimes say about being gay...

"I'm not gay. I just like the taste of them."

Thanks for Nothin', Phil

Fuckin' groundhog...

"Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow Saturday, leading the groundhog to forecast six more weeks of winter."

Come on, Phil. You couldn't just PRETEND you didn't see your shadow so the friggin' SUN would come out here in Chicago!?!?

Geez...

Montel No Longer a Friend of Fox

My buddy Shirley Heezgay posted about this, as did Daily Kos and Toweleroad, but just in case you missed it, Variety reported on January 30th that...

"Montel Williams is calling it a wrap after 17 years in daytime. Fate of "The Montel Williams Show' was sealed when key Fox-owned stations opted not to renew it for the 2008-09 season."

Not a huge story, in the grand scheme of things. Until you take into account that Montel was on "FOX & Friends" on January 26th - - just four days prior to his show being canceled - - and took a segment where he was being asked to comment about the passing of Heath Ledger and began to ask his own questions about why the media was more concerned with one celebrity death than they were the twenty-eight American soldiers who lost their lives in Iraq from January 1st to January 26th.

Mr. Williams was particularly upset that no one was mentioning the names of any of those 28 U.S. soldiers. Check it out...



I guess I shouldn't even be shocked by the actions of FOX anymore. But look what happens when someone talks outside the party line.

Maybe he knew his show wasn't going to be picked up. Maybe not. Either way, Montel deserves praise for shining a spotlight on just how out of touch the American media has become with what is truly important to our country.

Our troops are important, not our celebrities.

Lovin' Me Some Hillary

Jackie over at THINGS according to me called it and I SO agree with her.

During the one-on-one debate last night between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, Hillary had the best line of the night.

In response to the question: "Is it right to continue the two family rule which has seen either a Bush or a Clinton occupy the White house for the past 20 years," Hillary replied...

"It did take a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush, and I think it might take another one to clean up after the second Bush."

She shoots. She scores!!!

My mother has been in the Hillary camp for more than a year. I think I may join her.

Fratboy Friday

I got nearly 10 inches last night. Just my luck, it was snow.

Ah, well... Fratboy Friday time.

BOYS IN CAPS

I need soft lighting - - preferably coming from a red bulb - - black sheets and about a pound of Vaseline covering the camera lens to look good.

This boy looks hot in a kitchen. In front of a microwave. Under flourescent light.

It's not fair. It's so not fair...

****

SAGGERS

That tattoo is on his left arm. And look at all the booze in the back.

We might have a live one here, boys!!!

****

MOONERS

Ah, 2007. It was a very good year.

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Naked, adorable and offering a beer.
Does it get any better than that?
No friggin' way.