Rupert Grint Nails It (Not Me But It, Unfortunately)

I've never gotten into the Harry Potter books or movies...

...see, there are a few geeky things that I don't completely spaz over... not many, but a few...

...but I do have a thing for redheads. It's the whole "burning bush / fire crotch" thing. Just looking at it makes me moist as a snack cake down there.

But even if he wasn't a star of the Potter films and even if he wasn't a redhead (perish the thought), I would be in love with Rupert Grint for the following quote about Ms. Lohan...

"I met Lindsay last summer and she talked about herself a lot. She said she was going to win an Oscar before she turns 25. I just kept thinking, 'But you can’t act'."

Preach, Rupert, preach!!

Oh and Mr. Grint. I'm single. Just sayin'...

My Brother Jeff's New Groove

My brother Jeff (who now reads this blog and will either be amused or slightly pissed after he reads this) took at trip to Mexico with roommate last weekend.

Jeff, you'll remember, is also gay. And no, his roommate isn't a "euphemism roommate," he's just a "roommate roommate."

Now unlike yours truly, Jeff doesn't talk much about his sex life, so when he called me to tell me he was back in Atlanta and that he had a great trip, my first question was, of course...

"Did you get laid?"

Jeff coyly and brilliantly replied...

"Let's just say, Stella got her groove back."

I could learn something from Jeff's response. Little Billy Shakespeare was right...

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

The Onion & Iron Man: 'Nuff Said

There is so much hype surrounding all of this summer's hoped-to-be-incredible event movies.

I'm probably more guilty than most at deifying these films, primarily because 98% of these films are being made for people exactly like me.

We are living in the Age of the Fanboy Geek.

Superhero movies (if done well) make major corporations a LOT of money, which means that the same guy who might have snickered at me a few years ago as I sat on the bus reading a comic book is now courting me as if I were a high priced hooker at the Emperors Club.

So, I get a little over excited about a kick ass Batman movie trailer from time to time.

It happens to the best of us.

This video from The Onion shows me just how ridiculous I've almost become...



Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

How Big Am I? I'm 144, Baby

I saw the "What Is Your Sexual I.Q." quiz over at Life and Times of a Guy and when I saw his score - - an incredibly impressive 157 - - curiosity got the best of me.

Was I that sexually smart? What if I took the quiz and found out that I my sexual I.Q. and George W.'s current approval rating are actually the same number?!?

That would mean that all of those men that I've slept with from birth to now...

...and trust me, the number is either impressive or shocking, depending on your sexuality, promiscuity and your classification as either a Democrat or a Republican...

...that me scoring with all of those men had nothing to do with my knowledge of how to breath through my nose, loosen my jaw and keep my teeth from touching any skin, while simultaneously bobbing my head up and down, generating just enough (but not too much) saliva, spelling out the alphabet with my tongue and making sure that the whole operation looks effortless, incredibly enjoyable and something I could continue doing for the next four to six hours.

No, a low sexual I.Q. would mean that I scored with all of those men out of sheer luck. Or pity. Or some horrific combination of the two.

It would also mean that I would have to buy and might possibly have to actually read Kim Catrall's book, Sexual Intelligence. Dear sweet Jesus...

Happily, that is not the case. And while I didn't match nor did I surpass Uprightguy's sexual I.Q., my number ain't nothing to sneeze at neither...

You have a Sexual IQ of 144
When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.
'What is your Sexual IQ?' at QuizUniverse.com

Isn't the language of the 21st century wonderful?

It took that careful combination of sentences to politely describe someone who members of my family, as little as ten years ago, would have simply referred to with one simple word: "Slut."

TMI Tuesday

A tax themed TMI Tuesday. With a little sex added in for good measure!


1. Did you have to pay or did you get money back?

Neither. The word for the day is "Extension."

For my taxes, not my penis.

My father is a CPA and I've always found it a little easier to have him prepare my taxes after the storm of April 15th has passed. And after he's had some scotch. Some large bottles of scotch.

As for my penis, I already have a good one, thank you very much.

A longer one would be nice, but too much of a good thing just might hurt a few of the regular boys.

They'd probably enjoy that, but still...


2. What was your biggest financial mistake?

Living in the now with my money.

That was, is and will continue to be my biggest financial mistake. I suck at financial planning. It's like one of my father's jokes..

"How can my bank account be overdrawn? I still have checks!!!"

I'm not quite that bad. Almost, but not quite.


3. Are you a screamer?

Ask the woman who lives in the apartment above me.

I'm sure it's hard to fall asleep when the homo below you is moaning like a drunken Paul Lynde after the poppers have kicked in and begging "MisterFister77" (his Manhunt ID, not his real name) to..

"Drive me home with that Cadillac, Daddy man!"

Yeah, I'm a screamer.

I see it as my not-so-gentle way to let you know that you've turned the faucet in the right direction.


4. What part of your body, other than your genitals, do you love to have touched? What part of a partner's body, other than their genitals, do you love to touch?

I have to say my back. Not in a sexual way, though.

I've always loved when someone would gently run their fingers up and down my back. In elementary school, we would would sit on the floor when we watched in-school movies and scratch the back of the person in front of us.

If you were in the front row, you got to enjoy the movie while having your back scratched and since no one was in front of you, you had nothing else to do. It was the best.

It sucked if you were in the back row. You were the farthest away from the tv screen, so you couldn't see the movie very well, and on top of that, you were scratching someone's back and didn't get a damn thing in return.

For a long time, I believed that the afterlife was basically an eternal "movie day" in elementary school. And you were seated according to how you had lived your life.

Mother Teresa? Front row. Most everyone else? Somewhere in the middle.

Presidents who lie to a nation about weapons of mass destruction to start a war that topples said nation's economy? The back row. Sitting on tacks. Behind a man with incessant "Taco Bell" flatulence.


5. What commercial catch phrase best describes your life?

"Where's the beef?"

Until I find my Mr. Right. And then with my luck, the commercial catch phrase that will best describe my married life will be...

"Where's the beef?"

Bonus (as in optional): What was the last thing you took without permission? What was the last thing taken from you without your permission?

The last thing I took without permission? A cockring.

The last thing taken from me without permission? A cockring.

I call that Queer Karma.

My New Imaginary Boyfriend... For an Obvious Reason

Once again, Ray over at Super Underwear Perverts has posted a picture that I simply have to pass on.

And if there is any truth in the advertising of those boxer briefs, this is My New Imaginary Boyfriend.

That title of Ray's post is...

Giant-Size Man-Thing

Indeed.

Obsidian is Back! It's About Friggin' Time!

When I read the final page of Justice Society of America #14 last night, I was so happy to see Obsidian in action and actually a part of the team, that I said out loud to no one in particular...

"Well, it's about friggin' time!"

For all you non-comic book fans, Obsidian (Todd Rice) is the son of the Golden Age Green Lantern (Alan Scott) and the villain Thorn. After serving as a member of Infinity Inc. back in the 80's, Obsidian struggled with his dark side (pun sort of intended, but not really) and then he presumably lost his powers after being purged of evil influences and regaining his mental stability.

Then, Todd Rice came out and began dating Damon Matthews in the pages of Manhunter.

And when Todd's powers were restored, Obsidian was seen in the pages of the Justice Society of America...


...as a non-speaking, non-member, not even included in the friggin' roll call night watchman who patrolled the JSA brownstone in his shadow form.

Sure, he had a little conversation with the Superman from Kingdom Come a few issues back, but it always infuriated me that the only gay person even remotely associated with the largest superhero team in the DC Universe (aside from the Legion of Superheroes) was somehow not considered a member of the team and therefore given NOTHING to do.

Hell, in the book's roll call, Ma Hunkel was acknowledged as a JSA member, but Obsidian was not. I mean, come on!! Ma friggin' Hunkel?!?! A woman who paraded around in the 40's with a fuckin' stew pot on her head and called herself the Red Tornado. SHE'S a member and OBSIDIAN is the night watchman?!? That blows.

It smacked of homophobia to take an interesting character with ties to one of the greatest Golden Age heroes of all time and after he came out, to only use him as a non-speaking, non-acting doormat.

But apparently, the wrong has been righted. And from the looks of JSA #14's final panel, the father and son team of the Green Lantern and Obsidian are going to kick Gog's ass.

And after Obsidian helps his dad kick Gog's ass, Todd is going to go home and sleep with his hot boyfriend, Damon.

Again, it's about friggin' time.

The West Texas Compound and the Catholic Church

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Miss Lola Rose

Meet Miss Lola Rose. I've been following her frank, hilarious and often insightful videos for awhile now.

Her take on Ann Coulter's "perfect Jews" statement is truly genius.

But this video popped up this week with Miss Lola Rose discussing being the mother of two gay children. My parents have only two sons and my brother and I are both gay, so I find her words straightforward, honest, loving and heartfelt. As are all of her videos.



I love that when she was coming to terms with her childrens' homosexuality, she said to herself...

"How am I going to handle this? Am I going to love them?
Of course, I'm going to love them."

I'm blessed to have two parents who love me. It took a long time and a lot of hard work after I grew up and came out of the closet for all of us to love each other for who we are, but we did it.

Thanks to Miss Lola Rose for a wonderful video.

"And she told two friends, and she told two friends..."

Remember that old shampoo commercial where one woman "told two friends, and she told two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on."?

It was rather odd. Instead of showing the woman and her friend and then those friends' friends and on and on, they simply showed multiple images of the initial woman. As if she was some Multiplex version of Triplicate Girl who can split herself into 32 versions of herself.

Comic book references this late at night on a Saturday. Oy... I really do need to get out more often.

Well, with regard to "and she told two friends, and so on, and so on," I have to pass on this picture that I found over at Scooterville. Which he found at Famous Like Me. Which originally came from El Homo Blogo.


El Homo Blogo also had this picture, which proves that I am not the only geek sitting around on a Saturday night talking about comic books.

And no, even if I had chest hair, I wouldn't go this far. If I was going to put an "S" on my bare chest, I would go the way of Superboy-Prime...

Maybe Saturday night with my comic books isn't such a bad idea after all.

At least Superboy-Prime won't make me sleep in the wet spot.

And even if he did, I doubt that I would mind.

Fratboy Friday

In Chicago, we've had nothing but Stormy Weather all week, so here's a rainy day Fratboy Friday.

BOYS IN CAPS

Yeah, he looks like a badass thug, but check out the tat over his stomach.

"I am what I am"

Any dude with a Jerry Herman lyric for a tat is definitely a pickle kisser.

****

SAGGERS

I love it when my hot boyfriend looks for me when I'm seated in the balcony.
Hey, cutie!!! I'm up here!!!!

****

MOONERS

Now this is what I call "Assume the position."

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Yeah, they're smiling alright. They know what's going to happen next.
And wouldn't you like to operate the video camera for that?

"Some Y'all Never Been Down South Too Much"

As a party favor at one of their fabulous gatherings - - I don't remember which one - - Alanda and Steve gave everyone a cd of eclectic, fun party music.

Not Kylie or Madonna party music. No, this cd had things like Dinah Shore singing "Whatever Lola Wants" and Mel Tormé singing "Puttin' on the Ritz."

It also contained an Elvis song that I didn't know at the time, but have come to love. Deeply, deeply love.

Polk Salad Annie

This morning, as I started walking to the bus stop, my iPod shuffled to Elvis singing "Polk Salad Annie" and not only could I not stop laughing, but I also strutted down the street to this song with a snarl on my upper lip, punctuating drum hits and horn solos with faux karate moves.

It was heaven.

Then, I get to my office and read that several photos of The King of Rock and Roll from a 1972 concert have been discovered by the official photographer of Madison Square Garden, George Kalinsky. They show Elvis in all his jump suited glory.

And as if that wasn't brilliant enough, the article discussing this photo find mentions an upcoming exhibit at Graceland entitled, "Elvis Jumpsuits: All Access."

This exhibit will feature more than 50 of Big E's famous jump suits. I can barely contain my excitement.

Today is a day for all things Presley.

Anybody up for a road trip to Graceland this summer? Do a little Walkin' in Memphis? Get our feet ten feet off of Beale?

Maybe a little Polk Salad Annie will get you in the mood.



P.S. I love me some Elvis, but does anyone else think that the first picture in this post - - one of the new ones recently "discovered" - - looks like Big E is about to have the biggest bowel movement of his life?

Well, I guess that's what comes from all those Peanut Butter and Banana sandwiches.

The House Wine of the South

As I was getting ready for work yesterday, I had the tv on in the next room and while I was shaving, I heard a McDonald's commercial. Then, I heard two words...

"Sweet Tea"

I stopped. I thought I was hallucinating.

I haven't been back home to Tennessee since Christmas, so I figured it was my body aching for a cold beverage with three parts sugar to every one part water.

But after my shave, I walked into my living room, TiVo'ed back to the commercial and there it was...

In Chicago. McDonald's. Sweet Tea. For a buck.

I started to cry. Out of sheer happiness. And then I felt sad for all the Yankees who willingly and blithely allowed Southerners to fire the opening salvo announcing our first attack to take back what was taken away from us in The War of Northern Aggression.

No, we don't want a renewal of slavery. We just want the re-introduction hoop skirts, cotillions, the phrase "Fiddle-dee-dee, " and the acknowledgment that we are not all stupid, toothless, shoeless morons who eat possums and swim in the "cement pond."

For too long, you've relegated us to Hee Haw, looked down your nose at Waffle House food, and placed bales of hay on stage beside us when we've entertained you. But no more.

Now, the House Wine of the South is being sold nationwide in fast food restaurants.

And just like you all found out when you took your first bite of a Krispy Kreme doughnut right after the "Hot Doughnuts Now" sign was turned on, you'll realize that we are right.

About everything. Especially if it involves sugar.

TMI Tuesday

I love it when the TMI Tuesdays are this sexual. The only problem is that it makes tomorrow an uber-horny hump day.

1. Your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you with your best friend, who are you (more) mad at?

My boyfriend cheats on me with my best friend? Very Knots Landing. If this happens, can I be Val? I always wanted to be Val...

Seeing as how being my boyfriend and being my best friend involves me both loving and fully trusting you, I would be more hurt than mad. Hurt equally by each of them.

And like true Southern women taught me, once you've hurt me and deliberately violated my trust, you are no longer a part of my life.

I defer to the motto Bette Midler chose for her company, All Girl Productions...

"We Hold a Grudge"

2. Is there something someone could say to you that would cross a boundary of not being able to take back or forgive them?

A former boyfriend of mine once broke up with me because (and these are the precise words he used)...

"You're just not good looking enough to date."

Yeah. He said that to me and I was actually able to talk to him after that, invite him to parties, see him at bars and not break a beer bottle over his head and gouge it into his jugular.

So no, there really isn't anything I can think of that someone could say that could keep me from forgiving them. Plenty they could DO, but not really anything they could say.


3. What non-sexual body part do you find the sexiest?

There are non-sexual body parts? Fascinating...

Where can these be found? And don't say "Between Krakatoa and Deep Inside Happy Land," because trust me, I've explored WAY up in there.

4. Would you ever consider cosmetic surgery to have the perfect body?

The assumption being that I DON'T have the perfect body?!?

Well, IF I happened to not actually HAVE the perfect body, I doubt that I would consider cosmetic surgery. Even if the doctor called it "Minor surgery."

As my father says, "Minor surgery is when they're cutting open someone else."


5. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?

Oh yes. Definitely. Any place that my lips can physically reach. Truthfully. Any place.

Please note that this is why I don't know of any non-sexual body parts. Every inch of skin has the potential to get the party going, right?

Bonus (as in optional): If you were going to have a one night stand, who would you rather it be with- an ex or someone totally random you just met.

Sex with an ex would and should be less of a one night thing and more of a "fuck buddy whenever needed" thing.

For one night stands, I prefer the kindness and kinkiness of strangers.

"Wendy, Michael, John... Tinkerbell, Come On!"

"I'm Defying Gravity."

I almost wouldn't mind that friggin' song if this hottie with a Legion flight ring was singing it.

Almost.



Why post this pic?

No Reason, It's Just Friggin' Hot

A 3 Year Old Princess Explains It All For You

My friend Eric Reda sent me this a couple of days ago and the more I watch it, the more I love it.

This is the Spritzer Scandal as explained by a 3 year old Princess. Dressed in a pink fairy gown. And sipping a pink beverage.

A pre-school combination of Suzanne Sugarbaker, Cinderella and Karen Walker wearing Shelby's signature colors. It don't get no gayer than that.

"Everybody at school is taking about it."

Things certainly have changed. I didn't keep a Trapper Keeper folder full of news articles about governors purchasing prostitutes until I was in the 5th grade.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

Bat-Porn

Well, I'm once again fighting off a touch of this damn cold that everyone in this city seems to catch, recover from and then catch again.

Rinse. Cough out a lung. Repeat.

But NINE was spectacular. You'll be able to hear my rave of the remarkable cast, direction, music direction, lighting and costume design sometime this week over at the Windy City Queercast.

You'll also hear Amy Matheny ask me questions about my sex life that very few people have ever dared to ask me in polite society. That's because members of polite society know full well that if they ask me what goes where, how it gets there (you turn it gently to the right, then around and you're in), and who's responsible for cleaning up the lube stains on the rug, that I WILL TELL THEM...

And I will provide them with pictures of the before, during and after. For a fee.

I only wish I had a picture of me dressed and shackled the way Robin is in this toon below. Who would be my Batman? I'm going with Jason Statham. In or out of the Batsuit.

I'm posting this picture because I think this would be an excellent image for the cover of our gay male porn version of THE DARK KNIGHT.

So many great porn titles were submitted, but two really made me hope that someone would actually make this gay comic porn dream of mine a reality.

Both titles are perfect and I think they work brilliantly when combined. We have cb of The Mangina Monologues to thank for the main title and Eric McCool to thank for the summer blockbuster tagline.

Ladies and gentlemen... So sorry. Ladies and ladies, I give you...

The Dark Knight: Rise of the Poker
"A Batkakke Bone-anza"

"Batkakke." We've seen that on the cover of Detective Comics, haven't we?

The Joker is Smokin'

I saw this over at Voenix Rising and I felt the need to pass it on.

Is this another of those "leaked pics" from THE DARK KNIGHT?

Or is it an image from the upcoming gay porn version of THE DARK KNIGHT entitled...

"Up the Down Bat-Pole"

Hmmmm... that's not quite the right title.

Help me out. What would a gay porn version of THE DARK KNIGHT be called?

And remember, sleaziness counts.

NINE Tomorrow

Tomorrow, Amy Matheny is taking me to the matinee of Porchlight Music Theatre's production of NINE and I can't wait.

First of all, their Guido Contini (Jeff Parker) doesn't look hard on the eyes AT ALL.

Secondly, I have tons of friends in the show, including the fabulous Danielle Brothers who I just shared the stage with in Lyle.

And lastly, if this video that Porchlight put together is any indication, this production of NINE is going to be THE musical to see this season.

I mean, Bethany Thomas stripping off a nun's habit and singing "Be Italian." What more do you want in a musical? Seriously!!



P.S. Amy and I will be remote podcasting for Windy City Queercast before and after the show. Isn't that a hoot? Who knew I was so technical with the internets? Me? Not knowing.

Happy Birthday, Bette!

I have been glued to my TV all day today. To one channel. Turner Classic Movies.

You see, today is Bette Davis' 100th birthday and TCM is celebrating with 24 hours of Bette Davis movies.

Or as I call it, "Homo Heaven."

Right now, they're playing one of my favorites, All About Eve. My favorite Bette Davis quote from this movie...

"Bill's 32. He looks 32. He looked it 5 years ago. He'll look it 20 years from now. I hate men."

Next up is Jezebel, then Dark Victory and then Dangerous. But, I doubt that TCM will be playing this clip.

This is Bette Davis on the Andy Williams Show singing a Chubby Checker-esque rendition of "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" If you haven't seen it, trust me, it's worth it.



Happy Birthday Bette!

Charles Schulz's WATCHMEN

I just saw this over at An Angry White Guy in Chicago and I had to pass it on.

This is by Evan Shaner.

It's Charles Shulz's WATCHMEN.

Starting with Lucy (and Lucy insists that I start with her) and going clockwise, you've got...

Lucy as The Silk Spectre, Linus as The Comedian, good ol' Charlie Brown as Dr. Manhattan, Schroeder as Ozymandias, Pig Pen as Nite Owl and last but certainly not least, the brilliant casting of Snoopy as Rorschach.

This is genius.

If only Zack Snyder could see this and had a little time to work up a short PEANUTS version of THE WATCHMEN for the movie's dvd release. How friggin' cool would that be?

Twisted New DARK KNIGHT Pics

For some reason, I'm just now seeing these new - - and extremely fucked up - - pics from the upcoming Batman film, The Dark Knight.

In a summer filled with Indy and Iron Man, the Hulk and Hellboy, '08 belongs to the Bat.

Or rather, the Joker.

I can't friggin' wait!!!!

Fratboy Friday

My lucky number is 4 and today is 4/4/08, so today should be my lucky day.

Maybe I'll win the lottery. Maybe I'll meet my future husband. Or maybe I'll come across one of these boys in this Fratboy Friday.

And by "come across," I mean... well... you get the idea...

BOYS IN CAPS

Look at the number on the door behind him! There's a four in there!!
And if you add the three to the one, that makes four.
And the six... well... just forget about the six.
This is my future husband!!

****

SAGGERS

Are they brothers? If they're not brothers, tell them to act like they're brothers.
I'm paying for them for the night, the least they can do is call each other "bro" and mean it.

****

MOONERS

Look at how the guy on the right pulls his pants down to moon the camera.

This guy has CLEARLY been cornholed before. And I'm not talking about that stupid game.

****

DAMN, I WAS SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT

Ah, the old "Construction Worker and Baby" Halloween Duo. A classic.

Notice that baby boy's bib says "i love daddy."
He's just begging for me to make him horizontal, isn't he?

When Children's Theatre Audiences Attack

The Apollo Theatre, where we will be performing Disney's Aladdin, has 440 seats.

So I better work extra hard at writing some killer jokes, rehearse my funny and get my magic tricks on par with the uber-groovy Doug Henning.

Why? Because according to this quiz I just found over at the always fabulous Shirley Heezgay, if those kids turn on me, I'll only be able to take 15 of 'em in a fight.

15

After I take out the first wave of 15, the other 425 will start in on me. Then, I'm toast.

Not only that, I'm toast that's painted blue and wearing harem pants. Not pretty. At all.

Ur So Gay

Since a few of you are interested in just how I turned a day of being an extra on the set of While You Were Sleeping into a mob scene where I had the director and several assistant directors screaming at me, I promise to write it all down and post it. Later. When I have a little more time to write it all down and explore every nuance of the ill-fated story.

Until then, I give you one of my new favorite songs. I saw this video about a week or so ago and after playing it about 1,000 times, I bought it on iTunes.

If you see me on the bus listening to my iPod and laughing out loud like a crazy person, you can pretty much assume I'm listening to this.

This is Katy Perry singing Ur So Gay...



Just to entice you to hit "play," the opening lines of the song are...

"I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart"

I've done that. It was a Gap scarf and I was listening to Dolly Parton's "Baby, I'm Burnin'" but the end result was friggin' awesome.

And the False Fact Is...

Well, I made it through April Fools Day relatively unscathed.

Except for the fact that I didn't know that Dolly Parton was on American Idol last night.

And even though I have a "Season Pass" for all things Dolly on my dvr, I apparently have a dyslexic, "Corky from Life Goes On" TiVo and it recorded an hour of The Power Rangers instead of Ms. Dolly and the Idol kids.

But my brother called last night to say his TiVo picked it up and he would send me a tape of the episode soon, so all is well.

Especially after I throw "Corky the Misfit TiVo" out the window to teach it a lesson about screwing around with my Dolly watching.

However, the TMI Tuesday bonus question had a lot of people guessing and I wanted to start the day by letting everyone know that, of the four things about myself, the one that was false is...

2) I was an extra in and can be seen very briefly in the Chicago-based film While You Were Sleeping.

I was an extra in the movie, but I screwed up one of their takes so horribly (long, long story) that I am nowhere to be seen in the picture. Not in the background. Not sinking in the Chicago River. Nothing.

But I do have Jinx's underwear, I did... ummm... "earn" some nice reviews from the Chicago Sun-Times, and even if chewing children's aspirin 24/7 for years as a kid didn't do it, I am allergic to aspirin. So there.

I love that Alanda and Philip knew which one was false. I can hear them saying to themselves...

"Please, if he was in that movie, he'd have
'As seen in the role of "Man at Hotdog Cart" in "While You Were Sleeping"' tattooed on his ass!"

And I would.

TMI Tuesday

A rather bizarre, April Fools version of TMI Tuesday.


1. How are your March Madness picks doing? or What is your favorite event?

My March Madness picks? You're kidding, right?

My favorite event? Dinner. If you've never had a meal that is an event, you've never lived in the South.


2. What is the best April Fool's joke - EVER?

Ever? Well, I don't know about "ever," but the year that Taco Bell claimed to have purchased The Liberty Bell and renamed it "The Taco Liberty Bell" - - that one I actually fell for and then laughed my ass off at the brilliance of the joke.


3. Valentine's Day - bogus holiday or romantic holiday?

Although, I don't like to be told when to be romantic - - I like being told when and how to do certain things on certain men, but "romance" is usually not high on the docket on those particular evenings - - I will say that Valentine's Day has the potential to be a romantic holiday.

However, Chicago's October version of Valentine's Day called "Sweetest Day" - - Do any other cities celebrate Sweetest Day? - - is an EXTREMELY bogus holiday and anyone wishing to celebrate Sweetest Day with me can sit and spin. And I don't mean that in the fun way, either.


4. If you made any New Year's Resolutions have you broken them yet? or What have you done lately to make yourself a better person?

I joined a gym. Isn't that enough? Do I actually have to GO?!?

Oh, I do? Fuck.


5. If you believe in 'regret', what is your biggest regret? If you don't believe in 'regret', what do you call 'errors in judgment' or 'missed opportunities' in your philosophy of life?

I don't "believe" in regret, but there are things in my life that I do regret.

I regret that I let my first boyfriend here in Chicago slip through my fingers. I regret that, to be in a city that I love and that allows me to pursue my art, I have to be hundreds of miles away from my family. I regret that I don't have more time to spend with family and friends.

But in life, there are no mistakes. I believe there are reasons for everything. Even if we can't see the reasons until much later in life. Everything happens for a reason.


Bonus (as in optional): Tell us about four things about yourself, one of which isn't true.

Oh, THIS should be fun.

1) I've tricked with a major theatre critic for the Chicago Sun-Times and got some great reviews out of it (among other things).

2) I was an extra in and can be seen very briefly in the Chicago-based film While You Were Sleeping.

3) I'm allergic to aspirin because I ate children's chewable aspirin like candy when I was a child.

4) I have a pair of Jinx Titanic's sweaty underwear in my closet.

Which do you think is false?